Author: S Ramesh Shankar

Born in Trichy, Tamil Nadu, India, I have been brought up in different parts of India. Graduate in chemistry and post graduate in personnel management and industrial relations. Have been a HR practitioner for 38 years in the industry and have experience in working in steel , automobiles, FMCG and engineering industry. Was head of HR for Siemens in South Asia based out of Mumbai till March 2019. Currently founded hrishti - joy forever, a social enterprise to give back to society and work as Chief Joy Officer.

Life, wife and strife…

If you are married, you are lucky and if you aren’t you are not unlucky. Sabka time aayega( everybody’s time will come). I have been married for 37 years and have enjoyed every moment of married life so far.

If you have a wife, you will have strife and that is life. Life without strife with wife is like food without spices. The best of Indian food will be tasteless if you don’t add spices. Similarly, if you have don’t have conflicts with your spouse, then life is not fun.

Marriage is a social institution where two partners meet each other to lead life together. Sometimes we know each other even before marriage and at other times we discover each other only after marriage. Whether it is love marriage or arranged marriage, life is fun when we are open to each other and are willing to fight with each other only to sit down and resolve our differences through dialogue.

Conflict is an integral part of married life. However, one of the two partners has to accept that if we are magnanimous, then any dispute between us can be resolved through dialogue. This may be easier said than done. Listening and willing to let go of our egos can resolve any misunderstanding between us.

We need not agree to each other at all times to be happy. We need to learn to respect each other’s differences as much as we celebrate our similarities. Learning to respect differences is the art of successful partnership.

In life, you meet people who may not agree with you. But you love the way they disagree with you. Even in parliament when an opposition leader bitterly criticises the government of the day and if the treasury benches stand up to appreciate the way the criticism is delivered we realise that differences can be encouraged and respected.

Similarly, in life we may like something which our spouse may not and vice versa. So what. We can learn to live together appreciating each other’s differences. I love driving my car for long trips and my wife does not. Both of us have learnt to enjoy the journey together. Neither I crib about driving nor my wife cribs about being driven around.

There may be days we may not even talk to each other. Sometimes silence can be the best language to use to resolve differences. Most of us may not realise that listening is more difficult than speaking. Many of us prefer to speak rather than listen. The day we learn to listen, we may be able to resolve any dispute with anyone.

If anyone thinks marriage is a bed of roses, they may be mistaken. Is it a road full of thorns – no it isn’t. It is mix of both. There will be some days where you will be flying high together in the sky. There will be others when you will regret coming together. But the success lies in managing both in such way that you make other a winner. Marriage is a conjunction of mutual partnership with mutual respect.

Lets learn to live together always.

S Ramesh Shankar

21st February 2021

Be imperfectly perfect…

One of the leading brands of cotton dresses in india caution customers when they buy it that there would be imperfections in their product and that is the way it happens in hand woven items. Similarly I live in a green gated community. When I had once raised some imperfections in my house design, my architect reminded me that imperfection is the beauty of nature.

Nature teaches us to adapt and enjoy life as it is and not as the way we want it to be. If you drive down a forest and watch the trees on both sides, they look green and pretty. But no two trees look alike although they have may have been sown at the same time and may be by the same person.

Life is no different. It evolves for each of us the way we may least expect. There are two things in life, which makes living difficult. The first is our innate tendency to compare and the other is to have unrealistic expectations of ourselves and of others.

Today I thought it may be worth while to explore as to how to live life the imperfect way. If nature can evolve this way, be imperfect and still all of us enjoy it, why not we live similarly. How do we learn to live life imperfectly, perfect ?

Many of us tend to spend our entire life looking for perfection. Searching for imperfections and attempting to make them perfect becomes our mission in life. In this process, we forget to live and enjoy life every day.

One of my friends is a perfect man. He graduated from a prestigious engineering college and completed his post graduation from one of the best business schools in our country. He has had a good career and has an enviable family with a smart spouse and a daughter who is also studying a leading medical school.

Everyone around would think this person would be living a perfect live. However, what I have seen and heard is otherwise. He is still searching for perfection in his life. He wants everything to be perfect in life and thereby a slight imperfection makes him yell at everyone around him. Now, I realise that how difficult it is for us to live with imperfections. The day we accept life as a mixed bag, we may enjoy it more than we are doing today.

In this process, what they do not realise is that neither do they enjoy life, nor allow others around them to enjoy. Most people do not like to interact with them since they are obsessed and are not willing to accept anyone with even minor faults.. Ultimately, they lead lonely lives.

While there may be nothing wrong in aiming for perfection in everything we do every day, if we spend our whole life in search of that elusive perfection, we may realise some day that it never existed and that may be too late to enjoy life.

So, one learning and insight today for me is to live life imperfectly perfect. While we may aim to do our best in everything we do, we need to accept that neither we nor others around us are perfect in every way. The day we realise this basic theorem of life, life may be fun and different for us.

As in the photo above this flower may not be symmetrical but its beauty lies in its asymmetry.

Let us learn to live life the way it evolves every day and learn to enjoy it that way.

S Ramesh Shankar

21st February 2021

Ideas for a “Sustainable future”

Dear friend,

At the outset, let me wish you and your near and dear ones a happy, healthy and prosperous new year. 

I have always wondered what could be my new year resolution every year. This year I thought I could think of 12 practical ideas to live sustainably every day. I am trying my best to practise them in my life. These are not difficult ones to follow but does require discipline and intent

1. Have a bath with one bucket of water: I was used to having my bath in a shower everyday and enjoyed doing it. I did not realise that I was wasting four to five buckets of water everyday for a bath till a friend told me so. I then decided to forget the shower and use a bucket of water to have my bath every day. This way I am not only able to conserve water for the future generations but feel less guilty since there are millions around the world who do not get enough water even to drink and cook. I do use the shower occasionally when I am travelling but it is worth trying.

2. Dont honk while driving your car or scooter: I was quite used to blowing the horn liberally in my car and scooter since the time I started driving almost four decades back. However about ten years back I attended a programme on defensive driving at Panchgani and learnt that driving without honking is possible and it further makes you drive more safely. I have since been practising the same except in emergencies. It is a feasible idea and worth trying.

3. Switch off all lights and fans, which are unnecessary: We are lucky to have 24 x 7 power supply in our homes today. However there are millions around the world who are not as privileged as we are. Further, if we conserve power it is power saved and may be useful for those who do not get it from the grid especially in rural areas. It is a simple idea to switch off lights, fans and all appliances when not needed. This way we can conserve energy for others.

4. Take the public transport atleast once in a way: We all  aspire to drive our own car or bike to work or at leisure and it is fun to do so.  However, apart from consuming precious fossil fuel, we also pollute the environment and increase our carbon footprint. It may be a good idea to take a bus or metro or train once in a while. This way we can contribute to promoting a cleaner environment for our kids.

5. Walk instead of driving to the shop nearby: We have the habit of taking our scooter or car even to places near our home or work for small errands. It may be helpful to walk instead of taking our bike or car. This way we not only make the environment greener but also improve our fitness. Our lifestyle today does not give us enough time or motivation to exercise every day. This can even be supplemented by taking the stairs instead of the lift at work and at home.

6. Use solar power to generate the power you need: Our electrical energy needs are increasing by the day. We are increasingly using multiple appliances for our lives. So, it may be worthwhile to generate enough power for our daily consumption. Roof top power through solar is an easy option to install and maintain. This way you can produce enough power through solar energy for your daily needs and save fossil fuels for the future generations.

7. Recycle organic waste and make compost: It is possible to collect and recycle organic waste in our homes through a simple and sustainable process of composting. It is possible today not only in independent homes but also in flats and apartments with simple to use bins and thereby save the environment of avoidable garbage all around us.

8. Do not waste food while you eat even at home: We are lucky to get a full meal three times a day. We have our breakfast, lunch and dinner without fail. However, we sometimes tend to waste a lot of food at home and more so when we eat outside. If we remember that there are millions of people especially children going hungry around the world every single day, we may avoid wasting food. All the food we waste can feed many hungry people around the world. It may be worthwhile to promise to oneself not to waste food from today and share it with others if it is surplus for you and your family needs.

9. Plant one sapling around you and take care of it: Many of us are not privileged to live in our own home even today. Even those who live in our own homes do not live in independent homes and have a garden to plant a tree. But it may still be worthwhile to plant a tree at home , work or in a public place or park and take care of it. Every tree we plant helps us clean the air and protect the environment for our future.

10. Donate one old set of clothes for every new one you buy: All of us love to go shopping. I have been no exception. However, over the last few years I learnt an idea of donating at least one set of clothes for every new one I buy for myself or my spouse. In the beginning, it was tough as all of us are very possessive of all that we have but as I grew up I realised that it may be a good idea to share my possessions with others, who are not as privileged as I am.

11. Never throw garbage around: We are in a consumption world today. We consume a lot of packaged food and most of the stuff we buy are in packaged form. We generally tend to use the things or consume the food and throw away the garbage in form of plastic or other materials. It may be a worthwhile to minimise throwing garbage around and recycle whatever is possible. If we are able to help segregate garbage in a scientific way, it may help us save the planet.

12. Carry a cloth bag for shopping : Shopping is not only a habit but a contagious one for many of us. We tend go around shopping even when there is no specific need to do so. Further, we dispose all the plastic carry bags all around us and pollute the environment. It may be nice if we carry a cloth bag whenever we go out for shopping. This way we can avoid plastic bags and save the environment too.

Let our lives bloom like this colourful flower( as in the photo above) in the new year.

I would recommend that each one of us can try practising one new idea every month. We may sometimes fail but that is ok as long as our intent is to learn from our own failures. Let us together create a sustainable future for our kids.

S Ramesh Shankar

3rd Dec 2022