Social Entropy

I heard three incidents in the last few weeks and felt very disturbed. All these incidents were shaking ,the basic foundations of social institutions in India. The rich Indian culture was getting shaken by such incidents and our belief in them , getting shattered.

The first incident was when a young couple got married and went on a honeymoon. There, the wife kills her spouse by hiring goons ,since she wanted to marry her lover. I am not against anyone marrying anyone they love. But, what I could not understand is, to marry someone against her own wishes and then killing her spouse during her honeymoon.

This shook the institution of family and marriage. Her own parents and siblings could not believe how this could happen and have rightly disowned her ,after this incident and supported the late son in law’s family.

The second incident was ,when an elderly couple were admitted to an old age home by their son ,stating that his parents did not like the food cooked by his spouse. His parents in their eighties ,committed suicide by hanging from the fan.

We were further told that the son had admitted his parents earlier too, forcibly ,in an old age home a few years back and they returned to his house, since they did not like the environment in that home. The roots of “family” as an institution is being questioned. How can one think of admitting his/her own parents in an old age home, when you are in the same city and are capable of taking care of them.

The third incident was when I got news of a friend’s death in a distant city ,two days after his death. When I enquired from some other friends living in the same city ,in his neighbourhood, they were are not even aware of his death. Are we getting so socially alienated ,that we are not aware of a friend dying in our neighbourhood.

We are making a lot of progress technologically and science is taking us to places. Artificial intelligence may make life easier and more comfortable for us ,than ever before. But, what is the use of all this, if we cannot be honest in our relationships. We cannot nurture family, friends or respect our own parents.

Although, I was not personally impacted by any of the above incidents directly, I had no tears to cry. I felt as if my tear glands had dried up like the wells and lakes ,during a severe drought in some states. What is the use of living a life of prosperity ,when we cannot take care of the people, who made us prosperous today.

In the past, if something happens in our village, the whole village would come to know of it and everyone will try their best ,to contribute. I agree that urbanisation has made us alienated and distances have broken relationships. But what is the use of technology, if we cannot be in touch and nurture those relationships.

I am a born optimist ,in general. But, today I would say that I prefer to die rather than live in a society, which tolerates spouses killing one another after marriage ,to marry a lover. I would hate to live in a society, where parents cannot be taken care of ,with love and are sent to old age homes, where they end up committing suicide as they feel unwanted. I regret to live in a community, where I am unaware of my neighbour’s death ,even though I live in the same neighbourhood.

But, being a born optimist, I hope the worst is over and the next generation ,will realise ,that the rich Indian culture ,was always built on the foundations of family, marriage and extended communities ,as social institutions.

Let us look within and contribute ,to bring back the glory ,of the great India culture.

S Ramesh Shankar

27th June 2025

Say it…

“Never be afraid to let someone know if they brightened the room they just walked into. Or if something they said inspired you to change..” – Donna Ashworth, “LIFE”

One thing which amuses me ,as to why people are afraid of saying the “truth” to others. It is like someone in the family sings very beautifully and can mesmerise you with her voice ,but we are not ready to say it to them.

I can understand not talking negatively or criticising people, in public. I think it makes sense to appreciate people in public and criticise in private. But, nothing tells us not to say good things about others, as and when it happens.

My son can brighten a room and make people feel positive, wherever he goes. This a positive trait and I admire it in him. I have told him many times and wish I could develop this positive trait too. There could be similar qualities in your family or friends circle. But, most of us are reluctant to tell them.

We tend to appreciate someone, behind their back but are reluctant to tell them ,when they are around. I have never understood this psychology ,amongst human beings. Even parents, do not generally easily appreciate, anything good in their kids. They may even appreciate the neighbours children but not their own. On the other hand, they will pounce on the child ,even for an accidental mistake.

Our life should be like a transparent glass. We should be able to see others and others should be able to see us and our behaviour. The more open we are and more openly we say it, the more ,we will be respected.

Even in organisations, the leaders, who give you feedback on your face, with real life examples are appreciated more than those, who camouflage their feedback and try to shoot through ,others’ shoulders.

I can understand the reluctance ,when there is a negative feedback to be given. But what prevents us from sharing positive feedback. Why cannot a captain ,tell a player that she has played well and we won the match because of you. Or her sportsperson spirit is worth emulating by everyone in the team.

We get ,what we give in life. If we say good about others, we get back good. This does not mean ,we fake about others. If we are not authentic and honest, nobody is going to believe us. We will lose our own personal credibility ,by our behaviour.

The best of leaders in organisations and society, do not hesitate to say what they like and what they see as positives, in others. This makes them adorable and even when they give feedback for improvement, they are taken very seriously.

Let us start practising this with our family and friends from today. If we spot, something good, let us resolve that we will say it and never keep it within our selves. This will not only motivate others but also make us feel good.

Let us just “say it” from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

22nd June 2025

Tree & Seeds

“ If you stand for a reason, be prepared to stand alone like a tree, and if you fall on the ground, fall like a seed that grows back ,to fight again.”

I loved this quote ,as it teaches us a lot of ,basic life lessons. We all are idealistic in our childhood and resolve that we will never give up on any of our basic principles in life. But, as we grow up, we tend to to compromise and let go of our principles for convenience or sometimes for protecting our image.

If we look at trees, especially during a storm, you realise that the tree stands alone and weathers the storm, all alone. It does not worry if any other tree or for that matter any other living being ,is going to support her to withstand the storm.

This could be ,a great life lesson for us. We all would love to ,always stand by our guiding values in life. But when the time comes, we tend to have weak knees and are blown away by the majority, although they may be wrong. If we learn from the tree and learn to stand alone, we may realise ,that our foundations get stronger and we are respected more by others.

It may not be easy to stand alone, in a storm. But our foundational values are tested ,only during difficult times. We may be alone and nobody around, to watch our behaviour. Do we live our values or are willing to compromise ,as it is convenient or satisfies the majority. Sometimes, it may look easier, to run away from a storm and deny the wrongs we did. But we need to remember that ,nobody is watching us except our inner voice.

The best of leaders in organisations and in communities will always stand alone in a storm and face the wrath. They will never allow the storm to impact their team. They will never compromise on their basic beliefs and will be willing to fail rather than compromise. Like a true sportsperson will be willing to lose ,rather than cheat and win a match.

We respect people, who live by their core principles in life. It is not an easy path to pursue, but the more sustainable one. The foundations of core values and beliefs, keeps us grounded and we are always respected ,by our own children and team members.

There could be situations in life, where we may get blown away. Then, we need to be like the seeds, which fall on the ground and sprout again to life. The best sportsmen may lose a match but never compromise on the basic rules of the game. They will bounce back like the seeds and win the match, even after losing a few games.

It is a reality of life, that we may not be able to withstand all the storms in life and sometimes, we may get blown away by the winds. This is perfectly human. But, we need to learn to bounce back and rise all over again.

Let us learn from the tree and the seed.

S Ramesh Shankar

22nd June 2025