Listen before you speak

The simple and basic things in life ,are the most difficult. If you ask a teenager ,how difficult it is to jump out of the bed ,on a cold winter morning and brush his teeth, he could possibly explain this better, than me. This is a fact ,most of us keep denying ,right through our lives.

God has given us two ears and one mouth. This amply explains that , God as the ultimate designer of the human body ,expected us to listen more than we speak. But the reality of life ,is the other way around. We generally end up speaking more ,than we listen.

We possibly do that ,since many of us believe ,that if we do not speak before the others in the room, we may never be heard. Our parents, teachers and friends, have always encouraged us to speak and make our first impressions, on every occasion. This may not be wrong ,but if we listen before we speak, we may possibly make a better impression.

A simple analogy from a real life situation – if we buy a new product, we do not read through the instructions, before we start using the product. Some of us at least, read the quick fix guide ,before we assemble the product. Life is no different. We seem to be running a 100 meters race ,all the time. We do not have the time to listen .before we speak.

We are wired to speak ,before we listen. But imagine a situation, where we are forced to listen, before we speak. The first time my wife attended a “Vipasana” ( a deep mediation course) , she told me ,on her return ,of how they were compelled not to speak to anyone ,for a week or ten days ,at a stretch. Some of us may need such an intervention to understand the value of “listening” before we speak.

I once attended a training programme on “Communication”, where the facilitator demonstrated the power of “listening” ,through a simple exercise. Imagine a situation, where we have to convey something very important in our life ,to someone and nobody is listening to us. It is at this juncture, we understand the value of listening.

We can easily learn the art of listening ,from our mothers. They listen to the new born kid ,even before their kid is able to speak. Every one of us communicate both verbally and non verbally. According to the experts in kinesics, we communicate more non verbally than verbally. This means ,that unless we listen actively ,before we speak, we can never get the message, as we will not observe ,most of the non verbal communications ,from the sender.

On the other hand, imagine chatting with an active listener. A counsellor for example ,is generally a great listener. When we go to them for help, they listen to us, more than they talk. Their listening itself heals us and enables us, to deal with our own issues. At home, our parents, especially our mothers play this role very well.

The reality of life is that, if we listen twice as much as we speak, we may understand more, speak more articulately and our listeners will be keen to interact with us. If we recall from our own personal lives, we always love to interact with people, who are great listeners and not the other way around.

Let us listen before we speak from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

4th May 2025

Earn before you spend

As we grow up in life, we love to acquire material things and spend as freely as we can. I think there is nothing wrong to buy ,everything we desire in the world, at the quickest possible time.

We grow up as kids and in school ,our needs and desires may be limited to books, toys or food occasionally. Then as we grow as adolescents, our desires grow along with us. We aspire for gadgets and also vacations and drives and so on. Then we want bikes and cars. so our needs and wants grow faster than our human growth.

This is basic human evolution and may be nothing wrong at all. The one thing, which may come in our way ,is the limitation of resources, at our disposal. We depend on our parents and elders, till we are able to stand on our own feet and start earning our livelihood. At this stage in life, we love spending without much thinking.

Then ,when we get our first salary, we feel like going around and buying the world around us. But our limited resources, make us realise that this remains an elusive dream. We look at other friends and relatives and keep dreaming that some day we will able to conquer the world and buy whatever we want from our own earnings, without depending on anyone.

Again this thinking appears rational and realistic. However, the day we buy things from our own earnings without depending on others, we suddenly realise the value of things around us. A simple thing like, we do not want to waste food ,if we have paid for it. We become thrifty and respect the value of earning and spending.

So the simple learning in life could be, that we need to earn before we spend. Some of us tend to live on credit and loans and imagine that some day we will be debt free and let us enjoy today. Some nations have promoted ,living on debts and credit cards. In India, we have always been inculcated to live on our own savings and never on loans.

This learning is invaluable ,when put it into practise. If we are able to put a simple rule, that we will save at least 20% of our earning every month and then only spend the rest, we may realise that we would never live in an illusory world ,ever. If we earn before we spend, we realise the value of everything in life , in a very experiential way.

I remember visiting a music store at least for ten long years, admiring a music system, which I loved ,but could never afford to buy. It took me ten long years before I could save the money and buy it. This made me realise ,the value of everything I aspired in life.

The simple equation for a successful life could to be earn before you spend and save for the future. Another learning could be, to learn to live without debts and loans. The credit cards, is a great innovation but we need to ensure that we never spend more than we can afford and pay the bills before the due date ,always.

Let us learn to earn before we spend from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

4th May 2025

Think before you ink

One of the best lessons I learnt in my career ,was to “think before I ink”. I started my career ,in the early eighties ,in India. I worked in a steel plant, which was a complex process industry and had millions of people employed ,in the country.

Most of our communication in organisations ,were through written notes for decisions, approvals and so on. We had not seen computers or any other electronic ways of transmitting information ,till the late eighties. This meant we could only talk to each other or write to each other, to exchange information and take decisions.

As youngsters starting our career in large public sector organisations, we were trained ,through a structured programme of how organisations worked and then made to work in teams ,to get things done. We had just come out of our colleges and many of us were keen to express ourselves and show off our command over language, through our notes.

I can share one such incident in my career, which taught me, one of the best lessons in communication ,at the work place. I was exchanging notes with a colleague on a contentious issue, where both of us had conflicting views ,on the same subject. While we sat ,just a few meters away from one another, we were trying to excel in the language of our communication ,more than the content or the value add. When this note went to our our head of the department, he called both of us ,to his room.

If you are not able to talk ,since the other person is sitting a few kilometres away or in another city, then kindly pick up the phone and talk to each other and sort it out. Only if you are not able to walk across and talk to each other or talk on the intercom, which the company has provided, will you write a note from today.

He further went on to explain ,how a written word on a note is irreversible and may create a deeper misunderstanding ,than one can imagine. While talking, we may agree to disagree or even forget any harsh words exchanged. But, when we exchange rough language ,in written communication ,it is etched in paper and in our hearts. So, kindly remember ,this basic skill of effective communication from today.

He told us, that he has gone through our notes and was impressed with our use of language. We both thought we were being appreciated for our command ,over the english language. He then made us sit down and told us ,that he wants to share a simple rule of communication in life and work. He said that ,you both sit just a few meters away from one another. So, at the first instance, if you do not agree with the other person, just walk across and talk to the other person and resolve the differences.

Even if we think of it today, this advice is invaluable ,not only at work but in life as well. We have to first speak to one another, preferably in person. If not possible, at least on phone before we write to one another. A written document could become ,like a ballistic missile , which could boomerang and hit us back, before we realise it.

Even in the days of whatsapp and email, this lesson is very useful. We need to remember that email and whatsapp ,do not have emotions but humans do. So before we write an email or send a whatsapp, we need to speak first and then think ,before we write.

We could recall email and delete whatsapp messages , before they are read but it does leave a trail that an email has been recalled or a whatsapp has been deleted and that may also create avoidable misunderstandings ,in the minds of the receiver.

So, let us learn to think before we ink, from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

4th May 2025