The choice is within us

“ The demon is always within. The goddess is always within. The battle too, is always within. And so is the triumph of one, over the other. Which one, over which one ? That choice is also, somehow always within. “

I may call it the “dilemma of life”. The above quote simplifies for us, the answers to all our doubts in life. Many a time ,when we are struggling to find out what is right and what wrong, we tend to look outside for the answers. But the truth is that ,the answer also lies within us. We sometimes choose the right one and at other times ,the wrong one. But, we may not always take the responsibility, for the consequences.

Let us take the first choice ,most of us make. It may be the academic path ,we choose to pursue. We have a world of information today ,in front of us. We have parents, teachers, friends and well wishers to guide us ,all the way. After considering all that, we make a choice. If it goes well, we are happy but it we fail, we are looking for whom to blame ,for the same.

Next, we choose a career path. After our academics, we are at liberty to choose what we want to do in life. We could pursue a corporate career or an enterprunial one. Either way, we have a lot of resources ,to guide us ,before we take the plunge. Let us assume, we take the plunge to pursue a corporate career and do not do well. We then try to blame someone, and say we were keen to pursue our own business.

Now that we are done with academics and our chosen career path, we are all set to choose our life partner. We have a choice to choose our partner ourselves or let others choose the partner for us. Either way we are not comfortable. When we finally choose, we may again take credit for a a decision ,someone else may have taken.

Life is full of choices. We have a plethora of information to make our choices. We may make some good decisions and at other times, we may falter. But the responsibility of the decision has to always lie with us, irrespective of the outcome of the decision.

Let me illustrate this ,with an example of a sport. When a captain and a coach take a decision on behalf of the team, they have a lot of experience and background information ,to take a decision to bat or field ,in a cricket match. Today ,data analytics ,enables objective decision making. However with all this information , they could go wrong. They could be right or wrong ,at the end of the match. Either way, they have to own up the decision.

Similarly in our life match, we are the captain and the coach – two in one. We too have a wealth of information today ,to make decisions in life. But irrespective of the outcome of our decision, we have to own up the same. We cannot blame the source of our information or others, who may have influenced our decision for the same, if it goes wrong.

To conclude, we may say that the good and the bad, is within us. What we choose ,is also within us. Once we choose, what we choose,to take responsibility for the consequences of that decision, is also within us only.

Let us take responsibility for all our decisions and actions from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

1st July 2025

Treat everyone well..

Uncomfortable truth – “The way people treat you ,is a reflection of them. The way you tolerate it , is a reflection of you. “

I have spent my whole career in the field of Human Resources. Many employees have complained to me ,that they have not been treated well by their bosses, peers or even team members. I have always told them that we get ,what we give to others. It may be difficult to digest and also to practise. But, the reality is that, if we are able to get over this dilemma, then life is beautiful.

Let us focus on what is under our control and not on those things, which are not. We can treat people well without expecting anything in return. This may be difficult ,especially at a younger age. But, as we mature, if we are able to take this important step ,in building relationships, this may go a long way ,in our own lives at work and life, in general.

The question we have to ask ourselves is – “How do we treat everyone around us ?’ Many of us are kind and respectful to elders and seniors, at the workplace. Our behaviour dramatically changes with peers, subordinates and younger people ,around us. This dichotomy in behaviour is apparent and cannot be hidden ,for long.

We cannot have two personalities inbuilt in us. We need to learn to treat everyone around us well. It could be the house help at home, the security guard at work or the pantry staff. It does not matter. If we learn to treat everyone with respect and love, there is no reason ,they will not reciprocate the same.

There could be occasions, when someone in your family or friends circle or even at the workplace, may misbehave with you. As a youngster, our natural reaction is to hit back and behave, worser than them. However, as we grow in life and work, we may realise that our behaviour ,is a reflection of our personality and values. The behaviour of others is a reflection of them. The way we tolerate them ,is a true reflection of our nature.

One may argue that how do we react to someone ,who is misbehaving with you ? Yes, it may not be easy, especially at a young age or at the beginning of your career. However, the day we realise that our behaviour is under our control and the other person’s behaviour is beyond our control, we may be able to practise , this basic tenet for good relationships.

We need to mature to realise, that if we lose our temper or throw tantrums, it is a reflection of our own self and our control over our mind. On the other hand, a person who does not react negatively, to someone throwing tantrums or being impatient, is respected more, by others in the group.

The reality of life is that ,others treat us ,the way we treat them. If we respect others and treat them with love, we are likely to be respected and treated with love. On the contrary, errant behaviour may result in worser reactions and may get beyond our control.

Let us treat everyone well from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

8th June 2025

Everything is temporary in life

Same tree, different season. Remember, everything is temporary.

I love this picture. It made me realise that nothing is permanent in life. We are enthralled with some good happenings in life and we think that life is going to be happy forever. This may not happen. On the other hand, when we are confronted with some tragedies in life , we are heart broken and lose our self belief. It may shatter us and we may think that life is coming to a grinding halt.

The truth is that nothing is permanent in life. Everything is temporary and has an expiry date. It is almost like every product which we buy has an expiry date and cannot be used ,after that date. Similarly, joy or sorrow, is ephemeral. Nothing lasts forever.

I can narrate a lot of incidents and share how it impacted me. I almost believed that Life has come to a dead end. I lost belief in God and in myself. But then ,over time, I realised that everything is temporary in life.

Just as the leaves are shredded by the tree during autumn and they get them back during spring, so is joy and sorrow. They possibly alternate in our lives to keep us grounded ,always. We may fly in the sky with some happy news and drown in the oceans ,when we are burdened by tragedies. But, life teaches us that all these are cyclic and do not last forever.

Let me illustrate this with a few real life experiences – both in my personal life and work. Let me start with my life. I lost both my parents at an early age. Lost my mother at 23 and father at 25. I had just started my career and felt as if I was pushed below the lowest bed of the Indian Ocean. However, after a few years, life experiences made me stronger, more self dependant and grateful to my parents, for whatever they did, to make me what I am today.

Similarly, at the workplace, I lost a promotion at an early stage in my career. I thought I was doing well at work and was recognised regularly for my contributions. But, when I was superseded in by a junior, I felt humiliated and felt as if it was the end of my career. However, the reality is that ,this propelled me to take up challenging career moves and thus made me realise my career dreams successfully.

I have also met many people in my life, who have gained and lost in many ways. When you gain something, you tend to feel elated and when you lose, you are down under. However, if and when, you realise that nothing is going to last forever, it gives you the resilience, to get over both, with ease.

It may be easier to write about it ,rather than experience in real life. However, having experienced it in many ways in my life, I can confidently state ,that it is the truth of life. The sooner we realise this, the better it is, for our well being. Nothing will last forever. No storm or earthquake lasts forever. They come and go. Life is no different.

Let us learn to accept ,that everything is temporary in life ,from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

8th June 2025