Relationships are like birds

“ Relationships are like birds. If you hold tightly, they die. If you hold loosely, they fly. But, if you hold with care, they remain with you forever.”

Karma says – “Relationship is not about kiss, hugs and romance. It’s all about trust and never giving up ,on each other.”

I found two interesting quotes on relationships and found them very insightful. Our life begins with our relationship with our parents and siblings. Our parents hold our hands and help us to walk in life. Our siblings are like the support systems ,with whom we can laugh and cry ,as we try to find our foot hold ,in life.

We then grow up and develop friends with our classmates in school and college. We move closer to these friends and they influence us, more than our parents and siblings ,at this stage of our lives.

After our academics, we move on and our colleagues at the work places, are our best friends in life. As we move from one relationship to another, we realise that each has its value and has a timeline ,attached to it. Some of them sustain themselves ,while others fade with time.

We then get married and have our life partners with us. This relationship is complex but real. We have either chosen each other out of our own volition or gone by the choice of others. Either way, it evolves over time and we start depending on one another, for our sustainable living.

All the relationships, which sustain themselves ,have some interesting similarities. Our siblings are with us right through our lives and during thick and thin, they try their best, to support us. Our classmates may not be interacting with us regularly but some of them are friends for life and we trust their advice always.

Then friends and colleagues ,lay the foundation for a life long journey, for us. Our spouse becomes a partner in life and is willing to walk along with us ,to the peak of the mountain of life. There could be good or bad days in our lives but we go through them together, fight with each other, resolve our conflicts and are willing to support one another.

The first similarity of a good relationship, is its unconditionality. We are not breathing ,on each other’s neck. We let go and are still in touch. I can recall many close friends, whom I may not have even talked over years ,but still close enough ,to seek counsel, when I need them.

When relationships become conditional – we tend to use and throw. Such relationships ,do not last a life time. It is like holding a bird tight and it dies. We need to learn to invest in every relationship, we want to nurture in life.

At the same time, relationships are not about hugs and kisses every day, like the compatible life partners teach us. They trust one another and care for one another ,without expecting anything, in return. Trust is a two way street. We get ,what we give to others. We need to remember that we earn trust by our deeds and actions ,and not by our words of intent.

In order to nurture a good relationship, we need to earn mutual trust, care unconditionally, let go and give space to one another. At the same, always be accessible and available to one another, when they need us the most.

From now on, let us try it.

S Ramesh Shankar

1st July 2025

Balance between ambition and contentment

I wrote a blog on “How much money is good enough for being happy in life”. On reading this blog and liking it, one of my ex colleagues asked me ,if I could write on “How to balance ambition and contentment”

In my view, ambition and contentment are like goals and happiness in life. We need to fulfill our goals , but when we get greedy, we lose the race of life. It is like ,a sportsperson realises, when to stop playing actively and retire from an active sport. However, if the sportsperson continues to play even though his body signals to stop, he or she may end up with some avoidable injuries.

Life is no different and neither our career nor business ambitions, are. Let me first illustrate this with a simple incident, I experienced in life. We had a chaat shop in our township, when I worked in a steel plant, at the start of my career. This shop still exists at the same place, even today.

It is very famous for their chaats and gulab jamuns. They open at 6 pm and close at 9 pm sharp. When I visited the shop after about 30 years and enquired why they have not expanded or changed ,the owner gave me a very insightful reply.

There is a huge demand for the chaats and gulab jamuns. Customers queue up even before the shop opens and almost have to be evicted, when they shut down. They have more demand ,than they can cater to. He said he earns enough ,to take care of his family and is very happy with the way his business runs ,and has maintained his quality and service. He does not want to get more greedy and destroy his reputation, built over decades. It was a great lesson on contentment in life.

Our careers have to be evolved this way. We need to ,set a goal for ourselves. We need to work zealously ,to reach that goal post. We could stretch ourselves ,if we think we have not yet realised our potential. But we have to learn not to stretch beyond our limits, as otherwise ,we would break down. It is like stretching the rubber band. By instinct, we know when to stop. If we break a few rubber bands, we learn by our experience and stop at the right time later.

So, whether business or an organisational career, we need to set goals and sub goals and strive our best to achieve them. The day we realise that the rubber band in us ,is fully stretched and may now break, we need to stop. It is like ,when a player retires, everyone asks – “why now?”, rather than “Why not now ?

Life gives us ,a lot of innate warnings. We need to learn, to listen to our own body, mind and soul. The individual is the best judge, as to when to stop. A coach cannot and should not guide a player, to retire from a game. It is the player, who has to realise, when to retire with pride rather than being dropped from the team, unceremoniously.

Ambition takes us where we want to go and contentment teaches us when to stop. Contentment and gratitude keeps us happy in life. So, we need to be ambitious enough to achieve our career goals and stop when we feel content. We also need to be grateful to all the people, who made us achieve our goals in life – parents, teachers, siblings, friends and colleagues.

Let contentment help us balance our ambition in life.

S Ramesh Shankar

27th June 2025

Life lessons from the Allapuzha boat race

72nd Nehru cup 2026

At the outset, let me wish, all of you a “Happy Onam – 2026” today.

I attended the “72nd Nehru cup boat race” at Allapuzha, Kerala, on 22nd August 2026. This race happens every year and is a spectacle to be witnessed, to be believed. This was one of my life long dreams and it became a reality in 2026. It was not just about watching a boat race and enjoying the same , it offered me ,a lot of life lessons.

If I have to summarise the key life lessons I learnt from the boat race, they would be the following :

  1. Working hard with a goal in mind: The participants in the race work hard and practise for more than 2 months, before they enter the race. They have to build their physique as much as their mental strength, where the gap between competing boats are in milliseconds, almost like a 100 metres sprint. This is, in spite of more than 100 rowers, rowing in sync ,to win the race.
  2. Life is all about team work : One of the most important lessons we learn from this race is that, the winning team has combined well to make the mark. Individually ,other teams may have excellent rowers but the team that synchronises and reaches the destination ,with collective efforts, is the winner.
  3. Emotions & passion : If you participate in the boat race even as a viewer, you realise that winning the race ,is a combination of emotions and passion, apart from team work, hard work and synchronisation. Life is no different. If we are passionate about our goals and are willing to put our heart and soul into it, nothing is impossible in life. All world -class sportspersons ,prove this in every sport. The musical beats and rhythm, leave you wonder struck
  4. Secularism in action: When we see the participants and the organisations supporting it, we witness secularism in action. We cannot associate any religion, caste or creed to this event. Whatever we witness ,in reality ,is what our law makers envisioned as “Secularism” in the preamble of our Constitution.
  5. Goals versus means : As Gandhiji said – “ The means to the end is as important as the end in itself”. The rules of the game are clear and everyone has to follow it ,while striving to beat others, along the way. There is real time observation, through umpires and hence the means to the end, is as important as winning the race.
  6. Sports unites communities: The boat race is an event held once in a year ,but this is like a festival, which unites communities rather than dividing it. The spirit of the sport ,is always more important than the sport itself.
  7. Winning or losing is part of the game: There are multiple teams participating in the race, from different cities. They compete fiercely but ultimately gracefully accept winning or losing, as part of the game. Just as in life, we may win some and lose some but we need to lead life harmoniously.
  8. Rich cultural heritage : The boat race happening consecutively for 72 years , year after year, is a symbol of our rich and diverse cultural heritage. We not only have to be proud of it but need to preserve and promote it.
  9. Fight to the finish: The boat race had a nail biting finish ,with the time gap between winners and losers, in milli seconds. This teaches us an important lesson in life, that we need to fight till the finish. We may never accept defeat till the race of life, is over.
  10. There is always a next time: We had one winner and many losers in the race. But the competitive spirit taught us ,that there is always scope for improvement and aim to win the race, the next year. Winning and losing is part of the game of life , but never giving up should not be an option at any time.

S Ramesh Shankar

26th Aug 2026