Empathy in action

I was recently in a hospital, interacting with a group of doctors. We were discussing the subject of emotional intelligence and how it is applicable to doctors. I was trying to explain to them that in everything we do in life, there is a what and how.

Emotional intelligence teaches us that ,how is as important as the what of things, or may be more. We use our intelligence to do the what and we need to use our emotional quotient ,to do the how. We can always learn the what ,by gaining knowledge and skills but the how has to come from within us and our attitude to life and living.

While discussing this subject, one of the doctors shared a real incident, in the hospital. A child undergoing a critical operation died on the operation table. The mother was distraught with grief. All the doctors and paramedics staff, were equally impacted by this sad incident in the operation theatre.

While everyone was trying their best to talk ,to the mother of the dead child and console her, one of the doctors hugged her tightly ,for two minutes and did not speak a word. This was soothing and brought tears to the mother’s eyes and all the other people surrounding her.

This ,in my view ,is empathy in action. Empathy has to be internalised in all of us. It has to come naturally from within us. This doctor realised that no words can console a mother, who has lost her child. Her natural reaction as a mother herself ,was to share the grief ,by giving her the warmest hug of her life. This act of kindness and empathy ,brought the situation under control.

A great lesson in empathy ,can be learnt from this incident. We all express our emotions ,day in and out ,with family, friends or colleagues at work. We are not aware of how our actions or emotions, impacts others. If we become aware and do our best ,to neutralise the negative impact of our emotions, it can go a long way.

It could be hugging a person in distraught. It could be just shaking hands with a person ,after a heated exchange. It could be saying sorry or seeking forgiveness for our misbehaviour, with a friend or a colleague at work. All these actions are actually displaying empathy, in action.

We need to realise ,that people always remember the way we treated them. They may even forget, what we did for them. I remember ,once a junior colleague narrating a personal incident. When she was going through a personal crisis in life, a senior colleague used to sit down and listen to her issue ,every day without fail and ask if she could help in any way. While the matter was personal, this act of kindness and empathy by her senior ,taught her a great lesson in life.

We need to become aware of our words and actions in everyday life and how it impacts others. Then ,we need to consciously take ,corrective action to assuage ,any negative impact on others, through our own response to them. This will not only help us, evolve as good human beings ,but also help others to get over ,any negativity in their lives.

Let us learn to practise empathy in our everyday lives.

S Ramesh Shankar

5th July 2025

Try before you quit

One of the best things I admire about sportspersons is that they never give up. They will try and try again and again ,till they succeed. Like we say ,class is permanent, form may be temporary. So is life. We need to at least try ,before we quit.

Many of us tend to give up ,even before we try. All of us ,are not born to conquer Mount Everest. But, if we do not try, we may not really know our full potential. I have heard of many real life stories, where people have shown that they have made the seemingly impossible, possible, just by trying.

Let me illustrate this point ,with some real life examples. One of things we used to do in our annual conferences at work ,was to invite people from different spheres, who have excelled in life. We once invited a marathon runner ,for our conference. This gentleman was in his mid fifties.

When he narrated his story of life, all of us felt, that if we are willing to try, we possibly could achieve ,what we want in life. This gentleman who was in his late forties ,was keen to run a marathon. So, he went to his physician and checked with him if he could practise for the same.

He hailed from a business family and belonged to a state, which is known for connoisseurs of food. He was over weight for his age and the doctor ,as expected ,advised to refrain from this misadventure ,at this stage of his life , so that he does harm his legs. But this friend was not going to give up so easily.

So he went to a sports doctor and asked ,if he could still try. The sports physician told him that he could try ,if he is willing to transform his physical health with diet control and supplement with regular exercises. So he started on the prescribed diet and started short runs on the sea shore, yoga and other physical conditioning exercises in the gym.

The truth is that, within a year ,he ran the half marathon successfully and then the full marathon in Mumbai and now runs around the world and has qualified to become a “Iron man”. So, this story can inspire all of us to try ,before we give up. If anyone is interested, do let me know and I can share a book, he has authored on his life story.

I know of an Olympian. She lost in the first few rounds of Badminton, in her first appearance . But the very next Olympics ,after four years of hard work and diligent efforts ,won a bronze medal for her country. This story is common amongst many sports persons and hence they inspire many youngsters to excel ,in whatever vocation they are in.

As they say, sky is limit for those who dare to dream and then are willing to toil to make that dream a reality. Many of us are great at dreaming but are not willing to put in those hard days and nights of toil, before we succeed and realise our dreams. Either we are not willing to put in that effort or give up even before we try ,stating that it is not meant for us.

Let us learn to try before we quit from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

19th May 2025

Dance in the rain

One of the things my spouse enjoys the most ,is to dance in the first rains, after the summer. This give her relief from the heat and instant child like joy. If we look at it metaphorically, it is to enjoy every moment of life, as and when it occurs and whenever we feel like.

We tend to postpone almost everything in life. When we are young, we have the excuse that we do not have money or we cannot afford it. Then we are busy with our children or at work and hence no time to enjoy life. Then we are not physically fit enough in our sunset years ,to enjoy life this way.

In my view, this is more of our doing, rather than anyone else. We cannot blame the world for not dancing in the rain. If we look at it literally, we do not dance – may be because ,we do not want to get wet. It may be because, we are worried what others will think.

The reality is that, nobody is bothered about our behaviour. The best thing about our childhood is that we behave the way we want to, without worrying about what others would think. As we grow older, we are conscious of what others will think and how the society will react and so on and hence suppress our instinctive behaviour.

This is true in every aspect of life. As children, we climb a tree or jump from heights and willing to take all risks ,without much worry about the consequences. But, as we grow older, our risk taking ability diminishes and we are conservative, in whatever we do in life. I am not for one saying that we need to jump from trees as a senior citizen but live life, as if tomorrow does not exist . It is more an attitude to life and living ,rather than a particular action of ours.

As youngsters, we are willing to try out new things and learn from everyone around us. As we grow older, we are self-conscious and are reluctant to learn from youngsters or people less educated than us since we start believing ,as if we have conquered the world of knowledge ,with our qualifications and experience.

The reality is otherwise. We need to unlearn, learn and relearn right through our lives and this is the axiom of life. We cannot be exceptions. The day we realise ,this basic premise of life ,we may learn to live and enjoy every moment of life.

Let me illustrate this through a simple example ,from my life experience. I always enjoyed travelling and visiting new places in my life. As a kid, I used to cycle around and explore places I could go to. Then as I started working, I had a scooter and hence went on short trips on weekends, whenever I could afford. As I graduated to buy a car, it evolved into family trips once in a few months. Today, I can afford to drive around and fly around my country and the world.

So my limitation of resources ,need not limit me to explore the world or do anything else, which I want to. If I am passionate about reading, I could borrow books and read or visit public libraries ,before I could afford to buy my own books of choice or digital content. If we are not able to read, it is more of our own limitation, rather than our inability to buy books at the early stages of our career.

Life gives us moments to enjoy ,every day. Either we can learn to dance in the rain or sit inside and crib that we are not able to go out and play and spend the rest of our lives, only crying foul.

Let us learn to dance in the rain from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

19th May 2025