Category: Emotions/Relationships

Relationships are like birds

“ Relationships are like birds. If you hold tightly, they die. If you hold loosely, they fly. But, if you hold with care, they remain with you forever.”

Karma says – “Relationship is not about kiss, hugs and romance. It’s all about trust and never giving up ,on each other.”

I found two interesting quotes on relationships and found them very insightful. Our life begins with our relationship with our parents and siblings. Our parents hold our hands and help us to walk in life. Our siblings are like the support systems ,with whom we can laugh and cry ,as we try to find our foot hold ,in life.

We then grow up and develop friends with our classmates in school and college. We move closer to these friends and they influence us, more than our parents and siblings ,at this stage of our lives.

After our academics, we move on and our colleagues at the work places, are our best friends in life. As we move from one relationship to another, we realise that each has its value and has a timeline ,attached to it. Some of them sustain themselves ,while others fade with time.

We then get married and have our life partners with us. This relationship is complex but real. We have either chosen each other out of our own volition or gone by the choice of others. Either way, it evolves over time and we start depending on one another, for our sustainable living.

All the relationships, which sustain themselves ,have some interesting similarities. Our siblings are with us right through our lives and during thick and thin, they try their best, to support us. Our classmates may not be interacting with us regularly but some of them are friends for life and we trust their advice always.

Then friends and colleagues ,lay the foundation for a life long journey, for us. Our spouse becomes a partner in life and is willing to walk along with us ,to the peak of the mountain of life. There could be good or bad days in our lives but we go through them together, fight with each other, resolve our conflicts and are willing to support one another.

The first similarity of a good relationship, is its unconditionality. We are not breathing ,on each other’s neck. We let go and are still in touch. I can recall many close friends, whom I may not have even talked over years ,but still close enough ,to seek counsel, when I need them.

When relationships become conditional – we tend to use and throw. Such relationships ,do not last a life time. It is like holding a bird tight and it dies. We need to learn to invest in every relationship, we want to nurture in life.

At the same time, relationships are not about hugs and kisses every day, like the compatible life partners teach us. They trust one another and care for one another ,without expecting anything, in return. Trust is a two way street. We get ,what we give to others. We need to remember that we earn trust by our deeds and actions ,and not by our words of intent.

In order to nurture a good relationship, we need to earn mutual trust, care unconditionally, let go and give space to one another. At the same, always be accessible and available to one another, when they need us the most.

From now on, let us try it.

S Ramesh Shankar

1st July 2025

Social Entropy

I heard three incidents in the last few weeks and felt very disturbed. All these incidents were shaking ,the basic foundations of social institutions in India. The rich Indian culture was getting shaken by such incidents and our belief in them , getting shattered.

The first incident was when a young couple got married and went on a honeymoon. There, the wife kills her spouse by hiring goons ,since she wanted to marry her lover. I am not against anyone marrying anyone they love. But, what I could not understand is, to marry someone against her own wishes and then killing her spouse during her honeymoon.

This shook the institution of family and marriage. Her own parents and siblings could not believe how this could happen and have rightly disowned her ,after this incident and supported the late son in law’s family.

The second incident was ,when an elderly couple were admitted to an old age home by their son ,stating that his parents did not like the food cooked by his spouse. His parents in their eighties ,committed suicide by hanging from the fan.

We were further told that the son had admitted his parents earlier too, forcibly ,in an old age home a few years back and they returned to his house, since they did not like the environment in that home. The roots of “family” as an institution is being questioned. How can one think of admitting his/her own parents in an old age home, when you are in the same city and are capable of taking care of them.

The third incident was when I got news of a friend’s death in a distant city ,two days after his death. When I enquired from some other friends living in the same city ,in his neighbourhood, they were are not even aware of his death. Are we getting so socially alienated ,that we are not aware of a friend dying in our neighbourhood.

We are making a lot of progress technologically and science is taking us to places. Artificial intelligence may make life easier and more comfortable for us ,than ever before. But, what is the use of all this, if we cannot be honest in our relationships. We cannot nurture family, friends or respect our own parents.

Although, I was not personally impacted by any of the above incidents directly, I had no tears to cry. I felt as if my tear glands had dried up like the wells and lakes ,during a severe drought in some states. What is the use of living a life of prosperity ,when we cannot take care of the people, who made us prosperous today.

In the past, if something happens in our village, the whole village would come to know of it and everyone will try their best ,to contribute. I agree that urbanisation has made us alienated and distances have broken relationships. But what is the use of technology, if we cannot be in touch and nurture those relationships.

I am a born optimist ,in general. But, today I would say that I prefer to die rather than live in a society, which tolerates spouses killing one another after marriage ,to marry a lover. I would hate to live in a society, where parents cannot be taken care of ,with love and are sent to old age homes, where they end up committing suicide as they feel unwanted. I regret to live in a community, where I am unaware of my neighbour’s death ,even though I live in the same neighbourhood.

But, being a born optimist, I hope the worst is over and the next generation ,will realise ,that the rich Indian culture ,was always built on the foundations of family, marriage and extended communities ,as social institutions.

Let us look within and contribute ,to bring back the glory ,of the great India culture.

S Ramesh Shankar

27th June 2025

Treat everyone well..

Uncomfortable truth – “The way people treat you ,is a reflection of them. The way you tolerate it , is a reflection of you. “

I have spent my whole career in the field of Human Resources. Many employees have complained to me ,that they have not been treated well by their bosses, peers or even team members. I have always told them that we get ,what we give to others. It may be difficult to digest and also to practise. But, the reality is that, if we are able to get over this dilemma, then life is beautiful.

Let us focus on what is under our control and not on those things, which are not. We can treat people well without expecting anything in return. This may be difficult ,especially at a younger age. But, as we mature, if we are able to take this important step ,in building relationships, this may go a long way ,in our own lives at work and life, in general.

The question we have to ask ourselves is – “How do we treat everyone around us ?’ Many of us are kind and respectful to elders and seniors, at the workplace. Our behaviour dramatically changes with peers, subordinates and younger people ,around us. This dichotomy in behaviour is apparent and cannot be hidden ,for long.

We cannot have two personalities inbuilt in us. We need to learn to treat everyone around us well. It could be the house help at home, the security guard at work or the pantry staff. It does not matter. If we learn to treat everyone with respect and love, there is no reason ,they will not reciprocate the same.

There could be occasions, when someone in your family or friends circle or even at the workplace, may misbehave with you. As a youngster, our natural reaction is to hit back and behave, worser than them. However, as we grow in life and work, we may realise that our behaviour ,is a reflection of our personality and values. The behaviour of others is a reflection of them. The way we tolerate them ,is a true reflection of our nature.

One may argue that how do we react to someone ,who is misbehaving with you ? Yes, it may not be easy, especially at a young age or at the beginning of your career. However, the day we realise that our behaviour is under our control and the other person’s behaviour is beyond our control, we may be able to practise , this basic tenet for good relationships.

We need to mature to realise, that if we lose our temper or throw tantrums, it is a reflection of our own self and our control over our mind. On the other hand, a person who does not react negatively, to someone throwing tantrums or being impatient, is respected more, by others in the group.

The reality of life is that ,others treat us ,the way we treat them. If we respect others and treat them with love, we are likely to be respected and treated with love. On the contrary, errant behaviour may result in worser reactions and may get beyond our control.

Let us treat everyone well from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

8th June 2025