Category: Emotions/Relationships

Treat everyone well..

Uncomfortable truth – “The way people treat you ,is a reflection of them. The way you tolerate it , is a reflection of you. “

I have spent my whole career in the field of Human Resources. Many employees have complained to me ,that they have not been treated well by their bosses, peers or even team members. I have always told them that we get ,what we give to others. It may be difficult to digest and also to practise. But, the reality is that, if we are able to get over this dilemma, then life is beautiful.

Let us focus on what is under our control and not on those things, which are not. We can treat people well without expecting anything in return. This may be difficult ,especially at a younger age. But, as we mature, if we are able to take this important step ,in building relationships, this may go a long way ,in our own lives at work and life, in general.

The question we have to ask ourselves is – “How do we treat everyone around us ?’ Many of us are kind and respectful to elders and seniors, at the workplace. Our behaviour dramatically changes with peers, subordinates and younger people ,around us. This dichotomy in behaviour is apparent and cannot be hidden ,for long.

We cannot have two personalities inbuilt in us. We need to learn to treat everyone around us well. It could be the house help at home, the security guard at work or the pantry staff. It does not matter. If we learn to treat everyone with respect and love, there is no reason ,they will not reciprocate the same.

There could be occasions, when someone in your family or friends circle or even at the workplace, may misbehave with you. As a youngster, our natural reaction is to hit back and behave, worser than them. However, as we grow in life and work, we may realise that our behaviour ,is a reflection of our personality and values. The behaviour of others is a reflection of them. The way we tolerate them ,is a true reflection of our nature.

One may argue that how do we react to someone ,who is misbehaving with you ? Yes, it may not be easy, especially at a young age or at the beginning of your career. However, the day we realise that our behaviour is under our control and the other person’s behaviour is beyond our control, we may be able to practise , this basic tenet for good relationships.

We need to mature to realise, that if we lose our temper or throw tantrums, it is a reflection of our own self and our control over our mind. On the other hand, a person who does not react negatively, to someone throwing tantrums or being impatient, is respected more, by others in the group.

The reality of life is that ,others treat us ,the way we treat them. If we respect others and treat them with love, we are likely to be respected and treated with love. On the contrary, errant behaviour may result in worser reactions and may get beyond our control.

Let us treat everyone well from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

8th June 2025

Perfect spouses ?

“There are no perfect husbands and no perfect wives. But if you keep believing in each other, there will be plenty of perfect moments together.” A nice quote, I came across, which triggered a lot of thoughts in my mind.

The truth of life is that, nothing is perfect. So are partners, in a marriage. There are no perfect husbands, wives or even partners. The joy of life , is to enjoy the imperfection, between us.

Marriage is communion of mutual trust and belief ,in each other. If we trust one another and believe in one another, we will be able to live with each other’s imperfections, have healthy conflicts and find ways mutually ,to resolve the same.

On the other hand, if we keep looking for the perfect spouse to marry, we may have to enter our grave ,as a bachelor or spinster. The reality is that none of us are perfect and that is the basic tenet of life. Even nature teaches us to enjoy the beauty of imperfection. No two leaves will be identical, in the same tree.

I am not sermonising here ,but trying to share my personal experience as a married person, for over four decades. I did marry a person of my choice. However, the truth is that ,we are two independent personalities. We may have a lot in common and many things different.

I am an extrovert whereas I my spouse is more of an introvert. This does not mean ,we cannot live compatibly. This means we need to recognise and respect each others individuality. I love all my cars in black and my spouse likes bright red. This does not mean we can never buy a car. We possibly need to buy a black and red car alternatively to keep each other happy.

We need to let go our egos, to keep the other person happy. We need to recognise ,that we are different and respect the differences. Our ability to adapt and recognise differences ,may keep us together as partners.

There would be conflicts between us and differences to resolve. If any married couple claim that they have never had differences or conflicts, they may be lying. The reality of harmony ,is not absence of conflicts between partners, but their ability to accept and resolve them through conversations, mutually.

We also may sometimes like to tread different paths ,to achieve our life goals. The ability to dialogue and agree on a common path ,acceptable to both the partners ,is based on the foundation of mutual trust and respect. The day we appreciate each others’ individuality and respect differences, we will be able to resolve anything.

Happiness in marriage is not because of absence of conflicts but the presence of the ability to dialogue and resolve differences with mutual respect and adaptability.

Nothing in life is perfect but our ability to adapt to imperfections and appreciate mutual differences, is the key to resolving conflicts.

One of the partners has to let go their ego and be willing to accept that in a particular context ,they could be wrong. This will be the key to success in this relationship.

Let us learn to enjoy the imperfections in life from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

8th June 2025.

Understanding your mother

I am a proud Hindu and consider Hinduism ,as one of the most liberal religions in the world. Hinduism gives me the liberty and space, to practise the religion the way I want to ,and I love that. I have never been a great believer, in many of the rituals of Hinduism.

However, of late, as I experienced some of the rituals, I realise the value of each of them. I was recently on a pilgrimage to Rameshwaram, Varnasi, Prayagraj and Gaya to perform Shradh ( death rituals) of my parents, who died almost four decades back. This is a ritual, which is performed by children for their parents and forefathers ,at least once in their life time and is considered sacrosanct.

The belief is that, if you perform this ritual ,your parents and forefathers will be liberated from the cycle of life and death and will attain moksha (or we may salvation) for themselves. I performed this ritual with my spouse, with sincere devotion and completed it, over three weeks, in the month of March.

While I was performing this ritual in Gaya, which is one of the holy places, where you perform this ritual, the Pandit ( learned guru) explained to us ,why we need to be grateful to our mothers ,in our lives. He explained the whole cycle of life right from conception in the womb of our mothers till our life time, He also explained how our mothers sacrifice everything to make us live and be prosperous.

The day the mother learns about conception and it is confirmed, she is joyous about impending birth of her child. But , she experiences physical and emotional distress. She may have nausea, vomiting, sleeplessness and a lot of other known and unknown physical distresses, which needs to be experienced ,to be understood.

Then in the first trimester of pregnancy, while the mother is taken care of by her parents and family, with nutritious food and care , she sacrifices her sleep, her physical and emotional health ,for the welfare of the child. She may give up her career, her sleep, her food habits, her hobbies and many other good things in her life ,for the good of her child in the stomach.

The second trimester the child grows in the womb and the mother being inexperienced ,has to take extra care ,not to hurt the child physically or emotionally. She is willing to sacrifice a lot of life’s pleasures, to rear the child in her womb and ensure a healthy delivery.

The final trimester may be as challenging ,as the first two. The mother feels the motions of the child inside her, at odd hours. She wakes up in the middle of the night and sits down, so as to allow the child to sleep peacefully. She may listen to music or even sing to keep the child calm and undisturbed.

Then the delivery happens and the first five years ,are still a big struggle for the mother and father ,to take care of the child. The father supports the mother to take care of the child ,but the pains and tribulations of the mother, has to be experienced to be believed.

If we look back, many of us ,may take our parents for granted and especially our mother. We are not aware of the unlimited sacrifices they make, for our well being. This ritual brought tears to my eyes ,as the Pandit narrated all the sacrifices of the mother ,in great details.

I bow in gratitude to my mother and salute all the mothers, who have sacrificed so much ,for their children. I have seen my sisters, my spouse and even my daughter , go through this phase of motherhood.

Let us learn to grateful to our mothers and commit to take care of them, right through our lives.

S Ramesh Shankar

31st May 2025