I was recently in a hospital, interacting with a group of doctors. We were discussing the subject of emotional intelligence and how it is applicable to doctors. I was trying to explain to them that in everything we do in life, there is a what and how.

Emotional intelligence teaches us that ,how is as important as the what of things, or may be more. We use our intelligence to do the what and we need to use our emotional quotient ,to do the how. We can always learn the what ,by gaining knowledge and skills but the how has to come from within us and our attitude to life and living.

While discussing this subject, one of the doctors shared a real incident, in the hospital. A child undergoing a critical operation died on the operation table. The mother was distraught with grief. All the doctors and paramedics staff, were equally impacted by this sad incident in the operation theatre.

While everyone was trying their best to talk ,to the mother of the dead child and console her, one of the doctors hugged her tightly ,for two minutes and did not speak a word. This was soothing and brought tears to the mother’s eyes and all the other people surrounding her.

This ,in my view ,is empathy in action. Empathy has to be internalised in all of us. It has to come naturally from within us. This doctor realised that no words can console a mother, who has lost her child. Her natural reaction as a mother herself ,was to share the grief ,by giving her the warmest hug of her life. This act of kindness and empathy ,brought the situation under control.

A great lesson in empathy ,can be learnt from this incident. We all express our emotions ,day in and out ,with family, friends or colleagues at work. We are not aware of how our actions or emotions, impacts others. If we become aware and do our best ,to neutralise the negative impact of our emotions, it can go a long way.

It could be hugging a person in distraught. It could be just shaking hands with a person ,after a heated exchange. It could be saying sorry or seeking forgiveness for our misbehaviour, with a friend or a colleague at work. All these actions are actually displaying empathy, in action.

We need to realise ,that people always remember the way we treated them. They may even forget, what we did for them. I remember ,once a junior colleague narrating a personal incident. When she was going through a personal crisis in life, a senior colleague used to sit down and listen to her issue ,every day without fail and ask if she could help in any way. While the matter was personal, this act of kindness and empathy by her senior ,taught her a great lesson in life.

We need to become aware of our words and actions in everyday life and how it impacts others. Then ,we need to consciously take ,corrective action to assuage ,any negative impact on others, through our own response to them. This will not only help us, evolve as good human beings ,but also help others to get over ,any negativity in their lives.

Let us learn to practise empathy in our everyday lives.

S Ramesh Shankar

5th July 2025

One of the best lessons I learnt in my career ,was to “think before I ink”. I started my career ,in the early eighties ,in India. I worked in a steel plant, which was a complex process industry and had millions of people employed ,in the country.

Most of our communication in organisations ,were through written notes for decisions, approvals and so on. We had not seen computers or any other electronic ways of transmitting information ,till the late eighties. This meant we could only talk to each other or write to each other, to exchange information and take decisions.

As youngsters starting our career in large public sector organisations, we were trained ,through a structured programme of how organisations worked and then made to work in teams ,to get things done. We had just come out of our colleges and many of us were keen to express ourselves and show off our command over language, through our notes.

I can share one such incident in my career, which taught me, one of the best lessons in communication ,at the work place. I was exchanging notes with a colleague on a contentious issue, where both of us had conflicting views ,on the same subject. While we sat ,just a few meters away from one another, we were trying to excel in the language of our communication ,more than the content or the value add. When this note went to our our head of the department, he called both of us ,to his room.

If you are not able to talk ,since the other person is sitting a few kilometres away or in another city, then kindly pick up the phone and talk to each other and sort it out. Only if you are not able to walk across and talk to each other or talk on the intercom, which the company has provided, will you write a note from today.

He further went on to explain ,how a written word on a note is irreversible and may create a deeper misunderstanding ,than one can imagine. While talking, we may agree to disagree or even forget any harsh words exchanged. But, when we exchange rough language ,in written communication ,it is etched in paper and in our hearts. So, kindly remember ,this basic skill of effective communication from today.

He told us, that he has gone through our notes and was impressed with our use of language. We both thought we were being appreciated for our command ,over the english language. He then made us sit down and told us ,that he wants to share a simple rule of communication in life and work. He said that ,you both sit just a few meters away from one another. So, at the first instance, if you do not agree with the other person, just walk across and talk to the other person and resolve the differences.

Even if we think of it today, this advice is invaluable ,not only at work but in life as well. We have to first speak to one another, preferably in person. If not possible, at least on phone before we write to one another. A written document could become ,like a ballistic missile , which could boomerang and hit us back, before we realise it.

Even in the days of whatsapp and email, this lesson is very useful. We need to remember that email and whatsapp ,do not have emotions but humans do. So before we write an email or send a whatsapp, we need to speak first and then think ,before we write.

We could recall email and delete whatsapp messages , before they are read but it does leave a trail that an email has been recalled or a whatsapp has been deleted and that may also create avoidable misunderstandings ,in the minds of the receiver.

So, let us learn to think before we ink, from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

4th May 2025

The other day, I was reading a story about a restaurant in Japan, where they employed ,only dementia patients. The name of the restaurant is “Mistaken orders”. They clarify to their customers upfront ,that sometimes they may order something but get something else. They should not get perturbed by this action but rather appreciate, those who live with family members or friends ,suffering from dementia.

This was a very insightful story for me. I realised that it could be put to practice in our lives too. We react or sometimes over react, for some behaviour or incident ,without understanding why that individual behaved that way or that incident happened. We all are human and react this way or the other sometimes. But, it may be a good idea to reflect on this story and change the way we live.

This could happen in the family, society or work place. We may get disturbed by the action of an individual or their behaviour in a particular situation. We may react in-appropriately ,since we do not understand ,the context of the behaviour or the action.

Let us imagine how our life would be, if we learn from the idea of “Mistaken orders” restaurant. We need to remind ourselves every day that the people around us ,may be suffering from dementia or some other issue. Dementia here is just symptomatic. We really do not understand the reasons, for their behaviour.

I was told that the customers to this restaurant ,come prepared to eat any food they get. They are not agitated by the mistaken orders delivered to them by the staff ,as they are fully aware that people suffering from dementia ,do keep forgetting frequently and they not do it deliberately.

It may not be easy to practise this idea. But may be worth a try. Our life is conditioned by our behaviour ,every day. We react based on what we see and hear around us. We may not have the time to understand, why an individual behaves or reacts ,in a particular way. But, if we are able to invest some time in this aspect, our life could be positively different. We may behave like the customers of the “Mistaken orders” restaurant in our every day life ,with most people around us.

Another interesting aspect of life is that ,we get what we give. If we give a smile, we get a smile back. If we frown, people shout back at us. If we understand people better, they probably would understand us better too.

We all are running short of time every day. We do not have time to eat our break fast nor do our daily chores. Then how do we find time to understand people around us. Yes, this may be true. But, we do invest time in things, which are important to us. Building and sustaining relationships, is critical to life. It is like maintaining good health in our life. So, it may be worth investing.

Let us rediscover our life from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

18th March 2025