Author: S Ramesh Shankar

Born in Trichy, Tamil Nadu, India, I have been brought up in different parts of India. Graduate in chemistry and post graduate in personnel management and industrial relations. Have been a HR practitioner for 38 years in the industry and have experience in working in steel , automobiles, FMCG and engineering industry. Was head of HR for Siemens in South Asia based out of Mumbai till March 2019. Currently founded hrishti - joy forever, a social enterprise to give back to society and work as Chief Joy Officer.

Life is all about balancing

We tend to to accumulate a lot material and non material things all through our lives. Some we may use and some we may never. However, our possessiveness is addictive and remains a part of us right through our lives. If we learn to let go, we may be better off.

Life is no different. We tend to assimilate a lot of emotions and baggage right through our lives. Some may be good to retain and others may not. Life is all about balancing between what we need to hold on and what need to let go.

We have a tendency to hold on to all things which we don’t need and tend to let go of things we need. We remember and retain in our heads all the hurt inflicted on us right from our childhood. We dont forget the first thrashing we got from our parents or teachers. We vividly remember the fight at the playground with our friends

On the other hand, we forget the first gift we got from our parents. The appreciation we got from our teachers and the support we got from our friends. This way our emotional bank is full of debits rather than some credits.

We need to learn the art of balancing in life. If our credits equates our debits, life will be evenly paced. However, when our debits outnumber our credits, life becomes treacherous. We tend to fall prey to a cycle of misery and start believing that God is unfair to us.

Let us look at how to balance between holding on and letting go from some real life incidents from our own lives. I am sharing from some of my life experiences. You may have had some similar experiences or seen some incidents around you.

The first experience was when I was deeply hurt by a relative of mine. My father was in the ICU and the doctors told me that he may not survive if we don’t do dialysis twice a week. The cost of dialysis twice a week was almost double of my monthly salary. I requested this relative of mine for some loan to get over this crisis. Instead of helping me in crisis, he asked if it was necessary to do the dialysis at all. This relative was brought up like a child by my father during his childhood.

I carried this hurt in my heart for more than three decades till I attended a workshop where I learnt the joy of forgiveness. I did forgive him on that day and then this hurt changed into kindness in my heart. We may learn through life experiences what to hold on and when to let go.

Another incident was about my missing a school parade as a prefect. I was at school to lead the march past. We had a white uniform and was playing in the grounds before the march past. I slipped and soiled my white uniform. My friends advised me to go home and change and return for the march past. I did and since I cycled home and back, I was late and the deputy prefect was advised to lead in my absence. I missed an opportunity of a life time.

This incident haunted in my mind for years. One day I realised that I need to learn a lesson from this incident and move on in my life. So, I decided that I will never ever be late for any event in my life. I need to plan in such a way that such incidents do not recur in my life. I converted this guilt into a positive attribute in my life.

Life gives us multiple opportunities to hold on or let go. We tend to do the reverse of what is good for us. We let go of things which we need to hold on and also the other way around. If we learn to strike the right balance between the two, life would be more fulfilling.

Life is the fine art of balancing what to let go and what to hold on.

S Ramesh Shankar

28th January 2023

Be kind to the Unkind

One of the most difficult things in life is to think of of the impossible and make it happen. Someone suggested to me that we need to be kind to the unkind. I was flabbergasted. How can one be kind to someone who is unkind to you ? I said it is difficult even for me even to imagine it. However, I agreed to reflect on it and review.

On thinking about it for a while, I realised that ,may be it is true and a necessity. It is like you need to give food to the hungry and not to the well fed. Similarly, we need to be kind to the people around us, who are unkind to us.

Let us imagine our first experiences in life. The teacher in our class has to be kind, to the most difficult student in the class. Sometimes as a fellow student, one may wonder why the teacher is kind to her most errant student in class. Once ,when I asked a Principal a similar question, she replied that it is teachers and parents, who have to mould that child and such children need more help than others.

If we move to our own family, we may have not noticed that parents tend to spend more time with the truant child at home. Again, parents realise that the errant child needs more help than others to get back on the right path.

The workplace may not be very different. The best leaders will always spend more time with the most underperforming employees. This is not because they love to do it but again because they need the maximum support.

Life is no different than all such experiences at school, home or at the workplace. While, it may be difficult to be kind to the unkind, it is a test of our capability to rise above selfish limits and help those who may have been unkind to us.

A mother does not distinguish between a well behaved child or an ill behaved child. The unconditional love is showered on all children without expecting anything in return. Similarly, we have to learn to be helpful to people ,who least deserve it.

Our act of unconditional kindness will give us unlimited joy and mould us into selfless human beings. We may not realise that sometimes ,our acts of kindness may get us unexpected favours from people, whom we least expect it from.

The joy of giving is limitless. The acts of kindness need to be selfless. The benefactors should be boundary-less. Our actions should speak louder than our words. Our giving should always be more than our receiving.

The people who need it ,may not be the people who deserve it. But we need to give to the needy ,not to the more fortunate around us. Let us learn to give without expecting anything in return.

Life is more gratifying when we try the impossible and make it possible. Let us try to be kind to the unkindest people around us from today and experience the magic of kindness in our hearts.

S Ramesh Shankar

28th January 2023

 

 

Become happy by making others happy

The quest for happiness in life is an unending journey for most of us. We tend to spend our lifetime trying to understand “What makes us happy in life?”. Some of us may end up searching for this answer to our own graveyards.

I neither have an an answer for everyone nor do I think there can be an universal answer to one of life’s most important questions. However, one of the things which may give happiness to almost everyone is becoming happy by making others happy.

Someone asked me if I am hungry, how can I feed others ? Yes, it is true that with an empty stomach, one may not be able to feed others. However, by sharing our food with others we may have our stomach half full but may be in a position to make someone happy. It is this attitude, which may make all the difference ,to our lives.

I have learnt after many struggles in my life that “happiness is not dependant on material wealth in life. Happiness is an attitude to life. We see in our everyday life that poor people who may not be sure of their next meal are happier than the wealthy businessmen who are struggling to save income tax by juggling financial accounts.

The poor tend to keep reasonably good health and have a good night’s sleep while many of the rich suffer from lifestyle diseases and spend more on hospitals and medicines than on their family and happiness. This leads us to the second secret of happiness and that is good health.

If we maintain good health through healthy habits of exercise and proper diet, we may lead a happier life than others. If we can help others become healthier through our company and our support, we may become happier than we are today. So, happiness could also be by making others ,healthier in life.

The third aspect of happiness could be contentment. Are we satisfied with what we have ? While there may not be anything wrong to be ambitious in life but to live in a state of discontent ,could lead to unhappiness always. If we compare ourselves to people who are less fortunate than us, we may be content. But our tendency is to compare with people who have more than us. The secret to happiness is not to compare at all. Life in absolute ,is always happier than in relativity.

The secret to happiness is our ability to make others happy. If we can share with others what we have, God may give us more than what we deserve. If we make others healthier, we may improve our own health and thus become happier. If we are happy with what we have, then happiness can never escape us.

Last but not the least is our ability to spread happiness. Do we make people happy or not ,when we are around ,is a good question to ask? If our presence makes others happy, happiness will always knock on our doors ,before it visits our neighbours.

Let us learn to be happy by spreading happiness in others lives.

S Ramesh Shankar

23rd January 2023