Wanting to die or willing to die – suicide or sacrifice

Wanting to die is suicide but willing to die is sacrifice. Wanting to die may be out of desperation but willing to die for your country is patriotism. People, who are not able to face the realities of life may be wanting to die but people who want to give their lives for a cause, sacrifice for the sake of others and their countries.

I do understand ,as a student of psychology ,that sometimes people are wanting to die since they are not able to deal with what is happening to them in life. They may need support from professional counsellors or psychiatrists or psychologists to face complexities of life. Such vulnerable people should either seek such professional support or others could help them to get such support.

We hear of students committing suicide ,for failing in some examinations. We hear of ,either partners giving up their life ,since they are not able to cope up with each other ,due to various reasons. These, in my view are acts of helplessness. While some may say, it is due to their inability to deal with their own issues , I would rather state it is not their individual failure but the inability of their family or friends ,not being in a position to support them ,in time.

On the other hand, the defence personnel are willing to die for the nation. I was once attending a talk ,by an ex army captain. He was narrating of how a platoon commander ,will always lead from the front, when they have to attack an enemy. The commander will always put his life on the knife edge , before he orders his troops to plunge into the battle.

So, if we take these extreme ways of approach to dying, we realise that one is negative and the other is a positive way to die. A faint hearted commits suicide while a soldier sacrifices his life ,to save innocent humans in a terror attack. Our actions every day in life ,can either be suicidal acts or acts of sacrifice. We may either run away from situations or stand tall and face a crisis.

As parents at home or as leaders at the work place, we see both these characters. I have explained suicide and sacrifice ,as examples of how we deal with real life situations every day. Many of us are happy to run away from any crisis and transcend to safer zones. Few of us are willing to plunge and take the risk.

It is similar to a situation in a road accident. Most of us will speed past an accident site ,since we do not want to the face the music of answering difficult questions from the police. These are simple acts of suicide we commit every day. Some of us will stop, call the ambulance or even take the injured in our own car ,to the nearest hospital – these are the acts of sacrifice like a soldier, we are talking of.

So, let us review today of how suicidal or sacrificial we are ,in every day life ,from today. Do we develop cold feet and run away from uncomfortable situations at home or work or are we brave soldiers willing to die and save the life of others ?

Let us learn to sacrifice more from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

18th March 2025

Caring for parents

I was watching a music reality show on TV the other night and an old lady, who was an ardent fan of one the contestants had come all the way from an old age home to wish her all the best. She narrated how she was a diabetic and had met with an accident a year back and her wounds were still not healing. She went on to say that she does not get to sleep in the old age home since she has to sleep on hard stone beds. But after, she started listening to her favourite contestant, her melodious voice sways her to sleep.

I am not sure why this old lady ended up in an old age home. However, of late, it is common to hear of children not taking care of their parents. One of the judges on the same show was wondering of how one could leave their parents in an old age home. But that is the reality of today.

We forget people who have reared us and made us what we are today much before the ink dries on the paper we write. Or may be even before that since we no longer use ink to write on paper. It is today the days of mobiles and laptops and we do not even need our brains to write something original since AI does the rest for us.

Gratitude is no longer a value for most of us. We take things for granted. Just like we think that the maid at home or the security guard at work has to be at our beck and call. We do not even wish them back if they wish us “good morning” since we do not have the time for such small things in life.

We imagine that it was the duty of our parents to rear us up since they gave birth to us. They had to educate us and cater to all our needs and greeds since that is what they are meant for. We fail to realise that we may become parents some day and the cycle of life will take a full circle and tomorrow’s children may expect more than what we do today.

We love to ape the developed world almost in everything in life. We want the material comforts of life and best of infrastructure and facilities. But, we will not leave our home to be financially independent after we turn 18 as in the west. We will depend on our parents and leave home only when we are comfortable to lead life independently, financially or we are forced to do so since we are transferred to a location away from where our parents live.

Our duties and obligations are like a one way street. We expect our parents and elders to support us in all ways possible till we are able to stand on our own feet. We think it is their duty and obligation. But, when we grow up and they are old, we wonder how we could support them with our minimal income and increasing cost of living. Our definition of duties and responsibilities are written only on one side of our book.

In Hinduism, we call it “Karma”. Life is a cycle. What goes around, come around. What we do today to others, will come around and hit us some day in our life. Even in organisational life, I have seen that the worst bosses, who treat their senior employees with disdain, end up as team members of worser bosses and sooner than later realise how important it is to be human to other colleagues.

Life is no different. We need to realise that “whatever we have achieved in our life is only because of the sacrifices of our parents, teachers and elders. We can afford to ignore them today after we have arrived in life, but life will teach us harsher lessons in the future as we also have to turn old some day.

Let us learn to take care of our parents and elders from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

18th March 2025

Dream + Action = Reality

We all love to dream for the best things to happen in our lives. As kids, we dream about ,what we want to become in life. As we turn teenagers, we dream for more material things, for our comforts. Then, as adults we want the best of cars and our own home to live in. I think, it is human to dream and all of us ,love to do it.

There is nothing wrong to dream. Even the visionaries in life or in corporates ,dream of where they want ,to take their organisations. Then they work on ,how to convert those dreams into reality. The problem with most of us is that ,we dream and we allow it ,to remain a dream. Even before realising a dream, we start dreaming about the next and they become like the gas balloons we played ,during our childhood.

I recall my childhood when I was playing with a gas baloon, my parents had bought me, to play with. As the baloon went higher in the sky, I was over joyed at the bouyancy of the baloon. But very soon, the thread tied to the baloon, got cut and it flew away. I ran after it for a few kilometers, till it disappeared into the cloudy sky.

Dreaming for most of us , is like the gas baloon. We keep buying more gas baloons and let them off in the air and it disappears. We need to realise that dreaming could be the first step for success in life but it is by no stretch of imagination, the last step.

The difference between “Dream”& “Reality” is “Action”. If we have to put it in the form of a formula , it would be – Dream + Action = Reality. If we do not act on our dream, they would remain dreams forever. It is almost like the new year resolutions for many of us. We resolve to lose 10 kgs in six months. We plan to jog or walk for 5 kms every day. But, as winter sets in, we dream more ,by sleeping more rather than walking or jogging , as we had planned. So, our goal of reducing weight remains a dream.

Even in corporates, many employees make grandiose plans and set goals to achieve them. But, if there is no systematic planning, action steps and tracking mechanism to measure progress, the plans remain on paper and have to be reviewed every quarter and may be become the plan again ,for the next year.

Life is no different. Every dream has to be followed up with systematic planning, evolving actions ,measuring them to track progress and take corrective actions, in case our actions are not sufficient ,to achieve our desired goals.

A dream will remain a dream ,if there is no consequent action.

S Ramesh Shankar

18th March 2025