Leading by example

One of the questions often asked in my career is -“What style of leadership will make you a successful leader ?. The answer is simple. Lead by example as your followers follow what you do and not what you say. This is true in family, organisations or in society at large.

Let us understand how we can lead by example in a family setting. Many parents think that because of their age gap, children may listen to whatever they say. This may be true up to the age of 10 or so but thereafter as they turn an adolescent they tend to rebel and are not interested in following your boring advice day in and night out.

Let us keep it simple. If we want our kids to brush their teeth before they have their morning cup of milk, coffee or tea, we need to practise it. If we have a bed coffee without brushing our teeth in our bed and expect our children to brush their teeth before they have it, it may never happen.

If we work or play with our mobile while having our breakfast, our children may never eat breakfast without a mobile in hand. If we watch TV while having our food, they are likely to do the same. On the other hand, if we want them to be away from mobile while having food or while studying, we need to practise it before we preach.

Then while we are driving, if we speak on the mobile for work or otherwise, our children observe our actions and repeat the same when their turn comes. No lecture on road safety can be given to a child whose parents do not practise it on the road.

If we move to the organisation again, our actions will always speak louder than our words. If we want our team members to be punctual to work, we need to arrive before time and show them what we expect. If we want them to attend meetings on time, we need to start and end meetings on time. If we want them to respond to emails promptly, we have to first reply to all our emails instantly. If we expect impeccable behaviour with our colleagues, suppliers or customers , then the way we deal with these stakeholders, sets the role model for them.

Society is a mirror image of families and organisations as social units. We can expect citizens to be law abiding and dutiful ,if we practise it within our families and organisations. Even the politicians with high personal credibility will always be respected and regarded and not otherwise. Even if we look back at history, the leaders we admired are those who always led by example and not because of their oratory skills or execution skills alone.

Let us not complicate a simple subject like “Leadership”. We do not need books or lectures to understand leadership. It is as simple as “Learning by doing”. If we practise before we preach, we may never need to preach to anybody. One can recall teachers, managers and family members whom we adore. We admire them not because they ordered us what to do, but they always showed us what to do and how to do it and we happily followed them.

Let us lead by example from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

30th March 2023

 

The power of positive thinking

I am a born optimist and think of life as full of possibilities. Every day I wake up to think there is something good likely to happen to me today. I have looked at every challenge in life as an opportunity to learn and grow. This does not mean that I have not faced any difficulties in life. It only means that if you are willing to face life as it is rather than as you want it to be, anything is possible.

I have come across people in my every day life, who will crib at everything around them. If it is a bright and sunny day, they will complain about how hot it is. If it rains, they will say their day is spoilt as the weather has dampened their spirits. If it is cold, they will still complain stating they cannot go out shopping. So any weather does not make them cheer.

On the other hand, I have met people who not only look at life as full of possibilities but also look at everyone around as their enablers in life. If it rains, they will dance in the rain. If it is warm and sunny, they will go sun bathing and if it is a chill winter morning, they will jog in the forest to admire nature in its full glory.

One has always a choice in life in everything we do. If we want to crib, we can invent reasons to do so. But, if we want to be happy, we can find reasons to be joyous always. It is up to us to adapt to every situation in life. It is our attitude to life, which makes it what it is and not the other way around.

Some people have asked me as to what benefit one gets by being optimistic in life. Further, they ask how one can be positive when you go through the toughest challenges of life. The power of positivity has to be experienced to be believed. The best way to deal with any challenge is to think positive. If we have lost a job but have full faith in our capabilities, we may like to believe that something better is in store for us.

Every challenge in life is an opportunity. It is up to us to live life the way we want to. If we want to crib, we can till our last breath. On the other hand, if you want to enjoy life and be positive, nothing prevents us from doing so. It is like while walking one day morning, I wished my neighbour – “Good morning” and he responded by asking – “ What is good about the morning ?. I smiled at him and said that for me everything about the morning is good – the clear blue sky, the chirping of the birds, the pleasant morning chill and the smile of the kids running to catch the school bus.

Let us choose the way we want to live. Think positive.

S Ramesh Shankar

28th March 2023

The puzzle called “Life”

I was listening to an old hindi song today evening and it touched my heart. The lyrics says -“ I am not angry with you “Life”, “I am baffled”. As I listened to this song and many incidents of my life mirrored before me and I was reflective in thoughts.

India was always proud of family as a social institution. Our epics taught us to treat Mother as God, Father as God, Teacher as God and Guests as God”. Today we are keen to run away from our parents in search of our goals in life. I would not say anything wrong in finding your own meaning in life. But to forget your living parents and putting them in old age homes may not be the best way to repay our debts to them. Many children think that if they send money and put them in elder care centres they have done their duties.

Imagine as young kids if our parents had put us in boarding pre-schools and led their own lives how our life would have been. They never let us go anywhere. They sacrificed their lives for our welfare. They missed their meals sometimes to keep us well fed and healthy. They sacrificed their families and career to ensure the best of academics and overall growth for us.

Today when I have grown up and am well set in life, I am happy that I am financially independent and can support them. We do not realise that they are not necessarily looking for our financial support. They are looking for love, affection and care. If we are in any trouble even today, they will still be the first to come to our rescue. But in spite of this, we think that they need to take care of themselves and we are happy supporting them only through money or an occasional call. It could be just a video call from a distant land.

I want to share two stories of close friends in my circle. In the first case, the mother of my friend is suffering from a life threatening disease. She is being treated in a hospital in Bangalore and my friend and his sister live in Europe while his parents live in Bangalore. His mother is being treated and taken care by his father. Their son and daughter could not visit them during Covid, which one can understand. But, the fact that they have not visited them even after Covid is not preventing international travel, baffles me.

The second incident is of my friend, who had a kidney failure and was admitted in Mumbai. He had two sons and both are well educated and settled abroad. My friend was being treated and supported by his spouse since 2020. His sons could not visit him due to Covid but did not get leave or time even after that. One of the sons came to visit him this year when this friend was admitted for a by pass surgery and died subsequently. Now his mother is not interested in going with either of her sons as she feels that when they did not have time to take care of their ailing father, they need not waste their time in looking after a healthy mother.

Life comes a full circle. We may think money can buy everything in life . But Covid taught us we cannot. Money cannot buy peace, health or happiness. We may get away by ignoring our parents or elders who gave us everything of their prime lives to make us what we are today but we have forgotten those days. We may be quantifying their contributions in monetary terms and may be trying to pay back.

Tomorrow when we grow old and our children walk away, wisdom may dawn us or it may not. But life will not be same again. Our parents will live only in photo frames and not in flesh and blood. We may not be able to cry for all that we could not do for them. They lived life on their own terms and left us with zero debts in spite of all their struggles of life. We may be affluent in money terms but the emotional debts may go with us to our graves.

I sometimes wonder why life is so cruel on us. It impacts people who are always serving others. A classic example is that of a leading playback singer who was singing songs on demand from those suffering from covid to make them cheerful. The irony is that he was infected with covid and succumbed to it in a hospital. Can life be more cruel than that ?

Let us learn from our epics and remember to respect and care for all elders and friends who made us what we are today. We need to remember that tomorrow becomes an yesterday for all of us and we may get back what we do for others today.

Is it time to reflect ?

S Ramesh Shankar

25th March 2023