Fear versus Courage

We all are afraid of some things in life. On the other hand, we are courageous to take up other things in life. What causes fear and what promotes courage may be worthwhile to explore ?

If we recall our childhood, many of us are courageous ,in front of our grand parents but scared of our parents. Some teachers do not instil fear in us, while others do. Some managers give us all the freedom, while others terrorise us.

Now, we need to understand, what causes fear ? Parents who have grown up in a closed environment, where their parents believed fear was the best tool to instil discipline in children, practise and perpetuate the same.

Similarly some teachers believe that creating an open environment in the classroom ,could challenge their own positions. They may even be worried about their knowledge or skills being tested ,as they are scared of not knowing the answer or accepting lack of knowledge. The best teachers learn from their students ,as much as they teach them.

At the workplace, insecure managers and leaders ,can manage their teams ,only by creating fear in the minds of their team members. An inspiring leader ,will not be afraid to accept mistakes or be challenged on anything they say or do.

Fear is negative in all its forms, whereas courage is positive. If we create fear as parents, teachers or leaders, it reflects more on own insecurity rather than on our ability to manage our people.

Now, the question is “How do we eliminate fear ,in the environment we operate ? . It is by promoting curiosity and being accessible to your people. We need not know ,all the answers. We could take time to respond or sometimes even accept our lack of knowledge. Our teams respect us ,for how we treat them ,rather than who we are.

Fear could create a short term feeling ,that we are in command. But, the reality is that, it erodes our credibility in the long term. On the other hand, creating a friendly and open environment and encouraging our people to be courageous ,can enable us ,to be loved as leaders.

If we look around us in our own lives, we may realise that the best people we admire in our lives – be it relatives, friends, family or in the organisation or community around us ,are the people, who have encouraged us to lead a courageous life.

They have not instilled fear in us ,by their actions or deeds. On the other hand, they have promoted an environment of openness around us, which enables us to be courageous and make the right decisions in life. Even, if we make mistakes sometimes, it encourages us to accept our errors and learn from them.

We need to realise that “fear” is regressive, while instilling “courage” is progressive.

Let the journey begin today.

S Ramesh Shankar

7th April 2024

 

Confidence versus Intimidation

A question often asked by youngsters is as to “ Where to draw the line between confidence and intimidation ?”. Where does confidence end and intimidation begin. Some people think that I am intimidating although I am just confident of what I am saying or doing.

We need to realise, that just like our fundamental rights in our constitution, everything comes with a rider. A fundamental right of speech does not mean that I can stand on top of a hill and abuse all the people around me, in a park.

Similarly, when we speak or do something in life, we have to exude confidence. This confidence comes from our practise. But, this does not mean that we do it in such a way ,that it makes people around us feel uncomfortable.

It is like a sportsperson playing with confidence. If a bowler ,bowls with confidence, her ball should do the talking and not her mouth. When the mouth does the talking it is called intimidation and when the ball does the talking and she takes a lot of wickets, it is called confidence.

In a group discussion, if a participant actively listens to others and speaks only when he has to make a point, it is called confidence. When the speaker speaks even when others are speaking ,just to dominate the discussion, it is called intimidation.

Everyone says that we know the difference between confidence and intimidation ,but how do we remember, in reality. This is also very simple. If we go to the gym everyday, we know ,when to start and when to stop. The day we cross our limits, we may either sprain ourselves or injure our ligaments.

Similarly, in life, we know when we intimidate others and when we are dealing with confidence. If we have a doubt in our minds, the simplest technique ,is to ask the people around us. It could be our family members or friends or colleagues. They can easily spot the difference and guide us.

If you drive a car with confidence, you end up safely to your destination. If you intimidate others while driving, to show off your style , there is a good possibility that you could meet with an accident or injure others on the way.

Life teaches us everyday ,in every way. We refuse to listen to our inner voice or the voice of others, around us. The day we listen, we change. If people around us love us, we are confident, if they hate our presence, we are intimidating.

The line between the two ,may be thin sometimes but we need to learn from the mistakes we do. If we cannot learn by ourselves, we can learn from others around us.

Let us exude confidence from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

4th April 2024

Realities of life

A friend send me the following quote today :

“Life is ironic. It takes sadness to know what happiness is, noise to appreciate silence, and absence to value presence.”

I found it very insightful and recollected many life instances, which I could recall. Let me share three incidents of my own life, which made me realise the value of this quote in real life.

The first incident was when I started my career in 1981. I joined a leading public sector for my first job. Within a year of my starting my career, I lost my mother to a heart disease called tachycardia. I was 23 and she was just 54. Within two years, I lost my father at the age of 25 due to a kidney failure. This shattered my life and I was drowned in grief.

After a year, I recovered from the shock and my career took off. I was blessed with a daughter and a son within 5 years of my marriage and was happy both at career and in life. The sadness of losing both my parents at a young age made me realise the value of family – spouse, children and siblings and I am ever grateful for that.

I understood that God makes you realise the value of happiness through your ability to deal with grief in life and bounce back. Sometimes we are told ,that we cannot value joy unless you have experienced sorrow.

All through my career I lived in metros or towns ,around the country. I got used to the noise all around me. Whether it was the traffic around us or the chit chat of people living or working around. One day I visited a hill resort and lived in a room facing the forest. The only sound I could hear was that of the birds chirping or the leaves of the trees, fluttering in the wind. Similarly on another occasion, I lived on a river bank for a few days. I could hear the sound of the river and the aquatic animals.

We get so used to the noise around us, in the cities ,that we are not privileged to hear ,the sounds of nature. Thus our mind and heart is polluted with the noise around us ,rather than listening to the inner voice within us. We need to experience noise ,to understand the true value of silence.

Another realisation through my life experiences is that ,we do not value people who are around us, all the time. When we lose some people, we realise their value and start missing them ,in our lives. In my case, it could be my parents, whom I lost at an early age and I miss them all the time ,since I lost them early. However, there could be many ,who do not value the presence of parents or siblings, because they are around. The day they leave this world ,they may possibly value them more.

The question to ask ourselves is ,why do we not value people, when they are around. What makes us miss people, when they are no more with us.

Every incident in our life is a great learning. If we are willing to learn from our mistakes, life could be more valuable and insightful to us.

Let the journey of self discovery begin today.

S Ramesh Shankar

6th March 2024.