Category: Life & Living

The choice is within us

“ The demon is always within. The goddess is always within. The battle too, is always within. And so is the triumph of one, over the other. Which one, over which one ? That choice is also, somehow always within. “

I may call it the “dilemma of life”. The above quote simplifies for us, the answers to all our doubts in life. Many a time ,when we are struggling to find out what is right and what wrong, we tend to look outside for the answers. But the truth is that ,the answer also lies within us. We sometimes choose the right one and at other times ,the wrong one. But, we may not always take the responsibility, for the consequences.

Let us take the first choice ,most of us make. It may be the academic path ,we choose to pursue. We have a world of information today ,in front of us. We have parents, teachers, friends and well wishers to guide us ,all the way. After considering all that, we make a choice. If it goes well, we are happy but it we fail, we are looking for whom to blame ,for the same.

Next, we choose a career path. After our academics, we are at liberty to choose what we want to do in life. We could pursue a corporate career or an enterprunial one. Either way, we have a lot of resources ,to guide us ,before we take the plunge. Let us assume, we take the plunge to pursue a corporate career and do not do well. We then try to blame someone, and say we were keen to pursue our own business.

Now that we are done with academics and our chosen career path, we are all set to choose our life partner. We have a choice to choose our partner ourselves or let others choose the partner for us. Either way we are not comfortable. When we finally choose, we may again take credit for a a decision ,someone else may have taken.

Life is full of choices. We have a plethora of information to make our choices. We may make some good decisions and at other times, we may falter. But the responsibility of the decision has to always lie with us, irrespective of the outcome of the decision.

Let me illustrate this ,with an example of a sport. When a captain and a coach take a decision on behalf of the team, they have a lot of experience and background information ,to take a decision to bat or field ,in a cricket match. Today ,data analytics ,enables objective decision making. However with all this information , they could go wrong. They could be right or wrong ,at the end of the match. Either way, they have to own up the decision.

Similarly in our life match, we are the captain and the coach – two in one. We too have a wealth of information today ,to make decisions in life. But irrespective of the outcome of our decision, we have to own up the same. We cannot blame the source of our information or others, who may have influenced our decision for the same, if it goes wrong.

To conclude, we may say that the good and the bad, is within us. What we choose ,is also within us. Once we choose, what we choose,to take responsibility for the consequences of that decision, is also within us only.

Let us take responsibility for all our decisions and actions from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

1st July 2025

Everything is temporary in life

Same tree, different season. Remember, everything is temporary.

I love this picture. It made me realise that nothing is permanent in life. We are enthralled with some good happenings in life and we think that life is going to be happy forever. This may not happen. On the other hand, when we are confronted with some tragedies in life , we are heart broken and lose our self belief. It may shatter us and we may think that life is coming to a grinding halt.

The truth is that nothing is permanent in life. Everything is temporary and has an expiry date. It is almost like every product which we buy has an expiry date and cannot be used ,after that date. Similarly, joy or sorrow, is ephemeral. Nothing lasts forever.

I can narrate a lot of incidents and share how it impacted me. I almost believed that Life has come to a dead end. I lost belief in God and in myself. But then ,over time, I realised that everything is temporary in life.

Just as the leaves are shredded by the tree during autumn and they get them back during spring, so is joy and sorrow. They possibly alternate in our lives to keep us grounded ,always. We may fly in the sky with some happy news and drown in the oceans ,when we are burdened by tragedies. But, life teaches us that all these are cyclic and do not last forever.

Let me illustrate this with a few real life experiences – both in my personal life and work. Let me start with my life. I lost both my parents at an early age. Lost my mother at 23 and father at 25. I had just started my career and felt as if I was pushed below the lowest bed of the Indian Ocean. However, after a few years, life experiences made me stronger, more self dependant and grateful to my parents, for whatever they did, to make me what I am today.

Similarly, at the workplace, I lost a promotion at an early stage in my career. I thought I was doing well at work and was recognised regularly for my contributions. But, when I was superseded in by a junior, I felt humiliated and felt as if it was the end of my career. However, the reality is that ,this propelled me to take up challenging career moves and thus made me realise my career dreams successfully.

I have also met many people in my life, who have gained and lost in many ways. When you gain something, you tend to feel elated and when you lose, you are down under. However, if and when, you realise that nothing is going to last forever, it gives you the resilience, to get over both, with ease.

It may be easier to write about it ,rather than experience in real life. However, having experienced it in many ways in my life, I can confidently state ,that it is the truth of life. The sooner we realise this, the better it is, for our well being. Nothing will last forever. No storm or earthquake lasts forever. They come and go. Life is no different.

Let us learn to accept ,that everything is temporary in life ,from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

8th June 2025

Understanding your mother

I am a proud Hindu and consider Hinduism ,as one of the most liberal religions in the world. Hinduism gives me the liberty and space, to practise the religion the way I want to ,and I love that. I have never been a great believer, in many of the rituals of Hinduism.

However, of late, as I experienced some of the rituals, I realise the value of each of them. I was recently on a pilgrimage to Rameshwaram, Varnasi, Prayagraj and Gaya to perform Shradh ( death rituals) of my parents, who died almost four decades back. This is a ritual, which is performed by children for their parents and forefathers ,at least once in their life time and is considered sacrosanct.

The belief is that, if you perform this ritual ,your parents and forefathers will be liberated from the cycle of life and death and will attain moksha (or we may salvation) for themselves. I performed this ritual with my spouse, with sincere devotion and completed it, over three weeks, in the month of March.

While I was performing this ritual in Gaya, which is one of the holy places, where you perform this ritual, the Pandit ( learned guru) explained to us ,why we need to be grateful to our mothers ,in our lives. He explained the whole cycle of life right from conception in the womb of our mothers till our life time, He also explained how our mothers sacrifice everything to make us live and be prosperous.

The day the mother learns about conception and it is confirmed, she is joyous about impending birth of her child. But , she experiences physical and emotional distress. She may have nausea, vomiting, sleeplessness and a lot of other known and unknown physical distresses, which needs to be experienced ,to be understood.

Then in the first trimester of pregnancy, while the mother is taken care of by her parents and family, with nutritious food and care , she sacrifices her sleep, her physical and emotional health ,for the welfare of the child. She may give up her career, her sleep, her food habits, her hobbies and many other good things in her life ,for the good of her child in the stomach.

The second trimester the child grows in the womb and the mother being inexperienced ,has to take extra care ,not to hurt the child physically or emotionally. She is willing to sacrifice a lot of life’s pleasures, to rear the child in her womb and ensure a healthy delivery.

The final trimester may be as challenging ,as the first two. The mother feels the motions of the child inside her, at odd hours. She wakes up in the middle of the night and sits down, so as to allow the child to sleep peacefully. She may listen to music or even sing to keep the child calm and undisturbed.

Then the delivery happens and the first five years ,are still a big struggle for the mother and father ,to take care of the child. The father supports the mother to take care of the child ,but the pains and tribulations of the mother, has to be experienced to be believed.

If we look back, many of us ,may take our parents for granted and especially our mother. We are not aware of the unlimited sacrifices they make, for our well being. This ritual brought tears to my eyes ,as the Pandit narrated all the sacrifices of the mother ,in great details.

I bow in gratitude to my mother and salute all the mothers, who have sacrificed so much ,for their children. I have seen my sisters, my spouse and even my daughter , go through this phase of motherhood.

Let us learn to grateful to our mothers and commit to take care of them, right through our lives.

S Ramesh Shankar

31st May 2025