Everything in life cannot be outsourced. While we live in a world today, where people think everything can be outsourced, it may not be necessarily true. A mother cannot outsource loving her child. While it may be scientifically possible to have surrogate mothers to deliver your child but the love between a mother and child cannot be delegated.

Today’s generation is truly a world workforce and they are willing to cross oceans to pursue their careers or interests. This is indeed a great development and good for the world order. In the past, people were scared of moving beyond their home town and then their state or country. But, now the world is the market place for people to thrive in whatever they are passionate about.

While this is a positive development, there is an increasing mindset to believe that anything and everything in this world can be bought for money. This may not be true and indeed there are many soft aspects of life which cannot be outsourced or bought with money.

One cannot buy health or happiness anywhere in the world. You may be the richest person in the world but if you fall sick, the best of doctors can do their best but ultimately there is a divine force who determines your destiny.

Similarly, you could buy everything in the world with money but you cannot buy love or care. A mother cannot outsource loving her children. Nor children can outsource taking care of their parents.

With increasing materialisation of the world, people have started believing that everything can be outsourced or bought with money. This is not true. When you are sick and lying on a hospital bed in any part of the world, you think of your family and friends and pray they were with you at that time of distress.

Parents today are generally financially independent. They can take care of their physical needs with their savings. There are care givers to take of their health. However, they cannot buy happiness or insource their joy with their grandkids.

Similarly, children may think that they are financially supporting their parents and taking care of them. Buying a house, car or insurance is not loving your parents. Imagine the hours parents spent with you as kids answering your stupid questions with all patience you need. Today, they are looking to sit and talk to you. They are not happy with video calls or yearly visits to enquire about their wellness.

The Indian culture has taught us that we need to treat “Mother as God, “Father as God”, “Teacher as God” and “Guest as God”. But , we seem to imagine that “Money is God” and it can take care of everything in life. While money can buy material things in life, it cannot cure us of all physical and mental illnesses. It cannot provide us happiness. It cannot give us love when we are desperately in need of it.

We need to realise that everything in life cannot be outsourced or bought. We cannot buy our parents nor outsource loving and caring for them. We can buy the best house, the latest car or even take them to the most exotic destinations with money but that may not necessarily make them happy as they are not looking for those in old age.

The elders look for love and care. They want someone to sit and listen to them. They want their children to be with them and visit them often. They want to play with their grand children. If this realisation does not dawn on us today, it may some day but then it may be too late. After all, everyone has an expiry date and after that, it may be of no use to regret since we can never rewind life.

Let us learn this basic tenet of life. Loving and caring is human and can never be outsourced. Neither Artificial intelligence nor any technology of the world in the future can take over these responsibilities from human kind. We also need to realise that life is a full circle and there will be a tomorrow when our own children will do the same to us.

Let us learn to love and care for those who have made us what we are today before it is too late.

S Ramesh Shankar

18th May 2023

 

I have been married for almost four decades now. I married a college mate of mine, who was one year junior to me. She was a gold medalist in the university and had joined a leading de-addiction centre in Chennai as a counsellor, after passing out from college.

She quit her job after we got married as she had to move from Chennai to Bhilai, where I was working. This was her first sacrifice. A person who was academically brilliant but could not pursue her career of choice since she got married to a person, who was working in another city and put her spouse’s career ahead of her own self.

This choice was by mutual consent and we did not feel bad about it. We then had children and she qualified the Natioinal Eligibility Test (NET) in the first attempt and joined as an assistant professor in college. She continued for some time and then again quit her career, to take care of our two growing up kids.

We moved across cities, as I lived and worked across the country, in pursuit of my career. After supporting me and my family for almost four decades, we decided to settle down in Bangalore.

All through my career, my spouse supported me and my family to live a cosy life and also reared our children to be self dependant adults whilst I was busy pursuing my career goals.

She did continue to write, read and travel, which are her passions in life. She also learnt languages and some art and crafts apart from participating in music and dance, which she could pursue ,some times.

She selflessly sacrificed her career and passions to support me in my career and also support my kids to grow up as good human beings. While we have supported each other in all our pursuits, I realise that post retirement from my active career, it is payback time for me.

We returned to Bangalore and settled down. She pursues her hobbies including gardening. She also continues to write and travel along with me to places around the country and the world.

We walk together every day for more than three decades and do yoga for more than a decade. However, now her health is fragile with her knees becoming weak perhaps because of all the burden she bore for all of us over the last four decades.

Now, it is my time to pay back. I need to manage the family and take care of day to day chores, to the best of my ability. Although, she continues to manage most of the home affairs, I realise that I have a bigger role to play today.

My children have got married and have flown away from the nest to pursue their own careers. They have responsibilities to take care of their own families. Today, I pursue my hobbies of reading, writing, travelling, coaching, driving and consulting and hence I can manage my own time ,as per my plans.

My goal in life is to give to back to society, in the best ways I can. Apart from that, I have take to care of my spouse and her health and payback for all that she sacrificed for us right through our life.

I realise today ,that it is never too late to give back in life to all the people who have made you successful and happy in life. Of all the people who have supported me in my life, my spouse has been the biggest contributor . so its time for me to payback to her.

It is never too late to payback in life.

S Ramesh Shankar

3rd May 2023

One of the biggest challenges in the world today is to take care of old and bed ridden family members. With many children moving out of their native countries for better career opportunities, the old and ailing members of the family are left alone to take care of themselves.

I have witnessed spouses taking care of one another without taking help from any professional agency. I salute the family members, who serve the elderly selflessly, as they realise that some day they could be old too and someone will take care of them.

However, when I recently attended a webinar on “elder care” I realised that taking care of the “care-giver” is possibly more important in society than even the person being taken care of. Imagine a dementia patient at home being taken care by a family member. The care giver may be providing selfless service in the true spirit of humanity.

But I realised after attending this webinar that the stress and strain, which a care giver goes through is possibly as much if not more than the person in distress. This tells us that we possibly do not realise the adverse impact of the patient on the care giver. We need to care for the care giver as much as he or she cares for the person in distress.

Let us examine this with a simple case. A senior citizen in a home is suffering from demnitia. The wife of the person is taking care of him day in and night out with the support of house helpers. The spouse is all alone as the kids have already left the nest for better pastures in life. So, apart from taking care of the dementia of her husband, she is managing the home affairs on a day to day basis and also bearing the stress of the reactions of the patient and its consequences. This could lead to physical and psychological stress on the spouse.

We may not realise this stress unless we experience it. A person from outside the family may be empathetic to the patient but may not realise the stress and strain the care giver is undergoing in taking care of the patient. Sometimes the impact could be irreversible and long lasting. Hence, it is important to take care of the care giver as much if not more than the patient.

Let us understand the stress the care giver goes through while taking care of a patient. They are physically and mentally exhausted. Sometimes, they may be skipping their meals to be around the patient and take care of them. This could lead to physical and mental health issues.

The psychological impact the patient may have on the care giver is also unimaginable. They may absorb all the stress of the patient onto themselves. This could lead to physical or psychological disorders, which may be visible or may be latent. It may explode at a later date if not take care of.

Thus, I realise the care for the “Care giver” is as important as the care for the patient. Let us all strive to enable the care givers to be supported as much as the people in our family or friends circle in distress and needing help and support.

Let us care for the “Care giver”.

S Ramesh Shankar

1st May 2023