We all love to talk rather than listen. We want everyone around us to listen to us while we talk. But, we do not care to listen to others when they talk. We want others to be empathic to us all the time but we will not do the same.

Empathy is the art of putting oneself ,in the shoes of others. If we are able to do that ,we know where the shoe pinches. In our everyday life we have full of advices for others. Many a time, we are not bothered if we appreciate the other person’s position before we give advice.

This is true in our personal and professional lives. We advise our children to do things ,which we dreaded doing. We expect the impossible from our children in academics, sports or even in cultural events ,while we may have been an average student and never participated in them.

In the work environment, leaders are not different. They will demand from their team what they have never done. It is like a coach telling a player ,to try something, which he himself would have never practised. Such leaders have no credibility. They survive ,only by wielding their power and position .once that disappears, nobody respects them in their team.

Life is no different. We expect from others ,what we do not practise. We seldom put ourselves in the position of someone ,before we demand anything from them. This makes us hollow human beings. Neither the family nor the society will ever respect us ,for the same.

However, one may sometimes wonder as to “ Why people do it repeatedly although they are aware of it ? This may be because of our ego or because of our position in the family, organisation or society. People do not realise ,that others value the person and not the position. There may be a wrong belief that people respect position but the reality hits us ,only when the person vacates that position.

We may need to practise before we preach. We need to empathise and not sympathise with others ,before we demand anything. Our ability to see the world through the eyes and ears of others ,may help us be grounded and not float in the air. Our credibility as a human being and as a leader ,in any social context, goes up when we live the values we preach.

It may be time to look at the mirror before we look at others. It may be time to look before we leap. Our ability to experience the world through the prism of others will make us better human beings.

The day we realise that the life of others is different from us and we need to experience their worldview before we impose our worldview, our life will be different. Our eyes may open to a new world which we may not have experienced before.

Let us learn to change ourselves before we attempt to change the world.

S Ramesh shankar

15th February 2023

The quest for happiness in life is an unending journey for most of us. We tend to spend our lifetime trying to understand “What makes us happy in life?”. Some of us may end up searching for this answer to our own graveyards.

I neither have an an answer for everyone nor do I think there can be an universal answer to one of life’s most important questions. However, one of the things which may give happiness to almost everyone is becoming happy by making others happy.

Someone asked me if I am hungry, how can I feed others ? Yes, it is true that with an empty stomach, one may not be able to feed others. However, by sharing our food with others we may have our stomach half full but may be in a position to make someone happy. It is this attitude, which may make all the difference ,to our lives.

I have learnt after many struggles in my life that “happiness is not dependant on material wealth in life. Happiness is an attitude to life. We see in our everyday life that poor people who may not be sure of their next meal are happier than the wealthy businessmen who are struggling to save income tax by juggling financial accounts.

The poor tend to keep reasonably good health and have a good night’s sleep while many of the rich suffer from lifestyle diseases and spend more on hospitals and medicines than on their family and happiness. This leads us to the second secret of happiness and that is good health.

If we maintain good health through healthy habits of exercise and proper diet, we may lead a happier life than others. If we can help others become healthier through our company and our support, we may become happier than we are today. So, happiness could also be by making others ,healthier in life.

The third aspect of happiness could be contentment. Are we satisfied with what we have ? While there may not be anything wrong to be ambitious in life but to live in a state of discontent ,could lead to unhappiness always. If we compare ourselves to people who are less fortunate than us, we may be content. But our tendency is to compare with people who have more than us. The secret to happiness is not to compare at all. Life in absolute ,is always happier than in relativity.

The secret to happiness is our ability to make others happy. If we can share with others what we have, God may give us more than what we deserve. If we make others healthier, we may improve our own health and thus become happier. If we are happy with what we have, then happiness can never escape us.

Last but not the least is our ability to spread happiness. Do we make people happy or not ,when we are around ,is a good question to ask? If our presence makes others happy, happiness will always knock on our doors ,before it visits our neighbours.

Let us learn to be happy by spreading happiness in others lives.

S Ramesh Shankar

23rd January 2023

 

There are many things in life which go with the wind and we do not even realise it. I wanted to share a few of my personal experiences and wanted to check if it is true for you too.

The first experience I have is that of lending books to family or friends. People are very excited to borrow a book they like as they want to read it . You do not mind lending the same since sharing knowledge adds to yours. But the beauty of many of these books is that it never returns to your book shelf. They take it, may or may not read it but mostly forget to return it.

One common experience is with pens. People forget to get their pens and borrow it from others when they need them. However, they never remember to return after they use them. I have lost a few expensive pens in this process. Nowadays I use only throw away pens so that you don’t feel bad when not returned.

The next experience is with clothes. As your kids grow up and start wearing your clothes, you feel good that your clothes have started fitting them. My son generally ventures into my wardrobe to see which T shirt is new and loves to wear them. However, some of these clothes taken by friends or relatives never return to our wardrobe.  

My wife is to embroider/knit special clothes for children. Then she used to share with relatives or friends to be used for their children as our kids have grown up. While giving she would specifically state that it was a unique piece of garment she had embroidered and wanted it to be returned after use But it never returns and people forget about it.

This experience may even extend to gadgets. I remember once I lent my infra red heating lamp to a friend who was in severe back pain. She recovered and was very grateful for the help. However, even after a few reminders she did not return the same.

It could extend to things in the kitchen. You want to share some food with your neighbours and send it to them in tiffin boxes. The food is consumed and appreciated as well but the tiffin boxes never returns.

It may be our possessive nature and our emotional connect to material things which makes us feel bad to lose them. But more than that one feels that on the one hand you lent a helping hand to someone in need and in return you lose your possession.

I used to feel quite upset at such incidents in the past. I then glanced through an old quote , which read – “ If you love something set it free, if it belongs to you, it will come back, if it does not, it never was…”. It is then I realised that one has to consider that your possession was possibly never yours in the first place. Alternatively, the other person needs it more than you.

While this may be easy to write about, it is a difficult emotion to go through. The first time you lose a book you love, you almost decide to never lend books again. Same may be true for other things. But as you grow and mature, you are willing to let go of your possessions although reluctantly.

As we can see in the photo above, we take time to realise that the value of the pen we lose may be less than the relationship we may lose in the process.

I sometimes wonder why people do not return things they took from you in time. I assume they have no ill intentions. It either could be forgetfulness or their attitude to life. I did realise that I would get impacted by such incidences only when I get too attached. If I let go, may be this will easier to overcome.

Time to “let go” in life.

S Ramesh Shankar