One of the biggest challenges in the world today is to take care of old and bed ridden family members. With many children moving out of their native countries for better career opportunities, the old and ailing members of the family are left alone to take care of themselves.

I have witnessed spouses taking care of one another without taking help from any professional agency. I salute the family members, who serve the elderly selflessly, as they realise that some day they could be old too and someone will take care of them.

However, when I recently attended a webinar on “elder care” I realised that taking care of the “care-giver” is possibly more important in society than even the person being taken care of. Imagine a dementia patient at home being taken care by a family member. The care giver may be providing selfless service in the true spirit of humanity.

But I realised after attending this webinar that the stress and strain, which a care giver goes through is possibly as much if not more than the person in distress. This tells us that we possibly do not realise the adverse impact of the patient on the care giver. We need to care for the care giver as much as he or she cares for the person in distress.

Let us examine this with a simple case. A senior citizen in a home is suffering from demnitia. The wife of the person is taking care of him day in and night out with the support of house helpers. The spouse is all alone as the kids have already left the nest for better pastures in life. So, apart from taking care of the dementia of her husband, she is managing the home affairs on a day to day basis and also bearing the stress of the reactions of the patient and its consequences. This could lead to physical and psychological stress on the spouse.

We may not realise this stress unless we experience it. A person from outside the family may be empathetic to the patient but may not realise the stress and strain the care giver is undergoing in taking care of the patient. Sometimes the impact could be irreversible and long lasting. Hence, it is important to take care of the care giver as much if not more than the patient.

Let us understand the stress the care giver goes through while taking care of a patient. They are physically and mentally exhausted. Sometimes, they may be skipping their meals to be around the patient and take care of them. This could lead to physical and mental health issues.

The psychological impact the patient may have on the care giver is also unimaginable. They may absorb all the stress of the patient onto themselves. This could lead to physical or psychological disorders, which may be visible or may be latent. It may explode at a later date if not take care of.

Thus, I realise the care for the “Care giver” is as important as the care for the patient. Let us all strive to enable the care givers to be supported as much as the people in our family or friends circle in distress and needing help and support.

Let us care for the “Care giver”.

S Ramesh Shankar

1st May 2023

 

We all love to talk rather than listen. We want everyone around us to listen to us while we talk. But, we do not care to listen to others when they talk. We want others to be empathic to us all the time but we will not do the same.

Empathy is the art of putting oneself ,in the shoes of others. If we are able to do that ,we know where the shoe pinches. In our everyday life we have full of advices for others. Many a time, we are not bothered if we appreciate the other person’s position before we give advice.

This is true in our personal and professional lives. We advise our children to do things ,which we dreaded doing. We expect the impossible from our children in academics, sports or even in cultural events ,while we may have been an average student and never participated in them.

In the work environment, leaders are not different. They will demand from their team what they have never done. It is like a coach telling a player ,to try something, which he himself would have never practised. Such leaders have no credibility. They survive ,only by wielding their power and position .once that disappears, nobody respects them in their team.

Life is no different. We expect from others ,what we do not practise. We seldom put ourselves in the position of someone ,before we demand anything from them. This makes us hollow human beings. Neither the family nor the society will ever respect us ,for the same.

However, one may sometimes wonder as to “ Why people do it repeatedly although they are aware of it ? This may be because of our ego or because of our position in the family, organisation or society. People do not realise ,that others value the person and not the position. There may be a wrong belief that people respect position but the reality hits us ,only when the person vacates that position.

We may need to practise before we preach. We need to empathise and not sympathise with others ,before we demand anything. Our ability to see the world through the eyes and ears of others ,may help us be grounded and not float in the air. Our credibility as a human being and as a leader ,in any social context, goes up when we live the values we preach.

It may be time to look at the mirror before we look at others. It may be time to look before we leap. Our ability to experience the world through the prism of others will make us better human beings.

The day we realise that the life of others is different from us and we need to experience their worldview before we impose our worldview, our life will be different. Our eyes may open to a new world which we may not have experienced before.

Let us learn to change ourselves before we attempt to change the world.

S Ramesh shankar

15th February 2023

The quest for happiness in life is an unending journey for most of us. We tend to spend our lifetime trying to understand “What makes us happy in life?”. Some of us may end up searching for this answer to our own graveyards.

I neither have an an answer for everyone nor do I think there can be an universal answer to one of life’s most important questions. However, one of the things which may give happiness to almost everyone is becoming happy by making others happy.

Someone asked me if I am hungry, how can I feed others ? Yes, it is true that with an empty stomach, one may not be able to feed others. However, by sharing our food with others we may have our stomach half full but may be in a position to make someone happy. It is this attitude, which may make all the difference ,to our lives.

I have learnt after many struggles in my life that “happiness is not dependant on material wealth in life. Happiness is an attitude to life. We see in our everyday life that poor people who may not be sure of their next meal are happier than the wealthy businessmen who are struggling to save income tax by juggling financial accounts.

The poor tend to keep reasonably good health and have a good night’s sleep while many of the rich suffer from lifestyle diseases and spend more on hospitals and medicines than on their family and happiness. This leads us to the second secret of happiness and that is good health.

If we maintain good health through healthy habits of exercise and proper diet, we may lead a happier life than others. If we can help others become healthier through our company and our support, we may become happier than we are today. So, happiness could also be by making others ,healthier in life.

The third aspect of happiness could be contentment. Are we satisfied with what we have ? While there may not be anything wrong to be ambitious in life but to live in a state of discontent ,could lead to unhappiness always. If we compare ourselves to people who are less fortunate than us, we may be content. But our tendency is to compare with people who have more than us. The secret to happiness is not to compare at all. Life in absolute ,is always happier than in relativity.

The secret to happiness is our ability to make others happy. If we can share with others what we have, God may give us more than what we deserve. If we make others healthier, we may improve our own health and thus become happier. If we are happy with what we have, then happiness can never escape us.

Last but not the least is our ability to spread happiness. Do we make people happy or not ,when we are around ,is a good question to ask? If our presence makes others happy, happiness will always knock on our doors ,before it visits our neighbours.

Let us learn to be happy by spreading happiness in others lives.

S Ramesh Shankar

23rd January 2023