We all are afraid of some things in life. On the other hand, we are courageous to take up other things in life. What causes fear and what promotes courage may be worthwhile to explore ?

If we recall our childhood, many of us are courageous ,in front of our grand parents but scared of our parents. Some teachers do not instil fear in us, while others do. Some managers give us all the freedom, while others terrorise us.

Now, we need to understand, what causes fear ? Parents who have grown up in a closed environment, where their parents believed fear was the best tool to instil discipline in children, practise and perpetuate the same.

Similarly some teachers believe that creating an open environment in the classroom ,could challenge their own positions. They may even be worried about their knowledge or skills being tested ,as they are scared of not knowing the answer or accepting lack of knowledge. The best teachers learn from their students ,as much as they teach them.

At the workplace, insecure managers and leaders ,can manage their teams ,only by creating fear in the minds of their team members. An inspiring leader ,will not be afraid to accept mistakes or be challenged on anything they say or do.

Fear is negative in all its forms, whereas courage is positive. If we create fear as parents, teachers or leaders, it reflects more on own insecurity rather than on our ability to manage our people.

Now, the question is “How do we eliminate fear ,in the environment we operate ? . It is by promoting curiosity and being accessible to your people. We need not know ,all the answers. We could take time to respond or sometimes even accept our lack of knowledge. Our teams respect us ,for how we treat them ,rather than who we are.

Fear could create a short term feeling ,that we are in command. But, the reality is that, it erodes our credibility in the long term. On the other hand, creating a friendly and open environment and encouraging our people to be courageous ,can enable us ,to be loved as leaders.

If we look around us in our own lives, we may realise that the best people we admire in our lives – be it relatives, friends, family or in the organisation or community around us ,are the people, who have encouraged us to lead a courageous life.

They have not instilled fear in us ,by their actions or deeds. On the other hand, they have promoted an environment of openness around us, which enables us to be courageous and make the right decisions in life. Even, if we make mistakes sometimes, it encourages us to accept our errors and learn from them.

We need to realise that “fear” is regressive, while instilling “courage” is progressive.

Let the journey begin today.

S Ramesh Shankar

7th April 2024

 

We come across people of various types reacting to the same situation differently. Some are anxious all the time in most situations while others are calm and cool like a cucumber even in a crisis situation.

If we need to understand how the same situation can trigger different behaviours in individuals, we need to put ourselves in their position. our behaviour ,is a response to our beliefs and values. It is based on how we perceive the situation ,around us.

I know a friend, who is a perfectionist and wants everything to be at its place, in the house or outside. He gets irritated ,if someone does not put things back in place ,after using it. On the other hand, another friend thrives in chaos. The more chaotic a situation is, the more effective she becomes.

We may have seen people reacting differently, to the same situation. Let me illustrate this ,with a few examples. I recall ,we had a union leader in one of the organisations I worked in, who always came to meet me with a bunch of his supporters and behaved in a rude manner.

I was young and used to get irritated, till the day I met the same union leader, in the presence of one his seniors. The senior admonished this leader and told him that, if he comes with a few of his supporters, the management will think that ,only that many are his followers. Further, rude behaviour will invite rebuke and hence calmness may be more effective and yield better results.

Although, I should confess that this union leader did not change much in his behaviour, it was a great life lesson for me from. Calmness is more effective than getting anxious ,in any situation. Calmness is to be nurtured and developed, while anxiousness may be a normal human reaction.

We need to believe that the environment is the same ,for all of us. The way we react to a situation ,is in our hands as we need to realise that we cannot change the circumstances we live in ,but definitely can mould the way we react to the same.

Sports and games provide great life lessons. We experience that teams which end up in the same situation ,win or lose based on the calmness of their leaders. When we get anxious, we lose control of ourselves and are swayed by the circumstances. This way we may end up in making silly mistakes and thereby lose control of our action.

On the other hand, successful leaders in life and work, are always calm and collected. They listen ,more than they speak. They are not adversely impacted by the environment. They thrive in any situation since they are cool and listen to everyone ,before they take any action.

Let us learn to be calm and get over all our anxieties in life.

S Ramesh Shankar

9th Feb 2024

 

Conflicts are an integral part of life. It could be within a family, with team members at the workplace or even between communities or nations. Conflicts basically arise when there is a misunderstanding or communication gap between two people or teams or even communities or nations.

I was reminded of a beautiful quote, I read long ago. It goes like this: “I know, you believe, you understand, what you think, I said. But I do not know whether you realise, that what you heard is not what I meant.”

The crux of the communication ,lies in the receiver getting the message in the same intent ,in which the sender intends, to give. However, there are a lot of barriers ,in between ,and this results in conflicts.

After spending my entire career in corporates ,working for multiple teams, I realise that one of the better ways of resolving a conflict, is to develop three basic skills ,in our lives :

A. Active Listening

B. Willingness to accept mistakes, and say sorry

C. Moving on

The first and most important skill ,one needs to develop ,is active listening. This may look simple, but in my view ,listening and that too active listening, is one of the most challenging skills to develop. Active listening would mean ,listening as if your whole world depends on, what the other person is about to say. We need to screen out ,all distractions and barriers ,and focus on what is being said ,so that there is no gap between ,what is communicated and what we listen.

The second skill is ,willingness to accept our mistakes. We generally believe ,that we do not make any mistakes and the whole world around us ,is erroneous ,most of the times. It may hugely benefit us ,if we are willing to subsume our egos and honestly and openly accept our mistakes. Every individual is internally aware ,when they have made a mistake. It is only our ego, which prevents us, from accepting our mistakes willingly. How do we learn to crush our egos and accept our mistakes ,unconditionally. Saying “sorry” would be the most difficult challenge in life ,always but if we are able to do it, most conflicts could get resolved ,even before we can imagine.

The third skill is ,our ability to move on in life. We tend to remember all the bad things of our life and easily forget the good things. It may help us immensely, if we are able to erase any incidents leading to conflicts and move on into the future. This requires a big heart but may be worth the effort. Life is definitely wholesome ,if we are willing to look into the future rather than worry about the past forever.

Apart from the above skills, we need to

A. Trust one another

B. Communicate authentically and openly

C. Be open to alternative solutions

Trust is earned by our actions and behaviour. It cannot be bought by money or the position we hold. People do not trust us because, we hold a position of power in family, society or even within an organisation. Trust is evolved by demonstrated action of the values, we preach others. Trust begets trust. If we trust others unconditionally, they would trust us too. But trust is lost at the first loss of faith ,due to a gap between what we say and do.

Communication is always the key ,in conflict resolution. In most situations, silence speaks louder than words. Each one expects the other person ,to take the initiative. It is here ,that we have to show magnanimity. Let us learn to bury our ego and take the first step to communicate. The more we communicate, the more we move towards solution of a problem. This supplemented by patience, and perseverance will yield us to the ultimate goal.

The last aspect is ,openness to alternative solutions. We tend to limit ourselves to our own thinking. Our mindset appears to be cast in stone, in most such situations of conflict. If we are willing to be open to alternative and innovative solutions to a problem, which could be at variance to our own thought processes, the solution could emerge faster ,than we think.

The key to conflict resolution is listening, accepting our mistakes and moving on. This when supplemented by mutual trust, authentic communication and openness to alternative options ,will resolve conflicts amicably always.

Let the journey of discovery start today

S Ramesh Shankar

7th Jan 2024