Life is all about relationships. It starts within the family and then extends to friends, relatives and colleagues at the workplace. We live and thrive based on our relationships and the quality of the same.

There are some relationships which happen not by our choice and others ,we get into. Our relationships in the family or relatives, is not determined by us. We do not choose which family we are to be born into and thereby determine our parents, siblings or relatives.

On the other hand, many of our relationships are self determined. We may choose our spouse and get married and thereby determine who our partner in life would be. We decide who our friends would be and which neighbourhood, we want to live in.

Similarly at the work place, we cannot decide who our manger would be or our colleagues at work place. The manager ,determines her team members and has the discretion to change them ,as per work needs.

So, the crucial question before us is – “are all relationships contractual ? Yes, we do sign contracts of employment and sometimes even in businesses with vendors and customers. Even then, the critical question is – “ are all relationships determined by contracts, contractual ?

Today, we tend to believe ,that most of our relationships are indeed contractual. We tend to believe that we work for an organisation based on the contract, we have signed for them. Our suppliers are bound to supply goods or services, based on the terms of the contract ,we have signed with them. Similarly, we are bound to supply goods or services to our customers ,as we are bound by the contract, we have agreed with them.

While it is true that all contracts in life ,are governed by laws of contracts of the place ,we have signed them in. However, the important lesson to remember in life is that, all relationships are not contractual ?

I would like to illustrate ,this invaluable lesson in life ,through some real life examples. A loyal employee will go beyond the call of duty to delight a customer. For example in an emergency, doctors may work much beyond their duty hours ,to save critical lives. Similarly, a supplier may supply goods and services ,even without receiving payments ,when the customer is in dire straits. This is not because, the contract says so ,but they value the relationship, which has been developed over the years ,with their customers.

We need to realise that all relationships are not contractual. We need to understand that ,as we invest and build a relationship, it grows much beyond the terms ,of any contract. Relationships are built, on an edifice of emotions and mutual commitment.

The day we realise that relationships are beyond contracts , we may have arrived. Let’s continue to build relationships, all around us. With great relationships, we can get anything in life and overcome any hurdle, without any difficulty.

Relationships are like the glue in life. We not only need to build them over the years ,but maintain and sustain them. We should consider building relationships, as a continual journey in life.

Relationship should never be a means to an end, it has to be an end in itself and unconditional always.

S Ramesh Shankar

1st Oct 2024

 

 

I was feeling a bit hurt by a few ungrateful acts of people in my network. I was wondering if “ingratitude” is a word in English. To my surprise, it is a valid word in English and means exactly how I felt today.

I could possibly share a few incidents in my life, which impacted me this way. The first was when I was supporting a student ,to pursue her graduate studies. This student completed her studies successfully ,but did not even bother to inform me ,when she got placed in a good job.

The second incident happened during my corporate career. An experienced professional working in my team ,was very sincere and committed to her job. However, when she got promoted, she could not deliver results and her performance was under scrutiny. I supported this individual and rotated her from one job to another and even changed her manager. This enabled her to bounce back .

This individual did not express any gratitude. On the contrary, she told some of her colleagues that I did not support her in her career. This impacted me as an individual and as a professional.

The third incident was from someone in my close circle, whom I had supported throughout my life. I have mentored him in his career and also supported him in his personal life. But he seems to have forgotten ,all that I have done , and is thankless.

The Bhagwat Gita tells us – “Do your duty without expecting anything in return ..”. This may be easier said than done. We are human and we do feel that, even though we may not help anyone expecting something in return, we do feel bad when such people forget all that we did for them or even ignore us.

Today ,I realise the value of the shlokas of Bhagwat Gita. I have resolved today , that I will continue to do my duty, without expecting anything in return.

When you do an act of good, it may be human to expect good ,in return. But this means, we are possibly doing it conditionally. Our ability to grow from conditionality to unconditionality, will possibly help us get over this feeling of ingratitude.

I would even go to the extent to say that ,as parents, we need to do our duties towards our own children without expecting anything in return. This will enable us to lead a selfless life and be unconditional, in all our relationships.

Today I visited four friends/relatives just to enquire about their health and well being. This unconditionality brought smiles to their lives and I was also happy ,from the bottom of my heart. I learnt that we are duty bound to serve friends and relatives, unconditionally.

God will take care of us and bless us with happy times and good health always. Let relationships have no conditions. Let us visit people and serve them unconditionally.

I realised ,that we are human and it may be difficult when you experience ingratitude from the people, whom you have supported. But, when you experience the joy of unconditionality in doing your duties to friends and relatives without expecting anything in return, you realise that it is worth the effort.

Let our journey of life be unconditional always.

S Ramesh Shankar

23rd June 2024

 

There is an old Sanskrit shloka, which states – “ Matru devo bhava, Pitru devo bhava, Acharya devo bhava and Athithi devo bhava.” It means treat your mother like God, treat your father like God, treat your teachers like God and treat your guests like God.

Today, we seem to have forgotten this verse, in letter and spirit. Our mother gives birth to us and sacrifices almost everything in her life including her career sometimes, to rear us, as good human beings. The love and affection of our mothers, mould us into compassionate and empathetic human beings.

Our father quietly takes care of the family and generally does more than what he expresses in words. He is there around for us ,whenever we need him. He is like the backbone for us, in life. His absence could make us distraught, although we may not truly value his presence, when he is around.

If we move to our teachers, they not only impart the best education for us but also mould our character by their words and deeds. We realise their value ,when we leave the precincts of the educational institutions. We value them more ,when we face tough challenges in life and they are around always, to guide us whenever and wherever ,we need their support.

Lastly, our epics teach us to treat our guests like God. We seem to have completely forgotten this, in our busy lives. A guest today ,needs to seek an appointment ,to visit us. Earlier, we visited friends or relatives without any intimation. Today, we cannot meet anyone including our relatives ,without prior appointment.

I am not sure ,if life has evolved this way or we have erased the good learning of our past and justify it ,by the busy life of today. This is evident from the fact that, not everyone around us ,has forgotten their parents, teachers or guests. It is only some of us, who claim to be busier than others , who behave this way.

If I have to reflect back, I would say ,the best way to be grateful to our parents ,would be to respect them unconditionally and take care of them, to the best of our abilities. We need to remember ,that our parents are not looking for any material support ,in most cases. They are yearning only for our love and affection.

The best way to respect our teachers ,would be to live their values, in our everyday lives. If we say and do things, which our teachers would be proud of hearing, we may make their day. Of course, visiting them whenever possible and enquiring about their health and welfare would be a great tribute ,to their contributions to our lives.

Lastly, how do we treat guests. A guest is called “athithi” in sanskrit. This literally means someone, on who comes without an appointment. We need to welcome guests unconditionally. We cannot have appointments for our siblings, friends or relatives. Just like, we cannot have our team members take appointments to meet us ,if we are their leaders ,working in organisations. It is believed ,that if we treat our guests like God, we could be blessed by the Almighty and some one else in our lives ,could also treat us that way.

Let us rediscover ourselves today and learn to respect parents, teachers and guests and be proud of our heritage.

S Ramesh Shankar

9th April 2024