I was feeling a bit hurt by a few ungrateful acts of people in my network. I was wondering if “ingratitude” is a word in English. To my surprise, it is a valid word in English and means exactly how I felt today.

I could possibly share a few incidents in my life, which impacted me this way. The first was when I was supporting a student ,to pursue her graduate studies. This student completed her studies successfully ,but did not even bother to inform me ,when she got placed in a good job.

The second incident happened during my corporate career. An experienced professional working in my team ,was very sincere and committed to her job. However, when she got promoted, she could not deliver results and her performance was under scrutiny. I supported this individual and rotated her from one job to another and even changed her manager. This enabled her to bounce back .

This individual did not express any gratitude. On the contrary, she told some of her colleagues that I did not support her in her career. This impacted me as an individual and as a professional.

The third incident was from someone in my close circle, whom I had supported throughout my life. I have mentored him in his career and also supported him in his personal life. But he seems to have forgotten ,all that I have done , and is thankless.

The Bhagwat Gita tells us – “Do your duty without expecting anything in return ..”. This may be easier said than done. We are human and we do feel that, even though we may not help anyone expecting something in return, we do feel bad when such people forget all that we did for them or even ignore us.

Today ,I realise the value of the shlokas of Bhagwat Gita. I have resolved today , that I will continue to do my duty, without expecting anything in return.

When you do an act of good, it may be human to expect good ,in return. But this means, we are possibly doing it conditionally. Our ability to grow from conditionality to unconditionality, will possibly help us get over this feeling of ingratitude.

I would even go to the extent to say that ,as parents, we need to do our duties towards our own children without expecting anything in return. This will enable us to lead a selfless life and be unconditional, in all our relationships.

Today I visited four friends/relatives just to enquire about their health and well being. This unconditionality brought smiles to their lives and I was also happy ,from the bottom of my heart. I learnt that we are duty bound to serve friends and relatives, unconditionally.

God will take care of us and bless us with happy times and good health always. Let relationships have no conditions. Let us visit people and serve them unconditionally.

I realised ,that we are human and it may be difficult when you experience ingratitude from the people, whom you have supported. But, when you experience the joy of unconditionality in doing your duties to friends and relatives without expecting anything in return, you realise that it is worth the effort.

Let our journey of life be unconditional always.

S Ramesh Shankar

23rd June 2024

 

There is an old Sanskrit shloka, which states – “ Matru devo bhava, Pitru devo bhava, Acharya devo bhava and Athithi devo bhava.” It means treat your mother like God, treat your father like God, treat your teachers like God and treat your guests like God.

Today, we seem to have forgotten this verse, in letter and spirit. Our mother gives birth to us and sacrifices almost everything in her life including her career sometimes, to rear us, as good human beings. The love and affection of our mothers, mould us into compassionate and empathetic human beings.

Our father quietly takes care of the family and generally does more than what he expresses in words. He is there around for us ,whenever we need him. He is like the backbone for us, in life. His absence could make us distraught, although we may not truly value his presence, when he is around.

If we move to our teachers, they not only impart the best education for us but also mould our character by their words and deeds. We realise their value ,when we leave the precincts of the educational institutions. We value them more ,when we face tough challenges in life and they are around always, to guide us whenever and wherever ,we need their support.

Lastly, our epics teach us to treat our guests like God. We seem to have completely forgotten this, in our busy lives. A guest today ,needs to seek an appointment ,to visit us. Earlier, we visited friends or relatives without any intimation. Today, we cannot meet anyone including our relatives ,without prior appointment.

I am not sure ,if life has evolved this way or we have erased the good learning of our past and justify it ,by the busy life of today. This is evident from the fact that, not everyone around us ,has forgotten their parents, teachers or guests. It is only some of us, who claim to be busier than others , who behave this way.

If I have to reflect back, I would say ,the best way to be grateful to our parents ,would be to respect them unconditionally and take care of them, to the best of our abilities. We need to remember ,that our parents are not looking for any material support ,in most cases. They are yearning only for our love and affection.

The best way to respect our teachers ,would be to live their values, in our everyday lives. If we say and do things, which our teachers would be proud of hearing, we may make their day. Of course, visiting them whenever possible and enquiring about their health and welfare would be a great tribute ,to their contributions to our lives.

Lastly, how do we treat guests. A guest is called “athithi” in sanskrit. This literally means someone, on who comes without an appointment. We need to welcome guests unconditionally. We cannot have appointments for our siblings, friends or relatives. Just like, we cannot have our team members take appointments to meet us ,if we are their leaders ,working in organisations. It is believed ,that if we treat our guests like God, we could be blessed by the Almighty and some one else in our lives ,could also treat us that way.

Let us rediscover ourselves today and learn to respect parents, teachers and guests and be proud of our heritage.

S Ramesh Shankar

9th April 2024

 

We all are afraid of some things in life. On the other hand, we are courageous to take up other things in life. What causes fear and what promotes courage may be worthwhile to explore ?

If we recall our childhood, many of us are courageous ,in front of our grand parents but scared of our parents. Some teachers do not instil fear in us, while others do. Some managers give us all the freedom, while others terrorise us.

Now, we need to understand, what causes fear ? Parents who have grown up in a closed environment, where their parents believed fear was the best tool to instil discipline in children, practise and perpetuate the same.

Similarly some teachers believe that creating an open environment in the classroom ,could challenge their own positions. They may even be worried about their knowledge or skills being tested ,as they are scared of not knowing the answer or accepting lack of knowledge. The best teachers learn from their students ,as much as they teach them.

At the workplace, insecure managers and leaders ,can manage their teams ,only by creating fear in the minds of their team members. An inspiring leader ,will not be afraid to accept mistakes or be challenged on anything they say or do.

Fear is negative in all its forms, whereas courage is positive. If we create fear as parents, teachers or leaders, it reflects more on own insecurity rather than on our ability to manage our people.

Now, the question is “How do we eliminate fear ,in the environment we operate ? . It is by promoting curiosity and being accessible to your people. We need not know ,all the answers. We could take time to respond or sometimes even accept our lack of knowledge. Our teams respect us ,for how we treat them ,rather than who we are.

Fear could create a short term feeling ,that we are in command. But, the reality is that, it erodes our credibility in the long term. On the other hand, creating a friendly and open environment and encouraging our people to be courageous ,can enable us ,to be loved as leaders.

If we look around us in our own lives, we may realise that the best people we admire in our lives – be it relatives, friends, family or in the organisation or community around us ,are the people, who have encouraged us to lead a courageous life.

They have not instilled fear in us ,by their actions or deeds. On the other hand, they have promoted an environment of openness around us, which enables us to be courageous and make the right decisions in life. Even, if we make mistakes sometimes, it encourages us to accept our errors and learn from them.

We need to realise that “fear” is regressive, while instilling “courage” is progressive.

Let the journey begin today.

S Ramesh Shankar

7th April 2024