Life is all about relationships. It starts in the family and then spreads to friends, society and organisations we work for. Each relationship is built over time and we need to nurture and grow them so that we source and spread happiness from them.

Every relationship has a value and we need to learn to benefit from that value. However , as we learn and grow in life, there would be some relationships which will grow with us and others ,which we find it difficult to handle. This happens in the family, organisations and society at large.

As social beings, we cannot run away from relationships around us. We need to learn to manage them and learn from them ,all the time. The relationships which are cordial and grow with us, nurture us and teach us ,a lot of life lessons. These could be relationships like parents, siblings, spouse, kids and friends.

However, there could be other relationships like work colleagues or neighbours or others, which may or may not grow ,as we desire. It is true that all types of relationships could be cordial or otherwise. We need to continually learn to live and manage them.

Let us start with relationships within the family. It could be a misunderstanding between parents and children or between siblings. The senior members like parents or elder siblings have the responsibility to take the initiative and ensure cordial relations.

Similarly at the work front, there could be misunderstanding and strained relationships between colleagues. There again, the senior most member or leader ,has the responsibility to sort out differences and maintain good relationships amongst team members.

The question we may ask ourselves is – “ How do we manage difficult relationships ? Yes, it is true ,that it is challenging to manage difficult relationships. However, the point to realise is that, in any relationship there are generally two individuals involved. If the senior among the two ,takes the initiative to sort out the differences, any misunderstanding can be sorted out.

If one takes the example of the union-management relationship in organisations, I would say the responsibility lies with the management as the senior partner ,to take the initiative ,to keep communication channels open, be honest with each other, to sort out any differences.

So, let us try to understand, how to go about managing difficult relationships. I have learnt that the following steps have helped me to manage the most difficult relationships in my life :

A. The senior most member takes the responsibility to take the initiative to resolve the differences and re build the relationship.

B. Open and honest communication is the key to resolve any differences. We need to put everything on the table and agree to work together with the intent to solve any misunderstandings between us.

C. Trust is key. We need to build and evolve trust between individuals and teams, where relationships are strained ,through our actions and not by words alone.

D. Willing to listen and forgive : We need to actively listen to one another and be willing to forgive one another ,so that we forget the past and move forward into the future, positively.

I am not saying this is a sure shot prescription for success ,in mending any strained relationship. But, may be, it could help in breaking ice and moving forward.

Let’s try one step at a time.

S Ramesh Shankar

10th Jan 2025

Every one of us needs to realise the value of our parents, when they are alive. But, many of us realise their value more, when they are no more with us. I lost both my parents at a very young age. My mother at 23 and father at 25.

I have earlier written about my father and how he is my role model in life, even today. I have learnt patience and respect from him. I have seen him toil hard and become a self made man. He did not inherit anything from his parents and gave us the best of education and comforts, which he could afford.

Today, I want to write about mothers and how they contribute in our lives. My mother was an orphan child, who lost both her parents at a very tender age. She did not even remember her parents during her life.

She completed her schooling and got married off by her relatives to my father even before she could enter college. However, she was a very determined woman and stood like the pillar for the family. She brought up four children, ensured their education and most importantly disciplined us, to be good human beings.

A mother is the emotional bond between children and the family. She is the soul friend and guide for the children. A mother provides all the emotional support a child needs, right through their childhood. A father becomes more of the disciplinarian in the family, while the mother loves and cares for the kids.

In my case, my mother was a tough disciplinarian too. She taught us the rights and wrongs in life and also set the boundaries, which we should never cross.

In the past, mothers were often home makers and fathers went out to work and were the only earning member in most families. However, we need to realise that the home maker’s job is more than a full time job and one needs to experience parenthood, to understand their responsibilities as a mother or father.

Today, most women are working in full time roles and have to play the mother’s role, as double duties. They are working full time and at the same time taking care of their children and their spouses and elders in the family. I have seen my wife as well as my sister playing this double role, when they were working and being mothers, simultaneously.

We may not realise how much a mother contributes in our life, when we are children, growing up at home. Her services are unpaid and not valued till we leave home ,to stand up on our own feet. We miss the home cooked food ;we may miss the love and care and the emotional anchor, which the mother plays and we cannot find a substitute for that in life.

We need to be indebted to our parents, especially our mother right through our life. We need to realise that whatever success, we achieve in life, is because of our parents and teachers primarily.

If we forget our parents and teachers, after we have left home and are adults, standing on our feet, we are being ungrateful to them. Parents do not serve us, with any expectation of anything in return. But, our love and care for them, unconditionally, when they grow old, can be our invaluable gift for them.

Today, most parents plan their old age and can take care of themselves, emotionally and financially, as many of their offsprings move away from home, in pursuit of their career. However, if we fail as children to love and care for them ,as an expression of our gratitude for what they did during our upbringing, we are going to be losers, not they.

Let us learn to bow in gratitude to our parents always. I realise it more than anyone else in life ,since I lost both my parents before I could even settle in my career or life.

If your parents are alive, you are blessed and hence learn to serve them unconditionally.

S Ramesh Shankar

6th Jan 2025

All of us are born in this world at a particular time and leave this world at a pre-destined time. We grow as kids, study, work and then wait for the sun to set in our lives. We may be born at one place, grow in another, work in a third and live our sun set years in a fourth place.

Our friends from childhood remember us till we are in school and college and then they may disappear from our lives as we tread different paths in pursuit of their life goals. We grow up with our siblings and parents. But the family also disintegrates as we grow up and evolve into nuclear families of our own.

Then our children grow up, they study, settle in life and lead their own lives in pursuit of their career and life goals. Thus life comes a full circle as we move from one phase of life to another.

We do get attached to friends, family members and colleagues and feel bad when someone forgets us or does not recognise us when we meet them after years. This is human and natural.

But the phenomenon of human kind is such that the phrase – “Out of sight, out of mind” generally applies. People will remember us as long we add value to their lives and living. The moment they feel that we may be out of their sight or even not adding value to them, they may forget or avoid us. While as humans, we may feel bad about it, it is the reality of life. The sooner we accept it, move on and learn to manage it, the better it would be for us.

I have only seen animals, especially dogs, which have an unflinching gratitude to the family members, they grow up with. I recently saw a video, where an elephant did not allow a mahout to leave him and go away since their bond was timeless.

Humans on the other hand tend to fix a expiry date to every relationship. Children might find old parents or in laws as more of a liability than an asset , especially if the parents are financially dependant on them or failing in their health. Physical distance also tends to reduce the intensity of a relationship over time.

I would not like to generalise on any of the above. There would be exceptions in all relationships. I would not say every human being may forget you if you are not in their sight. I would not say everyone will be ungrateful. Further, I would not say all kids will consider their parents or in laws a liability in their lives.

But, the best thing for us to realise that we do have an expiry date. So, it is better to create value for ourselves in our lives. We as partners could create value for each other. A genuine and authentic relationship never fades. It is not distance or time that can fade a relationship.

Let us build and evolve into authentic relationships and move on from relationships that seem to devalue us as human beings in our life. We need to remember that nobody depends on us for our life time and neither we depend on anyone. We did come alone to this world and will depart from the world all alone.

Let us create our own world of happiness from within.

S Ramesh Shankar

14th Dec 2024