I got up in the morning and heard a shocking news conveyed through social media. One of my ex colleagues lost his life long spouse. She was perfectly fine in health. She just complained of a mild head ache and slept early at night. She never got up thereafter.

Life is so uncertain. We do not realise how life could change within minutes for us – not days, months or years. We grow up with our near and dear and almost take it for granted that we will be with them for the rest of our lives. It may not happen.

I lost a close relative two years back in a similar fashion. He just went to the rest room for his morning ablutions and never returned. Such was the shock to all of us that it took more than a year to realise that he was no more.

I sometimes wonder why we end up fighting with our siblings, relatives and friends. All of us are guilty of doing it in some measure at every stage of our lives. We are least forgiving especially when the hurt is deep and we are not willing to forget or pardon them.

Today I am not sure if it is really worth it. I had some early experience in my life. First I lost both my parents just as I turned 25. At this stage I also was to attend the funeral of every employee who died at our steel plant when they met with an accident. Every time I returned from the funeral ground, I could not bear the grief of the near and dear of the ex employee’s family.

Now, when I look back, I realise that life is too short and there is no time to hate anyone. The only way to enjoy life is to love everyone around you. I would appeal to everyone to consider forgiving those who have hurt you in any way and love them unconditionally. You never know if you will ever get a chance again in this life to do so.

There are hundreds of people who have moulded me as a human being. I am indebted to many of them and cannot express my gratitude to all of them in this life time. I do try to meet each one of them on every possible occasion now and sincerely express my gratitude and salutations to them.

These incidents of sudden tragedy make you realise how short our life is and why we need to express our love and gratitude to everyone around us. We may not be around within seconds or they may not be there. Life may not give us a second chance and it is time we realise it.

Love begets love. Gratitude expressed unconditionally grounds you and makes you into a better human being. The one way to repay our emotional debts in life is to be of some help to someone in need when they least expect it from us. We need to help people unconditionally and anonymously if possible.

We may visit temples, churches or mosques to have a date with our Gods and Godesses. But the best religion in the world is to serve humanity unconditionally and without expecting anything in return. I am committed to try my best to give back to society in my little ways. So can you ? Try it and good health and happiness is guaranteed.

S Ramesh Shankar

17th February 2020

 

In today’s competitive world, leaders are always tempted to take the short cut to achieve results. Leaders are evaluated quarter to quarter and hence claim that they do not have the time to trust their people. Imagine if a mother told her kid that she did not have time and hence did not trust her children. Or the patient telling the doctor that she did not trust the doctor and hence took her own treatment. It could be disastrous.

Similarly, in real life, there can be no debate between trust and mistrust. In my view, leadership is built around Trust, Personal credibility and Values. I call this the Triangle of Leadership. Trust leads to Personal credibility and Personal credibility helps you live your values in life. Similarly Personal credibility leads to Trust and Trust helps you live your values. There is no way Mistrust can make you a sustainable leader.

Trust is the essence of life. Imagine a family where the spouses do not trust each other and the parents do not trust the children and vice versa. It would be hell in real life. Every day there will be conflicts and acrimonious exchanges even within members of the same family.

On the other hand, if we trust each other as spouses and trust our children, the returns are to be experienced to be believed. I can cite a personal experience. I have been married for thirty eight years now. I have never counted the money in my purse and left it open always at home. Neither my spouse nor my children have ever betrayed my trust. Trust begets trust and not the other way around.

 

It is equally true in communities, societies and nations. The best organisations of the world have lived and grown based on trust. The world’s oldest organisations have always promoted trust amongst all their stakeholders. Similarly, the best governments in the world survive and prosper only when they instil trust in their citizens. The day trust is lost, everything is lost.

It is high time leaders realise the best of talent will thrive only in an environment of trust. The day they realise that they are not trusted by their leaders, they will leave for better places to work. So, organisations and leaders have to realise that only a culture of trust attracts the best of talent to organisations.

There is always a thin line between trust and mistrust like the red barrier in the photo above.

I always wonder why leaders do not realise this simple formula in life. We have to lead by trust and swear by trust both in our personal and work lives. However, if anyone breaches your trust, then the consequences should also be vey clear. While accidental and unintentional breach of trust can be forgiven, people should realise that intentional and repeated breach of trust will have dire consequences for them. This will also promote a culture of trust.

It is time to lead by trust always.

 

S Ramesh Shankar

 

24th Jan 2020

I have the habit of calling and wishing people on their birthdays when I come to know of them either through family, friends or through the social media. This month I called a dear friend to wish him on his birthday. We have known each other for more than three and a half decades. He was happy to receive my call and said he was waiting for it.

Then he shared an interesting insight. He asked why don’t we write obituaries for each other. When I told him that Obituaries are written and shared only on death of people, he said he was aware of that. But his suggestion was why speak about all the good qualities of someone after her or his death. Why not we write obituaries and share with them when they are alive.

I thought it was a great insight. It is true that we realise the goodness in others only when they are not around. It could be parents, siblings, friends or colleagues. How many of us take the time out to write and share about the good ness of others when they are alive ?

I not only thought it was a great idea but decided that I will implement it. I will start by writing about my friend who gave this idea. I told him that I will not call it an obituary. He responded stating he does not care what I call it as long as I am willing to appreciate the goodness and share with them when they are alive.

This friend of mine worked in the steel plant in the eighties and nineties. He is man with a golden heart. He will never say no to anything anytime. He has always been around to help people when they need him the most. He has taken care of his family and brought up his two wonderful daughters as value based human beings. He is not one of those who will call you often to formally enquire about your well being. But he will be the first to respond in a moment of distress for help. He finds ways and means to give back to society in ways only he can.

I felt good in writing this para and sharing with him. I would urge all my friends and readers to consider this idea. You may not call it an obituary but write about the good things of your parents, siblings, friends and relatives and share with them when they are around. They may just adore you for that. I loved the idea and hence I am sharing it with all of you.

Am grateful to Dilip in the photo above for giving me this new insight in life.

I would like to call it “Ephiphany” meaning insight, which I got from this interaction with my friend. You may call it the way you want to but try it. It is energising and does not cost you anything. On the other hand, you may be showered with love and blessings from all.

Why not make it your new year resolution for this year ? Please write the positive qualities of a friend or relative and share it with them. I am sure you will love the magic in your relationship after that share. Will wait for your feedback when you write back to me.

Lets try it from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

13th November 2021