We are many a time in a dilemma if we can live life our way. This happens at different stages of our lives. First as an adolescent at home, you tend to rebel against your parents and they sermonise on what you should and should not do. You hate it to say the least but wonder what to do.

As parents, we cannot accept our adolescent to rebel. This could be as simple as growing long hair or getting up late ,when you have nothing better to do. As parents, we tend to say that, this is not the way we lived. We never rebelled or got up late ,when we were your age. Each of us is different and so is every generation. What is true for us ,may not be true for the next.

I recall my father telling me that he wanted to have a long hair cut like mine ,when I was young. It was his way of conveying to me ,that I was different. He did it in a cool way and never hurt my sentiments. But sometimes, we find it difficult to accept the world view of the next generation ,when it is radically opposite to our view.

If we move on to the work place, life is no different. Our generation was keen on punctuality and timeliness ,in everything we do. Today, it is not time but the quality of output, which matters to the current generation. When asked – “Why do you not come on time ? “, they may respond that it is not the time but my output, which needs to be measured.

Both the generations ,may be right in their own way. Our ability to accept the norms of the next generation as it is ,rather than the way we want it to be ,is the challenge before us. The earlier we accept this reality of life, the better it could be for us.

Our ability to adapt to changing beliefs ,may be the key to live harmoniously ,in a changing world of generations. It is true that our parents were different from us and we are different from our children. However, it is not true that our parents were wrong or we were, nor our children. It is our ability to live our way and let others live their way.

I would prefer to live life my way and let the next generation live it their way. This may be easier said than done. This becomes all the more difficult, when it challenges your basic beliefs in life. We sometimes tend to believe ,that a certain belief in life ,is absolute. It may be worthwhile to ponder ,if we need to challenge this belief. For eg. being in office on time ,every time was the belief of a disciplined employee in the past. Today work from home and flexible working is the norm and we need to accept this reality. The output may not be impacted by this change in belief.

Life would be happier if we learn to live it our way and let others live their way. As long as we do not hinder each other in our goals and beliefs, it should be ok. How does it matter if my day starts at 6 am and my children,s day starts at noon. We may get up at 6 am and sleep at 10 pm. Our kids may get up at 10 am and sleep at 2 am. So the time relatively is the same, it is only for us to realise that our time zones are different.

Our ability to adapt and accept this reality may be the key to happiness in life.

S Ramesh Shankar

29th July 2023

 

I saw a hornet’s nest in a neighbour’s house in our community and was wondering what it was. My neighbour explained to me ,that it was a hornet’s nest. Till then, I had only heard of the idiom in English – “ Stirring a hornet’s nest” and had never seen one.

After a few days ,I noticed that the hornet’s nest had quietly disappeared from my neighbour’s home and set its nest at my backyard. I decided not to disturb the same but observe it every day silently and learn from it.

The English idiom goes as “Stirring a hornet’s nest”. The belief is that if you do not stir a hornet’s nest, it does not harm you. A hornet’s nest is a nest of wasps which can sting you, if you disturb them. As long as you do not disturb them, they do not harm you, in any way.

I have experienced this ,multiple times in my life. The first incident was when I had noticed a cobra in my bathroom at the steel plant quarters, where I lived. My wife had gone for delivering my first kid and I was staying alone. When I got up in the morning and opened the bathroom, I noticed that a cobra was relaxing inside my bathroom. I was scared . so decided to close the door and leave for office without disturbing it. In the evening, when I returned home ,I noticed that the snake had left my home ,from the same ventilator ,from where it had entered.

The lesson learnt from this incident is that ,if you do not disturb even a dangerous cobra, it will not harm you either. I have experienced this multiple times in my life time. It is equally true for dogs, cats or even monkeys, which generally frequent our community since it is green. It is full of fruit trees ,providing good fodder for them.

Life is no different ,in general. If we do not disturb the life of other human beings knowingly or unknowingly, nobody harms you. However, if we interfere in someone else’s life, then they do hit back either through words or actions.

We need to live life ,without harming anyone around us. It could be other humans,animals or birds. The moment we try to enter their personal space, they may harm us ,in order to defend their own territory. For eg. a snake may bite us, if we try to kill the snake ,using a stick in the garden. However, the same snake may disappear in the woods ,if we let it go ,as it may have just come to our garden ,in search of food.

Sometimes, we may also need to realise ,that due to human greed, we may have occupied the territory of animals or birds and not the other way around. We may have destroyed forests or lakes and built our homes, which originally belonged to these animals or birds. In this scenario, if they end up attacking us to defend their territory, we cannot blame anyone apart from ourselves.

Human needs can always be fulfilled but human greed is limitless. We need to learn to try and fulfil our needs and not our greed. The day we realise this basic tenet of life, we may have arrived and no animal or bird or plant will harm us in any way.

Let us learn to live and let live from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

3rd Sep 2023

Everyone of us want to be perfect in everything we do. We sometimes wonder as to why the world is imperfect around us. We believe we are perfect and everyone around us is not.

This may not be true. We have to realise sooner than later that the world is imperfect and so are we. Nobody can be perfect, all the time. We are human and it is natural for us to make mistakes. It is perfectly fine to err but as someone said – “ To err is human, to forgive divine”

The day we understand that we are as imperfect as the world around us, we may become more human. We need to accept the imperfections in others and also the same in us. All of us make mistakes and so do we. As long as we accept our mistakes, seek forgiveness and move on, life will be better always.

While this may be easier said than done, it may be worthwhile to reflect on the same and understand on how to deal with these imperfections. The best of sportspersons practice day in and night out, to perfect their game. However in spite of all this practise, they do err and are ever willing to learn from their mistakes and improve ,in their next game.

Life is no different. As children ,we make mistakes and we have our parents and teachers to guide us and show the mirror. We learn from them and become better human beings, as we grow in life. At the workplace, we have our seniors, who guide us and mentor us to evolve as better employees.

My life lessons teach me that there are three things, which could help us deal with the imperfections of life. First is acceptance, second is learning from our mistakes and the third is forgiveness.

If we are willing to accept our mistakes, that would be the very first step. Generally, we are in a state of denial and keep floating in that state till we hit a roadblock ,in life or our career. We may hesitatingly accept our mistake only when such an incident happens in our lives.

The second quality one needs to develop ,is learning from our mistakes. Like someone beautifully said that making mistakes is fine ,but not learning from them could be disastrous. We need to learn from our mistakes and ensure we do not knowingly repeat them.

The third and the most important quality is “ forgiveness”. We need to learn to forgive ourselves and others in life. If we continue to regret a mistake for the rest of our lives and not be willing to learn from it ,and forgive ourselves or others for their errors, life could become treacherous.

The day we are willing to accept our mistakes, learn from them and forgive self and others for the same, life would turn more positive and energising for us.

Let us attempt to start from today. We can first forgive ourselves and erase the memories of the multiple mistakes we may have done in our lives. Then let us try to forgive ,all the near and dear ones around us, who may have erred like us.

Let us start from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

5th Jan 2024