Author: S Ramesh Shankar

Born in Trichy, Tamil Nadu, India, I have been brought up in different parts of India. Graduate in chemistry and post graduate in personnel management and industrial relations. Have been a HR practitioner for 38 years in the industry and have experience in working in steel , automobiles, FMCG and engineering industry. Was head of HR for Siemens in South Asia based out of Mumbai till March 2019. Currently founded hrishti - joy forever, a social enterprise to give back to society and work as Chief Joy Officer.

When will I be happy ?

I have always wondered as to why do I remain unhappy most of the time. I regret my past, crib about the present and dream about the future. I do not realize that neither can I change the past, nor redefine the present. If I only dream about the future, it is likely to become the present sooner than I realize it.

Life is a journey. We need to learn to live each day as if today is the last day of our lives. Why waste time in regretting the past, which is far behind us. Why wonder and dream about a future which is still uncertain ? Is it not a good idea to live the present to the full. Enjoy each day as if it was made to be that way.

While it may be easy to state the obvious, I wonder why many of us live life this way. We spend most of the time regretting about our past or wondering about the future. In this process, we forget to live the present. Is it worth spending time on things we cannot change. Is it not better to enjoy today and create a future of our choice.

The day I realise that my past may not help me create my future, I may be one step towards enjoying the present. Living life every day my way will make me happier. I need to realise that I am wasting my life worrying about my past or wondering about my future.

I also have to realise that life is not joyful if I live in relative terms. I need to learn to live life in absolute terms. I have to be happy and grateful for what I have rather than what I don’t have. I spend most of the time wondering why some others have more than me. In this process I sometimes forget what all I have which many others don’t have in life.

I need to live life on my own terms. I have a right to dream and work hard to make that dream a reality. Just dreaming is not good enough. The harder I work, the chances of my dreams becoming a reality is more. Most of the time I dream of the future and wonder why I cannot be like someone else. My life is wasted in envying others and feeling negative about life without living it and enjoying it myself.

We can achieve what we want in life, the day we are willing to forget the past, be grateful for the present and be willing to toil for the future. We could be happy and content in life.

I also need to realise that my life is in my hands. If I spend time blaming my family, friends or fate for my destiny, it is my problem. I cannot blame anyone for my life and the way I live it. This is my biggest lesson to live life happily every day.

As in the photo above, a child can teach you to enjoy life every moment without regretting the past or wondering about the future.

Today I realise that I need to live life one day at a time. I need to learn to forget the past, enjoy the present and create my future through my dreams followed by working hard towards my goals.

Time to start enjoying life is today. What do you think ?

S Ramesh Shankar

31st January 2021

Some things are best left unsaid…

Vidhur shastra says that we should never give advice to anyone, unless asked for ? I think its a brilliant piece of advise to follow in life. Today I heard my wife saying that some things in life are best left unsaid. This is equally a great insight.

We spend a lot of time talking than listening. We also believe in giving unsolicited advise to everyone around us. The need to speak is more than the ability to listen. This makes us more vulnerable in life. I have met people in life, who speak less and listen more.

The best people I have met are those who give you great insights just by not stating the obvious but making us realise it. It is like admiring a setting sun above. If you are enjoying a beautiful sunset and someone joins you, it may not be necessary to tell that person how beautiful the sun is as it is setting. Let that person realise and enjoy the beauty of nature by herself.

Similarly in life, the best advices are the ones not given but experienced. The expressions on a mother’s face makes a child realise their mistake . Is it necessary for the mother to scold the child by using harsh words ? It may not be necessary at all.

Similarly, a teacher can make a student more insightful by making their students realise their errors rather than scolding them. This experiential learning could be much more insightful than a dressing down in front of the class or the group.

The best bosses in the workplace do this very well. They do not try to verbalise your mistakes. They articulate your success well but make you experience your errors at work. They even tend to ignore genuine failures and look the other way as if they have not noticed what wrong we did.

The best friends in life support you by just being around. They may not necessarily be around you physically or talk to you often. But if they are around, you feel assured in life. Their physical absence or presence does not matter. Even if they don’t speak to you for months, you are not impacted. You experience them in life through their actions and not words.

Kinesics or the science of body language teaches us that more than 70% of human communication is done non verbally than verbally. We tend to focus on what is being said to us rather than what is not. May be it is time to learn the art of listening to the unsaid.

I have experienced better listening when I sit in front of the sea during a sunset all alone. The sound of the waves and the miracles of nature teach me more than the words of a thousand people on the beach. We not only listen to nature but sometimes listen to our own inner voice.

Let us learn life by listening to words unsaid more than those which are said. Our ability to listen to silence may make us wiser. We may be able to focus on what is not being said but meant rather than what is being said and not meant.

Let us learn to listen to the unsaid in life.

S Ramesh Shankar

29th July 2021

Living in denial …

Some of us spend our whole life, living in denial. We are not willing to accept life as it is. We want to believe that we can change our life dramatically overnight without much effort. I would call this “living in denial”

I am a born optimist and always believe that everyone of us can chart our own destiny. But to believe that we can change our future without much efforts is fertile imagination. We tend to compare ourselves with the successful people around us and wonder why we cannot be like them. We may envy celebrities in sports or the film industry after they become successful but do not know their struggles and the arduous journey they undertook in the process of their achieving glory.

We almost believe that if celebrities who may be less educated than us can achieve something in life, why we cannot. There is nothing fundamentally wrong in thinking that way. What we need to realise is their journey to stardom may not have been a cake walk . If someone has achieved something in life, it is after years of toil and sweat and many setbacks, which may not be visible to us after they have arrived in life.

We sometimes think that we are always at the receiving end of life. It may or may not be true and could be just a perception. We tend to believe this way as we compare ourselves with others in terms of what they have achieved in life and not in terms of what efforts they have put in to reach wherever they have reached.

Life becomes challenging only due to comparisons. There is nothing wrong to compare with the best and learn from them. But comparing with others to feel bad about what they have achieved is only going to demotivate us further. It is better to compete with oneself and do better than whatever we have done so far. We need to always remember that “Excellence is a journey and not a destination”

The concept of “living in denial” not only leads to disappointment and frustration in our own life but tends to impact all the people around us. It is better to live life in terms of possibilities rather challenges. Every challenge is a possibility and we can turn tables upside down with our efforts. It is upto us to sit back and crib or plunge forward and attain our goals.

The journey of life is not always smooth. What we need to remember is that this is an universal truth and not exclusively applicable to us. Every individual struggles in her/his own way. Some are visible to us and some others struggle in shadows unseen to us. This does not mean they faced no difficulties in achieving what they want to. It only means that we are not privy to what they have faced before they have succeeded.

We need to set our vison. Then set our goals and evolve our strategy. This has to be followed by consistent efforts day in and night out and celebrate each milestone we achieve towards our goal. Every setback could be a learning while every victory could enable us to celebrate our efforts. This way can only lead to successful accomplishment of our goals in life. I have not seen it otherwise in my life or my career.

As in the photo above, the trek to the top of the mountain may be tough. But even that can be achieved if we are willing to take the first step.

The time to reset and start is today. Let us do it now.

S Ramesh Shankar

9th November 2020