Author: S Ramesh Shankar

Born in Trichy, Tamil Nadu, India, I have been brought up in different parts of India. Graduate in chemistry and post graduate in personnel management and industrial relations. Have been a HR practitioner for 38 years in the industry and have experience in working in steel , automobiles, FMCG and engineering industry. Was head of HR for Siemens in South Asia based out of Mumbai till March 2019. Currently founded hrishti - joy forever, a social enterprise to give back to society and work as Chief Joy Officer.

Love your parents and not their wealth

My son called me the other day and he was down and out. He told me he was with a school classmate, who lost his father that day. He was shattered and he had no words to console him. Losing your mother or father at any age is difficult to bear. Losing them at a young age is unbearable.

While birth and death are not under our control, what lies in between them is very much in our control. Our parents sacrifice everything in their lives to give us the best possible education. They provide us the best comforts even much beyond what they can afford. Then they are around till we settle down in our lives. They are our life long mentors and coaches. They live a life of austerity to make our life joyous.

What do we do in return ? We move away from home at the first opportunity. It could be because we get admission in a prestigious academic institution or due to an exciting career break. Our parents do not mind that as they feel that their happiness lies in our success and not the other way around.

We study well and also become successful in our career. Then our parents want us to get married and settle down in life. When they look for a suitable partner, we tell them we are capable for finding our own partner. Years pass by and neither do we choose a partner nor accept our parents’ choice. We almost make them feel as if we are doing an obligation listening to their advice on marriage or any other issue in life.

They continue to guide us and are around to support us when we are in trouble. They are the first to respond when we are in a crisis. However, we neither have the time nor the patience to spend quality time with them and enquire about their well being. Even when they call us, we behave as if we are drowning with work pressure and do not have the time to listen or call them back if we are genuinely busy.

Years pass by and we get married and settle down. Our parents get older and still care for our well being. On the other hand, we are so busy with the rat race of life that we do not have the time to even visit them once a year and care for their welfare. If we are in a different city or country, we think sending money to them on a regular basis is enough to show our love and care for them.

We do not realise that most elders today manage their finances well and are capable of taking care of themselves. They are not dependant on us. Rather, in some case, we may be dependant on them as job redundancies or inadequate financial planning may some times put us in a mid life crisis. We do not realise that they look for quality time with us and our love. On the other hand, we give them the impression that we love their wealth more than their well being.

Then one day, we lose one of them and we suddenly realise that the daylight has gone out from our lives. We cannot rewind life and take care of them all over again. It is like our final exams in school or college. Once we have done the exams – its over. Whether we do well in our exams or not will determine our future. We may not get a chance to re-write the exams again to have a better career in the future.

Life is no different. The earlier we realise, the better for us. At every stage of life, the definition of happiness may differ. But our ability to make people happy will depend on us and not on others. If we think we have the time, we do. If we think we are busy, we are. If we cannot find time for our parents, we need to ask “Is it a life worth living ?” What is use of a career or business that does not ultimately make you a happier person in life. We cannot take our career success or wealth to our graves.

It is time to reflect. It is time to realise that the clock is round. After 24 hours, the time repeats itself. Our life clock is no different. We are young today and will be old tomorrow. We are sons and daughters today and will be parents and grandparents tomorrow.

Time to reset our clock is now ? Better late than never. Have you planned your next visit to your parents ? Or at least pick up the phone and tell them – “How much you love them and miss them ? – you will make their day beautiful.

S Ramesh Shankar

14th Sep 2021

Living life on my own terms…

 

I have always wondered if it is possible to live life on our own terms. My life experience teaches me that we can if we want to. I have come across people from different walks of life who live life on their own terms. They may not be the rich and the famous or the outlaws of society. But they determine what they want to do in life and how they want to do it.

I recall my childhood. I lived in a Army campus and always dreamt of becoming an Army officer. Then we moved cities and my school was inside an Air Force campus and it was my dream to become a pilot. As I grew older I realised that I neither wanted to join the Army nor become a pilot. Then my father prevailed on me to study science, which I did at the graduation level. It is at this stage I decided what I wanted to and how I will achieve it.

I pursued my post graduation in personnel management on my own volition and after convincing my parents that this is what I wanted to do. Then I started my career in Human Resources as I started enjoying working with people.

Similarly, I hail from a middle class family. I had my own dreams and aspirations. I was fascinated by nature, loved travelling and visiting places. I enjoyed photography and videography. So even at the early part of my career I managed to live my dreams within my limited financial capabilities.

As I progressed in my career, I could buy my own second hand car in 1987 and then my first video camera in 1997. Many of my friends and well wishers thought it was a luxury I could ill afford. May be they were right but I had a dream and wanted to live life on my own terms, so I did what I always dreamt to do.

Although I bought things which I dreamt and aspired for , I was always financially prudent. I never took money on credit from anyone or took a loan from any individual( except for rare emergency situations) or financial institutions ( except to buy my car and house). Even the loans I took, I repaid well before the due dates. So, I realised that it is possible to live life your way if you are grounded and prudent about your spends.

My family and friends supported me in all my dreams. Ofcourse, there were some critics too, who felt that it was not worth spending so much on a car or a camera. But, they did not know that having food in a five star hotel or buying luxurious pens etc was not my cup of tea.

So, it is upto us to dream the way we want to live life and how we want to live it. Then plan your life and fulfill your dreams when you are ready for it. What you aspire may be quite different than what others do. It does not matter as long as you are independent and are able to thriftily balance your income and expenditure in life.

I do realise that sometimes we may end up fulfilling our dreams at the cost of more important things in life. It is here we need to prioritise for ourselves and make our own judgements. We may go wrong sometimes but as long as we do not depend on anyone else to sustain our living, it is fine.

It is fun to live life on your own terms and realise your dreams. It is gratifying to buy your first car or build your first home using your own savings. It is good to realise that no two individuals may have similar dreams and aspirations and that is the beauty of life.

Lets learn to live and enjoy life in own way from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

29th August 2021

Do I know myself ?

I am not sure. Every time I think I know myself I am wrong. I find I have discovered something new which I did not know. Life is full of possibilities and and I am no different than life. I do believe that human beings have unlimited potential and I am not an exception.

Let me recall the events of my life from my childhood. At school, I had never participated in any debate or elocution competition. My english teacher called me one day and encouraged me to participate in a hindi poetry recitation competition. I was nervous since I had never done so. But he said I will do well and that I should try. I did and not only did well but got a prize.

I was always keen to contribute my little bit to society. At college, I was in the first year of my graduate course. My chemistry professor nominated me as the president of the Rotaract club. I was nervous again since we had members who were senior to me from the second and third year of the graduate courses. But, I did serve the full term and contributed my best to the social causes, together with all the other members of the club and with support from all.

Then at the work place, it has happened many a time. My managers have made me volunteer for many projects and even made me lead projects where I thought I was not capable of. I remember I was asked to lead a SAP HR project, where I did not know much except a bit of HR. But It was executed in time and to the satisfaction of all stakeholders.

I had successfully completed my corporate career and returned to Bangalore to settle down and enjoy life. This time my community elected me as the President of the residents’ association. Again through the difficult years of the pandemic, there were many challenges but we did succeed as a team and executed more than 26 projects successfully during our term of two years.

All the above instances prove that I still do not know what I am capable of ? Every time I get into some project or activity or lead a team, I realise I still have some potential to discover in myself. We possibly grow up in a society where realising one’s potential may be left to ourselves. I was lucky to have teachers in school and college, managers and leaders at the workplace to enable me to realise my talent. Everyone may not be as lucky as I have been. But I do realise that I also may have put in some efforts to discover my latent potential.

Today when I look back at my life so far, I realise that may be I am still discovering myself. The journey of life may be filled with crests and troughs. But, it is upto us to sail through these challenges and realise our potential. If I give up when I am down and out or if I do not grab opportunities coming my way at different stages of life, I have nobody else to blame except myself.

The most auspicious day to start is today and the time is now. Lets just do it.

S Ramesh Shankar

12th August 2021.