Life without your parents

 

I was one of those unlucky guys who lost my parents early in life. But on a positive note I realised the value of them ,since I lost them both early. There is always a debate as to whom children adore more – mother or father. Some may say either and some both , but I feel each of them have a different value to the children.

A mother is an epitome of love and affection for most kids. They provide unconditional love and nurture you till you are able to stand on your own feet. A father on the other hand , is the invisible force for most children. Their life gets strengthened by the presence of their father. One may not realise but a father’s mere presence , is like a guide being around you , all the time.

Each of us have a different take on our parents. For me, my mother was a symbol of grit and determination. She fought against all odds to do whatever she could ,for all of us and the family. On the other hand my father was a source of inspiration and an embodiment of patience. I learnt the true value of silence from him. His silence spoke more than his words for me. He was my role model and will always be.

Each one of us have to lose our mother and father ,at some stage of our lives ,unless we are lucky to leave Mother Earth before them. All of us are not privileged enough to take care of our parents when we are independent and they need our support. However, many of us miss them and realise their value much more , when they are not around.

I lost my mother at the age of 23. I was closer to my father than my mother. But I did realise the value of my mother , when she was no more, as I realised later how much she had sacrificed her life for the welfare of others. Her grit and determination to fight all odds were indeed worth emulating. She was a disciplinarian and made us realise the basic values of life through her actions more than her words.

I lost my father two years later at the age of 25. It was a life shattering event for me , in my life. This was the stage of my life when I had just got married and was settling in my career. Losing both my parents at this stage of my life , shook me off the ground. I had always dreamt of taking care of my parents when I settled down in life. I requested my father to come and stay with me after my mother’s death. However, he politely declined since he said my brother was in college and he had to take care of him.

I could not take care of my parents after I settled down in life. But I did realise that I have to be grateful to them ,throughout my life, for what I am today. Although, we hailed from a middle class family , they inculcated the basic values in life and taught us the ethical way of living, through their actions.

Although I do realise that I can never repay my debts to my parents for moulding me into what I am in today, I do realise that I can still respect them by living their values in life. I learnt to “never give up” on anything from my mother and learnt “patience unlimited” and the value of “silence” from my father.

Each of us may identify one or two value from our parents and try to live them ,so that , our future generations can do the same. This may be the best way to express our gratitude to our parents.

Long live our parents.

S Ramesh Shankar

14th January 2022

Snoring & ill behaviour

Snoring is the noise created while breathing through the nose or the mouth, while we are sleeping. Most of us are unaware of the sounds we emit, while we snore. I have been told right from my childhood that at times,I snore when I am tired and sleep to rest.

It is interesting that people who snore are generally not aware of the sounds they emit and how it disturbs people around them. I was in denial till a family member recorded my snoring on video and showed it to me. I was quite surprised.

Today I was sleeping next to my daughter for an afternoon siesta. I could not sleep while she was snoring. Then, I realised how much I could be disturbing others while I do the same.

Snoring is generally involuntary and not in control of the person and the people who snore do not do it intentionally. But the impact snoring has on others ,is also not realised by the person since he/she is not aware of this phenomenon, when it actually happens.

Today I realised that there is a lot of similarity between snoring and ill behaviour. Just as people who snore are not aware of the noise they create as well as the impact on others around them, similarly the people who are ill behaved are not fully aware of the impact their bad behaviour has on others.

While snoring is involuntary, ill behaviour is not out of control, of the individual concerned. However just like individuals who snore are not aware , similarly sometimes people who behave badly are not aware of the impact they have on others.

Today I realised the impact of snoring on others when I experienced the noise and how it impacted my sleep. Similarly, if someone is able to show the mirror to the people, who are ill behaved through specific examples of their ill behaviour and the adverse impact it has on people around them, they may change their behaviour.

I can confess that I do snore even today occasionally ,especially when I am tired but I am fully aware of how I disturb others around me. Similarly I was quite short tempered during the early phase of my career and life. I learnt to gain patience from my father and also the feedback I got from my seniors at work and even my own family members. This made me realise that just like my snoring, my ill temper impacts people around me adversely.

While it may be difficult to control my snoring, it is possible to control my temper and improve my behaviour. Today I can say I am quite patient and lose my temper rarely. This has been possible mainly because of the mirror shown to me by own family members at home and colleagues at work.

It may be worthwhile to realise that what is involuntary like snoring, may be difficult to control but what is in our control , like our temper, is in our hands to regulate. We need to be aware of the impact our behaviour has on others and then be open to feedback. It is possible to change and control the same.

Let us begin today to control what we can like our temper and be aware of what we cannot like our snoring.

 

S Ramesh Shankar

13th Jan 2022

Every day is a new beginning

I was bored with my routine life at home with all my daily rituals of walk, yoga, coaching, writing and household chores. So I decided to take a break , as the hills beckoned me.

I had a beautiful drive through the plains, hills and valleys and reached my destination which was about 500 kms in 8 hours. As I settled down in my room and opened the curtains to take a view of the picturesque valley ,I realised that every side presented a new view of nature.

This made me realise that every day is a new beginning in life. If we are willing to bury our past and not worry about our future, the present day can be beautiful. We can discover every day as a new beginning in life.

While it may be easy for me to write, it may be very difficult to practise. But I think, it is worth a try. Every day when I get up in the morning the colour of the sky is different and the rays of the sun ,reach us through the clouds differently.

Life is no different. This is more useful ,when we are in a crisis. We get bogged down by what has happened to us, over a period of time. We lose faith in ourselves and in others and start thinking that tomorrow is not going to be different from today.

This may not be true if we learn from nature. Every hill has a different shade of green or blue. Every tree has different coloured leaves and even the sky gives us a multitude of colours to admire. We sometimes cannot believe the designs of nature all around us.

I realise today ,that it is a good idea to take a break and come to the hills or visit the beaches or forests to rekindle our connect with nature. Nature has endless lessons to teach us every day. I realise that I have learnt so many lessons and yet discover a new one every time I get close to nature.

Today I believe that every day can indeed be a new beginning. It may be difficult to bury the past but worth a try. It may be a challenge not to worry about the future but worth attempting. Live in today and believe that today is the best day of your life.

Even when we are going through a good path, it may be worthwhile to believe that tomorrow is going to be different and we need to ready for it. It may be better than today or may not be. But there is always a tomorrow after today.

Every day gives us hope. Every day can be a new beginning of another chapter in our life. We can erase the bad memories of the past and have an opportunity to create a new life for the future. A storm or a tsunami does not end life in nature. It is just the beginning of a new life all over again.

We can delete the bad memories of the past and create a future of our choice. Let us believe that every day is going to be a new beginning of our life all over again.

Let us make a new beginning today

S Ramesh Shankar

8th Jan 2022