Author: S Ramesh Shankar

Born in Trichy, Tamil Nadu, India, I have been brought up in different parts of India. Graduate in chemistry and post graduate in personnel management and industrial relations. Have been a HR practitioner for 38 years in the industry and have experience in working in steel , automobiles, FMCG and engineering industry. Was head of HR for Siemens in South Asia based out of Mumbai till March 2019. Currently founded hrishti - joy forever, a social enterprise to give back to society and work as Chief Joy Officer.

When the obvious is not so obvious ?

In life, sometimes the obvious is not so obvious. I have worn my glasses and kept searching for it. Such or similar incidents may have happened to many of us. While others who see us think it is so obvious, it is not that obvious to us.

Life is no different. The other day my daughter went for a dinner with her family. Her father in law’s glasses fell off his pocket. When my daughter saw a pair of spectacles lying on the floor, she picked it up and handed it over to the hotel reception thinking someone may have dropped it by accident. When they returned home, her father in law reported that he misplaced his spectacles. When she told him about this incident, he asked as to why she did not check with him before handing it over to the reception. It did not strike her that it could belong to her own family members.

In life, there are many things which are obvious to others but may not appear that obvious to us. I am fond of driving cars and love to drive at high speeds when the highways are clear. Sometimes when I have to apply the brakes at high speeds at road junctions I used to get irritated as to why people cannot see a speeding car. On the other hand, they also seem equally irritated as to why, me as a car driver, was driving at high speeds at road crossings. Isn’t it obvious that people may be crossing at such points?

When we reflect on such incidents, we realise that the world is viewed by each of us from different lenses. What we need to realise that neither we are wrong nor are they. It is only looking at life from different perspectives.

The issue is not about looking at life differently. But, the issue is when we form opinions of others, based on our own perceptions without cross checking with them. If we find a child sulking on a festive occasion at home, we may find it amusing. But if you check with the child, it may be because of an injury which she had incurred, during play the previous evening.

The lessons I have learnt from such incidents is that life is different for each of us and our realities are different. We see what we want to see while others see what they want to see. We need to learn to respect each other’s view and respect the different views.

We tend to look at others’ world from our own eyes and then feel disappointed that they are not able to see it the way we see it. The day we realise that each of us have a right to a different world view, we may feel better.

Let us learn to respect each other’s views and learn to live with the differences.

S Ramesh Shankar

15th Oct 2021

Poaching of a different type

All of us who worked in organisations are quite clear on what poaching is ? It could simply be termed as taking away your best team member into their teams without you even realising it. It happens in organisations through transfers, internal advertisements or even by financial incentives and so on. We may not be able to prevent it totally but can always give it a try. Everyone one of us love to work with an exciting team leader. We want to enjoy our work and life as if there is no tomorrow. So, if we want to retain our best team members, we need to be the best team leader. The day someone else is better than us, they may attract people to them as we did in the past.

This phenomenon of poaching happens in every walk of life. We may recall our school or college days. We were friendly with members of the opposite sex and thought we attracted the best to us due to our behaviour and nature. But, suddenly we find that one of our best friends take away our best partner. This is poaching of another type. We sometimes get over it and at other times rue our friendship.

It happens in other walks of life too. We have the best driver at home. He is skilled and very courteous. Suddenly we find our neighbour taking away this driver from us. It could happen to our maids , cooks and so on. So poaching is not restricted to the precincts of an organisation only. It happens in communities and societies at large.

We see political parties poaching the best legislators to their party even from the opposition camps. They lure them with money, position or power and are able to withstand all the past criticism from the same people whom they have taken into their fold today. Shame gives way to shamelessness when such a phenomenon occurs.

So, if we look back, poaching cuts across all spheres of life. It happens within families, friends, neighbourhoods, societies, governments and so in organisations. We may then wonder if it is possible to prevent poaching in any way ? While we may not be able to prevent it completely, we can definitely reduce the probability of its occurring through some positive measures at our end.

The first question we need to ask is – “Why would people want to leave us ?” It could be money, name, fame, promotion, location or simply the way we treat them every day. If we study small family enterprises, we realise that normally the loyalty is very high. It is not because they do not face this phenomenon called “Poaching” but because they take care of their people like their own family members. They may not pay high salaries or provide the best working conditions but they care for their people and are around when are in trouble.

So, if we need to retain the best, we need to love and care for them. We need to treat them as if they are own family members or friends. If they sneeze, we should catch cold. It is this symbiotic relationship, which may enable us to retain our best employees, maids, drivers or cooks. It is not money, position or power which can helps us retain them. However, inspite of our best care, we may lose some of our best. Let them go. If we are authentic and care for them, we need to continue to be in touch with them and once they experience the outside world, they may one day return to you. This is not because that the new place pays them less but because nobody cared and love them as you did.

Life is ultimately about trust and loving relationships. We need to trust people around us. We need to evolve and build sustaining relationships. It is love, respect and positive relationships, which may help us retain the best. The day we realise this basic tenet of life, we may surprise others and even surprise ourselves. After all money, position or power cannot buy love or care. Today’s world, you can possibly buy everything around you except health, love, care and happiness.

If we care for them they will care for us always.

S Ramesh Shankar

15th Sep 2021

Love your parents and not their wealth

My son called me the other day and he was down and out. He told me he was with a school classmate, who lost his father that day. He was shattered and he had no words to console him. Losing your mother or father at any age is difficult to bear. Losing them at a young age is unbearable.

While birth and death are not under our control, what lies in between them is very much in our control. Our parents sacrifice everything in their lives to give us the best possible education. They provide us the best comforts even much beyond what they can afford. Then they are around till we settle down in our lives. They are our life long mentors and coaches. They live a life of austerity to make our life joyous.

What do we do in return ? We move away from home at the first opportunity. It could be because we get admission in a prestigious academic institution or due to an exciting career break. Our parents do not mind that as they feel that their happiness lies in our success and not the other way around.

We study well and also become successful in our career. Then our parents want us to get married and settle down in life. When they look for a suitable partner, we tell them we are capable for finding our own partner. Years pass by and neither do we choose a partner nor accept our parents’ choice. We almost make them feel as if we are doing an obligation listening to their advice on marriage or any other issue in life.

They continue to guide us and are around to support us when we are in trouble. They are the first to respond when we are in a crisis. However, we neither have the time nor the patience to spend quality time with them and enquire about their well being. Even when they call us, we behave as if we are drowning with work pressure and do not have the time to listen or call them back if we are genuinely busy.

Years pass by and we get married and settle down. Our parents get older and still care for our well being. On the other hand, we are so busy with the rat race of life that we do not have the time to even visit them once a year and care for their welfare. If we are in a different city or country, we think sending money to them on a regular basis is enough to show our love and care for them.

We do not realise that most elders today manage their finances well and are capable of taking care of themselves. They are not dependant on us. Rather, in some case, we may be dependant on them as job redundancies or inadequate financial planning may some times put us in a mid life crisis. We do not realise that they look for quality time with us and our love. On the other hand, we give them the impression that we love their wealth more than their well being.

Then one day, we lose one of them and we suddenly realise that the daylight has gone out from our lives. We cannot rewind life and take care of them all over again. It is like our final exams in school or college. Once we have done the exams – its over. Whether we do well in our exams or not will determine our future. We may not get a chance to re-write the exams again to have a better career in the future.

Life is no different. The earlier we realise, the better for us. At every stage of life, the definition of happiness may differ. But our ability to make people happy will depend on us and not on others. If we think we have the time, we do. If we think we are busy, we are. If we cannot find time for our parents, we need to ask “Is it a life worth living ?” What is use of a career or business that does not ultimately make you a happier person in life. We cannot take our career success or wealth to our graves.

It is time to reflect. It is time to realise that the clock is round. After 24 hours, the time repeats itself. Our life clock is no different. We are young today and will be old tomorrow. We are sons and daughters today and will be parents and grandparents tomorrow.

Time to reset our clock is now ? Better late than never. Have you planned your next visit to your parents ? Or at least pick up the phone and tell them – “How much you love them and miss them ? – you will make their day beautiful.

S Ramesh Shankar

14th Sep 2021