Author: S Ramesh Shankar

Born in Trichy, Tamil Nadu, India, I have been brought up in different parts of India. Graduate in chemistry and post graduate in personnel management and industrial relations. Have been a HR practitioner for 38 years in the industry and have experience in working in steel , automobiles, FMCG and engineering industry. Was head of HR for Siemens in South Asia based out of Mumbai till March 2019. Currently founded hrishti - joy forever, a social enterprise to give back to society and work as Chief Joy Officer.

Eating to live or living to eat

I sometimes wonder whether we eat to live or live to eat. It may not be either or, as it could be both too! I eat to live. I believe, I eat food to survive but some may live to eat and it is fine too. Eating to live or living to eat is a personal choice and everyone has a right to live life their way.

I have never enjoyed cooking. I enter the kitchen only when it is inevitable and I have no choice. I do help my spouse when she needs help in cutting vegetables or doing some other chores in the kitchen. But cooking is not my hobby. Sometimes when people ask me what I would like to eat – I would reply – anything and they would be amused. The people who enjoy food want to plan for it and put in a lot of efforts to cook and relish it.

I can spend an entire day with fruits and snacks to survive and not cook anything if I am alone. But for some others, this may be a torture. So, if I have a guest, I need to cook good food for them if they enjoy food and not offer snacks just because I can manage with them.

In my view eating to live or living to eat is a personal preference. I neither believe my philosophy of eating to live is wrong nor someone else enjoying food and living to eat is wrong. However, the problem is when one thinks the other is not ok.

When people want to take you out for dinner to a famous restaurant in a new city and you are not that excited, they feel disappointed. They may be right in feeling unhappy as they are putting in extra efforts to make you happy, but they don’t realise that food is not your priority. On the other hand, if you say no, you are making then unhappy since eating good food, is life for them.

In my view neither eating to live nor living to eat, is right or wrong. What is wrong is our belief that the other person is not enjoying life as we are doing. We tend to typecast people based on our own frames of life. The moment someone does not fit into our frame of life and living, we feel they are wrong.

Our ability to live life on our own terms and letting others live their own way, is a better way to enjoy life. The day we realise that we have a right to live life our way and others their way, we may be right. We also have to learn to respect the opposite of our worldview of life.

It may be easy to say this, easier to write about this but rather difficult to practise it. In life, most things we adore may not be what others do. The day we learn to live life our way and let others do their way , we have arrived.

Life is all about live and let live.

S Ramesh Shankar

15th Oct 2021

When the obvious is not so obvious ?

In life, sometimes the obvious is not so obvious. I have worn my glasses and kept searching for it. Such or similar incidents may have happened to many of us. While others who see us think it is so obvious, it is not that obvious to us.

Life is no different. The other day my daughter went for a dinner with her family. Her father in law’s glasses fell off his pocket. When my daughter saw a pair of spectacles lying on the floor, she picked it up and handed it over to the hotel reception thinking someone may have dropped it by accident. When they returned home, her father in law reported that he misplaced his spectacles. When she told him about this incident, he asked as to why she did not check with him before handing it over to the reception. It did not strike her that it could belong to her own family members.

In life, there are many things which are obvious to others but may not appear that obvious to us. I am fond of driving cars and love to drive at high speeds when the highways are clear. Sometimes when I have to apply the brakes at high speeds at road junctions I used to get irritated as to why people cannot see a speeding car. On the other hand, they also seem equally irritated as to why, me as a car driver, was driving at high speeds at road crossings. Isn’t it obvious that people may be crossing at such points?

When we reflect on such incidents, we realise that the world is viewed by each of us from different lenses. What we need to realise that neither we are wrong nor are they. It is only looking at life from different perspectives.

The issue is not about looking at life differently. But, the issue is when we form opinions of others, based on our own perceptions without cross checking with them. If we find a child sulking on a festive occasion at home, we may find it amusing. But if you check with the child, it may be because of an injury which she had incurred, during play the previous evening.

The lessons I have learnt from such incidents is that life is different for each of us and our realities are different. We see what we want to see while others see what they want to see. We need to learn to respect each other’s view and respect the different views.

We tend to look at others’ world from our own eyes and then feel disappointed that they are not able to see it the way we see it. The day we realise that each of us have a right to a different world view, we may feel better.

Let us learn to respect each other’s views and learn to live with the differences.

S Ramesh Shankar

15th Oct 2021

Poaching of a different type

All of us who worked in organisations are quite clear on what poaching is ? It could simply be termed as taking away your best team member into their teams without you even realising it. It happens in organisations through transfers, internal advertisements or even by financial incentives and so on. We may not be able to prevent it totally but can always give it a try. Everyone one of us love to work with an exciting team leader. We want to enjoy our work and life as if there is no tomorrow. So, if we want to retain our best team members, we need to be the best team leader. The day someone else is better than us, they may attract people to them as we did in the past.

This phenomenon of poaching happens in every walk of life. We may recall our school or college days. We were friendly with members of the opposite sex and thought we attracted the best to us due to our behaviour and nature. But, suddenly we find that one of our best friends take away our best partner. This is poaching of another type. We sometimes get over it and at other times rue our friendship.

It happens in other walks of life too. We have the best driver at home. He is skilled and very courteous. Suddenly we find our neighbour taking away this driver from us. It could happen to our maids , cooks and so on. So poaching is not restricted to the precincts of an organisation only. It happens in communities and societies at large.

We see political parties poaching the best legislators to their party even from the opposition camps. They lure them with money, position or power and are able to withstand all the past criticism from the same people whom they have taken into their fold today. Shame gives way to shamelessness when such a phenomenon occurs.

So, if we look back, poaching cuts across all spheres of life. It happens within families, friends, neighbourhoods, societies, governments and so in organisations. We may then wonder if it is possible to prevent poaching in any way ? While we may not be able to prevent it completely, we can definitely reduce the probability of its occurring through some positive measures at our end.

The first question we need to ask is – “Why would people want to leave us ?” It could be money, name, fame, promotion, location or simply the way we treat them every day. If we study small family enterprises, we realise that normally the loyalty is very high. It is not because they do not face this phenomenon called “Poaching” but because they take care of their people like their own family members. They may not pay high salaries or provide the best working conditions but they care for their people and are around when are in trouble.

So, if we need to retain the best, we need to love and care for them. We need to treat them as if they are own family members or friends. If they sneeze, we should catch cold. It is this symbiotic relationship, which may enable us to retain our best employees, maids, drivers or cooks. It is not money, position or power which can helps us retain them. However, inspite of our best care, we may lose some of our best. Let them go. If we are authentic and care for them, we need to continue to be in touch with them and once they experience the outside world, they may one day return to you. This is not because that the new place pays them less but because nobody cared and love them as you did.

Life is ultimately about trust and loving relationships. We need to trust people around us. We need to evolve and build sustaining relationships. It is love, respect and positive relationships, which may help us retain the best. The day we realise this basic tenet of life, we may surprise others and even surprise ourselves. After all money, position or power cannot buy love or care. Today’s world, you can possibly buy everything around you except health, love, care and happiness.

If we care for them they will care for us always.

S Ramesh Shankar

15th Sep 2021