Author: S Ramesh Shankar

Born in Trichy, Tamil Nadu, India, I have been brought up in different parts of India. Graduate in chemistry and post graduate in personnel management and industrial relations. Have been a HR practitioner for 38 years in the industry and have experience in working in steel , automobiles, FMCG and engineering industry. Was head of HR for Siemens in South Asia based out of Mumbai till March 2019. Currently founded hrishti - joy forever, a social enterprise to give back to society and work as Chief Joy Officer.

How to build relationships/partnerships ?

We wonder many a time what makes relationship work and partnerships click !. There may not be a magic wand with anyone to make this happen. So I decided to reflect on this subject based on my personal experiences of great relationships and partnerships in my career and life.

I have introspected my life long partnership with my spouse. I have also thought about great colleagues at work and also suppliers and customers with whom I have partnered and delivered great results. To my surprise, I found that the basis of all relationships whether personal or official were similar.

I have distilled five critical conditions to make a relationship/partnership work. They are “Unconditionality”, “Mutual-respect”, “Give & take”, “Let go” and “Open & flexible”. While they may not be listed in any order of preference, each of them are critical for the success of a partnership and building of a relationship.

I will dwell on each of the conditions and try to illustrate with an example of how to apply it and make it work. All my examples are based on my personal life experiences although I do not mention names of people involved to protect their privacy.

The first condition of “Unconditionality” can best be explained by explaining the relationship with your spouse. I have been married for 38 years and still counting. Although we have had our own share of joy, sorrow and tiffs, our relationship has grown and matured over the years. This is primarily due to this condition of “Unconditionality”. We do not live or relate based on any terms and conditions. Our reactions are spontaneous and straight from the heart. We enjoy together and fight easily but have the resolve to mutually resolve all differences by ourselves.

The second factor is of “Mutual respect”. I worked with a consultant two decades back on a project. Although we met for the first time as a supplier and a customer this relationship has evolved and grown into a life long friendship due to immense mutual respect we have for each other. I have not yet met a person, who is more knowledgable than him on his subject and still he deals with me with utmost respect and dignity.

The next factor is “Give & take”. When I joined a particular organisation in my career, I realised that our relationship with the unions was not very cordial. Both the union and management filed atleast one case against each other every month. I wanted to transform this relationship and volunteered not only to stop filing cased against the unions but also volunteered to withdraw all pending cases and sit across the table and resolve it cordially through discussions except for violence or unethical conducts by employees. The union reciprocated willingly and till the end of my tenure in this organisation we did not have a single case filed against each other.

The fourth factor is to “Let go”. Most of us carry our grudge for years, if not decades and this prevents us from “letting go” or forgiving someone. The art of forgiving can heal a relationship and build foundations for a great rebuilding of a broken partnership or a relationship. I have experienced this in many personal relationships, which would have ruined , if not for my or someone else’s magnanimity to “let go”.

The last factor is being “Open & flexible”. We drive ourselves to a dead end in most relationships or partnership , as we refuse to be flexible and adaptive and open to feedback and change. If we can build this into our day to day life , relationships would be enriched and partnerships sustainable. The best example I can think of is when teams start fighting on the playground over a silly fowl. It could sometimes even lead to physical tiff and violence. Just being open and flexible to accept a genuine mistake by the players or the referee , could build great relationships.

It may be worthwhile to try these five mantras to build great relationship/partnerships in our lives.

S Ramesh Shankar

4th Feb 2023

Words, thoughts & action

Someone said, “ Words may inspire you, thoughts may provoke you but only action can lead your dreams to reality”. I found this very profound. Many of us are guilty of articulating words on new year through resolutions and even thinking about the same for some days. But mostly we do not act on those resolutions and they remain dreams in our lives.

Life is no different. We need to express ourselves in words and then think about those ideas. However, unless we act on them, we may never achieve what we want to. It is like strategic planning exercise in many organisations. Most strategic plans remain in power point presentations and in think tank discussions since no action is taken to make it a reality on ground.

In this regard, we have a lot to learn from the start ups. They spend less time in expressing what they want to do and thinking about it . They take the risk and experiment with their ideas and are not afraid of failure. Most organisations spend years on strategic planning and evaluation of alternative options and take no risks or action on the ground to try out their plans to make them real.

Imagine a student writing an essay on what she wants to become in her life. Then thinking and dreaming of how she wants to become a pilot and go to ISRO or NASA in her life. Unless, this is followed up with internships and courses in space research and visits to these institutions or similar ones, such dreams will remain a dream.

I have found employees are no different in organisations. They express their ideas quite eloquently and even think about their ideas and share them. However, they fail to act on them. This means that in most cases it remains a great idea or thought but will never see the light of the day.

We are no different in our day to day lives. As parents, teachers or leaders in organisations, if we focus only on sharing ideas in words or thoughts and do not have the courage to experiment and fail, it will remain a fantasy or dream in our lives.

This characteristic is learnt by our children, students or team members and they also spend all their time in expressing their ideas in words or thoughts but do not put in the efforts to translate those thoughts into deeds through concerted actions.

In many organisations, there is always a debate between the time spent on planning and execution. Many purists will tell us that if we spend enough time in planning, then execution becomes simpler. I do not disagree. However, my experience teaches me that many of us stop with expressing our ideas and thoughts in paper and fail to experiment through actions and execution on the ground. This means plans remain great plans on paper and never see fruition.

We need to dream. Then express our dreams in words. This could be followed by thinking about those dreams and words. However, the critical step for success is working hard and acting on those thoughts to make those dreams a reality in our lifetime. Otherwise, they will always remain dreams and fantasies in our lives.

Let us act today to convert all our dreams into reality.

S Ramesh Shankar

8th August 2022

Winning or losing is part of the game

We had the final of the World Cup One day International cricket held in India last week. While India had an enviable record of winning all their league matches against all the participating countries in a very convincing manner, they lost in the finals to Australia, who were the better team on the final day.

Millions of people across India were shocked and rightly so since cricket is one of the most popular sport in India. I am also an ardent cricket fan and felt highly disappointed on India losing the finals after a great record right through the tournament.

However, what many fans forgot is that the final is also like any other game and you could either win or lose and whichever team plays better on that day wins the game. Australia played better and we lost. We need to learn to gracefully accept this result and still laud our team India for a consistent performance right through the tournament.

Many cricket gurus started analysing the result and gave their expert opinion on what the captain could have done in terms of strategy. In hindsight, everyone can become an expert. We need to remember that the 11 players representing the country in the game give their heart out and are clearly playing to win the game for the country. They are aware that a billion Indians may miss a heart beat if they lose.

We need to remember that our life is also like a game. We may win on some days and lose on others. This whole incident taught me five life lessons, which I thought may help us reflect on how to deal with failures in life :

A. Give your best : We need to strive to give our best for every thing we pursue in life. We may succeed in some things and not in others. However, even if we fail, it should not stop us from trying out something else.

B. Celebrate success : Many fans forgot that the Indian team won ten matches on the trot and most convincingly. Yes, they lost the finals and everyone was pouncing on them with vague theories and funny hypothesis on why we lost. Imagine a child topping the class from standard one to ten and misses the first rank in the next class. Will the parents or teachers disown the child ? We need to learn to celebrate success and learn from failure.

C. A game is a game : We always need to remember that a game is a game. We should not get overjoyed by winning a game nor get exasperated by losing a game. Life is no different. We may win on some days and lose on others. Our ability to be grounded in success and learn from failure will always make us a winner.

D. Focus on the future: We may win or lose a game. However a sportsperson will focus on the next game more than wasting time on the past ones. Similarly in life, we need to learn from our mistakes and our successes and learn to move on into the future.

E. Start all over again: The Indian team members may have got over the disappointment of losing the finals and moved on to prepare for the next World Cup. So would the Australian team. Champions do not rest after a win or a loss. Similarly in life, we need to start all over again. Life is not lost with one failure nor made with one success. Both successes and failures are part of life and we need to learn to deal with them magnanimously and start to live life all over again.

Let us start all over again.

S Ramesh Shankar

24th Nov 2023