Author: S Ramesh Shankar

Born in Trichy, Tamil Nadu, India, I have been brought up in different parts of India. Graduate in chemistry and post graduate in personnel management and industrial relations. Have been a HR practitioner for 38 years in the industry and have experience in working in steel , automobiles, FMCG and engineering industry. Was head of HR for Siemens in South Asia based out of Mumbai till March 2019. Currently founded hrishti - joy forever, a social enterprise to give back to society and work as Chief Joy Officer.

Empathy is for others, not for me

We all love to talk rather than listen. We want everyone around us to listen to us while we talk. But, we do not care to listen to others when they talk. We want others to be empathic to us all the time but we will not do the same.

Empathy is the art of putting oneself ,in the shoes of others. If we are able to do that ,we know where the shoe pinches. In our everyday life we have full of advices for others. Many a time, we are not bothered if we appreciate the other person’s position before we give advice.

This is true in our personal and professional lives. We advise our children to do things ,which we dreaded doing. We expect the impossible from our children in academics, sports or even in cultural events ,while we may have been an average student and never participated in them.

In the work environment, leaders are not different. They will demand from their team what they have never done. It is like a coach telling a player ,to try something, which he himself would have never practised. Such leaders have no credibility. They survive ,only by wielding their power and position .once that disappears, nobody respects them in their team.

Life is no different. We expect from others ,what we do not practise. We seldom put ourselves in the position of someone ,before we demand anything from them. This makes us hollow human beings. Neither the family nor the society will ever respect us ,for the same.

However, one may sometimes wonder as to “ Why people do it repeatedly although they are aware of it ? This may be because of our ego or because of our position in the family, organisation or society. People do not realise ,that others value the person and not the position. There may be a wrong belief that people respect position but the reality hits us ,only when the person vacates that position.

We may need to practise before we preach. We need to empathise and not sympathise with others ,before we demand anything. Our ability to see the world through the eyes and ears of others ,may help us be grounded and not float in the air. Our credibility as a human being and as a leader ,in any social context, goes up when we live the values we preach.

It may be time to look at the mirror before we look at others. It may be time to look before we leap. Our ability to experience the world through the prism of others will make us better human beings.

The day we realise that the life of others is different from us and we need to experience their worldview before we impose our worldview, our life will be different. Our eyes may open to a new world which we may not have experienced before.

Let us learn to change ourselves before we attempt to change the world.

S Ramesh shankar

15th February 2023

Attached to nothing, connected to everything

Nature may be our best teacher in life. Every plant and animal around us teaches us every day in every possible way. We, as humans have become blind, deaf and dumb to these teachings from nature. The chirping of the birds in the morning or the loyalty of a dog – everything is a lesson in life for us.

When we are born, we are not attached to anything in life. We arrive on earth with no clothes on us and the same thing happens when we leave this world. We cannot take back with us ,anything we have possessed during our lifetime. We literally come bare handed and go back the same way ,wherever we go as per our own religion.

However, during our stay on earth, we get attached to many things and of course many people. We start getting attached to our family from our childhood. Then friends, relatives and neighbours come into our lives. Every relationship makes us feel connected and we miss them when they are not around.

Our material possessions grow similarly. We have the bare minimum in our childhood and as we grow into adolescence ,our greed tends to go beyond our needs. Then adulthood makes us self reliant and thereby we start valuing our worth ,based on the material possessions we have.

As we do we well in our lives, our value for people decreases and material wealth increases. We start believing that we can live and survive on our own ,based on our financial wellness. We get connected to material things more than the people in our lives.

If we reflect on nature, we realise that birds do no accumulate any material things. They are always caring for each other and flock with one another to make each other successful. On the other hand, humans want to be financially well to do and relegate the value of human relationships.

Nature teaches us to be connected with everything without being attached to anything. The birds, the animals and even the plants are connected to every part of nature ,but they do not get attached to anything. On the other hand, we as humans ,get attached to our possessions and are not connected to other humans ,as we succeed in life.

Our ability to value people and not things in our lives ,may be the first step. Then, our ability to be detached and at the same time be attached with people ,is the key. This may look like a dichotomy of life but it is invaluable ,if we are able to master it. We need to enjoy the company of people we love as long as they are around and then need to live their values in our lives rather than keep worrying about them when they are no more.

The art of being connected to everything and not being attached to anything ,is the “mantra” of life. This may be easier said than done. It is easy to write about being detached than to practise it. However, the earlier we internalise this basic truth of life, the better it may be for our survival and growth as a human being.

S Ramesh Shankar

15th Feb 2023

The silent donors

“Maango Useese, Baaton Khusheese, Kaho na Kiseese” is Hindi quote which says “ Ask from God, donate happily and do not tell anyone. Someone shared this quote with me on social media and it stuck a chord.

All through our life we keep demanding for things from almost everyone around us- Our parents, teachers, friends, neighbours et all. It takes time for us to realise in life that we can ask only from God and nobody else. God gives all of us and may be the carrier ,are your parents, teachers, family or friends.

Possessiveness is our second nature. We get attached to material things more than people. It starts with “my pen”, my cycle”, “my clothes” and so on ,right from our childhood. We get very upset when someone tries to use our belongings ,even if they need them more than us.

We are reluctant to share .It takes a jolt in our life to realise that the more we give, the more we get. Many a time even after a few shocks in our lives, we are reluctant givers. When elders try to tell us that we need to give more than we take from others, we question them.

But as we grow older, we realise that this is the axiom of life, irrespective of whichever religion one follows. We get everything from the Almighty, we need to learn to give generously without expecting anything in return and do all good deeds in life ,anonymously.

It may be easier said than done, especially when we are young. We throng for material things and are indeed possessive of all that we have. We do not want to share our belongings with anyone and are keen to get credit for any small things we do.

But as we experience life, we learn our lessons, living through our own life events or through the wisdom of others. During childhood or even in our growing years at home, we do not believe in the advice of our parents or elders ,in this sphere.

We live in an illusion that we earn everything in life through our own hard work and sacrifice. The day we experience that money cannot buy many things like health or happiness ,we bow before the Almighty for forgiveness. Then ,we are willing to share with others.

Even when we are giving, we tend to take credit for the smallest good deeds we do ,without realising that there are millions around us doing much more than us and their left hand does not know what their right hand is doing.

When we stand up in life as adults and sometimes face difficulties and come out of it ,with the support and generosity of others ,then we realise that life is all about sharing, giving and caring for others.

Let us learn to give more than we get. Let us realise that the Almighty give us more than we deserve and the more we share happily without letting the world know of our little acts of kindness, the more we may be blessed.

S Ramesh Shankar

13th Feb 2023