Author: S Ramesh Shankar

Born in Trichy, Tamil Nadu, India, I have been brought up in different parts of India. Graduate in chemistry and post graduate in personnel management and industrial relations. Have been a HR practitioner for 38 years in the industry and have experience in working in steel , automobiles, FMCG and engineering industry. Was head of HR for Siemens in South Asia based out of Mumbai till March 2019. Currently founded hrishti - joy forever, a social enterprise to give back to society and work as Chief Joy Officer.

Aligning my “why” with my “what” ?

Many of us keep wondering “what” we are doing in life ? We keep asking “Why” we are doing “What we are doing at every stage of our lives. The question before us is which should come first – “Why” or “What” ? This is the million dollar question of our lives.

In my view, it does not matter. We could do “ what” we enjoy in life. Sometimes “what” we do ,may not necessarily answer a “why” ? On the other hand, we may end up doing other things ,since we have specific reasons to do those things.

I would personally spend more time to understand ,what gives me joy in life. Yes sometimes the things which give us joy, may not have any answers to why we do them. But does it matter, as long as we enjoy it.

We need to ask ourselves if we are living first for ourselves, then for others or the other way around. I am not recommending that we lead a selfish life. What I am trying to suggest is that ,we need to live life our way first ,before we live for others.

Many of us spend most of our life time living for others and subsuming ourselves and our own needs, in the process. We may realise this, a bit late in our lives. But it is ok to realise it at any stage and make the mid course corrections.

I would say that we may have some duties, roles and responsibilities in life. This could be for our personal lives ,as well as our work lives. While discharging those roles, we need to do things ,since we know why we need to do those things.

On the other hand, there are many things in life, that we may feel like doing, which may not answer a “why” we do them. In my view, it is perfectly fine ,to do both.

Let me illustrate with some examples. We know why we tutor our kids when they are young, as that is part of our role as parents. However, if we take a long drive to an unknown destination, we may not even know why we are doing it. We do it ,because we enjoy it.

With respect to our roles and responsibilities, we have little choice, but to do them. However, with respect to other things in life, we are answerable only to our own conscience and our hearts. So, it may be worthwhile to listen to our hearts and do what we enjoy most in life.

Many may wonder, if I have had the perfect balance between “what” and “why” in life, so far. The answer is an emphatic “no”. All of us evolve in life and so am I ,trying to evolve. However, one thing I am clear is that life is imperfect for all of us and the joy is to enjoy the imperfections in our lives.

What we do in life and why we do something ,is less important in my book ,to how much we enjoy ,whatever we do in life. This may look impractical but not so. If we are willing to tread our own path ,without worrying about what the world thinks of us, this is possible.

Both “What” and “Why” are incidental and circumstantial. So let us do what we love ,from today. We may sometimes have to do things, which we may not like but those may be our duties and responsibilities in life, which in any case ,we cannot avoid.

Let us learn to weave our lives with all things we enjoy ,without worrying ,what or why about them. Of course, we have to ensure that we do not hurt or harm anyone around us ,while we do them.

Let us do what we enjoy from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

3rd Jan 2024

One moment can change our lives

Life is brittle and fluid. One moment can change our lives. It could be a positive change, which transforms our lives like we never imagined. On the other hand, it could be a life shattering experience and could make us believe that there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

This ephemeral life ,is for all of us. Whether men are born in Mars or women in Venus, I do not know ,but life is the same for all of us. It is up to us ,to take this moment in our stride and manage to deal with it.

A great moment like admission in a great academic institution or the job offer from your dream company ,could change your life forever. However, it is important to believe, that this moment may change your life course ,but the after effects may not last forever.

Imagine getting into the best academic institution in your country. However, if we do not pursue our academic course to the best of our ability and come out in flying colours, we may have nobody else to blame.

The moment which catapulted us into a different space ,may not last our lifetime. If we fail in our academic pursuits and fail in our final exams, we may never get placed in any organisation of repute and this may lead to a moment of despair for us.

The lesson to be learnt here is that, such moments do not last forever. They could come and go and we need to deal with them accordingly. Our getting admission in the best institute of the country may be due to our hard work and perseverance. We get rewarded for our efforts. But then to come out in flying colours at the end of the course ,will be determined by our efforts ,after this moment.

If a moment of joy catapults us to the sky, it could also make us land abruptly afterwards ,if we do not take the necessary follow up efforts as given in the example of admission to the best academic institution.

On the other hand, a moment could impact our life negatively too. We may miss a promotion, when we think we deserve it most and others in the team too think the same way. This moment may shatter our confidence and self belief. However, it is our courage and resilience to deal with such moments, which may bring out the best in us. The greatest of human beings ,learn more from failures than successes.

We need to remember that such life changing moments may happen to us, at different stages of life. But they do not last forever. Our ability to be grounded in moments of joy as well as perseverance and resilience in moments of despair ,may help us to be a winner in life ,always.

These moments occur both in personal and professional lives. It could be a moment of joy ,at the birth of our first child. It could be the moment of tragedy, to lose a parent at a young age. An expected reward/recognition at work will delight us. On the other hand, losing a job during a pandemic or a restructuring of an organisation ,may shatter our hopes.

We need to remember that both joy and sorrow is transitory. If we learn to take both ,in our stride, we can manage both these moments resolutely ,without impacting our lives adversely.

Nothing is permanent ,including a moment in life.

All moments may help us improve and change.

S Ramesh Shankar

7th Dec 2023

Rearing children by working parents

Today we live in a generation of working couples. Both spouses are well qualified and work in their respective areas of passion. In my view, both spouses working a great things as it brings in equity and financial independence for both.

Many young couple today defer their marriage since they are busy in pursuit of their passions and goals in life. It may be worthwhile for individuals to determine when they want to marry in life. It is an individual choice , although marrying at a relatively younger age after you settle down in your career may ,make your future easier and stabler.

Once couples get married, they do not want to have kids for fear of losing their freedom in life and the responsibility of rearing children. Another factor that comes into play is that ,today most couples live in nuclear families since they move away from their parents, in pursuit of their career goals.

While when to have a kid, is the exclusive prerogative of a young couple, it may be better to start early rather than late in life. How early has to be determined by the couple themselves ,so that they can own responsibility for their decision rather than being coaxed by their parents or elders in the family.

One of the biggest joys in life, is to become a parent. This joy is to be experienced to be believed. Although the mother goes through a lot of challenges during pregnancy and even post delivery, still the happiness of having a child overcomes all these difficulties.

During the first year of parenthood, both the parents have a tough time managing work and life. This becomes all the more challenging when both are working parents. Some of the ways to overcome these pangs of early parenthood could be :

A. Respect and learn from your parents : If the working couple is lucky to have parents from either side or both, they could respect and learn from them. If they could stay with you during this period, it could help you manage this stressful period with elan. However, one needs to remember that the young working parents should respect, care and learn from their parents rather than utilising them as nannies during this period of life and forgetting their value ,as the kid grows up.

B. Sharing responsibilities : Both the spouses need to share responsibilities of parenthood. It may be easier said than done. However, it can be practically evolved ,on what one is good at and enjoys doing. Neither partner should feel neglected or over burdened during this critical period of parenthood.

C. Pausing career aspirations: It is a fact that during this phase of one’s life, it may be tough to balance career and personal life. Both spouses may have to make sacrifices in their work and career to share this key responsibility as parents of a young child . It may be worthwhile to remember that our careers do not come to a halt if we take a break or take it easy during this period. Organisations are supportive, nowadays.

D. Maternity, Paternity & Child care leave: Most organisations today have policies to support maternity, paternity and child care. Both spouses should take the best benefit of these policies and not get cowed down by career dreams at this stage. The child’s future is more important than anything in our career, at this stage.

E. Sabbatical could be an option : Many organisations also have sabbatical policies and it may be worthwhile for either parent or even both to take a sabbatical during this phase of their parenthood. The early years of a child are the formative years and the parents make the best impressions on the child. This role of parents cannot be delegated to maids/servants or even parents, grand parents or other relatives or friends in your network.

The good news is that ,after the children cross a particular age, they become more independent and then one could re focus on their careers and life aspirations. The first few years of childhood are vital for a child’s growth and the development of their personalities.

It is very important to remember that the primary responsibility of rearing one’s children is that of both the parents. It is not the responsibility of your parents or grand parents.

If we think, we are not capable of shouldering this important responsibility in our lives, it may be worthwhile to review ,when one would like to have kids or not have kids at all. But thinking one could delegate this responsibility to elders or others ,to take care of your kids is a an act, which you may regret later ,in your lives.

The joy of parenthood begins with the birth of a child but can be fully realised ,only when we are willing and ready to shoulder the responsibilities of parenthood, which comes with this.

Let us learn to celebrate parenthood.

S Ramesh Shankar

9th Dec 2023