Tag: life

Being in the moment…


In life most of the time, we either worry about the past or brood about the future.  We hardly live and enjoy the present.   Why do we fail to be in the present and enjoy every moment ?  This appears a very simple question but most of us have experienced this in our lives and have no answers. If you ask someone when they would be content and happy, they look at something which they hope to happen in the future.  

We can experience this in every stage of our lives.  A student will say that she is looking forward to complete her education and get into employment.  A young professional who has started his career will say he wants to double his income in three years and that may make him happy.  Someone else may say marriage will bring happiness.  For the married, a child is expected to bring joy in their lives.  If you have kids, their education and success in life is expected to give you contentment.   As your children get married, you await the arrival of your grand kids to bring happiness in life.  This is the cycle of the unending quest for happiness in life.

I have always wondered as to why we fail to enjoy today.  We glorify the past or our petrified about the future.  The past is history and we all know that.  We cannot re write history.  The future is mystery and even the astrologers or futurologist cannot predict it accurately.  Then why not live in the present.  One possible hypothesis is that happiness is always relative.  We compare ourselves to the past or to the future and hence this state of flux.

The other theory to explain this could be our belief of fate.  We believe we are destined to be happy or unhappy in life.  If we succeed in life, we say its luck and if we fail we claim it is fate.  Even if we have worked hard and given our best we refuse to enjoy the present.  This fatalistic attitude to life in infused in us.  In my view, while luck and fate may exist, it is we who can make a difference to live happily in life.

I have come across people who are always happy.  The single most factor which makes them happy is that they live in the present.  They are aware of the past and forget it.  They are not clear about the future but do not lose their sleep over it.  They do their best, work hard and enjoy each day as if tomorrow does not exist.  Imagine accumulating wealth all through your life and hoping that you will enjoy it later in your life.  That tomorrow may never come and you may not live to enjoy it and regret not doing so.  So, why not enjoy it today.

I am not saying that we should not learn from the mistakes of the past and be proactive not to repeat them in the future.  I am only saying that we need to learn to live each day as it comes and enjoy every moment in front of us as we experience it.  No two human beings are similar and no two experiences repeat themselves.  We have to give our best at all times and deal with life as it comes.  Like in the photo above, the beauty of nature is there all around us to enjoy every moment of our life every day.

Let us learn to live life each day as it comes.  Let us look at all the positives around us and enjoy today and believe that yesterday is over and tomorrow is yet to come.

S Ramesh Shankar

Crossroads in Life


There comes a stage in life when you feel that you are living on the edge.  You are in a dilemma to say the least.  It is a stage in life, where you feel you want to move on, stay put or take a step back.  You weigh in all the options and then are still stuck to where you are.  It is almost like you are standing on a soil full of quick sand.  It is a terrible situation to be in, but it is true that most of us go through this in our lives.

If we look back at our personal lives, such situations haunt us.  The first such dilemma I faced in life was when my father was seriously ill with a critical illness and was in the ICU.  He had a renal failure and the doctors told me that he has to be on dialysis every week.   It would cost me quite a bit and that amount was almost what my monthly earnings were at that stage of my life.  The doctors asked me as the eldest son whether I would like to go ahead and put him on dialysis or let him die the natural way.  I was shocked and did not know what step to take.  I had no other sources of income and no other person to support me financially.  I took the plunge that I will go ahead with the dialysis knowling well that I cannot afford it and it may be a painful experience for him as well.   The only reason for this decision is that my heart told me that I should do everything to save my father as I could never ever repay what he had done for me and the rest of our family.

If I move to the work situation, the defining moment was in 1995.  I was working in a public sector undertaking, where I had started my career in 1981.  I had done well all through my career and was promoted almost every three years.  Of course, there were ups and downs during these 14 years.  I got promoted in 1995 and then I decided to resign and pursue my career in the private sector.  At that time, this was considered a high risk decision.  Everyone of my age preferred the government service and next the public sector as the best place to work in.  My seniors advised me against it.  My family members were supportive of my decision.  My friends were curious.  I was not sure whether to take the plunge or not.  I decided to move on and have no regrets of what I did.

I am sure each one of us would have gone through such dilemmas in our lives.  It could be life defining moments or life threatening ones.  Each of us weigh all the options before us and take the best decision.  Sometimes we may be proved right and other times we may be proved wrong.  It is after a period of time, people will pass the judgement and tell you how right you were or how wrong you were.  It is our ability to take both of theses situations in our stride and move on, which may make us successful in life.  We have to take a decision, own it up and move on. We ourselves will not know whether it is right or wrong. As long as we’re are sure that it is the best option before us with all the information at our end, we should just go ahead.

 One needs to listen to everyone, seek the advice of elders and the experts and then own up whatever one thinks is in the best interest of everyone.  It may work out or it may not. It does not matter.  After all life is also like a lottery.  When it clicks, you hit a bonanza and when it does not, you learn to cope with it.  As in the photo above, you sometimes do not know whether the river is taking a right or a left turn.  You realise it only after you have taken the turn and reached your destination.

Let us learn to move on in life.

S Ramesh Shankar

Smile please…

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Our facial expressions speak more than our words.  There is research to state that we express ourselves 70% of the time through non verbal behaviour rather than verbal.  This means smiles can not only be contagious but can make a huge positive impact in our lives.  Then, it may be worth while to examine as to why we are so stingy in smiling.  Many of us find it difficult to smile unless a situation forces us to do so or we do it as an obligation to others.   Interestingly there is also medical research to confirm that smiles can exercise our facial muscles better than frowns.

It is time to examine the reasons for our smiling or otherwise. We get up in the morning, brush our teeth and feel quite comfortable smiling at ourselves at the mirror.  We have our cup of coffee with our family and friends and the smile may continue to blink.  As the day progresses, we meet people on the way to work or school and the smile disappears.  The frown may gradually replace the smile as we believe our day is worse than anyone else around us.

It is time to wake up in the morning and be grateful to God and ourselves.  We should believe that we are the luckiest in the world and blessed with family and friends, who are so caring and loving around us.  We should look forward to getting to work or school and meet our wonderful colleagues.  This may not only make us more confident and cheerful but will spread happiness all around us.  It may make us feel good and spread goodness with every smile on our face as we interact with others.

Why blame the world for a negative attitude if we can change the world with our smile.  Another interesting dimension of a smile on our face is that it is very contagious.  It is almost like yawning.  Have your ever tried it ?  If you look at people yawning around you, you end up yawning yourself even if you are not sleepy or feel like it.  Smile is similar.  Try it.  If you meet someone who smiles around all the time, the spread of cheer is infectious.

It may be interesting to examine as to why we smile less and frown more at ourselves or at others.  It may be because of the imbalance between need and greed in life.  We are accumulating wealth with the belief that wealth may lead us to prosperity and which in turn may make us happy.  This quest for wealth is endless and leads us from need to greed.  The moment greed overtakes need, we tend become angry with ourselves and more greedy.

On the other hand, we meet people on the street, who are never sad.  They may not be the wealthiest in the world but they are the happiest.  If we examine them better, we may realise that they fulfill their needs in life and never are greedy.  They give more than they get in life.  Their smile is generous and unconditional.  They do not smile at you because they need you but they smile at you because they want to make you happier every day.

On the other hand, many of us carry the burden of the world on us.  We believe that the world is cruel to us.  We believe that we do not have enough for a happy future.  We are in the never ending quest for wealth.  We yearn for a future, which is always eluding us and in the process forget the existence of the present.   We forget the past as soon as we reach a stage of self denial.  This makes us smile less and frown more.

It is time to wake up.  Let us smile at ourselves and at others.  Let us cheer ourselves .  Let us spread happiness around us like a flower spreading honey to the bees.  The world will be a happier place to live in.

Lets start today

S Ramesh Shankar
January 2017