Tag: life

Ways of life

I enjoy walking on the sea shore along the sea with my naked feet making impressions on the wet sand. Many a time I prefer to walk with my spouse, friend or relative. Sometimes, all alone too. Today I encountered the sudden death of a close relative and this made me wonder as to what would happen if you were walking with that relative and when you turn around and find that there are only the impressions of your feet and your relative’s disappears in the sand behind you from your trail.

This was the feeling experienced by me today. It is a feeling of emptiness. You feel as if you were going through a storm and suddenly without your knowledge, you enter a state of vacuum. This space makes you feel weird. A state of helplessness. But you can do nothing about it. All of us go through such moments in our life and have to learn to deal with it.

It was a wonderful feeling to feel the imprints on the sand when you are walking with a partner. But, when you realize that your partner has left you suddenly and without notice, you realize you are left alone in this world to fend for yourself. One is born alone into this world and one also realizes that you leave this planet all alone. But the journey in between is life. You need a partner during this period. Your parents partner you till your adolescence, then your friends and finally your life partner. Of course, your parents are with you through out your life but the presence or absence of a life partner makes all the difference.

My mother’s death preceded by father’s. I was just 25, when I lost both my parents. But, I did realize the value of the partner after my mother’s death. My father lived all alone after my mother’s death with my brother. Although he was a man of few words right through his life, my mother’s death made him more lonely then words could express. I could feel the vacuum in his life although he never shared his grief with us.

Within two years’ of my mother’s death, my father passed away. He did suffer from diabetes and hypertension, which made his kidneys fail. Although, this was the primary reason for his death, I also felt that he died due to separation of his partner in life. All of us, who have experienced the warmth of our parents, friend or spouse in life understand the meaning of true partnership. You are energised by the mere presence of your partner without expecting anything from each other. Their mere presence adds value to your life. The physical presence of your partner is enough. Even their silence adds meaning to your life. Their absence kills you.

When you miss your partner in life for a few days, you miss them. Imagine what happens to you when you lose them for eternity. You end up talking to their photo for a few days till you digest the truth that they are no longer with you. You keep asking God as to why was he so cruel on you ? God answers you through his silence and then you realize that this is the new reality of life and you adapt to it.

After spending many years in my life and after losing quite a few relatives and friends, I realised that this is new phase of life God has planned for you. The only way to remember your partner or friend in your future life is to live their values and fulfil their unfulfilled dreams if you can. There is no point brooding what you could have done to increase there longevity in life. It is better to spend one’s energy to live their spirit in your life.

The ways of life are complex and unpredictable as in the design of the photo above.

Life is a journey and there are a few shocks like these, which mould you to be a better human being

Time to wake up is now.

S Ramesh Shankar

24th November 2017

Life is full of “Choices”

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We all face ups and downs in life. We are happy about our decisions when things go well but feel disappointed when they things don’t go our way. This is natural. However, on reflection I feel that we always have choices in life and it is up to us to make a choice. Sometimes we may end up making a wrong choice and it ok to accept it as a reality. It is not fair to believe that there were no alternatives before us.

Let us recall any incident in life. I am reminded of the first car I bought in my career. It was a second hand car. In 1987, the company gave me a loan and I could not afford to buy a new car with that money and hence opted to buy a second hand car. This car I had bought after due consideration and review amongst the choices I had in front of me. Fortunately it turned out to be a good choice. I used the car for five years and sold it at a profit after that. Assuming it had been a bad choice, can I blame my employer to give me a limited loan or blame the seller for selling his car to me. I always had the option of buying a car or not buying a car. I could have bought a second hand or a new car. I could have bought some other brand too.

So, my learning in life is that in everything we do, we have choices. We always make our decision based on the best available information in front of us. Sometimes our choice may work out and at other times it may not. This does not mean we do not choices in life. We end up blaming the environment or at least try to externalise or blame the environment for the wrong choices we make. I think this is not fair. We have to own up the choices we make and take full responsibility for the choices we make.

I chose a junior in college and opted to marry her. After due consideration and with her unconditional consent, we decided to marry. Today it is 35 years since we are happily married. Today I can say it was the right choice since it has worked for me. Assuming it had not worked out for either of us, can we blame each other. Nobody forced us to marry. Neither our parents coerced us nor anyone else. We had a choice to marry or not to marry. How can we blame anyone for our decision to marry ?

I feel life is no different. We always have multiple choices in front of us. It is up to us to take our own time, evaluate all the options and then make the best choice in our best judgement at that point of time. We have take full responsibility for our choice and be willing face the consequences if it does not work for us. When it works, we are happy to own our decision and when it does not we want to blame someone else or the environment around us.

I recently met a college teacher who very nicely explained the concept of internal locus of control. He said in life we have to believe that everything is under our control and we are responsible for all our actions. In every situation, we have a choice to say yes or no. We also have a choice to say may be. We could decide then and there or take our time to decide. In every situation, we have to believe that our decision is ours. Everything is under our control and we can make things happen around us. This way life becomes a journey of possibilities. Otherwise, life appears as a road full of obstacles.

I also recently read a very nice suggestion. We all make a “To Do” list every day for our daily chores. Most of us end up either not beginning those tasks or finishing only half of them. It was suggested that instead of calling it the “To Do” list, if we call it “Possibilities” it changes the way we look at it. It infuses a positive energy and makes everything look possible. The chances of our accomplishing the majority of them looks brighter.

Even a diabetic has a choice to eat a tempting sapota/chiku or not. If he eats, he only needs to exercise a little more that day. Nothing more than that.

Let us believe that life is full of choices and we are in full control of it.

Let us begin today.

S Ramesh Shankar

Why is common sense uncommon ?

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I have never understood as to why common sense is uncommon ? The first incident which taught me this was when I was in college. My college was next to a suburban railway station. There was a subway being constructed at the level crossing near the college. One side of the road to the subway was being dug in a broader way than the other side. Both the sides did not seem aligned. As a student, I was bewildered. However, I thought the civil and design engineers were more knowledgable than me and hence may be I did not understand.

However, after the construction was almost completed on the subway, they realised that this was indeed a grave error. There were two different contractors working on either side of the railway line and may be they never had a joint meeting and hence they designed and constructed subways on either side, which were not aligned. They did not realise it till it was almost completed although to a common man like me it was quite visible.

Such incidents happen almost every day in our lives. There are some things, which are very obvious but we do not realise it until someone points it out to us. It is like standing under a shower and turning on the hot water tap without realising that we need to first mix the hot and cold water to the right temperature before walking under the shower. Isn’t it obvious to us that hot water will burn our skin but still many of us end up doing just that.

Another every day incident which baffles me is our reluctance to wear helmets or safety belts while we ride bikes or drive cars. All of us are aware that the maximum deaths happen on the road due to accidents. We are equally educated that helmets and safety belts can help us prevent fatal accidents. We undergo training and even make written commitments to wear them. But when we take out our bike or car, we end up not wearing them stating that with so much traffic and such slow speeds, nothing can happen to us.

The most common thing I see nowadays is people crossing the road speaking on their mobile phones. I have nothing against people speaking on mobile phones or chatting on apps. But what baffles me is why people do not realise that crossing a road speaking on the mobile phone could be fatal. Isn’t it common sense that while you are speaking on the phone or chatting on it, your attention cannot be on the traffic and you may not hear the horn and hence it may just take a fraction of a second to meet with an accident.

I realise that I cannot blame the world for my uncommon sense. I have to take responsibility for applying my common sense and not make it uncommon. I need to commit to myself that I will question myself every time I realise that I am not exhibiting it. If I promise myself that I will wear a helmet or safety belt every time I drive, I should stick to it whether the world is watching me or I am all alone.

As in the photo above, why we do not use safety devices when we are expected to do so for our own safety.

The only way of making common sense common is self discipline. I cannot blame the world for an accident if I cross the road while I am speaking on a mobile phone. The earlier we realise this basic tenet the better it is for ourselves. It is up to us to use our common sense. If we don’t, we have to blame ourselves and not the world around us.

Let me begin today.

S Ramesh Shankar