It’s good to cry too…

It is generally believed that men do not cry. It is mindset that if you cry, you are not a man. This gets reinforced by many life incidents. My father was a very soft spoken person and never cried. I have never seen him raise his voice or get angry at anyone. I had also never seen him cry. So, I also believed this belief that men don’t cry. Then, when my mother died and I was lighting her funeral pyre, I saw tears roll down my father’s eyes. I realised that crying is normal to humans.

It is a fact that all of us have emotions. Some of us express it, while others may not. My father never expressed his sadness and thereby his sorrow with others. He could neither be seen jumping around when he was overjoyed nor sulking in sorrow with tears rolling down his cheek. He preferred to keep his emotions to himself. My father has been a role model for me in my life. I always wish that I learnt to be half as patient as he was always.

Today, we try to inculcate in children not to laugh or cry aloud. It is ingrained in them as if it is bad manners. In my view, we should encourage our children to express their emotions openly. The more we laugh and cry in this world, the more we will be in balance. We will learn to share our joy and sorrow with others. We will learn to let go and also share the emotions with others.

It may be true that I have inherited this quality from my father. I have also cried only a few times in my life. But, I realised that every time I let the emotions pour out of me in the form of tear, I feel relieved. Recently my brother in law died and when his son was lighting his funeral pyre, he burst into tears. My nephew is a young lad in his early thirties and could not bear the loss of his father at such a young age. The priest halted the funeral and advised the young boy to cry aloud and let his emotions come out.

We need to learn to emote. We grow up being told not to laugh or cry. The conservative society labels young men and women who cry as not brave enough. In my view, this is not right. It is good to cry and laugh. It helps you to release your pent up emotions and let go. It may also help you to forget and forgive people if you are willing to let go off your emotions.

I was hurt by an uncle of mine during my young adulthood, when he declined to help me when I was in distress, while treating my ailing father on his death bed. I was very upset and deeply hurt by this incident. I almost stopped talking to this relative. Years passed by and while I was narrating this incident during a training programme, I burst into tears. I could not control my pent up emotions. After I regained my balance, I was willing to forgive this relative and even spoke to him later.

Emotions are an integral part of our being. We need to let it be and let it go as and when it is necessary. We may get overjoyed and we should jump in joy and share our joy with others. We may be overwhelmed with sorrow, when multiple incidents occur one after the other and we lose control. We need to share this sadness with others and cry aloud so that we can vent out our feelings.

In my view, laughing and crying should be an integral part of our living. We should laugh and cry every other day as we breath every day. It is good to laugh and equally sound to cry. Let us not be guided by age old mindsets that “Men don’t cry”. It is human to cry and we need to realise that we all are human beings. We all cry at birth and make others cry when we die. Let us also learn to cry in between birth and death.

Lets learn to cry.

S Ramesh Shankar

Change is good

Change is the only constant in today’s world. The most interesting aspect is the rate of change. Earlier, we would be happy to anticipate a change once in a few years. This became months, days and now life changes almost every minute. One of the reasons could be technological breakthroughs in society. I remember in the eighties we would get an update of the world news on television only once a week. Today, we are updated every minute through news apps.

Organisations and individuals are constantly dealing with change every day. Let us first examine it from an organisation perspective. Every organisation is confronted with change at every stage of its evolution. If it is a startup, dealing with change is the foundation of its existence. After an organisation matures and becomes stable, change in the environment helps the organisation to shake itself out of slumber and learn and grow.

The story of change is no different for us as individuals. In the earlier years, we had the luxury of following age old practises without being challenged. Today the rate of change of the environment is faster than we can believe. It changes very rapidly and impacts us in multiple ways. Our success lies in anticipating the change, accepting it as our current reality and learning to adapt to the change to our best ability.

Our society is also dealing with change in every way. Nations, communities and societies are experiencing unprecedented change. The boundaries of nations get blurred with economic unions cutting across countries like the European Union. This makes change inevitable. Both suppliers and customers benefits from such changes. It also impacts regulations and taxes across countries.

The biggest challenge of change is our ability to accept it and adapt to it. If we resist change, then we get overwhelmed. I remember the first days of the computer and the email. Senior managers were wary of this change and felt powerless without their secretaries sorting out snail mails for them. They even resisted the use of computers for word processing and database management. Today the computer is gradually getting replaced by the mobile phone. Our office resides in the mobile phone and every activity can be done on it if we are willing to learn to do it.

I am aware of grand parents attending computer classes to learn to send emails and chat on video platforms with their grand children who live across the ocean in different continents. Age, sex, religion or nation will not matter to adapt to change. It is our mindset to unlearn, learn and relearn. It is important to remember that change is the only constant in an ever changing world around us.

The earlier we are able to anticipate this change and adapt to it, the more successful and happy we would be in life. Most of us spend time in denial. We then try to postpone an issue claiming that a particular change is not for me. It is this attitude we need to change. The moment we realise it, we become a winner. We are able to lead the change and reap the benefits from it much better than others.

Playing football in the pouring rain made me realise that change is good. If I could play in pouring rains, I could do better during normal weather.

It is important to realise that change does not wait for us. It encircles us and moves on. If we do not learn to change, we may get changed forcibly and that experience may not be good. It is better to master change then be engulfed by change. This is true as individuals, communities, societies, organisations or even nations. As someone nicely said, ” The future has a habit of suddenly and dramatically becoming the present.” If we learn to foresee this future, we lead the change.

Lets change today.

S Ramesh Shankar

When you feel something is good, everything is good…


I am a born optimist and have always considered life as full of possibilities and opportunities. Interestingly I have noticed that if you think positive, then everything around you looks positive for you. On the other hand, if you crib for everything in life, nothing seems to work for you. I do not know if this has any scientific basis or not but I believe that life evolves for us the way we believe in it.

I can share many incidents in my life where I have been caught up in difficult situations but have always found a way out because I believed there is a way out. Life revolves around what you believe in. If you think it is good, everything around you looks good. On the other hand, if you believe life is a curse, nothing seems positive around you. One may call this your attitude to life and I believe it is true and it works for me.

My daughter finished her graduation in journalism and wanted to pursue her post graduation in mass communication. I was hoping that she will get admission to the best school of mass communication for the same. She not only got admission but did pursue her studies in the same school and came out with flying colours and further got a dream job from her campus placements.

I moved to Bangalore from Delhi after I changed my job. My son had passed out his tenth class and was to admitted to a new school for his further education. I tried many schools but I believed he will make it and get admission near my house. He not only got admission on merit in one of the best schools near my house but also passed out from that school and further pursued his graduation in business management as he had dreamt.

There have been days in my life at work, where I have felt bored and almost wanted to quit. But I did believe that something good is likely to happen to me and I have been nominated for a new project, which has been a turning point in my career. Every change in the trajectory of my career has happened because I believed in myself and also pursued my dreams through hard work and determination.

My wife has always been around to help someone in need. She will be the first person to offer her services to anyone in need. I have seen her rushing to my daughter for help or to my parents or my in laws. This helping attitude of hers ensures that we are never in trouble. In my entire career and life, I have never faced a situation, where I have felt lonely or not cared for. I believe this is because of the positive service attitude of my wife.

I have seen my eldest sister stay in multiple cities. She has always been blessed with good neighbourhood and good servants at home to help her. Of course, she is a noble human being and hence may be blessed with such benefits because of her goodness. But I also believe that she always thinks good about others and hence all people around her appear to be good.

It is this belief, which makes all the difference in our lives. If we believe something good will happen, it will happen. If we think people around us are good, they turn out to be good. If we are courteous and generous with others, everyone is helpful to you and so on. Life always gives you what you deserve. It also gives you back the way you look at life.

If you are willing to admire nature, then you get immersed in the lap of nature as in the photo above.

If we think positive, life is positive. Let us believe everything which happens around us is good, and it will turn out to be good.

Let us try it.

S Ramesh Shankar