Tag: #attitude

Taking for granted ?


Do we take people for granted ?  I assume we do.  It starts from the family and then extends to society and organisations too.  Let us start from the family. Do we take our parents for granted ?  Yes we do.  We almost assume that they are duty bound to take care of us and our needs for the rest of our lives.  We are not much bothered about them but if they do not support us when we need them we feel betrayed.  

The story is not very different with our spouses.  Whether we both are working spouses or not, it is a fact that we take each other for granted.  Let us assume that our spouse is not working in an organisation but a home maker.  We almost imagine that they do not have much work and no tensions at home.  If we  get what we want at home on time, we assume that it is their responsibility and hence take it for granted.

On the contrary, let us assume that both spouses are working.  Even in this situation, we do not balance home and office work.  We tend to take for granted that our wives will take care of our home as we are busy at work.  We do not even realise that our wives also have work pressures and balancing home and work is not easy.  Hence, taking your wife for granted is more true than not.

Now, let us move to the organisational sphere.  Do we take our team members, colleagues and bosses for granted ?  Yes, it is true that many of us are so self centred that we look at the world only from own prisms.  We are not much concerned as to how it impacts our team or even our peers.  We take them for granted.  Sometimes, we also take our bosses for granted and assume that they will cover up for us in any crisis.

Why is it that we take everyone in life for granted ?  I assume it is a psychological phenomenon.  Human beings tend to believe that the whole world exists to support them.  We assume our family members, colleagues at work and members of the community are duty bound to help us to be successful in life. When this belief becomes one sided, that is where we start taking people for granted.  

The moment we start believing that we have to give before we take help from others, this problem will perish.  We have to learn to respect everyone and not take anyone for granted in life.  There is nobody in life, who is obligated to you.  We are born alone and will die alone.  But, we need the support of everyone in life to be successful.  Help is always mutual and respect is earned rather than given.  Hence, taking people for granted could lead to more distress than happiness.

We should neither take people or things for granted.  It is like taking a turn while driving your car by looking only at one of your side view mirrors as shown in the photo above.  This is like the driver taking his skills for granted.

Let us learn to respect people from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

Complex – inferiority or superiority


We all have complexes in life.  Sometimes we call them inferiority complex and at other times superiority.  In my view, complex is only of one type and that is inferiority.  When we are not able to accept our inferiority, we project it as superiority complex.  This happens to us in all aspects of life.  It starts at home.  As a senior family member, we find it difficult to accept our mistakes. We find it more difficult to say sorry.  Most of the time, we use our status to exert our power.  We think we are superior to the other younger members of the family and hence can get away with it.  In my view, we are inferior and everyone including a child understands it although may not express it to us out of respect.

The best example of the expression of complexes is seen between spouses in a marriage.  Each of us think, we are superior and can argue till the end to justify our behaviour.  We many a time may realise that it is our mistake but our status and ego prevents us to accept defeat in an argument.  We may prefer to keep quiet and not talk to each other rather than accept inferiority or defeat in any situation.  All of us who are married may have gone through this situation many times in life.  I have gone through and have always found it difficult to reflect and accept reality.  It is definitely easier to write about it than display it in day to day behaviour.  

The work situation is no different.  As managers and leaders, we think our seat of power gives us a right of superiority.  We want to win every argument with our team and want to dominate in every discussion.  We think that if we listen more and give in to ideas, we may be perceived as less effective.  This sense of superiority in us is actually a weakness rather than a strength.  Hence my hypothesis that there is only one complex in life and that is inferiority.

The behaviour of individuals in society is similar.  We tend to behave as if we know everything in life if we are the oldest in a group.  We tend to believe that experience can make us a master of all situations.  While it is true that experience is a good teacher, it may not necessarrily answer all the questions in life.  It may be a good idea to listen to all shades of opinions in society. Everyone in life, old or young, senior or junior may have something to contribute.  It is up to us to learn from everyone in life.

The earlier we realise that all complexes in life are those of inferiority, the better it is for us.  Irrespective of family, work or civil society, there is nobody inferior or superior in life.  Everyone may have ideas and it is up to us to learn from all of them.  It may be useful for us to convert every weakness into an opporutinity to learn from others.  If we live in a dream of superiority, we live in a world of delusion.  

Just like in the photo above, being taller or shorter than the other person does not make you superior or inferior in life.

The earlier we accept the reality, the faster we grow up in life.

S Ramesh Shankar

Looking back or Moving forward

It is that time of the year when the Christmas carols can be heard. The end of a calendar year and the beginning of a brand new year. We look back to move forward. All of us love to reflect on the past year and build hope for the next year. We are happy of some events and regret others while we look back. We are optimistic about the future and hence wish the new year brings joy and happiness to all of us.

It may be a good idea to look back. But, what should we look back at. We need to realise that looking back and being grateful to people, who have contributed to our success in the previous year may be a good idea. It may be worthwhile to feel happy about some of our key accomplishments during the year. It may be worthwhile to learn from some of the mistakes we may have committed in the previous year.

But many of us tend to spend more time looking back then moving forward. This is what we need to guard against. It is like driving a car looking at the rear view mirror. The rear view mirror is very helpful when we need to reverse or when we need to overtake someone on the road. It is not possible to drive a car on the highway by only looking at the rear view mirror. We need to look at the windscreen and anticipate what is coming in front of us and how the road is twisting and turning before us.

It may be a better idea to move forward rather than looking back at all times. We need to believe in ourselves. We need to realise that there would always be a sunrise after a sunset. We need to hope that tomorrow would be better than yesterday and today. It is like most of us do not spend time in planning for an event. We spend more time in fixing issues while an even is occurring in our lives.

It is better to plan and foresee the future. It is better to dream and anticipate change. It is fun to hope and aspire for the upcoming year. We tend to spend more time in analysing what went wrong rather than anticipating what could happen in the future. It is this change in attitude, which would help us navigate change. It will help us anticipate and prepare for whatever is likely to happen.

I am a born optimist. I would prefer to spend less time analysing the past and more time in dreaming about the future. We cannot do much about what has happened in the past. But, we can create a future of our choice. While past is history, future is mystery, yet to explored. While history can teach us lessons, it may not be able to anticipate what is likely to happen. I would prefer to brood less about the past and dream more about the future.

I have learnt in my life that it is worthwhile to reflect on the past to learn for the future. But, if it is better to spend less time looking back then moving forward. The past will not necessarily lead us to the future. It is important to remember that we need to move on in life irrespective of what happened in the past. We need to cherish good memories but it may be worthwhile to spend more time in shaping our future.

As in the photo above, the peacock in the forest was not sure whether to look back or move forward.

Let us learn to drive our life by looking more at the front windshield rather than looking at the rear view mirror. I am by no means suggesting that we need not look back at the past. I am only recommending that looking ahead in life is more fruitful than brooding about the past. I am saying we need to learn to move ahead. The earlier we learn this lesson, the better we can anticipate the future of our life.

Lets move forward.

S Ramesh Shankar