Anything new is good….

IMG_2118
All of us crave for new things most of the time. We like to have new clothes, new friends, new car, new house and et all. This habit develops as a child and continues possibly throughout our life time. While the saying goes “Old is gold” – new continues to enamour us. We may not have reasons to justify our behaviour all the time but we continue to crave for new things all the time in our lives.

Let us examine this behaviour from various angles. The first and foremost is the psychology of this behaviour. It may be due to boredom with existing things around us. It could be the belief that anything new would be better than the old we are used to. It may be due to our yearning for newer things in life. As the child grows up, we are fascinated by the changes in their behaviour. We clamour for a new word and new action every day and are overjoyed when it happens. I remember the first word my daughter uttered in her life. It was “Chidiya”(bird) and it was one of the most joyous moments in my life as a parent. She looked at a sparrow and named it as a bird the first time in her life.

Let us examine it from the lens of relationships. Most of us grow up in the secured environment of a family and get used to the relations around us. We look forward to establish new relationships when we go outside our homes in our quest for higher education or for jobs. We eagerly look forward to how every relationship will evolve. We put in our best efforts and look forward to a mutually rewarding relationship based on trust and mutual respect. This happens to us as individuals too. As bachelors or spinsters we lead a carefree life. Then we get married and look forward to a new relationship of equal intensity. We want to give our best and receive love in equal measure.

If we move to material things around us, the phenomenon is similar. We may have most the things we want in life. We still crave for new things on every possible occasion. We justify buying new things to changes in technology or our own needs. Sometimes, we want to upgrade our social status by buying more prestigious brands as we can afford them now. Every time we believe that anything new will be good for us. Our craving for new material things continues throughout our life journey. The only lesson one can learn is that if we can balance greed and need it may be helpful for us as human beings.

Now let us examine it from our own selves and how it adds joy to our lives. It can be different things may bring joy to different people. One may get joy buying a new pair of shoes although he has many pairs of shoes in his cupboard. It could be watches for some or handbags for others. I remember the first time I bought an expensive watch for myself, I felt guilty as I already had two watches. One of my colleagues also commented that all watches show the same time. This may be true but the joy of buying a new watch is not an experience which can be ignored. After all we need to live life that gives us joy every single day.

This craving for new things has to be within your affordable limits. We need to ensure that while we have every right to enjoy buying anything new in our lives it should not be at the expense of others or our own well being. Some of the ground rules I have been following in buying new things are – a. Never borrow and buy new things, b. Never sacrifice your well being to buy new things, c. Our craving for new things should not be at the expense of others d. Learn to donate old things when you buy new things so that your greed and needs are balanced.

As in the photo above, a new microscope is more fascinating for the kid than even ripe mangoes in front of him.

The joy of new things are to experienced to be believed. Joy for ourselves should not be at the cost of others.

What do you say ?

S Ramesh Shankar

Transgender is ?

Trans is webinar series

Who is a Transgender ? What does their world look like ? What are the challenges they face in society ? What is our world view of transgenders ? What can we do ? How can I make a difference ?. These are some of the questions which came to my mind when a friend asked me to join a webinar series called “Transis “

Today after attending 16 webinars I should confess that I realise how little I know of this genre called “transgenders”. Every webinar opened my eyes to their world. Every session I attended I realised how little we know about those sections of society who are disadvantaged in more ways than one.

I am neither competent to write on this topic nor will attempt to be an expert. But my ignorance inspired me to write about how little I know and what difference we can make as individuals in society. Most of us think, what can I do to transform society.

It is like that famous story of the star fish and the small kid on the sea shore. If each of us can throw back at least one star fish pushed to the sand by the waves, we can save the life of that star fish. Similarly if each of us can help understand one transgender person and enable them to integrate into the mainstream of society in whatever way we can make a positive difference to their lives.

I realised how difficult the world of a transgender is when I listened to their stories. A person is not born as a transgender by their choice. They are born into a family by nature’s ordain. Most families consider it a curse that a child of this nature is born into their family. So the challenge for this category of people starts from the day of their birth on this earth.

Imagine a child who is born into a family for no fault of theirs is discriminated and cursed for no fault of theirs. Many a time the child is thrown out of their home or discarded even before they become an adult. A child is born as a male in a female body or a female in a male body. They do not have a choice to live the way they want. Neither the family nor the community around them or the society at large supports them in any way.

I should admit that till today I thought that women, differently abled, minorities etc. were the disadvantaged sections of society. Today I realised that the transgender community have much bigger challenges to face not only to live but survive in a society, which has repeatedly failed to understand them and their issues. We have not only failed to understand them but also have not yet even imagined to create an eco system for their fair living.

If we take a peek into their world, we may realise that their challenges starts at their birth and possibly does not even end at their death. They are rejected by their own family leave alone the community around them. Societies and nations have not formulated adequate policies to enable them to lead a decent living. They find it difficult to get admission to educational institutions, employment opportunities almost do not exist and they do not even have a choice to live a life of dignity of their own choice like you and me.

I hope this blog has opened more eyes than one and each of us commit to change their world by impacting the life of one person at a time. Lets resolve to do whatever we can in our own personal capacity without waiting for the United Nations to write a charter for them.

Lets begin today.

S Ramesh Shankar

9th Oct 2020

Night Owls…

I was playing badminton and one of my partners asked as to “Why most of the youngsters today are “Night Owls” ? Why do the youth today love to sleep very late and get up late. I thought it was worth pondering over.

I have personally never been an early morning person. During my school and college days I preferred to study late at night and get up a bit later in the morning. On the other hand some of my siblings practised the reverse. They used to study at dawn and sleep early at night.

I would say there is nothing wrong in being a “Night Owl” nor anything right in not being one. It is each person’s personal preference. I would imagine it becomes difficult for us to accept somebody else’s behavioural pattern when it does not match with our own. It may be time to challenge ourselves on it.

I have read of geniuses around the world who spend the whole night creating music or sculpting a piece of art. On the other hand, some others do prefer doing the same during the day. How does it make a difference to others ? This is the point to ponder.

My life is my life and I have the freedom to live it my way as long as it does not impact others. This is to be remembered. As long as I sleep late and do not deprive other people at home of their sleep, it should be fine. It may also be worthwhile to remember that my daily routine should not make life inconvenient to others.

If I get up late, I should have the courtesy to make my own coffee, cook my own breakfast and put things back in place in the kitchen and other rooms so that I don’t make life difficult for my own family members. As long as my actions and behaviours do not create inconvenience to others, it should be fine.

On the other hand, if I lead a life which is diametrically opposite to the others and are least bothered about the impact of my life on others, it is unfair. It is like i love music and play at midnight and disturb everyone around at home and my neighbourhood , it would be uncivilised. However, if I want to listen to music at night and put on my headphones and do the same, then it is perfectly fine.

We just need to remember that our lives are not independent. We live in a inter dependant world and it has always been like that. We cannot inconvenience our parents or siblings at home for our preferences. On the other hand, if we can manage our preferences in such a way that our life does not negatively impact others, it is fair and reasonable.

Our ability to accept a diametrically opposite lifestyle whether at home , work or in society will make all the difference. Life is different for each individual and so are our likes and preferences. So be it. Why should someone else live life the way we like it. Of course it is important to lead life in your own way as long as you do not make others pay for your life style.

When your day ends, their day may begins and that’s their life, not yours. They may even like to go for a drive at night to feel the chill in the air as in the photo above.

Lets learn to live and let live.

S Ramesh Shankar

20th September 2020