Who are our real inheritors in life ?

The other day, I was watching a TV quiz show, wherein the anchor, one of the leading actors in India shared a quote from his father’s poetry. His father was one of the leading poets of India. It read something like this in Hindi – “ Mere Bete, Bete hone se, mere uttaradhikhari nahin honge, jo mere uttaradhikari honge, woh mere bete honge”. If roughly translated, it means – “My sons, being my sons, will not be my inheritors, those who will be inheritors will be my sons”.

This was very insightful and it is applicable, both in personal and professional lives. Let us first understand this deep thought from an organisational perspective. My true successor may not be the senior most person in my team. The real successor will be the most competent member to take over from me.

Even in a sports team, we have seen it, multiple times. The most experienced player may not succeed the captain, but the successor to the captain is the best player to succeed.

Life is no different. I was surprised to learn recently that the Pandya dynasty kings had this thought in their kingdom. The eldest son need not be the successor of the king, if the king finds someone other son, daughter, nephew or niece, more competent to succeed him. The successor declared by the king is the true inheritor of the king. Imagine a poet in the early 20th century having a similar insight.

What we need to learn from this insight is that we do not succeed anyone by being the senior most in a team or being the eldest in the family. We succeed someone, because we are the most competent member in the team or the family.

Succession has to be earned by our competence and cannot be determined by our seniority or gender. In life and work, we tend to assume many things erroneously. We need to understand everything in the right perspective.

Even as per law of inheritance in India, we do not inherit anything from our parents, if it is a self acquired wealth. Similarly, even in organisations , succession planning does not necessarily follow the seniority principle. Rather, sometimes, successors could even be from outside the organisation.

Even in sports, the most competent leader succeeds the captain and not necessarily the senior most player in the team. Seniority and experience is important but does not give us a birth right to succession.

We need to earn our right to succeed by our competence and character. It does not come by seniority, gender or experience. This is indeed a great insight for us in life and work.

Let us earn our rights from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

7th Jan 2025

Loyalty & Gratitude

I have always wondered ,if loyalty is earned. Another thought, which comes to my mind is – is loyalty relative with time and people around us. Similar thoughts come to my mind on gratitude. Are we grateful based on time and space.

The thoughts are very abstract. Let me try to explain with a few examples, which I have seen or witnessed in my life ,so far. Are we loyal to our parents ,till they take care of us. Are we loyal to organisations ,till we work in them. Are we grateful to people ,till they support us financially or otherwise ?

Another way of looking at the same thing is – Is loyalty absolute or relative ? Is gratitude time bound or timeless ? Each of us may have experienced life ,in many different ways. I am sure ,we have our own world view ,of both loyalty and gratitude.

I would like to share my views ,based on my experiences. In my book on life, loyalty is absolute and never relative. Similarly, gratitude is timeless and can never have ,an expiry date. It is not like a medicine or a food product, to have an expiry date.

While many of you may agree with my views, some may also disagree, based on your own life experiences. Life today is getting very complex and hence we need to question, some of our fundamental beliefs and values.

Recently I was reading a news report ,where a business tycoon was thrown out of his own house ,after the son took over the business empire . The father had built the business and handed it over to the son. Is this fathomable ? In this case, has loyalty changed with time?

Another conflict ,which many people go through in their lives, is – if they have to be loyal and grateful to their parents ,after they get married and settle down well in life? Does loyalty shift from parents to spouses ,as things change with time and space?

We may change organisations but our loyalty to the people, who made us successful in our career ,has to be life long. It cannot end with our tenure ,in the organisation. Both loyalty and gratitude are not saleable or buyable products. This is essence of my life learning.

In my book, both loyalty and gratitude are life long and timeless. Loyalty is absolute and one has to be grateful to your parents and all other well wishers – relatives or friends, who made you what you are today in life. You may get married and have children and one needs to take care of spouse and kids ,but this does not mean ,you do this ,at the cost of not being loyal to people, who made you what you are today.

One can love and respect parents and others, who made you successful in life and still take care and love ,your spouse and kids. One need not be ,at the expense of the other. So, I say ,loyalty is not relative. It is absolute ,with time and space.

I have a similar view on gratitude. We have to be grateful to people, who made us what we are today ,in this life and may be in the next many births, if we have. There is no time or space limit ,for being grateful. The people who helped us to be what we are today, did not do that ,expecting anything in return. But, if we fail to be grateful to them unconditionally ,for the rest of our lives, karma will hit us ,in some way, some day ,for sure.

Let loyalty and gratitude be absolute ,unless we believe it is relative and can change with time and space. The choice is ours ,to make.

S Ramesh Shankar

25th Jan 2025

Believe before you pray

I was a very religious person from birth ,till I lost my parents in quick succession ,by the age of 25. I had just started my career and life was shattered, with the loss of my mother at 23 and father at 25.

I used to visit a temple every week and followed all rituals zealously ,till that tragedy engulfed me. I stopped going to a temple and all rituals I was following in the past.

I asked God – “Why me and what wrong did I do ?” I always had dreamt of taking care of my parents ,in their old age. I have achieved whatever little in my life and work ,only because of them. So, I thought the minimum I could do was to take care of them and they live with me for the rest of their lives, post retirement. But, this was never to be!

This incident broke my belief and I refused to pray. It took me almost two years ,to get back on the rails. I slowly treaded back to normalcy. I realised ,that there are some things in life in your control and many things , beyond your control. Birth and death, are two things determined by God. When and where we are born and when and where we will die, is pre-destined by God. We need to accept this ,as an unavoidable reality of life.

I did and then moved on ,in my life. I realised ,that I had done what I could ,as a dutiful son ,to take care of my parents. What happened to them ,was beyond my control and I could not prevent ,their premature death. But life goes on. I have a family to take care and I also had the opportunity ,to be be grateful to the people, who supported me in this difficult phase of my life, for the rest of my life.

I started focusing on my family and my career. My children did well in their education and my spouse supported me, unconditionally. My career took a positive trajectory and I could achieve, whatever little I had dreamt of ,in my career.

I moved from one city to another and everywhere ,my family supported me. My kids underwent the hardship of shifting schools and cities and never complained. My wife was always around ,to support me in all my decisions ,of life and career.

Today, if I look back, I started believing in my self. This belief made me realise that the super power beyond us ,decides for us ,on certain matters and we cannot control it. I believed ,before I started praying again.

Now, I define my religion as service to humanity. I did my job with utmost integrity, took care of my family to the best of my ability. I supported my friends, who enabled me during my crisis in life and even today am grateful to them for what they did for me. I can never repay their debt in monetary or non monetary ways. I can only pray that God give them good health and happiness always.

It is important first to believe and then to pray. If you do not believe, it is better not to pray. It is like a player believing in oneself ,before putting her best foot forward. If she does not believe in herself, she can never give her best.

So, let us believe, before we pray from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

20th Jan 2025