Life is always a choice

Everyone of us have a choice, everyday of our lives. Many of us wonder if we have a choice at all. In my book, we have a choice in every stage of life. We can choose the way we want to live our lives.

As a kid, I grew up in a lower middle class family. We had limited resources and facilities at home. We could not afford a fridge, TV, beds or a dining table at home. We had to eat and sleep on the floor. We had to keep the rice in water overnight and have it in the morning ,as there was no fridge at home. But, these things did not force us to be unhappy or sad.

We were a happy -knit family and enjoyed life in every possible way. Our parents were our role models and they never made us believe that we had any limitations in life. They encouraged us to pursue what we wanted to study and also pursue our hobbies and passions. We chose the career of our choice.

Our parents had the choice of cribbing every day and limiting our possibilities in life. But, on the other hand, they chose to enable us to lead a happy and contended life. We had our family dinner together everyday ,sitting on the floor and pursued our dreams in life ,without any limitations.

We were instilled the right values of honesty, simplicity and encouraged to be grounded in life. My father led a simple life as a government employee and still could build his own home and buy his own scooter ,with his savings. Our parents never made us feel that we had limited resources in life.

Then after completing my education of choice, I started my career in my chosen field. Joining a leading public sector ,gave me the security of job and the privilege of a new role ,every three years. My family then supported me to take risks in my career ,as I moved from the public sector to private, joint ventures and then full fledged multinationals. Every place I worked and lived ,gave me new choices to learn and grow.

I had a satisfying and gratifying career. As parents, although we also began our life with limited resources, it never came in our way , to give the best of education and learning ,to our children. They also could pursue subjects of their choice and then chose careers ,where they would thrive and grow.

Today both my children are grown up, independently working and married. They also have a choice ,to be the way they want to be. They can be happy or sad, the way they choose to be ,in every stage of their lives. We cannot blame anyone else ,other than ourselves ,to the choices we make in life.

Today, after retirement from active service, I still have a choice to pursue my hobbies and dreams. I am able to coach, consult, mentor and teach ,as I always want to do , and at my own pace. I still have time to travel, read, write and listen to music. I am also blessed to contribute back to society ,in my limited ways.

I believe ,everyone of us have a choice ,at every stage of our lives. We can be happy with what we have or cry all day and night ,and want more. Contentment and gratitude may enable us to be happy. On the other hand, greed and unlimited wants ,may lead us to be unhappy and sad at most times.

We have a choice to make and let us learn to make the right choice, at every stage of our lives from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

20th May 2023

Serving elders outsourced

Everything in life cannot be outsourced. While we live in a world today, where people think everything can be outsourced, it may not be necessarily true. A mother cannot outsource loving her child. While it may be scientifically possible to have surrogate mothers to deliver your child but the love between a mother and child cannot be delegated.

Today’s generation is truly a world workforce and they are willing to cross oceans to pursue their careers or interests. This is indeed a great development and good for the world order. In the past, people were scared of moving beyond their home town and then their state or country. But, now the world is the market place for people to thrive in whatever they are passionate about.

While this is a positive development, there is an increasing mindset to believe that anything and everything in this world can be bought for money. This may not be true and indeed there are many soft aspects of life which cannot be outsourced or bought with money.

One cannot buy health or happiness anywhere in the world. You may be the richest person in the world but if you fall sick, the best of doctors can do their best but ultimately there is a divine force who determines your destiny.

Similarly, you could buy everything in the world with money but you cannot buy love or care. A mother cannot outsource loving her children. Nor children can outsource taking care of their parents.

With increasing materialisation of the world, people have started believing that everything can be outsourced or bought with money. This is not true. When you are sick and lying on a hospital bed in any part of the world, you think of your family and friends and pray they were with you at that time of distress.

Parents today are generally financially independent. They can take care of their physical needs with their savings. There are care givers to take of their health. However, they cannot buy happiness or insource their joy with their grandkids.

Similarly, children may think that they are financially supporting their parents and taking care of them. Buying a house, car or insurance is not loving your parents. Imagine the hours parents spent with you as kids answering your stupid questions with all patience you need. Today, they are looking to sit and talk to you. They are not happy with video calls or yearly visits to enquire about their wellness.

The Indian culture has taught us that we need to treat “Mother as God, “Father as God”, “Teacher as God” and “Guest as God”. But , we seem to imagine that “Money is God” and it can take care of everything in life. While money can buy material things in life, it cannot cure us of all physical and mental illnesses. It cannot provide us happiness. It cannot give us love when we are desperately in need of it.

We need to realise that everything in life cannot be outsourced or bought. We cannot buy our parents nor outsource loving and caring for them. We can buy the best house, the latest car or even take them to the most exotic destinations with money but that may not necessarily make them happy as they are not looking for those in old age.

The elders look for love and care. They want someone to sit and listen to them. They want their children to be with them and visit them often. They want to play with their grand children. If this realisation does not dawn on us today, it may some day but then it may be too late. After all, everyone has an expiry date and after that, it may be of no use to regret since we can never rewind life.

Let us learn this basic tenet of life. Loving and caring is human and can never be outsourced. Neither Artificial intelligence nor any technology of the world in the future can take over these responsibilities from human kind. We also need to realise that life is a full circle and there will be a tomorrow when our own children will do the same to us.

Let us learn to love and care for those who have made us what we are today before it is too late.

S Ramesh Shankar

18th May 2023

 

Done for the day

 

We have a long and tiring day and we imagine that we are done for the day. It could happen to us at work or at home. A big “to do list” and when most of the items are ticked , we think we are done for the day.

It may not be really so. We may have forgotten some important tasks or sometimes may have postponed some tough ones ,since its always easier to tick off the easier ones ,in our list.

Life is no different. We may achieved a goal and we think ,we have arrived. It may be just the beginning of our journey ,to our next and more challenging goal.

Imagine a sportsperson winning a gold medal in a championship and hanging her boots. Does she do that ? Never. On the other hand, her practise for the next tournament begins ,even before the sweat in her racquets dry up.

One way of looking at life ,is to take small baby steps towards a larger goal. As long as our focus remains ,on the larger goal, it is fine to celebrate the small achievements, along our way. Similarly, if we plan big things on a day and succeed even in planning for the same, it may be worthwhile to rejoice.

The challenge is ,when we start celebrating even before we take the first steps, towards our goal. Like the famous words of Robert Frost – “There are miles to go before I sleep”, we need to keep resetting our goals in life ,as we progress. This way, life is not only fun ,but a wonderful journey, wherein we can celebrate the journey ,as much as the destination.

It is perfectly fine, to celebrate the small successes in life ,as this not only makes us feel good but also pumps more adrenalin in our blood ,to achieve the larger goals, later.

Another way to look at life ,is to strike the right balance between work and life. We sometimes tend to extend the line of work much beyond the working hours. It is ok to do that once in a way when there is an emergency or a difficult deadline to achieve. But, if we make it a habit, then we are more to lose ,than gain in life.

Balancing work and life is our personal and sole responsibility. This can neither be delegated upwards nor sidewards or downwards. At home, we cannot blame our parents, spouse, siblings or children for the same. Similarly, at work, we cannot blame our bosses, peers or team members for our plight.

Life is journey, wherein we need to learn to travel ,at our own pace and choose our destinations, along with way. We may sometimes reach them and at other times, may not. But, the journey continues and we cannot halt at a stop, to believe we have arrived in life.

Excellence in life is a journey, where there could be commas but never a full stop. We could even have semi-colons or colons to celebrate our achievement along the way ,but if we believe our journey is over, then we may be done.

Let us enjoy the journey of life all along the way.

S Ramesh Shankar

5th May 2023