Differences between Mom & Dad

I have seen a lot of people admiring their Moms and Dads and writing about them. While some adore their Moms, others adore their Dads. I wondered what could be the differences between our Moms and Dads.

Being a Dad and having a wife, who is a Mom of two kids, I have experienced being a Dad myself. Further, I was fortunate to have my Mom and Dad in my life ,till I started working as a professional at the age of 22.

I will try to synthesise the differences between Moms and Dads and how they are perceived by the children. This may possibly help us understand the differences in their perceptions, as parents.

A Mom expresses her love through words and deeds. On the other hand, a Dad generally does not express much in words but conveys more by not saying much. A Dad’s actions may speak more than his words.

A Mom is always accessible and empathetic towards her children. A Dad is felt more by his absence and his behaviour. We may see Moms getting emotional at things happening around them. On the other hand, one may hardly see his Dad getting emotionally impacted.

When we are young, our Moms display compassion through their everyday actions. On the other hand, our Dad tries to discipline us, to make us stand on our own feet. While both compassion and discipline is important for our future, we may sometimes get overwhelmed by compassion or may rebel at being disciplined.

As children grow up, the mother becomes the emotional anchor in their lives and father becomes the life anchor. Children like to talk to their moms to complain about everyone in their lives and talk to their Dads when they need professional or personal advice. In some cases, this could be reverse of what is generally believed – Dad becomes the emotional anchor and Mom becomes the personal advisor in life.

The beauty of our lives is that we do not realise the value of our Mom or Dad till they are around. We suddenly realise how invaluable they were, when they are unfortunately not around us. This is not unique to any individual. This is a true tenet of life itself. We do not value something ,till we lose it.

A Mom listens first and speaks later.. Dads generally speak first and listen later. While some of us want others to always listen to us, others prefer listening to speaking. This makes us like our Mom or Dad ,as the situation we prefer.

Both Moms and Dads are invaluable to our lives. While one is like a friend and philosopher in life, the other may be an anchor on whom we rely on. We need both advice and refrain , at different stages in our lives.

As our children grow up, we need to realise that they also have become Moms and Dads in their own lives and can stand on their own feet. Like Vidhur had said in Mahabharat, an adult needs to be given advice only when asked. Both Moms and Dads realise at this stage of life to “let go” and let their children lead their own lives.

Whom do you prefer – Mom or Dad or both ?

S Ramesh Shankar

30th Nov 2023

 

Why some people make you happy always

All of us meet different types of people in our lives. We meet them in the family circles, amongst friends, at work and the in the community around us or wherever we travel.

It is interesting that amongst all the people we meet in our lives, there are some, who make us happy ,every time we meet them. They may not be rich in wealth or the most accomplished, in their chosen professional field.

Let us examine what the qualities that they have, which make us happy in their company always :

1. Unconditional love : They express unconditional love. They are around always and are unconditional in their love and care for you. They do not need you and are not looking for anything in return from you.

2. Genuine and Authentic : They care for you and their caring ,touches you every time they are around due their genuineness and authenticity. Their authenticity is reflected in their eyes and their genuineness expressed through their emotions.

3. A great listener : They seem to have all the time in the world for you always. They are active listeners and are not in any hurry ,anytime. They make you feel as if listening to you ,is their privilege.

4. Available 24×7 : In this digital age, they are available to you all the time. You can call them, walk in to their homes or offices or chat with them anytime you need them. You do not need appointments to meet them and they give you an impression ,that you never intrude into their personal space.

5. Life coaches : While they may not accredited or trained professional coaches, their behaviour makes you believe ,that they are your life coaches. They listen always. They will never give you any unsolicited advice. They will ask you the right questions ,to make you feel better and make your feel nice ,without even saying a word , just by their presence.

6. Service before self: Their motto in life seems to be “serving others before self”. Everyone we know of ,seem to be in awe of them. They are friends ,for all people we know. They seem to have no enemies. It looks as if they live for others only.

7. Responsiveness : Their responsiveness is to be seen to be believed. They will respond to every phone call, reply to every email, chat whenever you want to chat with them. In case, they are busy for any reason, they will always call back, chat back or write back ,to close the loop.  They will never say they have no time for you.

8. Humility :  Their humility and selflessness bounces you off the ground.  Even if they hold high positions in organisations or the society at large, they will never make you feel less important than them.  As a friend, they will always treat you on par.  

Apart from the above, there may be many qualities of these people, which one needs to experience to understand them better.  Each of us may have different experiences to share.  But all of us will unequivocally confirm that they are super human beings.  They make you happier even on a day when they may not have tears to cry. 

Their presence ignites your energy.  Their absence leaves a vacuum in your life that day.  They make you believe that there are wonderful people around the world for us and they care for us.  No crisis looks big in their company.  No misery is endless with their support.

It may be time to learn from them and rediscover ourselves in life.

S Ramesh Shankar

4th Dec 2023

 

Be like a sunflower

Some people may say – “we should be like the sunflower”. Why would they say that. The sunflower faces the sun and turns its head as the sun moves from east to west during the day. Similarly, we could, in life, choose who our sun and follow them day and night to evolve as a better human being.

Each of us have the privilege of choosing our own sun in life. It could be either of our parents, a sibling, a friend, a neighbour or even a colleague at work. It could be a public figure as well. It does not matter. We will always choose someone, who is a role model for us , in life.

This phenomenon is called “Phototropism”. The stem of the sunflower grows in such a way that it will bend towards the sun. Similarly, in our lives, we need to discover who our sun is and need to learn from them everyday of our lives. We, as humans can have more than one sun too as we are more privileged than the sunflower, who has only one sun.

During our childhood, in most cases, the parents become our sun and role models in life. As we grow up , our friends tend to influence our lives, more than our family. Then it is the turn of colleagues at the workplace, who make all the difference to our lives.

When they say, we have to to be like the sunflower – what they mean is that , we need to decide whom do we follow to learn the best in life. One of the leadership theory in management talks of “followership”. Just like the olden days, the students considered the “Guru” or teacher as their role model and followed whatever they said blindly, because the belief was that , whatever they said or did was in their best interest.

Similarly, every day of our lives ,we have to determine who our role model is, whom we may metaphorically call the sun. It could still be our parents, teachers, friends, siblings, neighbours or colleagues at work or could be different people at different stages of life , too.

As the sunflower follows the sun, it grows. Similarly, if we follow our role models in life, we always may grow just like the sunflower does. It is up to us to determine our role models. We have the liberty to have different role models ,for different aspects of life too.

The sunflower does not look at the other flowers around and change its direction. Similarly, we also need to be focused ,on who our sun is in life and follow them diligently. The more focused our followership, the more successful, we could be in life.

As I said earlier, unlike the sunflower , we are more privileged as we can have more than one sun ,in life. We can further change our sun for learning in different phases of our lives too. It is up to us to define who our sun is and learn from, on a continual basis without fail.

It could happen that sometimes we may make mistakes and choose the wrong sun in our lives. We are human and it is natural to err , at times. But, we could again learn from the sunflower and change our direction to the new sun , as we have determined for our success in life.

Let us learn from the sunflower every day.

S Ramesh Shankar

17th Sep 2023