Shattered glass

Life is like a broken glass, when some incidents in your life shatter your basic ethos of life. You may have worked hard and achieved a reasonable success in life and work. But all that gets destroyed in seconds with some such incidents. I would like to share three such incidents I have witnessed and how to deal with them and bounce back.

The first incident was when a close family friend of many years suddenly stopped talking to us ,for no understandable reason. They neither had a fight with us nor informed us ,why they did so. We grew up together and would visit each other and were almost like one family. Then suddenly ,one day ,they stopped talking to us and did not want us to visit them too.

Although this incident shook us apart and made us wonder what could have happened, the mystery remains till date. While we never understood the root causes, we bounced back believing that we did not do any wrong and hence we could consider it ,as a bad dream. Every human, who makes a mistake knows to herself or himself. Our conscience does not lie to anyone. Hence, this realisation of self belief made us bounce back.

One also realises that beyond a point ,there is no reason to wonder what happened. What happened is a reality of life and one has to live and deal with it. One could ask oneself ,if we have done anything wrong. If yes, seek forgiveness for our wrongs. If not, forget the incident and learn to move on in life. Our conscience will never lie.

The second incident was during my work days. I had a colleague at work, who was an affable human being. She was full of empathy and always there to help others in every possible way. However, she got posted in a role, which did not suit her best and hence could not deliver. As the leader in the team, it was my responsibility to bail her out of this role and find an alternate role, which suited her strengths. I did that and was happy ,she started doing well in this new role.

When this person got moved from one role to the other, she told some of her colleagues and friends ,that I had not supported her enough. On the contrary, I even saved her job as she was in the firing line ,by some of her seniors. I visited her city recently and wanted to have a cup of tea but she did not even want to meet me. I was shocked but realised that I had done my duty and may be something else ,has upset her. I need to forgive her and move on as she is still a good human being, whom I respect a lot.

The third incident was when I read about a leading business man in some country ,asking his father to leave his house. I saw a video of the father, who was narrating of how he built his business and handed over to his son. However, after the son took control of the business, he possibly thought that the father is more of a liability than an asset and wanted to separate from him. I was perplexed as to how a son could do this to his father. However, not being privy to what went wrong, I did not want to comment or wonder about this incident. However, later I came to know that the spouse of this business man ( son) had sought divorce and also wanted to leave him for the nature of her husband. This made me realise ,that life comes a full circle. We reap what we sow. If we sow love, we reap love. But, if we spread hatred, we get back hatred in a different form. In Hinduism, we call this “Karma”. What goes around, comes around. Knowingly or unknowingly if we do good deeds, there is no way we will not benefit from the good deeds of others.

Life is a mystery. There could be days, when the sun will shine brightly but there could be other days, when the sun will never rise and the mood could turn gloomy. We have to live waiting for the sun to rise again in our lives.

We have to accept life with both sugar and salt with equal measure.

S Ramesh Shankar

13th March 2024

Calmness versus Anxiety

We come across people of various types reacting to the same situation differently. Some are anxious all the time in most situations while others are calm and cool like a cucumber even in a crisis situation.

If we need to understand how the same situation can trigger different behaviours in individuals, we need to put ourselves in their position. our behaviour ,is a response to our beliefs and values. It is based on how we perceive the situation ,around us.

I know a friend, who is a perfectionist and wants everything to be at its place, in the house or outside. He gets irritated ,if someone does not put things back in place ,after using it. On the other hand, another friend thrives in chaos. The more chaotic a situation is, the more effective she becomes.

We may have seen people reacting differently, to the same situation. Let me illustrate this ,with a few examples. I recall ,we had a union leader in one of the organisations I worked in, who always came to meet me with a bunch of his supporters and behaved in a rude manner.

I was young and used to get irritated, till the day I met the same union leader, in the presence of one his seniors. The senior admonished this leader and told him that, if he comes with a few of his supporters, the management will think that ,only that many are his followers. Further, rude behaviour will invite rebuke and hence calmness may be more effective and yield better results.

Although, I should confess that this union leader did not change much in his behaviour, it was a great life lesson for me from. Calmness is more effective than getting anxious ,in any situation. Calmness is to be nurtured and developed, while anxiousness may be a normal human reaction.

We need to believe that the environment is the same ,for all of us. The way we react to a situation ,is in our hands as we need to realise that we cannot change the circumstances we live in ,but definitely can mould the way we react to the same.

Sports and games provide great life lessons. We experience that teams which end up in the same situation ,win or lose based on the calmness of their leaders. When we get anxious, we lose control of ourselves and are swayed by the circumstances. This way we may end up in making silly mistakes and thereby lose control of our action.

On the other hand, successful leaders in life and work, are always calm and collected. They listen ,more than they speak. They are not adversely impacted by the environment. They thrive in any situation since they are cool and listen to everyone ,before they take any action.

Let us learn to be calm and get over all our anxieties in life.

S Ramesh Shankar

9th Feb 2024

Mahakumbh 2025

I was always fascinated by the Kumbh mela and had a dream to visit the same, some day. Over the last many years, every time ,the Kumbh mela was announced, I looked at the crowd and decided not to venture out.

This year, I took the plunge. They say, this year is special, as it is the “Mahakumbh”, which happens once in 144 years after 12 Kumbhs, as some planets fall in one line. I did a bit of planning, which I usually do and booked my travel and stay ,about three months back.

I was excited to undertake this spiritual journey ,along with my spouse. I was aware that it is going to be a tough one ,with millions of people thronging to Prayagraj from around the world, and not only India.

We landed at Prayagraj on 14th Jan 2025, the day of Makar Shankranti, one of the most auspicious days of the Mahakumbh ,for our Shahi Snan. As we left the airport, all the roads in the city ,led to the Sangam. As we approached the city outskirts, the roads were thronged by crores of devotees walking there to the Sangam or returning from there.

The roads were blocked and no four wheelers were allowed. We were stuck in traffic snarls for hours and after a lot of patient waiting ,were allowed to enter the city, when the crowds subsided a bit. The air was filled with spirituality and the atmosphere electric.

We reached our tent ,after about four hours on the road from the airport , which would be just under 20 kms. Although, it tested our patience, we were blessed, to be amongst the crowds ,in one spirit. Then a long 10 kms walk led us to the Sangam and back, for the Shahi Snan or the holy bath.

When you take a dip in the Sangam in the icy waters, your body shivers but your soul is lighted up. After you come out of the water, you feel rejuvenated and are grateful for this opportunity amongst millions of people from around the world ,to take this dip on this auspicious day. We were told more than 35 million people took a dip on this day.

Both me and my wife, are not strictly religious by nature. In our book, service to mankind is service to God. Being good to everyone around you every day and then giving back to society, in your own small ways is religion for us. But this experience ,was surreal. It has to be experienced to be believed.

It is indeed a confluence of the mind, body and soul. When this happens at a time, when many planets are aligned, one can feel the spirit within you. It gives you the strength to sustain yourself and the energy to give back to the society, in whatever ways you can.

We would like to salute the organisers of the Mahakumbh. The city was clean all over and even the Sangam was kept clean with a lot of effort from the house keeping staff. The entire city was lit and every crossing was decorated and every wall painted, across the city.

What impressed us the most, was the spirit of the people of the city. They told us, if you have any problem, ask any person on the road and they will help you. There is no religion, caste or creed in this supreme festival of the Mahakumbh. Everyone is treated alike. We were showered with rose petals, when we arrived at the airport and our entire stay for two days ,was spotless and most comfortable.

After having conducted, the marriages of my daughter and son, I thought ,I have achieved a great feat in my life. But, after having witnessed the “Mahakumbh”, one realises that whatever we achieve in life is miniscule, compared to the scale and planning involved in such events. I admire the state and central agencies for this grand event. The appropriate use of technology was also very evident in this whole exercise.

The next day I visited Ayodhya to get the darshan of Lord Ram in the newly inaugurated temple. Here again, a ten km walk ,up and down in all,was needed to get the darshan of the Lord. But the queueing system (in spite of millions of devotees )needs appreciation as all of us,as devotees could get the darshan within two hours .

The “Mahakumbh” is a testimony to modern India. We can achieve what we dream to do , through systematic planning and seamless execution.

Let the spirit of the “Mahakumbh” bring peace and prosperity to the world.

S Ramesh Shankar

17th Jan 2025