Are all relationships contractual ?

Life is all about relationships. It starts within the family and then extends to friends, relatives and colleagues at the workplace. We live and thrive based on our relationships and the quality of the same.

There are some relationships which happen not by our choice and others ,we get into. Our relationships in the family or relatives, is not determined by us. We do not choose which family we are to be born into and thereby determine our parents, siblings or relatives.

On the other hand, many of our relationships are self determined. We may choose our spouse and get married and thereby determine who our partner in life would be. We decide who our friends would be and which neighbourhood, we want to live in.

Similarly at the work place, we cannot decide who our manger would be or our colleagues at work place. The manager ,determines her team members and has the discretion to change them ,as per work needs.

So, the crucial question before us is – “are all relationships contractual ? Yes, we do sign contracts of employment and sometimes even in businesses with vendors and customers. Even then, the critical question is – “ are all relationships determined by contracts, contractual ?

Today, we tend to believe ,that most of our relationships are indeed contractual. We tend to believe that we work for an organisation based on the contract, we have signed for them. Our suppliers are bound to supply goods or services, based on the terms of the contract ,we have signed with them. Similarly, we are bound to supply goods or services to our customers ,as we are bound by the contract, we have agreed with them.

While it is true that all contracts in life ,are governed by laws of contracts of the place ,we have signed them in. However, the important lesson to remember in life is that, all relationships are not contractual ?

I would like to illustrate ,this invaluable lesson in life ,through some real life examples. A loyal employee will go beyond the call of duty to delight a customer. For example in an emergency, doctors may work much beyond their duty hours ,to save critical lives. Similarly, a supplier may supply goods and services ,even without receiving payments ,when the customer is in dire straits. This is not because, the contract says so ,but they value the relationship, which has been developed over the years ,with their customers.

We need to realise that all relationships are not contractual. We need to understand that ,as we invest and build a relationship, it grows much beyond the terms ,of any contract. Relationships are built, on an edifice of emotions and mutual commitment.

The day we realise that relationships are beyond contracts , we may have arrived. Let’s continue to build relationships, all around us. With great relationships, we can get anything in life and overcome any hurdle, without any difficulty.

Relationships are like the glue in life. We not only need to build them over the years ,but maintain and sustain them. We should consider building relationships, as a continual journey in life.

Relationship should never be a means to an end, it has to be an end in itself and unconditional always.

S Ramesh Shankar

1st Oct 2024

 

 

Advising is easy, following is difficult

 

We have seen people giving advice even without being asked. According to “Vidhurshastra”, one should give advise to an adult, only when asked. I would extend it to all age groups. Why give advice to anyone of any age, unless you are asked for it.

It may be easy to advise anyone, but following the advice in our lives, may be difficult. I would first delve into our roles ,in our own family or friend circles. Imagine giving advise to your spouse or kids ,without following the same.

A simple example could be advising our kids to go to school on time while we go late to office. Our children, when young, may not object to our advise but as they grow into adolescents ,they will lose respect for us, as parents.

The story with friends ,may not be very different. Imagine advising a friend to be thrifty, while you yourself ,are getting into a credit card debt trap and the same friend discovers it. Our credibility will be at stake.

The work situation too may be similar. As a senior in a team, we could take the liberty ,of giving unsolicited advice. A team leader ,could demand unreasonable results ,in a challenging environment. But the same team leader ,may give up in a similar situation ,when asked by her manager.

I would prefer to define leadership as ,leading by example. Whether at the home front, the societal situation or at the workplace, if we tend to practise first ,before we preach, we tend to build our credibility and will always be respected for it.

A commander in the Army ,always leads from the front. She or he will lead their battalion from the front and not ask their team members to fight the enemy first and lead from behind them. A senior pilot will take the first sortie to attack the enemy ,before sending his junior pilots to follow.

Life is no different. In every aspect of life, we are expected to give advice ,only when asked for. We will be revered ,only when we lead by example. A captain of a team in sports ,will go to face the most difficult situation ,first himself ,before sending his other team members ,to face the same.

The workplace is also no different. As leaders, we have to set an example for our teams to follow ,by our deeds and not by our words. A leader who preaches before practising the same ,in his own life ,will never be respected by his team.

Even at home, our children will seek advice from us ,when they see us practise what we are about to tell them. Our spouse also, expects us to follow ,before we advise them on anything.

Practising before preaching ,is like listening before speaking. If we listen before we speak, people will pay attention to us. On the other hand, speaking before listening ,is like preaching before practising.

Life is all about practising before preaching. Let us practise it from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

30th Sep 2024

 

Who will plan my career ?

One of the vital questions I have been asked multiple times in my career as a HR professional by employees at all levels is -“Who will plan my career ? As we get into life, we tend to believe that our parents determine what we want to do in life. They we depend on teachers to guide us through what we want to do in life.

As we get into the professional world, we again imagine that our managers or leaders ,are responsible for evolving our career. In the beginning of our career, we depend on our seniors and our manager to tell us what is best for us.

Even when I visited a campus, I used to be asked by freshers, as to what their career will look like, in the organisation they were joining. I would ask them in return, if they could tell me as to how long they would stay in the organisation, ..they would respond saying they were not sure. I would then state ,that the day they were sure of their longevity in the organisation they are going to work for, we could discuss about their career.

Life and career are no different. We can always imagine ,that there is someone else in our lives and organisations, who will enable us shape our careers. Imagine an entrepreneur thinking ,that someone else is going to build and grow their company. It is neither the financier nor other investors, who are responsible for the growth and sustainability of their enterprise.

Similarly, an individual’s career is the prime and sole responsibility of the individual employee and nobody else. While everyone else can help us clarify what could be best for us, it is for us to determine ,what we want to do in life and how we do it.

A sportsperson cannot depend on the coach ,to determine how they want to excel in their sports. If they want to be the best in the world, they have to set their own goals and evolve the path to achieve it ,with the help and support of parents, teachers, coaches and friends and not the other way around.

Similarly, in any organisation, if an employee aspires to become the CEO of the organisation, where she is working, she has to set that goal and work on the knowledge, skills and road map ,to realise that goal, in a defined time frame.

I have seen children ,defining their goals in life and achieving them through hard work, determination and purposeful actions. The same is true for employees. I remember ,once an interviewee ,when asked where he would see himself in his career in 5 years ,replied that I would like to replace you as the head of the function.

The day we understand ,that I determine my destiny ,by my own actions, we will achieve whatever we dream in life. We need to steer our own life and career, thinking we are the CEO of our life and everything ,is in our own hands.

It is time to realise that ,only we ,can build our career and life ,the way we want it.

S Ramesh Shankar

30th Sep 2024