Category: Uncategorized

Social Media & Relationships

 

We all live and breathe in the “WhatsApp world” today. Everything in life is like 2 minute noodles. We neither have the time nor the patience to listen or communicate for more than a few minutes. The social media is like an instant fix for everything in life today.

People started with facebook and then moved to WhatsApp. Now its snapchat and Instagram. We do not want to waste time writing a few lines to post on social media. We have moved on from words to pictures and reels. We want minimum effort but maximum impact.

Today if we look at our life, it is something like this. We post on social media and if nobody reacts or responds, we get negatively impacted. We may not react to what others post but when nobody reacts to our posts we go crazy. Like someone beautifully said – “You will be the most successful person in your life, if you follow all the advices you give to others”

I am reminded of a very old quote in communication which I heard way back in 1989. It reads as – “ I know, you believe, you understand, what you think I said. But I don’t know whether you realise that what you heard is not I meant. “. This was not only prophetic but well ahead of the time.

We need to realise that everyone is just like us. Nobody has the time or the patience to react to every post of ours. Most of us are members of multiple groups on social media. If we have the courage to post something and not worry if nobody reacts, we should continue to post or else, we should back off. Nobody is waiting in the wings to react to every post of ours. Neither do we.

Life is not different. We need to live life on our own terms. We need to be self dependant and self reliant. We can do whatever we want in life as long as we do not expect anyone else to do what we want. We need to realise that everyone has a right to live life their way. As long we are independent and harmless to others, it is fine. Of course, if we can help people along the way, it is great, if not let us not interfere in others affairs too.

While all forms of social media has helped us technologically to connect with people, it cannot help us express our emotions in real life. Meeting a friend in real or calling a near or dear one cannot be replaced with any number of virtual hugs or kisses or emoticons.

As long as we are willing to accept social media as a means to an end and not an end itself, it is fine. The day we think social media is an end in itself and will transform our lives forever, we are mistaken. Technology can at best be an enabler to human kind and not a substitute for human interactions.

Let us learn to communicate with or without social media but with real emotions in life.

S Ramesh Shankar

1st August 2021

 

Feel the hunger…

The other day I was playing badminton with a neighbour and he said he was a bit tired and wanted to stop after two games. I wondered what had happened to him as he normally had a good stamina. On inquiry, he informed that he had fasted the previous evening and hence was tired.

He further clarified that he was not fasting for any religious reasons. When further asked for the reasons, he hesitatingly said that he was periodically feeding children in an ashram and hence was fasting on that day. What really struck me is the reason for his fasting. He said he started fasting on every Thursday when the Ashram owner told him that it was not enough to feed the kids but may be good “To feel the hunger” by fasting once a week.

“Feeling the hunger” was a powerful statement and it got stuck in my mind. “Empathy” is not only a word in english but an experiential learning for everyone. Like they say, you need to put yourself in someone else’s shoes to experience what they feel in any situation.

At every stage of our life, we find people sympathising with us but rarely you come across people who empathise with you. The difference between sympathy and empathy is the phenomenon of “feeling the hunger”

As a child when you miss out a rank in the class by a few marks or lose a match for the school there will be many who sympathise with you but rarely some who can empathise. The ability to silently put yourself in the other person’s position is easier said than done.

As you grow into an adolescence and want to rebel at everything in life, everyone around you is critical as they tend to look at it only as a deviant behaviour. However, if one can experience what an adolescent goes through the story would be different. You may lend a listening ear or comfort the person that it is natural to rebel.

Then even as adults you find it irritating when someone gives you advise which they don’t follow. It may be easier to advice others than to lead by example. Leaders in organisations are not respected because they lack empathy.

Today’s generation is not looking for sympathy at all. They are touched by an empathetic leader. In times of crisis nobody looks for advice from the ivory tower. People expect leaders to be on the ground, smell the earth and work along.

Leadership is all about “ feeling the hunger”. It is all about empathy. We need to evolve our ability to put ourselves in other person’s position and experience life as they do. Once we are able to do that, our approach to life and living would be different.

As in the photo above, even while we cut a cake to celebrate a birthday, this neighbour skipped the cake to feel the hunger since it was a Thursday.

A simple off the cuff remark when someone said you need “to feel the hunger” made me think how much I still need to learn on this front. Learning is a life long journey and we possibly learn more as we listen more.

Let our learning blossom forever.

S Ramesh Shankar

16th August 2020

If we can, we should…

I have always wondered as to why we don’t do what we should. It could be a simple routine of a morning walk or a more a bit more complex as completing a project on time at work. Either way, we always spend more time in finding excuses for our non performance than putting in efforts to ensure our performance.

Interestingly I have noted that this trait in us continues with us from childhood to old age. As a kid, we invent excuses for not doing our home work or for skipping school or college. We become more innovative as we grow into adolescence and take our parents and friends for a ride. We enjoy discovering excuses at this stage of our lives.

Then we we grow as adults and we start working and this trait is not left behind. We always have the traffic congestion for our late coming to office or even the internet breakdown for delay in execution of any work related project. On the other hand, we never miss a flight because of traffic when we go on a holiday or miss a movie online because the net breaks down.

So life gives us all the opportunities to excel in whatever we want to do. We find the silliest of reasons to give up on chances, which come our way without our even asking for it. So, what does this do to us and to others. We miss steps in our career growth and lose our personal credibility. Others lose their respect for us as individuals in the family and colleagues at work.

Now, let us look at what happens if we do what we can. This may appear simple but may be one of the most difficult things to accomplish in life. I find people not keeping their word to their kids to take them for a movie. Imagine you meet people who will always keep their word. I have met many of them in my life – both at work and in my personal life.

First, you have high respect for such people because once they commit, they deliver. Secondly, they infuse this positive energy in others. If you work for a leader who is always on time and always delivers on all her commitments, you tend to become like them. This is natural. If my parents were courteous to everyone around, I learn to be that way. Similarly if my manager does what he can, then I do whatever I can too.

Even in our personal lives we love people who keep their word and deliver. When our parents always get us what they have promised, we respect them. On the other hand, we have scant regard for friends or relatives who always forget what they can do and find reasons for their non delivery.

Interestingly this phenomenon is universal. It is not linked to state, country, religion, ethnicity, culture or language. Having worked in multinational organisations, I have experienced it across the globe. So the choice is simple. If we are determined to do we what should, we can.

Even in the current Covid times, they are asking us to do 3 simple things. Wearing a mask , keeping a metre distance and washing our hands. We can and we should if we want to prevent the virus attacking us.

As in the photo above, if we can relax, we should. Gautam Buddha teaches us relaxation is possible at all times.

Life could be different from today if we make this small change.

Lets give it a try.

S Ramesh Shankar

14th June 2020