Time is “timeless” indeed. What has gone by we could not control, what is stored in the future for us ,is unknown. We can neither control our time ,nor the time of others.

We can plan for our time ,but what may happen ,may not be predictable. Some times ,things go as we have planned and at other times, things go astray. We can neither blame time nor ourselves for it. We may leave home ,two hours in advance ,to catch a train and still may miss it, although the station is just a few kilometers away.

At other times, we may be sure that we may miss the flight ,since we arrived late at the airport and there were heavy queues but, the departure of our flight could get rescheduled ,for reasons we may never know.

Life is no different. We need to accept life and its events ,as it happens to us. This does not mean, we do not plan for our life and work hard ,to achieve our goals. But, what we need to realise is that, some things may be in our control but many others ,may be beyond our zone of influence.

Our ability to accept things as they evolve ,and adapt ourselves to weave our life ,around the uncertainties of life ,makes it worthwhile to live and enjoy life. If we keep cribbing about why something happened or did not happen, we may miss the bus ,as the bus in our life ,does not stop at our place ,forever. It keeps moving and we need to catch it, when it arrives ,or it may not arrive again ,in our lifetime.

We may keep wondering about why something happened in the past and forget to live in the present moment. We may sometimes worry about the future, which we can never be sure of and waste our time, instead of enjoying the present.

Life has to enjoyed everyday ,as if ,today is our last day on earth. Every moment is precious and does not come back. Have we ever seen the clock running backwards ? No moment in life ,comes back to us and hence ,we need to make the best use ,of every second in our life ,today.

It is almost like us sitting in a stationary train ,in the station. When the adjacent train moves, we feel as if we are moving ,in the opposite direction. The reality is that ,we are still ,but the relative moment, makes us feel that way. In life also ,if we remain static, life does not move ,but when we see others progressing, we feel left behind. This is more because, they are working hard, while we may be relaxing and being static at the same place ,without putting any efforts.

Another interesting sight ,is the trees at a distance ,when you are viewing them ,from a moving train. We all know ,that the trees at the distance are rooted in their places and we are moving ,but it looks as if the trees at a distance are moving ,along with us. It is also like the moon seems to be travelling with you, when you are driving on a full moon night. The reality is otherwise.

We need to understand ,the value of time and its reality. We need to realise that ,time does not discriminate, for anyone in life. All of us have the same time in a day, month or a year. Some of us become more successful than others, not because others had limited time, but because we made the best use of time available to us.

Time to realise that time is indeed timeless, non-discriminatory and relative ,for all of us.

S Ramesh Shankar

25th Feb 2025

Wanting to die is suicide but willing to die is sacrifice. Wanting to die may be out of desperation but willing to die for your country is patriotism. People, who are not able to face the realities of life may be wanting to die but people who want to give their lives for a cause, sacrifice for the sake of others and their countries.

I do understand ,as a student of psychology ,that sometimes people are wanting to die since they are not able to deal with what is happening to them in life. They may need support from professional counsellors or psychiatrists or psychologists to face complexities of life. Such vulnerable people should either seek such professional support or others could help them to get such support.

We hear of students committing suicide ,for failing in some examinations. We hear of ,either partners giving up their life ,since they are not able to cope up with each other ,due to various reasons. These, in my view are acts of helplessness. While some may say, it is due to their inability to deal with their own issues , I would rather state it is not their individual failure but the inability of their family or friends ,not being in a position to support them ,in time.

On the other hand, the defence personnel are willing to die for the nation. I was once attending a talk ,by an ex army captain. He was narrating of how a platoon commander ,will always lead from the front, when they have to attack an enemy. The commander will always put his life on the knife edge , before he orders his troops to plunge into the battle.

So, if we take these extreme ways of approach to dying, we realise that one is negative and the other is a positive way to die. A faint hearted commits suicide while a soldier sacrifices his life ,to save innocent humans in a terror attack. Our actions every day in life ,can either be suicidal acts or acts of sacrifice. We may either run away from situations or stand tall and face a crisis.

As parents at home or as leaders at the work place, we see both these characters. I have explained suicide and sacrifice ,as examples of how we deal with real life situations every day. Many of us are happy to run away from any crisis and transcend to safer zones. Few of us are willing to plunge and take the risk.

It is similar to a situation in a road accident. Most of us will speed past an accident site ,since we do not want to the face the music of answering difficult questions from the police. These are simple acts of suicide we commit every day. Some of us will stop, call the ambulance or even take the injured in our own car ,to the nearest hospital – these are the acts of sacrifice like a soldier, we are talking of.

So, let us review today of how suicidal or sacrificial we are ,in every day life ,from today. Do we develop cold feet and run away from uncomfortable situations at home or work or are we brave soldiers willing to die and save the life of others ?

Let us learn to sacrifice more from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

18th March 2025

I attended a marriage function of a close relative recently at Chennai. It was after quite some time , that I had the opportunity to sit, enjoy and reflect, on every ritual in the function. This gave me an opportunity ,to observe all the happenings around me ,with curiosity.

The first and foremost thing which struck me was that “marriage” is a social institution, which provides an opportunity for extended families of two sides ,to meet, interact, socialise and build ever -lasting friendships.

We meet our cousins, elders, friends and relatives and recall our enjoyable days spent together during our childhood or while we stayed near each other. We also get an opportunity to meet family and friends of the bride and bridegroom’s and this enables us to evolve , new relationships.

I enjoyed all the rituals of the marriage ,like the fasting ceremony, the engagement ceremony, reception and the marriage solemnising ceremony. Each ritual is performed with a lot of thought and social relevance. For eg, the “Vratham” or fasting ceremony done by the girls parents and the boy’s parents ,is an occasion to fast and pray to the Almighty and all elders ,to ensure that a complex function like a marriage ,happens smoothly ,without any disruptions or misunderstandings. They seek the blessings of the elders ,for the transition from bachelorhood/spinsterhood to married couples.

Then, if I move to the engagement ceremony. It is an opportunity to publicly announce that this girl and this boy are getting married. They also announce the details of the family members from both sides for the information of all , as the next day ,the marriage is going to be solemnised.

The reception is a modern day invention but could be considered an opportunity ,to share the joy with family and friends and the community at large. Nowadays, it also includes performances by the family members from both sides, which could help in building better relationships and understanding one another.

The main ceremony of the marriage ,involves the “Kanya dhaanam( the biggest donation in Hinduism), where the father of the girl ,donates his daughter to the groom. In turn, the groom promises to take care of her and his parents will also treat her , like their own daughter. The meaning of sacred marriage mantras ,can teach us a lot of do’s and dont’s ,of life and living.

The variety of food served is also an opportunity ,to understand the tradition and culture of the two families , as they say that the stomach is the way to win over the heart of one another. As the Hindu religion states – “athithi devo bhava”, we need to treat our guest as God. So, all the guests to the marriage from both sides ,are treated well ,in terms of accommodation, food and other arrangements.

Overall, I realise that all of our social institutions ,can teach us so many life lessons ,if we are willing to keep our eyes and ears open. It is upto to us to imbibe these learnings ,by observation and enquiry.

Let us learn to learn from our heritage and culture every day.

S Ramesh Shankar

23rd Nov 2025