We tend to to accumulate a lot material and non material things all through our lives. Some we may use and some we may never. However, our possessiveness is addictive and remains a part of us right through our lives. If we learn to let go, we may be better off.

Life is no different. We tend to assimilate a lot of emotions and baggage right through our lives. Some may be good to retain and others may not. Life is all about balancing between what we need to hold on and what need to let go.

We have a tendency to hold on to all things which we don’t need and tend to let go of things we need. We remember and retain in our heads all the hurt inflicted on us right from our childhood. We dont forget the first thrashing we got from our parents or teachers. We vividly remember the fight at the playground with our friends

On the other hand, we forget the first gift we got from our parents. The appreciation we got from our teachers and the support we got from our friends. This way our emotional bank is full of debits rather than some credits.

We need to learn the art of balancing in life. If our credits equates our debits, life will be evenly paced. However, when our debits outnumber our credits, life becomes treacherous. We tend to fall prey to a cycle of misery and start believing that God is unfair to us.

Let us look at how to balance between holding on and letting go from some real life incidents from our own lives. I am sharing from some of my life experiences. You may have had some similar experiences or seen some incidents around you.

The first experience was when I was deeply hurt by a relative of mine. My father was in the ICU and the doctors told me that he may not survive if we don’t do dialysis twice a week. The cost of dialysis twice a week was almost double of my monthly salary. I requested this relative of mine for some loan to get over this crisis. Instead of helping me in crisis, he asked if it was necessary to do the dialysis at all. This relative was brought up like a child by my father during his childhood.

I carried this hurt in my heart for more than three decades till I attended a workshop where I learnt the joy of forgiveness. I did forgive him on that day and then this hurt changed into kindness in my heart. We may learn through life experiences what to hold on and when to let go.

Another incident was about my missing a school parade as a prefect. I was at school to lead the march past. We had a white uniform and was playing in the grounds before the march past. I slipped and soiled my white uniform. My friends advised me to go home and change and return for the march past. I did and since I cycled home and back, I was late and the deputy prefect was advised to lead in my absence. I missed an opportunity of a life time.

This incident haunted in my mind for years. One day I realised that I need to learn a lesson from this incident and move on in my life. So, I decided that I will never ever be late for any event in my life. I need to plan in such a way that such incidents do not recur in my life. I converted this guilt into a positive attribute in my life.

Life gives us multiple opportunities to hold on or let go. We tend to do the reverse of what is good for us. We let go of things which we need to hold on and also the other way around. If we learn to strike the right balance between the two, life would be more fulfilling.

Life is the fine art of balancing what to let go and what to hold on.

S Ramesh Shankar

28th January 2023

I read a quote which said – “ Speak only if it is more valuable than your silence.” But most of us practise it the other way around. We speak more than our silence. God has given us two ears and one mouth. But, in reality, we speak more than double of our silence.

Let us understand the power of silence. When we are silent, we do not hurt anyone. We do not talk when we are supposed to listen. We listen more actively as our mind is focussed on listening than on speaking.

On the other hand, while speaking, we do not listen actively. Our focus is on what we want to speak rather than what others are speaking. The noise of our speaking silences the talking of others. We sometimes miss the essence of what others are saying.

Some of the best examples of learning the art of silence is from kids and animals. Lets look at kids first. New born infants can speak only after they pass their first birthday. However, their communication with their parents especially the mother is to be seen to be believed. Their silence is louder than their words.

As they grow up they can speak but they use their silence to protest and get their things done from parents and siblings effectively. When a child does not speak, the parents are more concerned than when the kid is yelling.

On the other hand, animals especially pet dogs teach us great lessons on silence. We had a pet Labrador at home. She was very affectionate but would always protest more by her silence than her barking. If someone shouts at her or misbehaves, she may sulk and not eat food for hours till someone else cajoles her to eat.

Both children and animals teach us the power of silence. We need to learn to listen more than we speak. Silence is not only effective but helps us reflect and learn too. When we listen actively without speaking, we get to understand better. No wonder the popular quote goes as “Empty vessels make the most noise.”

The silence of the morning with birds chirping around makes us fresh all day. The evening silence on a full moon night makes us reflect and dream. The best of poets and authors become most productive when they are alone and in tune with nature. They can never give their best in a crowded market place.

We need to learn the power of silence and the value of our speech and use them appropriately to be most effective. We need to remember that on many occasions silence speaks louder than words.

Lets learn to be quiet when the world is noisy around us. Let us spread our wisdom more by our actions than our words. Let silence teach us more than the speeches given by others.

Let us learn to listen more to what is unsaid than what is being said. May be life could be more insightful.

S Ramesh Shankar

22nd Jan 2023

 

We play different roles in our personal and professional lives. At home, we play the roles of parents, children, siblings , cousins or relatives. At the workplace, we are employee, manager, colleague, customer or supplier in different roles.

We inherit some roles while others are imposed on us by virtue of position or time. Either way, our roles keep changing over time. Let us examine the roles we play in our personal lives and how it changes over time.

We are born as children in a family and then become siblings when we have brothers or sisters. We then get married and have spouse and also have our own children thereafter. As we become parents, we become mother or father and so the chain continues.

Similarly, we join an organisation as an employee and then become a colleague, boss, supplier or customer to another function. Each of these roles are by virtue of the position we hold or by virtue of time and changes which happen over time due to promotions, transfer, attrition etc.

Let us first try to understand how role conflicts occur in our personal lives. We as children , want all the freedom in our lives. But as we grow up and become senior members in the family , we want to boss over our younger siblings and tell them that freedom needs to be earned.

Then , as we grow as adolescents, we defy the control of our parents. When we become parents after getting married, we feel bad when our children defy our diktats.

We tend to rediscover our roles when role changes happen and we experience what we saw in others. What we thought was wrong becomes right for us and vice versa. Welcome to this new world of family.

The role conflicts in the organisation are no different. As an employee, many a time ,we feel that our bosses are peeking over our shoulders all the time and do not allow us to breathe. When we become bosses, we tend to do the same and realise why bosses always kept an eye on us. As supplier departments ,we feel the pressure of our customers and when the role reverses ,we fail to be empathetic to our suppliers.

Life is a full circle. We get back ,what we give others. We realise the value of different roles only when we experience them. Otherwise, we tend to believe that other role holders are there to disturb our life and living, and enjoy themselves.

Even in the public sphere, roles keep changing and reversing. Let us imagine a prime minister becoming a leader of the opposition and the reverse happening. As a leader of the opposition, we tend oppose everything irrespective of merit. But as Prime Minister, we want the opposition leader to support us , in all our initiatives.

Role conflicts are a part of our lives. We need to learn to experience roles and empathise with other roles to minimise such conflicts. The day we realise that our roles are transitory, we may evolve and grow as human beings. What goes around, comes around.

Let us learn to play roles and respect other roles to minimise role-conflicts in life. Our tomorrow could have been somebody’s yesterday and someone else’s today.

S Ramesh Shankar

15th February 2023