I love sunsets. I can spend hours watching the sunset and taking photos. If you ask me the reasons for the same, I may not have many but it is mesmerising.

Similarly, most of us are overjoyed at the birth of a child. As the child grows ,we enjoy different stages of growth of the child. As an adult, we leave them alone to lead their own lives. Then ,it is the twilight hours for everyone in life.

Some of us are ready to enjoy the twilight years, while others are afraid to face this reality of life. As we age, our physical fitness is put to test and mentally, our memory fades. This is yet another stage of life and we need to prepare for the same ,so as to enjoy it.

I recollect a colleague of mine calling me desperately one day and wanted to discuss with him on something important. I readily agreed and we fixed a date and time ,to meet. To my surprise, he wanted to share his fear of his impending retirement. He was not ready for it and felt that he will not be able to manage his expenses with his savings.

I was surprised, as this colleague of mine had almost spent four decades in the organisation and was a finance professional. He had two sons and both were well educated and settled in life. When asked to explain his source of fear, he said that his savings is not enough for his post retirement expenses.

All of us know on the day we start our career in any organisation, when we are going to retire. It is mentioned in our appointment letter itself. We know what are the expenses ,at every stage of our lives. We need to plan and save for the future ,as much as our present. If we do a reasonably good job, then there is no need to be afraid of our sunset years.

I told him that I would also retire almost at the same time and I was looking forward to the same. Most of us have spent our most productive years working. We need to ensure right through our lives ,that we spend less than what we earn and have a regular savings habit.

We need to prepare for our retirement and post retirement life, as we plan for everything else in life. The best time to enjoy our lives is during our post retirement phase of life. We can live all our passions and travel around the world. We can read, write, travel, listen to music and just do nothing to listen to the sounds of nature.

Another important factor to prepare for our twilight years is our physical and mental fitness. We need to develop our own routine to keep fit. It could be a simple walk, yoga or playing a game of our choice every day. This helps us to be physically and mentally fit.

The last factor which can help us enjoy our twilight years is our attitude of gratitude. We may have had a happy family life, a successful career and a great circle of friends and relatives, who have enabled us to be successful in life. Now, is the time to give back. We need to acknowledge each of the individuals or groups of people, who have been by our side during our tougher days.

It is at this stage of life, we can give back to society ,for all that we have gained from it. We need to give back without expecting anything in return. We could donate our clothes, utensils, appliances which we do not use or artefacts. Our ability to share our physical and mental wealth ,with the world at large ,will make us happier.

We can share our knowledge by writing articles, mentoring students and young professionals or even teaching in a school. This could be our way to give back for all that we have earned in our lives, where others contributed to our prosperity.

The sunset years of our lives have to be lived in gratitude and thankfulness ,to everyone who contributed to our life and living.

S Ramesh Shankar

28th March 2023

 

 

 

We tend to to accumulate a lot material and non material things all through our lives. Some we may use and some we may never. However, our possessiveness is addictive and remains a part of us right through our lives. If we learn to let go, we may be better off.

Life is no different. We tend to assimilate a lot of emotions and baggage right through our lives. Some may be good to retain and others may not. Life is all about balancing between what we need to hold on and what need to let go.

We have a tendency to hold on to all things which we don’t need and tend to let go of things we need. We remember and retain in our heads all the hurt inflicted on us right from our childhood. We dont forget the first thrashing we got from our parents or teachers. We vividly remember the fight at the playground with our friends

On the other hand, we forget the first gift we got from our parents. The appreciation we got from our teachers and the support we got from our friends. This way our emotional bank is full of debits rather than some credits.

We need to learn the art of balancing in life. If our credits equates our debits, life will be evenly paced. However, when our debits outnumber our credits, life becomes treacherous. We tend to fall prey to a cycle of misery and start believing that God is unfair to us.

Let us look at how to balance between holding on and letting go from some real life incidents from our own lives. I am sharing from some of my life experiences. You may have had some similar experiences or seen some incidents around you.

The first experience was when I was deeply hurt by a relative of mine. My father was in the ICU and the doctors told me that he may not survive if we don’t do dialysis twice a week. The cost of dialysis twice a week was almost double of my monthly salary. I requested this relative of mine for some loan to get over this crisis. Instead of helping me in crisis, he asked if it was necessary to do the dialysis at all. This relative was brought up like a child by my father during his childhood.

I carried this hurt in my heart for more than three decades till I attended a workshop where I learnt the joy of forgiveness. I did forgive him on that day and then this hurt changed into kindness in my heart. We may learn through life experiences what to hold on and when to let go.

Another incident was about my missing a school parade as a prefect. I was at school to lead the march past. We had a white uniform and was playing in the grounds before the march past. I slipped and soiled my white uniform. My friends advised me to go home and change and return for the march past. I did and since I cycled home and back, I was late and the deputy prefect was advised to lead in my absence. I missed an opportunity of a life time.

This incident haunted in my mind for years. One day I realised that I need to learn a lesson from this incident and move on in my life. So, I decided that I will never ever be late for any event in my life. I need to plan in such a way that such incidents do not recur in my life. I converted this guilt into a positive attribute in my life.

Life gives us multiple opportunities to hold on or let go. We tend to do the reverse of what is good for us. We let go of things which we need to hold on and also the other way around. If we learn to strike the right balance between the two, life would be more fulfilling.

Life is the fine art of balancing what to let go and what to hold on.

S Ramesh Shankar

28th January 2023

I read a quote which said – “ Speak only if it is more valuable than your silence.” But most of us practise it the other way around. We speak more than our silence. God has given us two ears and one mouth. But, in reality, we speak more than double of our silence.

Let us understand the power of silence. When we are silent, we do not hurt anyone. We do not talk when we are supposed to listen. We listen more actively as our mind is focussed on listening than on speaking.

On the other hand, while speaking, we do not listen actively. Our focus is on what we want to speak rather than what others are speaking. The noise of our speaking silences the talking of others. We sometimes miss the essence of what others are saying.

Some of the best examples of learning the art of silence is from kids and animals. Lets look at kids first. New born infants can speak only after they pass their first birthday. However, their communication with their parents especially the mother is to be seen to be believed. Their silence is louder than their words.

As they grow up they can speak but they use their silence to protest and get their things done from parents and siblings effectively. When a child does not speak, the parents are more concerned than when the kid is yelling.

On the other hand, animals especially pet dogs teach us great lessons on silence. We had a pet Labrador at home. She was very affectionate but would always protest more by her silence than her barking. If someone shouts at her or misbehaves, she may sulk and not eat food for hours till someone else cajoles her to eat.

Both children and animals teach us the power of silence. We need to learn to listen more than we speak. Silence is not only effective but helps us reflect and learn too. When we listen actively without speaking, we get to understand better. No wonder the popular quote goes as “Empty vessels make the most noise.”

The silence of the morning with birds chirping around makes us fresh all day. The evening silence on a full moon night makes us reflect and dream. The best of poets and authors become most productive when they are alone and in tune with nature. They can never give their best in a crowded market place.

We need to learn the power of silence and the value of our speech and use them appropriately to be most effective. We need to remember that on many occasions silence speaks louder than words.

Lets learn to be quiet when the world is noisy around us. Let us spread our wisdom more by our actions than our words. Let silence teach us more than the speeches given by others.

Let us learn to listen more to what is unsaid than what is being said. May be life could be more insightful.

S Ramesh Shankar

22nd Jan 2023