I read a quote which said – “ Speak only if it is more valuable than your silence.” But most of us practise it the other way around. We speak more than our silence. God has given us two ears and one mouth. But, in reality, we speak more than double of our silence.

Let us understand the power of silence. When we are silent, we do not hurt anyone. We do not talk when we are supposed to listen. We listen more actively as our mind is focussed on listening than on speaking.

On the other hand, while speaking, we do not listen actively. Our focus is on what we want to speak rather than what others are speaking. The noise of our speaking silences the talking of others. We sometimes miss the essence of what others are saying.

Some of the best examples of learning the art of silence is from kids and animals. Lets look at kids first. New born infants can speak only after they pass their first birthday. However, their communication with their parents especially the mother is to be seen to be believed. Their silence is louder than their words.

As they grow up they can speak but they use their silence to protest and get their things done from parents and siblings effectively. When a child does not speak, the parents are more concerned than when the kid is yelling.

On the other hand, animals especially pet dogs teach us great lessons on silence. We had a pet Labrador at home. She was very affectionate but would always protest more by her silence than her barking. If someone shouts at her or misbehaves, she may sulk and not eat food for hours till someone else cajoles her to eat.

Both children and animals teach us the power of silence. We need to learn to listen more than we speak. Silence is not only effective but helps us reflect and learn too. When we listen actively without speaking, we get to understand better. No wonder the popular quote goes as “Empty vessels make the most noise.”

The silence of the morning with birds chirping around makes us fresh all day. The evening silence on a full moon night makes us reflect and dream. The best of poets and authors become most productive when they are alone and in tune with nature. They can never give their best in a crowded market place.

We need to learn the power of silence and the value of our speech and use them appropriately to be most effective. We need to remember that on many occasions silence speaks louder than words.

Lets learn to be quiet when the world is noisy around us. Let us spread our wisdom more by our actions than our words. Let silence teach us more than the speeches given by others.

Let us learn to listen more to what is unsaid than what is being said. May be life could be more insightful.

S Ramesh Shankar

22nd Jan 2023

 

We play different roles in our personal and professional lives. At home, we play the roles of parents, children, siblings , cousins or relatives. At the workplace, we are employee, manager, colleague, customer or supplier in different roles.

We inherit some roles while others are imposed on us by virtue of position or time. Either way, our roles keep changing over time. Let us examine the roles we play in our personal lives and how it changes over time.

We are born as children in a family and then become siblings when we have brothers or sisters. We then get married and have spouse and also have our own children thereafter. As we become parents, we become mother or father and so the chain continues.

Similarly, we join an organisation as an employee and then become a colleague, boss, supplier or customer to another function. Each of these roles are by virtue of the position we hold or by virtue of time and changes which happen over time due to promotions, transfer, attrition etc.

Let us first try to understand how role conflicts occur in our personal lives. We as children , want all the freedom in our lives. But as we grow up and become senior members in the family , we want to boss over our younger siblings and tell them that freedom needs to be earned.

Then , as we grow as adolescents, we defy the control of our parents. When we become parents after getting married, we feel bad when our children defy our diktats.

We tend to rediscover our roles when role changes happen and we experience what we saw in others. What we thought was wrong becomes right for us and vice versa. Welcome to this new world of family.

The role conflicts in the organisation are no different. As an employee, many a time ,we feel that our bosses are peeking over our shoulders all the time and do not allow us to breathe. When we become bosses, we tend to do the same and realise why bosses always kept an eye on us. As supplier departments ,we feel the pressure of our customers and when the role reverses ,we fail to be empathetic to our suppliers.

Life is a full circle. We get back ,what we give others. We realise the value of different roles only when we experience them. Otherwise, we tend to believe that other role holders are there to disturb our life and living, and enjoy themselves.

Even in the public sphere, roles keep changing and reversing. Let us imagine a prime minister becoming a leader of the opposition and the reverse happening. As a leader of the opposition, we tend oppose everything irrespective of merit. But as Prime Minister, we want the opposition leader to support us , in all our initiatives.

Role conflicts are a part of our lives. We need to learn to experience roles and empathise with other roles to minimise such conflicts. The day we realise that our roles are transitory, we may evolve and grow as human beings. What goes around, comes around.

Let us learn to play roles and respect other roles to minimise role-conflicts in life. Our tomorrow could have been somebody’s yesterday and someone else’s today.

S Ramesh Shankar

15th February 2023