Everyday, we may encounter many situations in life, where we may not understand what is being said or done. Sometimes, we may be ignorant and at other times irritated at such experiences. But it is important to remember that what we don’t understand need not be wrong.

Let me explain this simple truth of life, through some real life examples. A kid may cry to the doctor about pain in her hand. The doctor may examine and clinically certify that there is nothing wrong with the hand of the kid. But the truth of the kid is her truth, although the doctor is not able to understand or diagnose the root cause of the pain, the kid continues to suffer.

Similarly, when a child leaves home for higher studies to another country, the parents feel the vacuum. The child feels that there is nothing to worry about as she plans to return home after studies. However, the pain of the parents cannot be truly understood by the adolescent and none may be wrong on either side.

There are many such instances at the work place too. If a team member complains of some complexity in solving an issue, we may not understand the same ,as we tend to look at such complaints as excuses, to not complete the job on time.

Even in life when a newly married daughter or daughter in law cries, the spouse may find it weird and incomprehensible but our inability to understand the issue ,does not mean there are no issues.

The simple thing to do in all such situations, is to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes and look at the world from their eyes. We may discover a new perspective about the issue. We need to realise that everybody’s truth is their truth and if we fail to understand the same from their viewpoint, the problem is ours, not theirs.

One may say that it is easier to write on this issue rather than experience it. I do not deny the same. However after experiencing life at home, in the society and at work, I can confidently confess ,that I have failed many times in such situations.

Our ability to empathise is easier said than done. For eg, when two partners in a marriage fight with each other, each one thinks the other is the problem. They neither have the time nor the patience to listen to one another or put one another in each others’s shoes.

It is similar between siblings or sometimes even with neighbours. We end up fighting on a non issue and can never appreciate the other person’s perspective , since we think it is a non issue and since we do not understand or try to comprehend it ,from their view point.

Life is that way. Our ability to “let go” our ego is the biggest challenge before us. Our “ego” comes in the way, most of the times. A fight between two spouses can easily be resolved , if one is willing to be an active listener and is willing to let go and forgive the other. But, at the heat of the moment, nobody wants to do it and that is real.

However, as time passes in life, we realise that our ability to listen and let go ,can help us tide over most of the challenges we face in life. If we are willing to be patient, listen actively and let go our ego, most of the issues we face in life , are non issues. We may even laugh at ourselves after such an event, when we look back and realise how stupid or silly we could have been.

Let us learn to look at the world through other peoples’ eyes too.

S Ramesh Shankar

17th Sep 2023

 

We all are human and tend to procrastinate things at the slightest pretext. We need not feel guilty about the same as most of us would have done it in some things in life. It may be worthwhile to understand as to why we do it and what can be done to overcome it.

Time is an invaluable resource and all of us are gifted ,with the same quantity in our lives. But some of us are able to gainfully utilise the same while others fritter it away ,thinking it is cheap and can be substituted with other resources.

It is important to realise that when time runs out, we can do nothing about it. It could be in our final school -board exams, where we did not prepare well and hence missed a distinction ,by a few marks. It could be that we did not apply on time and missed a college admission and thereby a year in life.

We may have missed a train or plane since we always have the excuse of bad traffic on our roads. But, the day we realise that the train or the plane does not stop for anyone in life, we may never miss it again.

I should confess that I have procrastinated many things in my life and I cannot blame anyone else other than myself. However, the good news is that ,when I realise that time will not wait for me, I do become self disciplined and then work like a machine.

This may be true for many of us. When we are working against the tide, we may be choice less. However, why do we need to create such a situation in our lives ? What prevents us from planning and organising ourselves in such a way ,that we are in control of our time ,at all times.

One of the basics of managing our time, is prioritisation. We need to segregate our tasks into important and urgent ; focus on the important and then the urgent. Our natural tendency is to focus on the urgent and the easier things in life and postpone the important ones.

The second important tenet of time management is our ability to “say no” to ourselves and others. We sometimes get overcome by greed rather than need. It is like having that extra sweet, when we do not need an additional one. We have to develop the skill of saying no to ourselves. Similarly, we need to say no to others, when we are sure ,we do not have time to do what they want us to do.

The third and the most important aspect of managing our time is planning. We tend to jump into action even before we plan. If we plan a trip well in advance, then execution is easy. However we generally jump into the train and then wonder ,where we need to stay and where we need to visit ,during a travel.

Life is no different. Time management is prioritisation, our ability to say no and meticulous planning. If we are clear what we need to do and what we need not do, that could be the first step. Then our ability to say no to what we cannot do. Thirdly planning in detail ,on what we need to do. Then we realise ,that time waits for us rather than we being overtaken by time.

I am reminded of a famous quote of poet Kabir, who said – “ Tomorrow’s work do today, today’s work now. If the moment is lost, how will the work be done ?

Time to reflect

S Ramesh Shankar

13th Sep 2023

 

Driving has always been a passion in my life. Today, it struck me that “the journey of our life” is almost like a drive on the highway. Where we are likely to be born we do not know and where we may die is not in our hands. But the journey in between is all in our hands.

Let us explore life. like our drive on a highway. Everyone who loves driving, may not plan for a trip all the time. Sometimes, we plan and at other times, we may take off ,without any destination in mind. Life is almost like that. Some things happen as planned while others may be called destiny in life.

We need to learn to enjoy life, the way it is ,rather then the way we want it to be. On the highway, we enjoy the stretches of the road where it is smooth and scenic. We feel like going on and on and suddenly there is a road accident and a traffic jam and we regret our decision to drive.

Life is no different. We may be enjoying every minute of the day, when things go our way and we are enjoying life ,as we celebrate some successes. But, when some things go the wrong way and we feel sad, we do want to experience it. Life is a total package. Some days are like gold and others may be like rusted iron but we have to learn to take ,both sides of life.

Another interesting aspect of the journey on the road is that ,you cannot always plan for the weather. It is bright and sunny and you have started your journey ,imagining great weather, right through your journey ,to your destination. However, somewhere on the way ,it starts raining and you are forced to slow down and time takes a different turn in your journey.

Life is also like that. There will be some days when you feel you are on top of the world ,after a promotion at work but then suddenly a crisis will dawn on you ,and you feel all the joy has suddenly vanished ,in your career.

Another interesting aspect of driving on the highway ,is to enjoy the journey as much as the destination. Many a time, we seem to be in a hurry to reach our destination and do not enjoy the journey. There are hills, rivers and forests on the way and we do not seem to enjoy them ,as we are focused on reaching our destination on time.

Life is no different. Sometimes ,we are so focused on our goals in life that we may not be enjoying the journey. It is like having a child and focusing on the child’s future education. We sometimes ,may not spend enough time with the child ,to enjoy playing and growing up since our energies are focused only on educating the child to reach her goal.

Every journey in my car in my life so far ,has been a new discovery of life. Every person I met and every place I have visited along the way, has taught me life lessons. So is life. Every person you meet and every place you visit in life ,may teach you new lessons in life. It is up to to us to learn, unlearn and re learn ,as we discover the journey of life.

Let us discover life as we drive along.

S Ramesh Shankar

20th June 2023