All of us are born in this world at a particular time and leave this world at a pre-destined time. We grow as kids, study, work and then wait for the sun to set in our lives. We may be born at one place, grow in another, work in a third and live our sun set years in a fourth place.

Our friends from childhood remember us till we are in school and college and then they may disappear from our lives as we tread different paths in pursuit of their life goals. We grow up with our siblings and parents. But the family also disintegrates as we grow up and evolve into nuclear families of our own.

Then our children grow up, they study, settle in life and lead their own lives in pursuit of their career and life goals. Thus life comes a full circle as we move from one phase of life to another.

We do get attached to friends, family members and colleagues and feel bad when someone forgets us or does not recognise us when we meet them after years. This is human and natural.

But the phenomenon of human kind is such that the phrase – “Out of sight, out of mind” generally applies. People will remember us as long we add value to their lives and living. The moment they feel that we may be out of their sight or even not adding value to them, they may forget or avoid us. While as humans, we may feel bad about it, it is the reality of life. The sooner we accept it, move on and learn to manage it, the better it would be for us.

I have only seen animals, especially dogs, which have an unflinching gratitude to the family members, they grow up with. I recently saw a video, where an elephant did not allow a mahout to leave him and go away since their bond was timeless.

Humans on the other hand tend to fix a expiry date to every relationship. Children might find old parents or in laws as more of a liability than an asset , especially if the parents are financially dependant on them or failing in their health. Physical distance also tends to reduce the intensity of a relationship over time.

I would not like to generalise on any of the above. There would be exceptions in all relationships. I would not say every human being may forget you if you are not in their sight. I would not say everyone will be ungrateful. Further, I would not say all kids will consider their parents or in laws a liability in their lives.

But, the best thing for us to realise that we do have an expiry date. So, it is better to create value for ourselves in our lives. We as partners could create value for each other. A genuine and authentic relationship never fades. It is not distance or time that can fade a relationship.

Let us build and evolve into authentic relationships and move on from relationships that seem to devalue us as human beings in our life. We need to remember that nobody depends on us for our life time and neither we depend on anyone. We did come alone to this world and will depart from the world all alone.

Let us create our own world of happiness from within.

S Ramesh Shankar

14th Dec 2024

We are born alone in this world and we go back alone, when we die. But in the journey of life, we have to work with individuals and teams in whatever work we do.

While some times, we may get to choose our partners, there would be many times we may not be able to. We need to work with the most unlikely partnerships in life. How do we make it work and how do we enjoy this journey ?

Many employees have told me in my career, that they hate their bosses. I always used to tell them that , just like you do not choose your parents, you cannot choose your boss. Just like parents decide when to have kids, bosses decide whom their team members would be.

Apart from work, there would be many other occasions in life, where we may have to work with partners ,we do not know or have no inkling of their nature. It is here, we have the opportunity to learn and thrive, to work in groups.

We get, what we give to others. If we give a smile, we get a smile back. If we get angry at others, they also may do the same. Behaviour is always reciprocal. It is like the mirror. You always get back, what you give to others.

Let us look at the work scenario first. At work, it is the people in the organisation, who make all the difference. Individuals can never achieve their targets ,unless they enable each other to succeed. We do not work in a vacuum. We need to support others ,as much as we need support from others ,to get our job done.

Have we met people at our workplace, whom we always wanted to work with. What makes these people so special ? It is their attitude to work and life. They have a positive attitude and are always willing to take any challenge. They never give up ,till they are able to accomplish what they have set to achieve. They do not hesitate to ask for help, when they need one, and are always willing ,to learn from others.

So, it is simple. We have to develop a positive attitude to life and work. We should learn ,never to give up ,until we achieve our goal. We should seek help ,as and when we need it, since nothing can be accomplished all alone. We need to learn ,from everyone around us. We cannot and will not be a master of everything we do ,but there are enough resources around us ,to teach us.

Life is no different. We may end up with unlikely partners in life. It could be a travel journey in an unknown land or a room mate, whom we have never met before but have decided to share a room. All these are great opportunities to learn and grow together.

The qualities to evolve as a lovable partner in life, are the same. If we are positive, helpful, have a learning mindset and never give up, we can win over any partner ,we meet.

The responsibility of making a partnership successful lies ,more in me than others. We need to take the lead and create an environment around us, where people love to work and live with us.

Let the journey of partnership begin afresh today.

S Ramesh Shankar

24th Dec 2024

Most of us love to speak, rather than listen. Although, God has given us two ears and one mouth, we tend to speak more than we listen. I have come across a few people in my life whose silence spoke louder than their words.

One such person was my father. He was my role model in life and taught me a lot of life lessons ,through his actions more than his words. He was a man of few words. His actions and non verbal behaviour spoke louder ,than his words.

He was a very patient man too. I have hardly seen him lose his cool at home or heard of him getting angry at work. While he hardly spoke, we as kids ,used to be quite scared of him. He never scolded us, but his silence made us realise ,what he did not like.

Sometimes, his face would turn red and we would know that something was amiss and we would disappear ,from that room. The learning he gave us was that silence can indeed be louder than words.

Even at his work place, I have met a few of his colleagues and they had high regards for him ,as their leader. When I asked them the reasons, most often ,they spoke of his power of silence. They said they never knew what he had in his mind and would keenly observe his actions, as words were always scarce from him.

My mother used to observe silence, when we ended up doing some mischief. She would stop speaking to us for days, till we apologised and promised ,never to repeat that mistake. So, silence was again her power to discipline us ,rather than scolding or abusing us ,as kids.

At my own workplace too, I have noticed that ,when I am quieter, I listen more actively and observe more diligently. Even in meetings, the people who do not speak much, provide greater insights rather than the drum beaters.

Even nature teaches us, the power of silence. When we enter a forest alone ,on a walk, the hustling of trees or the singing of birds, kindle our inner consciousness. We are not speaking to anyone around us but the inner thoughts get kindled and a lot of new ideas and insights, come to our mind.

The best of leaders, use silence ,as their ultimate weapon. They listen more, speak less and let their actions speak for themselves. It is this trait ,we need to imbibe, to be more effective as leaders.

We need to realise that ,verbosity may not always define effectiveness as leaders ,in any context. We need to train ourselves ,to use silence as a potent weapon ,to convey our thoughts more than our words, both at home and the work place.

Many of us tend to speak ,even before we are asked. We tend to advise even when nobody is seeking it. We tend to intervene in an argument, even when both parties ,are not seeking our intervention. On the contrary, the best of leaders will make their silence speak on their behalf.

Let our silence speak more than our words ,from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

24th Dec 2024