There are some events in your life, which leave you teary eyed forever. I can recall a few incidents in my life. The first incident was ,when my mother died. I had just started my career in a public sector undertaking.

The news of my mother’s death reached me through a trunk call ,as mobile phones did not exist ,in the early eighties. I was told by my colleagues at work ,in a remote iron ore mine ,that my mother died in sleep.

I was dropped to the nearest railway station ,in a jeep ,with some cash for any emergencies. I took the train to Nagpur for catching the train to Chennai, where my parents lived.

When I was at the platform at Nagpur station, a Good Samaritan told me ,to catch a train to hyderabad, which was halting at the station. When the guard heard from a young broken and shattered youth of 23, he made me sit next to him and refused to take money for my ticket.

When I reached Hyderabad, this gentleman train guard ,took me out of the station and put me in an auto ,advising the driver to take me to Begumpet. I had never been to Hyderabad before and did not know anything about Begumpet airport, where I was to take a flight to Chennai.

The auto driver took me to Begumpet station and on realising that I have to go to Begumpet airport, took me there from the station and did not even charge ,for that extra drive. On reaching the airport, I realised that I had missed, a slow indirect flight to Chennai and the next flight would be direct one and take me there within an hour.

On arrival at Chennai, a family friend working at the airport, was waiting for me and drove me straight to my home, in a cab and informed my family that I had arrived. My mom’s body was about to be taken to the funeral ground but they waited for me, as I was the eldest son and had the duty to light the pyre.

I did not cry on seeing my mother dead ,as my tears were frozen and I could not believe that I lost my mother at 23, when she was only 54. I felt sad for my father, who had just retired from active government service after 37 years and had lost his life partner ,forever.

The second incident was ,when my father was detected with a kidney failure ,within a month of my marriage. I again returned from my iron ore mine and admitted my father in a private hospital in Chennai.

We gave him the best possible treatment we could and he was put on dialysis. I still recall the moment, when the doctor asked me ,if I need to put him in haemo dialysis ,as it was very expensive and the doctor sensed ,I could not afford it. It was almost Rs. 1000 per session and we had it do it twice a week. I knew I could not afford but told the doctor to go ahead, since I knew I could beg or borrow ,to save my father as he was my inspiration in life and he had sacrificed everything for his spouse and children.

He recovered slightly and was in a position to be shifted to Bhilai, a steel township in India, where I worked. We had good medical facilities and it was provided as a free benefit to employees, their families and their dependant parents.

I shifted him in a train from Chennai to Bhilai and took him straight to the hospital ICU in an ambulance. He was admitted there and unfortunately survived ,only for three months . I still recall how a young teenager from my neighbourhood came home, to wake me up and inform me that my father was no more.

Both these incidents ,broke me into pieces. I lost hope in life and living. I was a religious and spiritual person visiting the temple ,once a week religiously. But after both these incidents in quick succession within two years, I lost faith in God and led a recluse, lonely life for almost a year.

But, I did realise how grateful I have to be to the people, who supported me during these crises in my life. My spouse, my friends and relatives, who unconditionally supported me financially and emotionally to get over these crises. I will be ever grateful to them ,not only in this life but in all future births too. Although, I have repaid all the loans ,I took from them, I can never repay their love, care and emotional support to me. This emotional support, love and care can never be measured in monetary terms.

I have narrated these incidents ,not to make you cry but to share how grateful we need to be to the people, who are with you, when you most need them. It may be the guard in the train, the auto driver, my spouse or my friends or relatives who supported me in every possible way, without expecting anything in return.

Today, God has blessed me with a good family, a good career and and a happy and healthy life. But, if I forget to be grateful to these God sent people in my life, I will fail in my duties. I have to look at every opportunity to express my gratitude to them in every way I can .

Life is a full circle and we need to remember this always. I bow in gratitude to all these good samaritans in my life and promise to support them in every possible way right through my life.

Let my frozen tears be forgotten but my gratitude to the good samaritans in my life has to last forever.

S Ramesh Shankar

6th March 2025

We seem to be living and dying by comparisons ,every day of our lives. Unfortunately our education system is based on comparisons and so is our societal system. Even within the social unit of family, parents tend to compare and contrast between children.

We have heard parents asking us – “ Why can’t you do as well as your sister or brother ?” We even buy bigger cars because our neighbour has bought one and how can we be left behind. Life is full of comparisons from morning to night.

In my view, life becomes a competitive race only because we live by comparisons. If the neighbour’s child has got admission in a business school or medical or engineering college, parents wonder why ours could not make it. They even fail to understand that we are interested in music and not in business, engineering or medical.

The seeds of comparison is embedded in our blood stream. As soon as we are born, someone may even comment ,that we are not as fair as our siblings. As we grow up, we may be told, we are not as active and smart, as our neighbour’s child. This string of comparisons continues in school, college and even at the workplace.

Let us start from the family. Parents tend to compare and contrast between children. Sometimes even gender discrimination happens within the family. A daughter is told why she is not as smart as the son or vice versa.

This comparison saga continues in the schools. Teachers tend to compare children and ask kids poor in academics ,why they cannot be as smart as the topper in the class. This happens in all aspects of school and college life.

Both parents and teachers ,do not have the time or the inclination to explore what the child wants to excel in. A child may be brilliant in music and another may be a potential sportsperson, capable of representing the country. If both teachers and parents invest their time in assessing and the enabling the child to explore his or her talent and skill, this system of comparisons ,may not harm kids.

Even after you complete your education and get into the precincts of an organisation, leaders tend to compare employees. They wonder, why some employees always excel while others have to be prodded, to even perform. Leaders fail to realise that they have a role to play in identifying what each employee can do best. Some may be creative while others may be analytical. Many managers force creative people to do analytical jobs and vice versa. This leads to wrong comparisons and poor assessments ,ultimately leading to demotivated employees too.

Even societies and nations ,tend to compare and ridicule each other based on their, biased yardsticks of performance. While one country may consider economic prosperity as their goal, another might think happiness is the most important factor ,for their nation. There could be nothing wrong in either. But to compare the incomparable seems to be the order of the day.

Let us learn to live in absolute, from today and discover our real potential as individuals, families, societies and nations.

S Ramesh Shankar

19th Jan 2025

Life is all about relationships. It starts in the family and then spreads to friends, society and organisations we work for. Each relationship is built over time and we need to nurture and grow them so that we source and spread happiness from them.

Every relationship has a value and we need to learn to benefit from that value. However , as we learn and grow in life, there would be some relationships which will grow with us and others ,which we find it difficult to handle. This happens in the family, organisations and society at large.

As social beings, we cannot run away from relationships around us. We need to learn to manage them and learn from them ,all the time. The relationships which are cordial and grow with us, nurture us and teach us ,a lot of life lessons. These could be relationships like parents, siblings, spouse, kids and friends.

However, there could be other relationships like work colleagues or neighbours or others, which may or may not grow ,as we desire. It is true that all types of relationships could be cordial or otherwise. We need to continually learn to live and manage them.

Let us start with relationships within the family. It could be a misunderstanding between parents and children or between siblings. The senior members like parents or elder siblings have the responsibility to take the initiative and ensure cordial relations.

Similarly at the work front, there could be misunderstanding and strained relationships between colleagues. There again, the senior most member or leader ,has the responsibility to sort out differences and maintain good relationships amongst team members.

The question we may ask ourselves is – “ How do we manage difficult relationships ? Yes, it is true ,that it is challenging to manage difficult relationships. However, the point to realise is that, in any relationship there are generally two individuals involved. If the senior among the two ,takes the initiative to sort out the differences, any misunderstanding can be sorted out.

If one takes the example of the union-management relationship in organisations, I would say the responsibility lies with the management as the senior partner ,to take the initiative ,to keep communication channels open, be honest with each other, to sort out any differences.

So, let us try to understand, how to go about managing difficult relationships. I have learnt that the following steps have helped me to manage the most difficult relationships in my life :

A. The senior most member takes the responsibility to take the initiative to resolve the differences and re build the relationship.

B. Open and honest communication is the key to resolve any differences. We need to put everything on the table and agree to work together with the intent to solve any misunderstandings between us.

C. Trust is key. We need to build and evolve trust between individuals and teams, where relationships are strained ,through our actions and not by words alone.

D. Willing to listen and forgive : We need to actively listen to one another and be willing to forgive one another ,so that we forget the past and move forward into the future, positively.

I am not saying this is a sure shot prescription for success ,in mending any strained relationship. But, may be, it could help in breaking ice and moving forward.

Let’s try one step at a time.

S Ramesh Shankar

10th Jan 2025