Snoring is the noise created while breathing through the nose or the mouth, while we are sleeping. Most of us are unaware of the sounds we emit, while we snore. I have been told right from my childhood that at times,I snore when I am tired and sleep to rest.

It is interesting that people who snore are generally not aware of the sounds they emit and how it disturbs people around them. I was in denial till a family member recorded my snoring on video and showed it to me. I was quite surprised.

Today I was sleeping next to my daughter for an afternoon siesta. I could not sleep while she was snoring. Then, I realised how much I could be disturbing others while I do the same.

Snoring is generally involuntary and not in control of the person and the people who snore do not do it intentionally. But the impact snoring has on others ,is also not realised by the person since he/she is not aware of this phenomenon, when it actually happens.

Today I realised that there is a lot of similarity between snoring and ill behaviour. Just as people who snore are not aware of the noise they create as well as the impact on others around them, similarly the people who are ill behaved are not fully aware of the impact their bad behaviour has on others.

While snoring is involuntary, ill behaviour is not out of control, of the individual concerned. However just like individuals who snore are not aware , similarly sometimes people who behave badly are not aware of the impact they have on others.

Today I realised the impact of snoring on others when I experienced the noise and how it impacted my sleep. Similarly, if someone is able to show the mirror to the people, who are ill behaved through specific examples of their ill behaviour and the adverse impact it has on people around them, they may change their behaviour.

I can confess that I do snore even today occasionally ,especially when I am tired but I am fully aware of how I disturb others around me. Similarly I was quite short tempered during the early phase of my career and life. I learnt to gain patience from my father and also the feedback I got from my seniors at work and even my own family members. This made me realise that just like my snoring, my ill temper impacts people around me adversely.

While it may be difficult to control my snoring, it is possible to control my temper and improve my behaviour. Today I can say I am quite patient and lose my temper rarely. This has been possible mainly because of the mirror shown to me by own family members at home and colleagues at work.

It may be worthwhile to realise that what is involuntary like snoring, may be difficult to control but what is in our control , like our temper, is in our hands to regulate. We need to be aware of the impact our behaviour has on others and then be open to feedback. It is possible to change and control the same.

Let us begin today to control what we can like our temper and be aware of what we cannot like our snoring.

 

S Ramesh Shankar

13th Jan 2022

My son called me the other day and he was down and out. He told me he was with a school classmate, who lost his father that day. He was shattered and he had no words to console him. Losing your mother or father at any age is difficult to bear. Losing them at a young age is unbearable.

While birth and death are not under our control, what lies in between them is very much in our control. Our parents sacrifice everything in their lives to give us the best possible education. They provide us the best comforts even much beyond what they can afford. Then they are around till we settle down in our lives. They are our life long mentors and coaches. They live a life of austerity to make our life joyous.

What do we do in return ? We move away from home at the first opportunity. It could be because we get admission in a prestigious academic institution or due to an exciting career break. Our parents do not mind that as they feel that their happiness lies in our success and not the other way around.

We study well and also become successful in our career. Then our parents want us to get married and settle down in life. When they look for a suitable partner, we tell them we are capable for finding our own partner. Years pass by and neither do we choose a partner nor accept our parents’ choice. We almost make them feel as if we are doing an obligation listening to their advice on marriage or any other issue in life.

They continue to guide us and are around to support us when we are in trouble. They are the first to respond when we are in a crisis. However, we neither have the time nor the patience to spend quality time with them and enquire about their well being. Even when they call us, we behave as if we are drowning with work pressure and do not have the time to listen or call them back if we are genuinely busy.

Years pass by and we get married and settle down. Our parents get older and still care for our well being. On the other hand, we are so busy with the rat race of life that we do not have the time to even visit them once a year and care for their welfare. If we are in a different city or country, we think sending money to them on a regular basis is enough to show our love and care for them.

We do not realise that most elders today manage their finances well and are capable of taking care of themselves. They are not dependant on us. Rather, in some case, we may be dependant on them as job redundancies or inadequate financial planning may some times put us in a mid life crisis. We do not realise that they look for quality time with us and our love. On the other hand, we give them the impression that we love their wealth more than their well being.

Then one day, we lose one of them and we suddenly realise that the daylight has gone out from our lives. We cannot rewind life and take care of them all over again. It is like our final exams in school or college. Once we have done the exams – its over. Whether we do well in our exams or not will determine our future. We may not get a chance to re-write the exams again to have a better career in the future.

Life is no different. The earlier we realise, the better for us. At every stage of life, the definition of happiness may differ. But our ability to make people happy will depend on us and not on others. If we think we have the time, we do. If we think we are busy, we are. If we cannot find time for our parents, we need to ask “Is it a life worth living ?” What is use of a career or business that does not ultimately make you a happier person in life. We cannot take our career success or wealth to our graves.

It is time to reflect. It is time to realise that the clock is round. After 24 hours, the time repeats itself. Our life clock is no different. We are young today and will be old tomorrow. We are sons and daughters today and will be parents and grandparents tomorrow.

Time to reset our clock is now ? Better late than never. Have you planned your next visit to your parents ? Or at least pick up the phone and tell them – “How much you love them and miss them ? – you will make their day beautiful.

S Ramesh Shankar

14th Sep 2021

Many people think that is it mature and manly not to share emotions with others. I should confess that I was also very reluctant to share my feelings with others. I always felt I could suppress my emotions and get away with it. The first time I ever cried with tears in my eyes was only when I lit my father’s pyre on his death.

Today when I look back I feel I have neither been fair to myself nor to others. It is better to share your emotions with others all the time. The best teacher for us are our own children. Have we ever seen a child hide their emotions ? I am yet to see one. They cry or laugh without worrying what the world thinks of them.

We may not be very different. However our own values and beliefs may prevent us from sharing our emotions with others. This happens in the family, community and even in organisations. The senior members feel a bit reluctant to share their true emotions in the presence of junior members.

Today I realise that the more I am able to share my emotions, the more balanced and relaxed I feel in my life. The more I suppress my emotions, the more it expresses itself in psychological or physiological disorders.

If you talk to psychologists or psychiatrists they will say that most children are healthy because they never suppress their emotions. They are spontaneous and express themselves the way they feel inside all the time. On the other hand, as adults we regulate our behaviour since we are constantly worried how others will perceive us.

One interesting learning after working in organisations for decades is that leaders whose emotions are predictable are more liked by their team members than those whose emotions are unpredictable. Employees feel comfortable when their leaders express their emotions openly than they suppressing them.

This may be true for all of us too. Even as adults in the family, our next generation is more comfortable to interact with elders who are predictable in their emotions than those who are not. They confide their own emotions with others who share theirs openly.

It may be true that under certain circumstances, we may need to guard our emotions. For eg, we cannot laugh and joke around when we are attending a funeral. Similarly, we may appreciate and applaud people in public while refrain from pulling them up or getting angry in front of others.

Emotions to human beings is like blood to the body. The more it flows the better it is for us. Every time we donate blood, it is good for our health. Similarly, every time we share our emotions with others, we lighten ourselves and spread joy around us.

Life is all about emotions. The more we share, the more we care. The more predictable we are in expressing our emotions, the more endearing we are to others around us.

Let us learn to express our emotions authentically from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

10th May 2021