Many people think that is it mature and manly not to share emotions with others. I should confess that I was also very reluctant to share my feelings with others. I always felt I could suppress my emotions and get away with it. The first time I ever cried with tears in my eyes was only when I lit my father’s pyre on his death.

Today when I look back I feel I have neither been fair to myself nor to others. It is better to share your emotions with others all the time. The best teacher for us are our own children. Have we ever seen a child hide their emotions ? I am yet to see one. They cry or laugh without worrying what the world thinks of them.

We may not be very different. However our own values and beliefs may prevent us from sharing our emotions with others. This happens in the family, community and even in organisations. The senior members feel a bit reluctant to share their true emotions in the presence of junior members.

Today I realise that the more I am able to share my emotions, the more balanced and relaxed I feel in my life. The more I suppress my emotions, the more it expresses itself in psychological or physiological disorders.

If you talk to psychologists or psychiatrists they will say that most children are healthy because they never suppress their emotions. They are spontaneous and express themselves the way they feel inside all the time. On the other hand, as adults we regulate our behaviour since we are constantly worried how others will perceive us.

One interesting learning after working in organisations for decades is that leaders whose emotions are predictable are more liked by their team members than those whose emotions are unpredictable. Employees feel comfortable when their leaders express their emotions openly than they suppressing them.

This may be true for all of us too. Even as adults in the family, our next generation is more comfortable to interact with elders who are predictable in their emotions than those who are not. They confide their own emotions with others who share theirs openly.

It may be true that under certain circumstances, we may need to guard our emotions. For eg, we cannot laugh and joke around when we are attending a funeral. Similarly, we may appreciate and applaud people in public while refrain from pulling them up or getting angry in front of others.

Emotions to human beings is like blood to the body. The more it flows the better it is for us. Every time we donate blood, it is good for our health. Similarly, every time we share our emotions with others, we lighten ourselves and spread joy around us.

Life is all about emotions. The more we share, the more we care. The more predictable we are in expressing our emotions, the more endearing we are to others around us.

Let us learn to express our emotions authentically from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

10th May 2021

I was watching a video explaining the value of gratitude in life. I realised that many of us are not grateful to the people around us amongst family, friends and colleagues, who have transformed our lives from childhood. But apart from the visible people around us, there are so many silent contributors, who impact our lives every day.

Today I thought let me recall the “Unsung heroines and heroes in our lives.” If I start my day with a morning coffee, I need to be grateful to the milkman and the newspaper vendor, who quietly delivers my needs every day without fail. Whether a pandemic or not, the milkman or newspaper boy has never taken leave.

Then if I am taking a cab or auto or bus to my workplace, these drivers have faced the wrath of the weather or the pandemic and still are there for us to take a comfortable ride to work or any place of our choice.

The vegetable vendor, the e commerce delivery girls and boys have served us without expecting anything in return. Have we ever thought about being grateful to them in our lives. We almost take them for granted.

The Presswala, who irons my clothes, the Gardner, the house helpers, car cleaners, the security guards in my premises and the maintenance staff in my community and at my workplace have never taken a break so that we are always comfortable.

If any of my appliances at home break down I am eagerly waiting for the service technician whether it is a weekday or the weekend. The entire service community serves us day in and night out and we never bother to acknowledge their efforts.

Let us think of the government servants. The public health staff, the doctors, health workers, nurses, policemen and women are working for us 24 x 7. We almost take it for granted as if they are paid to work for us. Have we ever bothered to bow in gratitude to them.

Another important segment is the people who support us and enable us to succeed behind our back. They could be our teachers, who sacrifice their lives to ensure the success of their students. Many a time, the people who contribute a lot to our success never take credit for the same. I salute the faceless people, whom we may never come to know as to how much they made a difference to our lives.

Many of us tend to forget the people who have made us who we are today. It may be a good idea to visit our school teacher or an old neighbour or an aging aunt who helped us during our childhood. Expression of gratitude makes you feel humble and grounded. I recently visited a few friends and relatives and thanked them and they felt very nice about it.

Last but not the least, let us remember the soldiers on the borders from our armed forces who relentlessly sacrifice their comforts for our safety. They are there round the year and even sacrifice their lives so that we are safe as an individual and as a nation.

As in the photo above, the security guards in our community served us 24×7 always with a smile.

The list is endless. We need to be grateful to the family, friends and colleagues who are around us and visible to us every day. We also need to salute the silent contributors to our lives every day. It is important to remember that they serve us without expecting anything in return.

Is it time to bow in gratitude ?

S Ramesh Shankar

19th Feb 2021

I was amused but it struck a chord with me. Many a time in life we meet people who are not like us nor have much in common with us. We still enjoy their company and want to be with them. It can happen at home or outside.

Even within a family, a husband and wife may be like parallel lines in terms of personality but they may get along well and love each other’s company. They may like to enjoy the differences between them more than the similarities. In life, we tend to look at people similar to us. This was a new revelation for me. How can we enjoy life as parallel lines ?

In organisations too this may be true. A manager generally tends to recruit people similar to himself or herself in their team. However, a leader may look at diversity in recruitment. This distinction between a manager and a leader may explain the logic of how parallel lines can meet in real life.

A leader believes that diversity in thinking brings in richness in decision making and effectiveness in teams. On the other hand, a manager looks at synergy through similarities. This also could be the reasons for a manager to be seen as less risk taking as compared to a leader.

Most of us in life look for people similar to our likes and interests. We have been brought up with the belief that only people with similar interests get along well. It may be against the spirit of science, which believes that opposites attract and similar magnets actually repel each other.

Of course, life is not like magnets and neither people are. But the quote by Tagore where he explains that we can enjoy each other’s company even if we run as parallel lines like the two banks of a river was a true eye opener for me today.

I looked back at my life and realised that I was looking for more people like me and less who had alternate views or likings. This possibly made me efficient but not necessarily effective. While working, I did take the risk of having diverse people in my teams and may be that helped me to be more effective most of the times.

As in the photo above, one can be friends like the two banks of the river running parallel to each other but still flowing along peacefully and harmoniously.

Life is no different. We need to learn to live the same way.

S Ramesh Shankar

16th august 2020