My son called me the other day and he was down and out. He told me he was with a school classmate, who lost his father that day. He was shattered and he had no words to console him. Losing your mother or father at any age is difficult to bear. Losing them at a young age is unbearable.

While birth and death are not under our control, what lies in between them is very much in our control. Our parents sacrifice everything in their lives to give us the best possible education. They provide us the best comforts even much beyond what they can afford. Then they are around till we settle down in our lives. They are our life long mentors and coaches. They live a life of austerity to make our life joyous.

What do we do in return ? We move away from home at the first opportunity. It could be because we get admission in a prestigious academic institution or due to an exciting career break. Our parents do not mind that as they feel that their happiness lies in our success and not the other way around.

We study well and also become successful in our career. Then our parents want us to get married and settle down in life. When they look for a suitable partner, we tell them we are capable for finding our own partner. Years pass by and neither do we choose a partner nor accept our parents’ choice. We almost make them feel as if we are doing an obligation listening to their advice on marriage or any other issue in life.

They continue to guide us and are around to support us when we are in trouble. They are the first to respond when we are in a crisis. However, we neither have the time nor the patience to spend quality time with them and enquire about their well being. Even when they call us, we behave as if we are drowning with work pressure and do not have the time to listen or call them back if we are genuinely busy.

Years pass by and we get married and settle down. Our parents get older and still care for our well being. On the other hand, we are so busy with the rat race of life that we do not have the time to even visit them once a year and care for their welfare. If we are in a different city or country, we think sending money to them on a regular basis is enough to show our love and care for them.

We do not realise that most elders today manage their finances well and are capable of taking care of themselves. They are not dependant on us. Rather, in some case, we may be dependant on them as job redundancies or inadequate financial planning may some times put us in a mid life crisis. We do not realise that they look for quality time with us and our love. On the other hand, we give them the impression that we love their wealth more than their well being.

Then one day, we lose one of them and we suddenly realise that the daylight has gone out from our lives. We cannot rewind life and take care of them all over again. It is like our final exams in school or college. Once we have done the exams – its over. Whether we do well in our exams or not will determine our future. We may not get a chance to re-write the exams again to have a better career in the future.

Life is no different. The earlier we realise, the better for us. At every stage of life, the definition of happiness may differ. But our ability to make people happy will depend on us and not on others. If we think we have the time, we do. If we think we are busy, we are. If we cannot find time for our parents, we need to ask “Is it a life worth living ?” What is use of a career or business that does not ultimately make you a happier person in life. We cannot take our career success or wealth to our graves.

It is time to reflect. It is time to realise that the clock is round. After 24 hours, the time repeats itself. Our life clock is no different. We are young today and will be old tomorrow. We are sons and daughters today and will be parents and grandparents tomorrow.

Time to reset our clock is now ? Better late than never. Have you planned your next visit to your parents ? Or at least pick up the phone and tell them – “How much you love them and miss them ? – you will make their day beautiful.

S Ramesh Shankar

14th Sep 2021

Many people think that is it mature and manly not to share emotions with others. I should confess that I was also very reluctant to share my feelings with others. I always felt I could suppress my emotions and get away with it. The first time I ever cried with tears in my eyes was only when I lit my father’s pyre on his death.

Today when I look back I feel I have neither been fair to myself nor to others. It is better to share your emotions with others all the time. The best teacher for us are our own children. Have we ever seen a child hide their emotions ? I am yet to see one. They cry or laugh without worrying what the world thinks of them.

We may not be very different. However our own values and beliefs may prevent us from sharing our emotions with others. This happens in the family, community and even in organisations. The senior members feel a bit reluctant to share their true emotions in the presence of junior members.

Today I realise that the more I am able to share my emotions, the more balanced and relaxed I feel in my life. The more I suppress my emotions, the more it expresses itself in psychological or physiological disorders.

If you talk to psychologists or psychiatrists they will say that most children are healthy because they never suppress their emotions. They are spontaneous and express themselves the way they feel inside all the time. On the other hand, as adults we regulate our behaviour since we are constantly worried how others will perceive us.

One interesting learning after working in organisations for decades is that leaders whose emotions are predictable are more liked by their team members than those whose emotions are unpredictable. Employees feel comfortable when their leaders express their emotions openly than they suppressing them.

This may be true for all of us too. Even as adults in the family, our next generation is more comfortable to interact with elders who are predictable in their emotions than those who are not. They confide their own emotions with others who share theirs openly.

It may be true that under certain circumstances, we may need to guard our emotions. For eg, we cannot laugh and joke around when we are attending a funeral. Similarly, we may appreciate and applaud people in public while refrain from pulling them up or getting angry in front of others.

Emotions to human beings is like blood to the body. The more it flows the better it is for us. Every time we donate blood, it is good for our health. Similarly, every time we share our emotions with others, we lighten ourselves and spread joy around us.

Life is all about emotions. The more we share, the more we care. The more predictable we are in expressing our emotions, the more endearing we are to others around us.

Let us learn to express our emotions authentically from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

10th May 2021

I was watching a video explaining the value of gratitude in life. I realised that many of us are not grateful to the people around us amongst family, friends and colleagues, who have transformed our lives from childhood. But apart from the visible people around us, there are so many silent contributors, who impact our lives every day.

Today I thought let me recall the “Unsung heroines and heroes in our lives.” If I start my day with a morning coffee, I need to be grateful to the milkman and the newspaper vendor, who quietly delivers my needs every day without fail. Whether a pandemic or not, the milkman or newspaper boy has never taken leave.

Then if I am taking a cab or auto or bus to my workplace, these drivers have faced the wrath of the weather or the pandemic and still are there for us to take a comfortable ride to work or any place of our choice.

The vegetable vendor, the e commerce delivery girls and boys have served us without expecting anything in return. Have we ever thought about being grateful to them in our lives. We almost take them for granted.

The Presswala, who irons my clothes, the Gardner, the house helpers, car cleaners, the security guards in my premises and the maintenance staff in my community and at my workplace have never taken a break so that we are always comfortable.

If any of my appliances at home break down I am eagerly waiting for the service technician whether it is a weekday or the weekend. The entire service community serves us day in and night out and we never bother to acknowledge their efforts.

Let us think of the government servants. The public health staff, the doctors, health workers, nurses, policemen and women are working for us 24 x 7. We almost take it for granted as if they are paid to work for us. Have we ever bothered to bow in gratitude to them.

Another important segment is the people who support us and enable us to succeed behind our back. They could be our teachers, who sacrifice their lives to ensure the success of their students. Many a time, the people who contribute a lot to our success never take credit for the same. I salute the faceless people, whom we may never come to know as to how much they made a difference to our lives.

Many of us tend to forget the people who have made us who we are today. It may be a good idea to visit our school teacher or an old neighbour or an aging aunt who helped us during our childhood. Expression of gratitude makes you feel humble and grounded. I recently visited a few friends and relatives and thanked them and they felt very nice about it.

Last but not the least, let us remember the soldiers on the borders from our armed forces who relentlessly sacrifice their comforts for our safety. They are there round the year and even sacrifice their lives so that we are safe as an individual and as a nation.

As in the photo above, the security guards in our community served us 24×7 always with a smile.

The list is endless. We need to be grateful to the family, friends and colleagues who are around us and visible to us every day. We also need to salute the silent contributors to our lives every day. It is important to remember that they serve us without expecting anything in return.

Is it time to bow in gratitude ?

S Ramesh Shankar

19th Feb 2021