Every day we tend to judge people around us in every possible way. It may be positive or negative based on our own perceptions or hearsay. We rarely judge people based on facts. This is the reality of life.

An incident in my life today triggered this thought in me and hence this blog. I had given some clothes to stich to a nearby tailor. As usual, this tailor kept giving me new dates every time I called her. I was fed up and hence decided to reach the tailor’s shop one day, unannounced.

I sat down in front of her and got a few things stitched. As they were curtains, she readily did it and told me that the rest will take some more time. I was curious to know why this inordinate delay. She then narrated to me her story. She lives with her hubby and two college going kids.

Her husband who was working in a factory nearby got a paralytic stroke and she went literally from pillar to post for his treatment. Many hospitals near her home including a national centre of excellence refused to treat her husband and she had to drive him all the way to Mysore from Bangalore ( which is 120 kms away from her home) where some hospital agreed to treat him.

This illness made her hubby jobless and she was the only earning member in the family with a shop, which had to be closed ,as she had to take care of her husband and her kids. Luckily her husband is recovering now and her college going kids are supportive .so, she is limping back to normalcy in a slow and steady way.

I had almost decided that I will never give any clothes to her for stiching, based on my perception of her, before knowing the facts. After listening to her story, I decided that she will be my first choice of a tailor for all my future needs.

In life, we tend to judge people based on perceptions or hearsay. We listen to some stories or have some bad experiences and we decide this should be right or wrong. It may be worthwhile to dig deep into the facts of every experience ,before we make any judgement on people.

This happens in family, society and even in organisations. In the family, parents judge children and vice versa. Similarly in organisations, managers judge employees and vice versa based on perceptions and hearsay rather than facts. While it may be the reality to judge people on perceptions, it may be worthwhile to check back and ask for real life instances to substantiate a perception before we make a judgement.

I remember some manager stating that his employee is argumentative just because he is not able to manage him. When I used to ask for real life examples, the manger did not have many to share. When I checked with his peers ,I found that that the employee was smart and the manger found it difficult to bull doze him to do things which the employee felt was not in the best interest of the organisation.

Life is no different. We tend to judge people on the go. It is time to reflect, sit back and gather facts before we judge. If we are able to put ourselves in the situation of the person whom we are about to judge ,we may be more objective in our judgement.

May be time to look at the mirror before we make the next judgement about others.

S Ramesh Shankar

20th April’s 2022

Snoring is the noise created while breathing through the nose or the mouth, while we are sleeping. Most of us are unaware of the sounds we emit, while we snore. I have been told right from my childhood that at times,I snore when I am tired and sleep to rest.

It is interesting that people who snore are generally not aware of the sounds they emit and how it disturbs people around them. I was in denial till a family member recorded my snoring on video and showed it to me. I was quite surprised.

Today I was sleeping next to my daughter for an afternoon siesta. I could not sleep while she was snoring. Then, I realised how much I could be disturbing others while I do the same.

Snoring is generally involuntary and not in control of the person and the people who snore do not do it intentionally. But the impact snoring has on others ,is also not realised by the person since he/she is not aware of this phenomenon, when it actually happens.

Today I realised that there is a lot of similarity between snoring and ill behaviour. Just as people who snore are not aware of the noise they create as well as the impact on others around them, similarly the people who are ill behaved are not fully aware of the impact their bad behaviour has on others.

While snoring is involuntary, ill behaviour is not out of control, of the individual concerned. However just like individuals who snore are not aware , similarly sometimes people who behave badly are not aware of the impact they have on others.

Today I realised the impact of snoring on others when I experienced the noise and how it impacted my sleep. Similarly, if someone is able to show the mirror to the people, who are ill behaved through specific examples of their ill behaviour and the adverse impact it has on people around them, they may change their behaviour.

I can confess that I do snore even today occasionally ,especially when I am tired but I am fully aware of how I disturb others around me. Similarly I was quite short tempered during the early phase of my career and life. I learnt to gain patience from my father and also the feedback I got from my seniors at work and even my own family members. This made me realise that just like my snoring, my ill temper impacts people around me adversely.

While it may be difficult to control my snoring, it is possible to control my temper and improve my behaviour. Today I can say I am quite patient and lose my temper rarely. This has been possible mainly because of the mirror shown to me by own family members at home and colleagues at work.

It may be worthwhile to realise that what is involuntary like snoring, may be difficult to control but what is in our control , like our temper, is in our hands to regulate. We need to be aware of the impact our behaviour has on others and then be open to feedback. It is possible to change and control the same.

Let us begin today to control what we can like our temper and be aware of what we cannot like our snoring.

 

S Ramesh Shankar

13th Jan 2022

My son called me the other day and he was down and out. He told me he was with a school classmate, who lost his father that day. He was shattered and he had no words to console him. Losing your mother or father at any age is difficult to bear. Losing them at a young age is unbearable.

While birth and death are not under our control, what lies in between them is very much in our control. Our parents sacrifice everything in their lives to give us the best possible education. They provide us the best comforts even much beyond what they can afford. Then they are around till we settle down in our lives. They are our life long mentors and coaches. They live a life of austerity to make our life joyous.

What do we do in return ? We move away from home at the first opportunity. It could be because we get admission in a prestigious academic institution or due to an exciting career break. Our parents do not mind that as they feel that their happiness lies in our success and not the other way around.

We study well and also become successful in our career. Then our parents want us to get married and settle down in life. When they look for a suitable partner, we tell them we are capable for finding our own partner. Years pass by and neither do we choose a partner nor accept our parents’ choice. We almost make them feel as if we are doing an obligation listening to their advice on marriage or any other issue in life.

They continue to guide us and are around to support us when we are in trouble. They are the first to respond when we are in a crisis. However, we neither have the time nor the patience to spend quality time with them and enquire about their well being. Even when they call us, we behave as if we are drowning with work pressure and do not have the time to listen or call them back if we are genuinely busy.

Years pass by and we get married and settle down. Our parents get older and still care for our well being. On the other hand, we are so busy with the rat race of life that we do not have the time to even visit them once a year and care for their welfare. If we are in a different city or country, we think sending money to them on a regular basis is enough to show our love and care for them.

We do not realise that most elders today manage their finances well and are capable of taking care of themselves. They are not dependant on us. Rather, in some case, we may be dependant on them as job redundancies or inadequate financial planning may some times put us in a mid life crisis. We do not realise that they look for quality time with us and our love. On the other hand, we give them the impression that we love their wealth more than their well being.

Then one day, we lose one of them and we suddenly realise that the daylight has gone out from our lives. We cannot rewind life and take care of them all over again. It is like our final exams in school or college. Once we have done the exams – its over. Whether we do well in our exams or not will determine our future. We may not get a chance to re-write the exams again to have a better career in the future.

Life is no different. The earlier we realise, the better for us. At every stage of life, the definition of happiness may differ. But our ability to make people happy will depend on us and not on others. If we think we have the time, we do. If we think we are busy, we are. If we cannot find time for our parents, we need to ask “Is it a life worth living ?” What is use of a career or business that does not ultimately make you a happier person in life. We cannot take our career success or wealth to our graves.

It is time to reflect. It is time to realise that the clock is round. After 24 hours, the time repeats itself. Our life clock is no different. We are young today and will be old tomorrow. We are sons and daughters today and will be parents and grandparents tomorrow.

Time to reset our clock is now ? Better late than never. Have you planned your next visit to your parents ? Or at least pick up the phone and tell them – “How much you love them and miss them ? – you will make their day beautiful.

S Ramesh Shankar

14th Sep 2021