A question often asked by youngsters is as to “ Where to draw the line between confidence and intimidation ?”. Where does confidence end and intimidation begin. Some people think that I am intimidating although I am just confident of what I am saying or doing.

We need to realise, that just like our fundamental rights in our constitution, everything comes with a rider. A fundamental right of speech does not mean that I can stand on top of a hill and abuse all the people around me, in a park.

Similarly, when we speak or do something in life, we have to exude confidence. This confidence comes from our practise. But, this does not mean that we do it in such a way ,that it makes people around us feel uncomfortable.

It is like a sportsperson playing with confidence. If a bowler ,bowls with confidence, her ball should do the talking and not her mouth. When the mouth does the talking it is called intimidation and when the ball does the talking and she takes a lot of wickets, it is called confidence.

In a group discussion, if a participant actively listens to others and speaks only when he has to make a point, it is called confidence. When the speaker speaks even when others are speaking ,just to dominate the discussion, it is called intimidation.

Everyone says that we know the difference between confidence and intimidation ,but how do we remember, in reality. This is also very simple. If we go to the gym everyday, we know ,when to start and when to stop. The day we cross our limits, we may either sprain ourselves or injure our ligaments.

Similarly, in life, we know when we intimidate others and when we are dealing with confidence. If we have a doubt in our minds, the simplest technique ,is to ask the people around us. It could be our family members or friends or colleagues. They can easily spot the difference and guide us.

If you drive a car with confidence, you end up safely to your destination. If you intimidate others while driving, to show off your style , there is a good possibility that you could meet with an accident or injure others on the way.

Life teaches us everyday ,in every way. We refuse to listen to our inner voice or the voice of others, around us. The day we listen, we change. If people around us love us, we are confident, if they hate our presence, we are intimidating.

The line between the two ,may be thin sometimes but we need to learn from the mistakes we do. If we cannot learn by ourselves, we can learn from others around us.

Let us exude confidence from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

4th April 2024

Our life every day will transcend from clarity to confusion and the other way around. Today in most circumstances, the situation is grey rather than black and white. However, we find some people, who can deal with grey as easily as with black and white.

The question before us is – “ How to evolve clarity ,in a situation full of confusion ? As I said earlier, the world today ,is more grey than ,black and white. We cannot determine most things, which are beyond our control.

It is like the gloomy weather in the western world ,during winters. When the sun shines, it is a black and white situation. Even the shadows are crisply clear. However, when the sun does not come out and it is a gloomy weather, we have a choice to crib all day or enjoy the existing weather.

In life, we always have a choice and it is up to us to decide, what clarity or confusion means to us. Nobody else in the world, will define confusion or clarity for us. If a situation is confusion, it may be worthwhile to take a step back and ask if it is only for us ,or is it for the whole world including us.

Imagine someone getting confused, on the restrictions imposed by governments, during the pandemic. The pandemic was unpredictable and the restrictions were a necessary way ,to deal with the crisis. Governments around the world, were trying their best ,to deal with the situation ,based on their daily assessment and understanding.

On the other hand, we may go on a long drive ,since the weather predicted was bright and sunny. We may be clear in our mind, that the drive is going to be enjoyable ,as the weather is going to be favourable. However, after a few hundred kilometers, there is a thunderstorm and the weather turns horrific.

We have a choice to blame the weather and regret our decision, to go on a drive with our family or enjoy the sun and the rains ,with equal fervour. Either choice, is in our hands. In one of them, we may appear confused and in the other we may be clear ,that we want to enjoy either way.

Life is no different. Some days may be sunny and other days gloomy. It is up to us to make a choice and enjoy the day ,irrespective of the weather. The weather is not in our control but the choice we make, is in our hands.

In organisations, great leaders will always be clear ,in making a choice, however ambiguous ,the situation may be. They will not vacillate in reversing their decision or making a new choice ,as the situation demands. On the other hand, brittle leaders ,will blame the environment for their failures.

Even in families and communities, parents, teachers and community leaders ,will make choices and lead the the group forward rather than blaming the circumstances or environment for their failures.

Let us learn to make the right choices in life and enjoy every day as it is. We can remain confused in any situation or be clear and move forward. It is up to us to make the choice always.

Let us learn to make the right choices always.

S Ramesh Shankar

9th Feb 2024

 

Someone sent me a nice quote today morning, which read as “The past is in our head and the future is in our hands.” I felt this quote was very insightful. We spend most of our life worrying about the past, rather than working for our future.

Let us reflect on our school and college life. We spend most of the time regretting about not doing well in a particular subject or grade, rather than preparing for the next one.

Similarly in organisations, both individuals and teams spend more time discussing about opportunities missed rather than the possibilities ahead. We need to remember that the past is not going to gift us the future. The past is history but the future is a mystery, which we need to resolve ,by our hard work and commitment to our goals.

Life is no different. We tend to spend more time worrying about about past conflicts or misunderstandings in family, community or society. We do not take the leap into the future. This requires courage to forget the past and craft our future.

I am not stating in any way ,that history is not important or that, we do not learn from failures. But, what I am trying to convey is that, time spent to look behind should definitely be less than the time invested in planning the future.

We can learn from our mistakes as individuals or teams. But, our ability to make the future fool proof ,will drive us to our dreams and goals . Past can at best be like a mirror, to learn the best lessons from our life gone by. But if we continue to look at the mirror, we may not look at the world ahead of us and people who will make it happen for us.

Let the past continue to be history and we learn from it. But let us learn to create a future through our actions today ,so that history does not repeat itself. Past can be a guide for the future and not a benchmark.

The best examples in this space is from the field of sports. Have we ever seen a sportsperson spending too much time regretting the loss in a game or missing a medal in a tournament. The best of sportspersons may learn lessons from their past but will focus on the future from the very next day.

Even if we look at team sports, teams may learn lessons from the past but will focus more on future strategies. The past can at best be a guide but the future is definitely in our hands.

We waste a lot of time regretting our past and thereby demotivating ourselves ,more than anyone else. If we spend more time time in planning and working for the future, the past may fade away in our memory and future will beckon us like sunshine in our lives.

Let us create a future of our choice since it’s in our hands.

S Ramesh Shankar

12th Jan 2024