I was at Kolkota yesterday and was keen to see the new engineering marvel. So, I travelled to Espalanade to take the first under water metro in India. As I was about to board the metro, a young kid asked her grandmother at the platform “Where is the water?”. I was amazed at the “curiosity” of the child. On the other hand, a few co-passengers commented after passing through the under water stretch that it was not a big deal – that is called “judgement”.

As children, most of us are curious and are keen to know ,everything around us. We are not afraid of asking the fundamental questions of “What, How, Why or Where? However, as we turn into adults, curiosity dies within us and we tend to judge on most occasions or sometimes fail to express our curiosity ,so that we are not judged by others.

This phenomenon is true within families, organisations or societies. Parents are keen to answer the questions of children ,when they have their first child and do not consider anything silly. But, as the child grows up or gets a sibling, parents tend to shut up the child ,as they think it is obvious. We may not realise that what is obvious to us, may not be obvious to the child.

A similar phenomenon is seen in the precincts of organisations. When a young trainee arrives on the scene, the trainee is curious and wants to learn everything around. They do not mind asking the questions and more often than not, get their answers. But, as the employee matures from trainee to a mid level or senior level employee, everyone assumes that they are expected to know everything around them. If a mid level employee asks a doubt, it is frowned upon and they are judged. So, curiosity of a trainee dies as they grow in seniority.

The society around us is equally ,non-forgiving. If a child asks a fundamental question, everyone around the child is keen to answer the child. But if a teenager or adult asks a similar basic question, they are looked down upon. This attitude to life and living ,makes us less curious in life and we become like robots ,reacting to situations and environment around us.

It may be time to ask – “How do we keep the curiosity alive in us ,right through our lives ?” It may be a journey of life long learning, if we are curious rather than judgemental. Curiosity quenches our thirst for knowledge ,while judgement kills it. It may not be difficult to preach but a challenge to practise ourselves.

Let the journey begin with our family today. The extension to organisations and communities will become natural . Let us start asking “How do bots work ?” Or “Why will AI take away jobs in the future ?” And trust me ,our future generation will be a learning generation.

Let us start with ourselves today.

S Ramesh Shankar

7th April 2024

 

A question often asked by youngsters is as to “ Where to draw the line between confidence and intimidation ?”. Where does confidence end and intimidation begin. Some people think that I am intimidating although I am just confident of what I am saying or doing.

We need to realise, that just like our fundamental rights in our constitution, everything comes with a rider. A fundamental right of speech does not mean that I can stand on top of a hill and abuse all the people around me, in a park.

Similarly, when we speak or do something in life, we have to exude confidence. This confidence comes from our practise. But, this does not mean that we do it in such a way ,that it makes people around us feel uncomfortable.

It is like a sportsperson playing with confidence. If a bowler ,bowls with confidence, her ball should do the talking and not her mouth. When the mouth does the talking it is called intimidation and when the ball does the talking and she takes a lot of wickets, it is called confidence.

In a group discussion, if a participant actively listens to others and speaks only when he has to make a point, it is called confidence. When the speaker speaks even when others are speaking ,just to dominate the discussion, it is called intimidation.

Everyone says that we know the difference between confidence and intimidation ,but how do we remember, in reality. This is also very simple. If we go to the gym everyday, we know ,when to start and when to stop. The day we cross our limits, we may either sprain ourselves or injure our ligaments.

Similarly, in life, we know when we intimidate others and when we are dealing with confidence. If we have a doubt in our minds, the simplest technique ,is to ask the people around us. It could be our family members or friends or colleagues. They can easily spot the difference and guide us.

If you drive a car with confidence, you end up safely to your destination. If you intimidate others while driving, to show off your style , there is a good possibility that you could meet with an accident or injure others on the way.

Life teaches us everyday ,in every way. We refuse to listen to our inner voice or the voice of others, around us. The day we listen, we change. If people around us love us, we are confident, if they hate our presence, we are intimidating.

The line between the two ,may be thin sometimes but we need to learn from the mistakes we do. If we cannot learn by ourselves, we can learn from others around us.

Let us exude confidence from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

4th April 2024

Our life every day will transcend from clarity to confusion and the other way around. Today in most circumstances, the situation is grey rather than black and white. However, we find some people, who can deal with grey as easily as with black and white.

The question before us is – “ How to evolve clarity ,in a situation full of confusion ? As I said earlier, the world today ,is more grey than ,black and white. We cannot determine most things, which are beyond our control.

It is like the gloomy weather in the western world ,during winters. When the sun shines, it is a black and white situation. Even the shadows are crisply clear. However, when the sun does not come out and it is a gloomy weather, we have a choice to crib all day or enjoy the existing weather.

In life, we always have a choice and it is up to us to decide, what clarity or confusion means to us. Nobody else in the world, will define confusion or clarity for us. If a situation is confusion, it may be worthwhile to take a step back and ask if it is only for us ,or is it for the whole world including us.

Imagine someone getting confused, on the restrictions imposed by governments, during the pandemic. The pandemic was unpredictable and the restrictions were a necessary way ,to deal with the crisis. Governments around the world, were trying their best ,to deal with the situation ,based on their daily assessment and understanding.

On the other hand, we may go on a long drive ,since the weather predicted was bright and sunny. We may be clear in our mind, that the drive is going to be enjoyable ,as the weather is going to be favourable. However, after a few hundred kilometers, there is a thunderstorm and the weather turns horrific.

We have a choice to blame the weather and regret our decision, to go on a drive with our family or enjoy the sun and the rains ,with equal fervour. Either choice, is in our hands. In one of them, we may appear confused and in the other we may be clear ,that we want to enjoy either way.

Life is no different. Some days may be sunny and other days gloomy. It is up to us to make a choice and enjoy the day ,irrespective of the weather. The weather is not in our control but the choice we make, is in our hands.

In organisations, great leaders will always be clear ,in making a choice, however ambiguous ,the situation may be. They will not vacillate in reversing their decision or making a new choice ,as the situation demands. On the other hand, brittle leaders ,will blame the environment for their failures.

Even in families and communities, parents, teachers and community leaders ,will make choices and lead the the group forward rather than blaming the circumstances or environment for their failures.

Let us learn to make the right choices in life and enjoy every day as it is. We can remain confused in any situation or be clear and move forward. It is up to us to make the choice always.

Let us learn to make the right choices always.

S Ramesh Shankar

9th Feb 2024