Author: S Ramesh Shankar

Born in Trichy, Tamil Nadu, India, I have been brought up in different parts of India. Graduate in chemistry and post graduate in personnel management and industrial relations. Have been a HR practitioner for 38 years in the industry and have experience in working in steel , automobiles, FMCG and engineering industry. Was head of HR for Siemens in South Asia based out of Mumbai till March 2019. Currently founded hrishti - joy forever, a social enterprise to give back to society and work as Chief Joy Officer.

Comparisons in life

We seem to be living and dying by comparisons ,every day of our lives. Unfortunately our education system is based on comparisons and so is our societal system. Even within the social unit of family, parents tend to compare and contrast between children.

We have heard parents asking us – “ Why can’t you do as well as your sister or brother ?” We even buy bigger cars because our neighbour has bought one and how can we be left behind. Life is full of comparisons from morning to night.

In my view, life becomes a competitive race only because we live by comparisons. If the neighbour’s child has got admission in a business school or medical or engineering college, parents wonder why ours could not make it. They even fail to understand that we are interested in music and not in business, engineering or medical.

The seeds of comparison is embedded in our blood stream. As soon as we are born, someone may even comment ,that we are not as fair as our siblings. As we grow up, we may be told, we are not as active and smart, as our neighbour’s child. This string of comparisons continues in school, college and even at the workplace.

Let us start from the family. Parents tend to compare and contrast between children. Sometimes even gender discrimination happens within the family. A daughter is told why she is not as smart as the son or vice versa.

This comparison saga continues in the schools. Teachers tend to compare children and ask kids poor in academics ,why they cannot be as smart as the topper in the class. This happens in all aspects of school and college life.

Both parents and teachers ,do not have the time or the inclination to explore what the child wants to excel in. A child may be brilliant in music and another may be a potential sportsperson, capable of representing the country. If both teachers and parents invest their time in assessing and the enabling the child to explore his or her talent and skill, this system of comparisons ,may not harm kids.

Even after you complete your education and get into the precincts of an organisation, leaders tend to compare employees. They wonder, why some employees always excel while others have to be prodded, to even perform. Leaders fail to realise that they have a role to play in identifying what each employee can do best. Some may be creative while others may be analytical. Many managers force creative people to do analytical jobs and vice versa. This leads to wrong comparisons and poor assessments ,ultimately leading to demotivated employees too.

Even societies and nations ,tend to compare and ridicule each other based on their, biased yardsticks of performance. While one country may consider economic prosperity as their goal, another might think happiness is the most important factor ,for their nation. There could be nothing wrong in either. But to compare the incomparable seems to be the order of the day.

Let us learn to live in absolute, from today and discover our real potential as individuals, families, societies and nations.

S Ramesh Shankar

19th Jan 2025

Way we speak vis a vis what we speak

Most of us tend to speak ,more than we listen. Although, God has given us two ears and one mouth, we listen probably half as much ,as we speak and not the other way around.

The most important thing to remember is that, the way we speak is more important than even, what we speak. I am not for one saying ,that we can speak non sense and get away with it. Here, I am assuming that most of us will speak sense ,most of the time.

But, let us examine why it is important to remember ,that the way we speak is even more important than what we speak. Let us start from the family itself. Most kids will be happy to listen to their mothers rather than their fathers. The reason for this is that ,most mothers will find the most appropriate way to discipline a child or give a feedback. Most fathers are abrupt and many a time lose their cool ,even before they give their feedback.

I should confess that we cannot and should not generalise on these things. I could be completely wrong, as some fathers are much more patient than the mothers. But, the majority may fall in the category of impatient fathers and patient mothers.

So, when a mother gives feedback to the child, the child listens and is willing to change. The reason is ,not that the feedback of the father ,was untruthful. Rather, it was because the way the mother spoke to the child and gave feedback at the right place and right time, made all the difference.

If we extend this to the organisation, the scenario is not very different. Some managers are liked by employees, while others are not. In most situations, the hard skills are similar but the soft skills of the managers are different. For example, when a manager gives feedback to an employee in private and in a congenial environment, the employee listens and is likely to improve. On the other hand, a very accurate feedback given by a manager in public and in a rude tone ,will never be accepted and acted upon ,by most employees.

Gandhiji’s famous quote states – “ The means to an end is as important as the end itself”. This is equally applicable in this context. The way we speak is as important as what we speak. We may sometimes wonder why some people are admired and actively listened to ,while others are not. The reason, mostly may lie on the way ,they deal with people rather than what they deal with.

Even a captain in a sports field is respected for the way they treat their team members and how they give feedback. The content of feedback between two captains ,may not be very different. But, one who takes care of the process of feedback is respected more than the one, who does not.

We all experience the way we are treated by others. We feel good when others treat us with respect and dignity. We feel good when language used is decent and appreciation is always done in public but criticism in private and not the other way around.

Let us learn to focus on the way we speak ,as much as what we speak from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

19th Jan 2025

Successes vs failures

Life is a mixture of successes and failures. We may succeed in many of our actions and fail in some. We need to take both ,in our stride. While successes make us happier, failures may leave us sad. But one needs to realise that we can learn from both our successes and failures.

In my book, failures possibly teach us more than successes. We have so many instances of sportspersons teaching us valuable lessons, on how to learn from failures.

I was recently reading about two world champions ,in the field of sports. Both of them narrated that they failed more than they succeeded ,in their sporting career. But the crucial learning is that ,their failures made them learn more and ultimately ,they evolved as world champions.

Let me narrate a few of my failures and how I learnt from them. The first incident was when I was in school. I was the elected school pupil leader and was to lead the school march past ,on our annual sports day. Our school was in an Air Force campus. The chief guest was the top commander of the Air Force station. As expected, he was punctual and dot on time ,for the ceremony.

I had come early to school in my white uniform. But, while playing on the ground, I fell down and soiled my clothes. My friends suggested that I go home and change my uniform , as they were soiled. I cycled my way back home for 5 kms and then back to school, and in that process, was late for the ceremony. The deputy school pupil leader was asked to lead the school parade.

This was the most important lesson on punctuality for me ,in my life. From then on till today, I am normally very punctual unless I default due to reasons beyond my control, which would be very rare. So, this failure of mine taught me one of the most important lesson in life ,to be punctual.

The second failure was when I finished my graduation and tried for admission ,to leading business schools in India. I cleared the entrance test of two of the best business schools for HR in India. However, I could not clear the interview ,since my general knowledge and awareness was poor. This led to me to evolve as a quiz master in the future and also work hard and lead HR in some of the best organisations in India.

I would not state that ,successes do not teach you lessons. My career progression was excellent and each step ahead taught me to be grounded and be a life long learner. Success can sometimes blind you but if you keep your feet on the ground and are willing to be humble, the chances of your doing better in life and career ,is higher.

We need to realise that life will always be a combination of successes and failures. We need to learn from both of them. My life teaches me that possibly failures teach you more important life lessons than successes. But, if we are willing ,even successes teach us lessons.

Let us learn to learn from both failure and success ,in life.

S Ramesh Shankar

19th Jan 2025