Author: S Ramesh Shankar

Born in Trichy, Tamil Nadu, India, I have been brought up in different parts of India. Graduate in chemistry and post graduate in personnel management and industrial relations. Have been a HR practitioner for 38 years in the industry and have experience in working in steel , automobiles, FMCG and engineering industry. Was head of HR for Siemens in South Asia based out of Mumbai till March 2019. Currently founded hrishti - joy forever, a social enterprise to give back to society and work as Chief Joy Officer.

Learning from our grandparents

I have been a diabetic for the last 25 plus years. I went to specialist doctor in Mumbai a few years back for a routine consultation on the advice of our company doctor. The diabetic specialist asked me what oil I used for my food everyday. I very proudly told him that I had sunflower oil and so on.

He further asked me, as to which place ,I belong . He then asked me what my grandparents used. I told him that they consumed til oil. He advised me to stop everything else and follow what my grandparents had ,in their lives.

I realise that our bodies are attuned to the place we belong to. If you belong to the south of India, you either consume til oil or coconut oil for cooking food. On the other hand, people in the east of India consume mustard oil. The North Indians consume more wheat products while South Indians consume more rice. Our bodies get acclimatised to consuming food, which may be suitable for the weather and living conditions of the place ,we live in.

Today ,based on the marketing of products and commercialisation of everything in life, we tend to consume things which are advertised more ,than what our body needs. Our food habits and living habits are determined by commercials rather than what is good for us.

It may be time to look back and reflect on how our grand parents lived their lives. They got up at dawn before the sun rise and had a daily routine of exercise. It could be a walk or a run or playing a game. They did some puja or meditation before venturing out for their work schedules. They spent enough time with family members and always had breakfast and dinner along with all their family members.

The conversations during breakfast or dinner were the invaluable life lessons for their children and grand children. They were always around and thankfully the mobile phone had not invaded their lives.

Today we tend to get up as late as possible ,since we think that every minute of our sleep ,post sun rise is priceless. We do not have time to have our breakfast and are already in a hurry ,as we are running late to the work place. When we get back home, we are still busy on our laptops and do not have quality time ,to spend with our children.

Our day begins with our mobile phone and ends with it. We have started believing that the mobile phone is the centre of our lives and not our spouse, children or parents. While technology is a great enabler in our lives today, it should not be controlling our lives. We need to utitilise technology ,to make our life better and not the other way around.

It may be time to look back and learn from our grandparents. If they had time to exercise, meditate and spend quality time with their family, what prevents us from doing so. If they could consume healthy food and lead a healthy life, why are we not able to do it today ?

It may be time to reset and restart life and nothing prevents us from learning from our own grandparents and other elders, whom we have seen and admired right through our lives.

Time to learn is today.

S Ramesh Shankar

30th Nov 2023

 

Differences between Mom & Dad

I have seen a lot of people admiring their Moms and Dads and writing about them. While some adore their Moms, others adore their Dads. I wondered what could be the differences between our Moms and Dads.

Being a Dad and having a wife, who is a Mom of two kids, I have experienced being a Dad myself. Further, I was fortunate to have my Mom and Dad in my life ,till I started working as a professional at the age of 22.

I will try to synthesise the differences between Moms and Dads and how they are perceived by the children. This may possibly help us understand the differences in their perceptions, as parents.

A Mom expresses her love through words and deeds. On the other hand, a Dad generally does not express much in words but conveys more by not saying much. A Dad’s actions may speak more than his words.

A Mom is always accessible and empathetic towards her children. A Dad is felt more by his absence and his behaviour. We may see Moms getting emotional at things happening around them. On the other hand, one may hardly see his Dad getting emotionally impacted.

When we are young, our Moms display compassion through their everyday actions. On the other hand, our Dad tries to discipline us, to make us stand on our own feet. While both compassion and discipline is important for our future, we may sometimes get overwhelmed by compassion or may rebel at being disciplined.

As children grow up, the mother becomes the emotional anchor in their lives and father becomes the life anchor. Children like to talk to their moms to complain about everyone in their lives and talk to their Dads when they need professional or personal advice. In some cases, this could be reverse of what is generally believed – Dad becomes the emotional anchor and Mom becomes the personal advisor in life.

The beauty of our lives is that we do not realise the value of our Mom or Dad till they are around. We suddenly realise how invaluable they were, when they are unfortunately not around us. This is not unique to any individual. This is a true tenet of life itself. We do not value something ,till we lose it.

A Mom listens first and speaks later.. Dads generally speak first and listen later. While some of us want others to always listen to us, others prefer listening to speaking. This makes us like our Mom or Dad ,as the situation we prefer.

Both Moms and Dads are invaluable to our lives. While one is like a friend and philosopher in life, the other may be an anchor on whom we rely on. We need both advice and refrain , at different stages in our lives.

As our children grow up, we need to realise that they also have become Moms and Dads in their own lives and can stand on their own feet. Like Vidhur had said in Mahabharat, an adult needs to be given advice only when asked. Both Moms and Dads realise at this stage of life to “let go” and let their children lead their own lives.

Whom do you prefer – Mom or Dad or both ?

S Ramesh Shankar

30th Nov 2023

 

Why some people make you happy always

All of us meet different types of people in our lives. We meet them in the family circles, amongst friends, at work and the in the community around us or wherever we travel.

It is interesting that amongst all the people we meet in our lives, there are some, who make us happy ,every time we meet them. They may not be rich in wealth or the most accomplished, in their chosen professional field.

Let us examine what the qualities that they have, which make us happy in their company always :

1. Unconditional love : They express unconditional love. They are around always and are unconditional in their love and care for you. They do not need you and are not looking for anything in return from you.

2. Genuine and Authentic : They care for you and their caring ,touches you every time they are around due their genuineness and authenticity. Their authenticity is reflected in their eyes and their genuineness expressed through their emotions.

3. A great listener : They seem to have all the time in the world for you always. They are active listeners and are not in any hurry ,anytime. They make you feel as if listening to you ,is their privilege.

4. Available 24×7 : In this digital age, they are available to you all the time. You can call them, walk in to their homes or offices or chat with them anytime you need them. You do not need appointments to meet them and they give you an impression ,that you never intrude into their personal space.

5. Life coaches : While they may not accredited or trained professional coaches, their behaviour makes you believe ,that they are your life coaches. They listen always. They will never give you any unsolicited advice. They will ask you the right questions ,to make you feel better and make your feel nice ,without even saying a word , just by their presence.

6. Service before self: Their motto in life seems to be “serving others before self”. Everyone we know of ,seem to be in awe of them. They are friends ,for all people we know. They seem to have no enemies. It looks as if they live for others only.

7. Responsiveness : Their responsiveness is to be seen to be believed. They will respond to every phone call, reply to every email, chat whenever you want to chat with them. In case, they are busy for any reason, they will always call back, chat back or write back ,to close the loop.  They will never say they have no time for you.

8. Humility :  Their humility and selflessness bounces you off the ground.  Even if they hold high positions in organisations or the society at large, they will never make you feel less important than them.  As a friend, they will always treat you on par.  

Apart from the above, there may be many qualities of these people, which one needs to experience to understand them better.  Each of us may have different experiences to share.  But all of us will unequivocally confirm that they are super human beings.  They make you happier even on a day when they may not have tears to cry. 

Their presence ignites your energy.  Their absence leaves a vacuum in your life that day.  They make you believe that there are wonderful people around the world for us and they care for us.  No crisis looks big in their company.  No misery is endless with their support.

It may be time to learn from them and rediscover ourselves in life.

S Ramesh Shankar

4th Dec 2023