Of late, a common topic discussed in workplaces is how to maintain work-life balance. To be honest, I have found it difficult to draw the line between work and life. In my view, all work is life and life is work. It is like a continuum.

I think the first question one should ask oneself is ” Are you enjoying your work ?” If the answer is no, then you need to deal with that first. I believe that everyone of us should try to do something, which we enjoy. It may not be easy to get a job or a vocation, which you enjoy doing. Sometimes, we are not sure what we enjoy too. It takes time to figure out what you want. Then, once you have a better idea of what you like, you may not get it that easily. So, the first step could be to find something which you enjoy so that you are happy doing it every day of your life.

The second part could be where does life end and work begin or the other way around. In my experience, it is not possible to demarcate work and life with a barrier in between. It is like we cannot demarcate where day ends and night begins. Daylight merges into dusk and then night emerges as the sun goes down the horizon. Further, the time for the day ending is different in different parts of the world. Similarly, work and life blend themselves in inseparable ways. We have to draw the line whenever we can by our conscious actions.

I would like to share two instances in my work life as my learning experiences. In the first instance way back in 1996, I was working hard in preparing for budgets at work. I used to be late every day and my spouse with two kids was balancing all work and life at home. I thought I was working very hard and hence was oblivious of what was happening at home to my spouse and kids. One day, when my wife broke down because of the overload at home, I realised that over working at office and ignoring my home responsibilities would not give me balance in life. I took leave for some time and after a break with my family, I realised there is always a need to strike a balance between work and your personal life. You have to know where to draw the line.

One good practice I have followed almost throughout my career is that I have tried my best not to carry work home. I would very rarely work at home and carry office work over the weekend. Recently another incident happened, which made me realise that I can have better control of my balance in life through my everyday actions. I was leaving office on a weekday and was carrying my laptop with me. A senior colleague asked me if I worked at home after office. When I said I don’t, he asked me as to why was I carrying the laptop everyday in the evening and brining it back the next day. Since that day, which happened in 2014, I have stopped carrying my laptop home every day. I carry it only during weekends and generally do not open at home unless there is an emergency.

One more learning is that as far as possible we should not carry office issues home and home problems to the workplace. If at all, we want to share, we could share the good news at both ends like rewards and recognition etc. This ensures that we do not add to existing challenges at work or home and make them more complicated. This may be easier said than done but worth a try.

Another important thing one could consider is to go on leave with family or friends at least once a year. If possible more often then once. You build a bond with your family or friends and get quality time with each other. You may never get to spend time with them if you keep postponing it on the pretext of work and more importantly you will not even get an opportunity to regret or compensate for the same in your life time.

If I may summarise my learnings, I would say that balancing work and life is in our hands. We should realise that none of us are indispensable at work and we have equal responsibilities at home. Where to draw the line and how to balance your life is in your hands. If we are willing to learn, we get enough indicators both at work and at home that we are crossing the line and we need to change ourselves.

So, let’s balance our life and work from today,

S Ramesh Shankar

   
 
All of us go through crests and troughs in our lives. It is easier to deal with a crest rather than a trough in our life. When you are down and out, it looks as if it happens only to you and nobody else. You feel as if God is unfair and biased against you.  

I had two such experiences and would like to share my learning. The first was personal and the second work related. In both cases, it took me over a year to bounce back. But, if I look back, it is worth it. Life is full of possibilities and it is our ability to bounce back, which helps us make the best out of it. 

The first instance was when I lost both my parents by the age of 25. My mother died in her sleep due to a heart ailment when I was 23. My father died two years later due to a kidney failure. As a young aspiring professional, who had just started his career three years back I also had a dream of taking care of my parents, who had sacrificed their lives to bring us up. But my destiny was determined otherwise. I was shattered because of losing both of them within a span of two years. I did all I could to save my father but God had other plans. I was religious by nature. But this tragedy made me lose my faith in God. I could not believe God could be so cruel to me. I stopped going to temples and became a recluse. It took me a year to realise that everyone loses their parents at some stage of life and one has to accept it as a reality. This incident made me tougher to face the realities of life. It made me bolder and more resilient in the future.

Another incident in my work life taught me a good lesson in life. I had completed eight years of my service in my first organization and was doing very well. I got promoted twice and was almost sure of getting promoted that year. I used to work hard and was considered a professional with good potential. This was what I was made to believe by all my immediate superiors till then during my annual performance feedback. The year was 1988 and as the announcement of promotions were made my name was missing. Not only was I not promoted but I was superseded by a junior colleague. This jolted my confidence and my belief that you need to work hard and give your best and leave the rest to your manager to judge. I lost faith in myself and my organization. I lost faith in my beliefs and values. I started wondering whether it was worthwhile to work hard and give your best without expecting anything in return. It took me more than a year to bounce back. I was promoted the next year but did not rejoice. But after one year I realised that if you are the best in whatever you do, no force on earth can ignore you. If your colleagues and customers believe you deliver the best, no manager can underestimate you. You have to continue to excel as you have no control on the people who judge you.

These two incidents in my life taught me to fight back. It is easier to look back and reflect. It is easier to write about these incidents and share my learnings from it. It is much more difficult to go through troughs in your own life and bounce back. It takes courage to bounce back but it is worth it. It takes patience to reflect but it is fruitful.

It is incidents like these which test your patience and strengthens your resolve to fight back. If you are able to look back and reflect, it may be the motivation for you to bounce back in life. After all , we always give our best , when we are most challenged.

I learnt through these two experiences that I will “never give up” in life. It does not matter if it takes a year or sometimes even more to bounce back. After all life flows on and we have to move on and give our best to look at the future.

S Ramesh Shankar

I grew up as a youngster losing my temper at the drop of a hat. Once when I was in college, I was waiting to meet a manager in a corporate office. The meeting was delayed and the manager made me wait in an empty stomach. I was angry and was about to leave when I saw a small placard on his table, which read ” Don’t lose your temper, nobody wants it”. It made me smile and cool down and ultimately I got the internship offer from the same company.

This incident made me ponder whether it is worth losing your cool often. We are human beings and are likely to wilt under pressure when things don’t go our way. It has happened to me a work and at home.

When my kids were young and we had to manage the pressures of home and work, both me and my spouse often lost our cool. It may be easier to advise youngsters today that you have to treat kids well and don’t get angry with them. However, as a young parent when you do not have adequate support mechanism at home, you do tend to lose your cool when things go out of control.

One of the good things which happened in my life is that my spouse and me complemented each other to control our temper. When I used to lose my cool at work or otherwise in my younger days, my wife was my counsellor and coach. When she lost her cool as a young mother, I could support her and enable her to be calm with the kids.

As I grew older, I realised that it is worthwhile to be patient and keep your cool rather than lose it. This is one quality I wish I had imbibed from my father. I have seen him lose his cool only twice in his life time. This gave me the inspiration to work on this aspect of my nature.

Today I can confidently say that I also hardly lose my cool. It pays to be patient. If you remain calm, you are more balanced in your decision and also helps you maintain your blood pressure. Nobody respects you for your temper. On the contrary, you earn your respect with your patient demeanour.

Every time one is tested, it is worthwhile to take a pause, may be count 60 and try to reflect whether it is worthwhile to lose your cool. Hot temper only can lead to avoidable conflicts and inappropriate decisions.

It may be not be easy to mould your patience but it is worth a try. The consequences are long term and builds your character.

Let us try it from today.

S Ramesh Shankar