Most of us love to speak, rather than listen. Although, God has given us two ears and one mouth, we tend to speak more than we listen. I have come across a few people in my life whose silence spoke louder than their words.

One such person was my father. He was my role model in life and taught me a lot of life lessons ,through his actions more than his words. He was a man of few words. His actions and non verbal behaviour spoke louder ,than his words.

He was a very patient man too. I have hardly seen him lose his cool at home or heard of him getting angry at work. While he hardly spoke, we as kids ,used to be quite scared of him. He never scolded us, but his silence made us realise ,what he did not like.

Sometimes, his face would turn red and we would know that something was amiss and we would disappear ,from that room. The learning he gave us was that silence can indeed be louder than words.

Even at his work place, I have met a few of his colleagues and they had high regards for him ,as their leader. When I asked them the reasons, most often ,they spoke of his power of silence. They said they never knew what he had in his mind and would keenly observe his actions, as words were always scarce from him.

My mother used to observe silence, when we ended up doing some mischief. She would stop speaking to us for days, till we apologised and promised ,never to repeat that mistake. So, silence was again her power to discipline us ,rather than scolding or abusing us ,as kids.

At my own workplace too, I have noticed that ,when I am quieter, I listen more actively and observe more diligently. Even in meetings, the people who do not speak much, provide greater insights rather than the drum beaters.

Even nature teaches us, the power of silence. When we enter a forest alone ,on a walk, the hustling of trees or the singing of birds, kindle our inner consciousness. We are not speaking to anyone around us but the inner thoughts get kindled and a lot of new ideas and insights, come to our mind.

The best of leaders, use silence ,as their ultimate weapon. They listen more, speak less and let their actions speak for themselves. It is this trait ,we need to imbibe, to be more effective as leaders.

We need to realise that ,verbosity may not always define effectiveness as leaders ,in any context. We need to train ourselves ,to use silence as a potent weapon ,to convey our thoughts more than our words, both at home and the work place.

Many of us tend to speak ,even before we are asked. We tend to advise even when nobody is seeking it. We tend to intervene in an argument, even when both parties ,are not seeking our intervention. On the contrary, the best of leaders will make their silence speak on their behalf.

Let our silence speak more than our words ,from today.

S Ramesh Shankar

24th Dec 2024

Life is all about relationships. It starts within the family and then extends to friends, relatives and colleagues at the workplace. We live and thrive based on our relationships and the quality of the same.

There are some relationships which happen not by our choice and others ,we get into. Our relationships in the family or relatives, is not determined by us. We do not choose which family we are to be born into and thereby determine our parents, siblings or relatives.

On the other hand, many of our relationships are self determined. We may choose our spouse and get married and thereby determine who our partner in life would be. We decide who our friends would be and which neighbourhood, we want to live in.

Similarly at the work place, we cannot decide who our manger would be or our colleagues at work place. The manager ,determines her team members and has the discretion to change them ,as per work needs.

So, the crucial question before us is – “are all relationships contractual ? Yes, we do sign contracts of employment and sometimes even in businesses with vendors and customers. Even then, the critical question is – “ are all relationships determined by contracts, contractual ?

Today, we tend to believe ,that most of our relationships are indeed contractual. We tend to believe that we work for an organisation based on the contract, we have signed for them. Our suppliers are bound to supply goods or services, based on the terms of the contract ,we have signed with them. Similarly, we are bound to supply goods or services to our customers ,as we are bound by the contract, we have agreed with them.

While it is true that all contracts in life ,are governed by laws of contracts of the place ,we have signed them in. However, the important lesson to remember in life is that, all relationships are not contractual ?

I would like to illustrate ,this invaluable lesson in life ,through some real life examples. A loyal employee will go beyond the call of duty to delight a customer. For example in an emergency, doctors may work much beyond their duty hours ,to save critical lives. Similarly, a supplier may supply goods and services ,even without receiving payments ,when the customer is in dire straits. This is not because, the contract says so ,but they value the relationship, which has been developed over the years ,with their customers.

We need to realise that all relationships are not contractual. We need to understand that ,as we invest and build a relationship, it grows much beyond the terms ,of any contract. Relationships are built, on an edifice of emotions and mutual commitment.

The day we realise that relationships are beyond contracts , we may have arrived. Let’s continue to build relationships, all around us. With great relationships, we can get anything in life and overcome any hurdle, without any difficulty.

Relationships are like the glue in life. We not only need to build them over the years ,but maintain and sustain them. We should consider building relationships, as a continual journey in life.

Relationship should never be a means to an end, it has to be an end in itself and unconditional always.

S Ramesh Shankar

1st Oct 2024