I have seen a lot of people admiring their Moms and Dads and writing about them. While some adore their Moms, others adore their Dads. I wondered what could be the differences between our Moms and Dads.

Being a Dad and having a wife, who is a Mom of two kids, I have experienced being a Dad myself. Further, I was fortunate to have my Mom and Dad in my life ,till I started working as a professional at the age of 22.

I will try to synthesise the differences between Moms and Dads and how they are perceived by the children. This may possibly help us understand the differences in their perceptions, as parents.

A Mom expresses her love through words and deeds. On the other hand, a Dad generally does not express much in words but conveys more by not saying much. A Dad’s actions may speak more than his words.

A Mom is always accessible and empathetic towards her children. A Dad is felt more by his absence and his behaviour. We may see Moms getting emotional at things happening around them. On the other hand, one may hardly see his Dad getting emotionally impacted.

When we are young, our Moms display compassion through their everyday actions. On the other hand, our Dad tries to discipline us, to make us stand on our own feet. While both compassion and discipline is important for our future, we may sometimes get overwhelmed by compassion or may rebel at being disciplined.

As children grow up, the mother becomes the emotional anchor in their lives and father becomes the life anchor. Children like to talk to their moms to complain about everyone in their lives and talk to their Dads when they need professional or personal advice. In some cases, this could be reverse of what is generally believed – Dad becomes the emotional anchor and Mom becomes the personal advisor in life.

The beauty of our lives is that we do not realise the value of our Mom or Dad till they are around. We suddenly realise how invaluable they were, when they are unfortunately not around us. This is not unique to any individual. This is a true tenet of life itself. We do not value something ,till we lose it.

A Mom listens first and speaks later.. Dads generally speak first and listen later. While some of us want others to always listen to us, others prefer listening to speaking. This makes us like our Mom or Dad ,as the situation we prefer.

Both Moms and Dads are invaluable to our lives. While one is like a friend and philosopher in life, the other may be an anchor on whom we rely on. We need both advice and refrain , at different stages in our lives.

As our children grow up, we need to realise that they also have become Moms and Dads in their own lives and can stand on their own feet. Like Vidhur had said in Mahabharat, an adult needs to be given advice only when asked. Both Moms and Dads realise at this stage of life to “let go” and let their children lead their own lives.

Whom do you prefer – Mom or Dad or both ?

S Ramesh Shankar

30th Nov 2023